The night Arthur walked in on me and Ryan was something of a blurr to me. I tried not to remember the memories, but the images of everything that happened were burned in the back of my eyes. How can this have happened? I always thought of myself as a normal straight guy, get married, have kids. It all seems so far now… And yet I couldn’t stop thinking of Ryan. Always on the back of my mind. Always haunting me. I haven’t seen or spoken to him as the vibe between me and Arthur was worse than ice on cold skin. I still don’t know really what to do and how to handle this. As each day passed, I could feel myself losing my mind.
It’s been four days since me and Ryan had our adventure in the woods. Arthur is out with his sister to a local mall and I didn’t feel like sitting in the dorm room anymore. I needed to go out and buy some food and groceries. After the whole incident I just kept using Arthur’s stuff, but I knew things were different between us. He hardly talks to me anymore. We used to be pretty close, but I don’t know how he is coping with the situation.
I walked to the shower stall with a towel over my shoulder and got undressed. Again everything just came back to me in flashes. The way he was standing, when we kissed and how he felt in my arms. I found myself getting hard again at just thinking about everything. I tried to change my thoughts and not think about him or what we have done only a few feet away. A futile attempt as I was standing with a full hardon just 45 seconds later. I haven’t had a wank yet and decided now will be as good as any time. I got in the shower and felt the warm water run over the light brownness of my skin. I closed my eyes and ran my hand down my chest and abs, finally reaching my cock. As I grab my full length and slightly twist my hand around the head I let out a small moan. I grabbed my low hanging balls in my other hand and tugged at them gently. I can feel Ryan’s ass tensing around my cock again. The all too vivid memories are flooding back to my head again and I found myself getting harder. I pulled on my cock a little faster and harder. The feeling is amazing. I spread my legs a bit more and slid my hand a bit more down and massaged the area where no man has been. I feel myself tense up, a huge orgasm approaching. I finally felt my balls pull against my cock and I erupted on the shower wall and my hand. 6 Long and hard spurts of pure white cum.
I stood there in the shower, just breathing hard and fast, looking as cum was sliding down the wall. I pulled my hand up to my face and looked at the whitish fluid on my hand. I’ve never really wondered how sperm tasted, but here I was. Looking at it… was this all because of what happened with me and Ryan? Was I really changing? I can’t be gay because I had sex with one guy? Surely everyone has a faze or something? I looked at the cum and brought it closer to my mouth. I stuck out my tongue and slowly licked a part of my hand that had cum on it. The taste was salty and very weird to me. I spit and washed my mouth with the shower water still falling on my naked body. I quickly grabbed the soap and washed every inch of my body as if trying to wash away my shame and guilt.
That afternoon I was sitting at my desk going thru some of my thesis I was working on when Arthur came in and closed the door sharp. I turned around fast as the sound of the door slamming was enough to wake up a whole school block of rooms. “What the hell man?!” I half yelled as I nearly jumped out of the chair. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I slammed it that hard.” He quickly said while avoiding eye contact with me. He walked towards his bed and turned his lamp on. I could tell he felt uncomfortable and yet I just sat there. I didn’t know how to handle this or what to say. I felt like I could crawl under the earth and just disappear. He grabbed one of his large books and started going thru it as if searching for a page. He stops suddenly and looked at me. Our eyes met and I felt a sudden sick feeling in my stomach. “Thomas… What happened the other night…” He trailed off as if searching for the right words. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry I walked in and I didn’t know man. I don’t even know who that was, but if your gay, I just want you to know that we will still be friends.” He said as he was lying on his elbows looking up at me. I looked away and stared at the wall in front of me. I knew that I had to say something, but his words had a bigger impact on me than I thought. Was I really gay? I didn’t know how I really felt. I looked around and saw him staring at me with concern. “I don’t know what came over me man. I feel like my world has been turned upside down and that nothing makes sense anymore.” I said as I shuffled my feet on the ground like an innocent boy that felt guilty of an unknown crime. “I didn’t even know him that well, but the hectic part of it all was that I didn’t even know how to stop. I couldn’t help myself and I knew it was wrong, but it just felt so real and true. I don’t know if I am gay or anything, but what the hell happened?” I asked half pleading for him to have the answer. I got up from the brown wooden chair and walked to my bed. I sat down and slowly removed my shoes. I looked up at him and saw his blue eyes staring right at me. “I can’t tell you what you are Thomas. Only you can decide that for yourself, but I think you have some soul searching to do. It’s understandable what you’re going thru with the breakup with Mellissa. Every guy goes thru something like this at one point in his live, although I think most of them don’t act upon their feelings.” He said in a soft tone as if to try and make me see the sense in his words. I fell down with my head against my feather pillow and the happenings of that night flew thru my mind again. “Do you find guys attractive? Or should I rather ask… do you find me attractive?” he asked me slowly.
