Well, here it is right after the holidays and I’m alone again while Stu is enjoying himself in London for three weeks. Like last year, I’d have to spend this New Year’s Eve alone again. I started writing this stuff for therapeutic reasons, a way to blow off steam for a while, but something makes me want to finish it now that I’ve gone this far. This may be my last story. I don’t know at this point. Can’t see any more happening to me that someone would want to read about. Also, can’t believe how my life has changed in such a short period. Thanks to Cleo (the lady who assisted me in writing these three episodes) for all her help. She has been able to capture my feelings almost exactly. Stu, my husband, is an asshole most of the time but he really doesn’t deserve this kind of shit. It is what it is, I guess. Okay, I’ll just get it all out in the open right up front. While he was gone, working his ass off for our livelihood, I was letting Randy fuck me. Well, actually . . . use me. Maybe not willingly, but . . . well, you’ll have to read Awakenings I and 2 to determine that for yourselves. I still feel terribly guilty about everything, but it wasn’t entirely my fault. Not at first anyway.
The first time I cheated on my husband, our neighbor Randy had doctored my food with some stuff he’d gotten overseas - and I just went sex-crazy for a while (Awakenings 1). Under its influence one night, he’d used me in every manner a man can use a woman - at least a dozen times - and because of the drug he’d administered without my knowledge, I’d loved every second of it. I’d slept only with my husband up to that point, and had been only vaguely aware any of those deviant sex acts existed. For me, sex had always been the vanilla variety. That night, Randy had abruptly introduced me to all the other flavors. For days afterward I’d thought about it, sometimes fanaticizing about the things he’d done to me, gradually becoming more and more sexually obsessed. Hot baths and a fast finger helped, but I was never able to replicate the same intensity I’d experienced that first night with Randy. The odd thing is, Randy doesn’t appeal to me in the least. I actually find him sort of disgusting.
With that said, I can now admit to myself that