The question blew a hole in my head. What is he asking me? I turned at him and stared at his face again. The blue eyes felt like a sharp stare in my soul. I looked at him on the bed. I noticed he was wearing only some blue shorts and realized he must have been out running or doing some exercise. Maybe he was asking me this because he liked me or he wanted to know if I was attractive to him for another reason. Maybe he was scared I was going to hit on him like some cheap slut from a bar? I didn’t want to make the situation any more uncomfortable then it already is, so I answered no. The weird thing was that his facial expressions didn’t show any sight of relief or some sort. In fact he almost looked disappointed or hurt. He turned in his bed and switched the lamp off next to his bed. I was left feeling helpless and alone. Like no one knew what I was feeling in my heart. On the one side I was really turned on by the idea of having Ryan suck on my hard cock again, but on the other side I was repulsed at the idea of having a guy in sexual contact. I turned in my bed and fell asleep shortly after.
I awoke the next morning with a ruffling sound next to me. It was raining outside and the cold air was sweeping thru a small opening in the window sill. It was relatively still dark and I looked over to Arthur. He was fast asleep with his one arm under his head and one leg slightly stretched to the side. He must have removed his shorts some time during the night as his crotch was slightly just almost visible underneath a thick duvet. He was breathing slowly and I could see his slightly muscled stomach heaving up and down. His small patch of hair under his arm was the same colour as his auburn brown hair and his slightly thick eye brows. He had smooth pale white skin and full red lips. For a few seconds I imagined myself slightly pressing my lips against his. I could feel my heart race as I looked at his sleeping body. He looked really amazing I thought to myself. Why didn’t I tell him last night I thought he was good looking? Was I scared of what he would think? I mean come on, he actually caught me naked with another guy, after I fucked his ass like it was my last fuck on earth. Maybe he was just curious I thought to myself as I stood there looking at him. He moved suddenly and pulled his arm from under his head. He adjusted his leg a bit and let out a slow groan as the pressure changed on his lungs. I couldn’t help but notice the duvet moved from his crotch and neatly exposed the outline of his cock thru the thin linen of his briefs. I felt my heart beat a little faster as I took in the view of his body. The small trail of hair leading away from his cock to his navel looked so inviting to the touch. I moved my hand slowly towards him and stuck out my index finger. I slowly and very softly moved my finger down from his navel down the line of surprisingly soft hair. As I got closer to the strap of the briefs I felt myself get hard. How I suddenly urged to feel the soft yet firmness of his cock. I have seen his cock a few times before and knew he was about the same length as mine, but he was not circumcised. As I moved my finger slowly toward is still flaccid cock I started getting really nervous and feel my hand shake. I was scared he would wake and yell at me or something and most part of me wanted to do this more than anything right now. As I made contact with his cock I felt a jolt of electricity run thru my spine.
The feeling of might getting caught was like a drug to me now. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. My dick was straining against my jockey and I felt myself starting to leak pre cum. As I moved my finger over the top side of his cock thru the briefs I added my thumb to create an even better feel of his cock. I could tell he must have been enjoying this as his cock was starting to harden and got larger in my fingers as I rubbed him up and down ever so slowly. I added all my fingers on his now erect cock and slowly tugged at the base. The heat coming from his cock was like a small flame in a cold room. I knelt down on my knees and moved closer. I slowly pressed my lips at the edge of his cock and felt the heat from the erection he was bearing. I could smell the musk smell of cock thru the thin fabric. It was intoxicating. I slowly inserted my middle finger under the strong elastic strap as I couldn’t help myself but want to feel him skin on skin. He all of a sudden moved very abruptly and I pulled my hands away from him and was back in my bed in a split second. I looked back at him and see he was still sleeping like a young posing porn star, but I lost my erection in the sudden shock of him maybe waking up.
I gave one last look at him and thought to myself that I will have to tell him the truth…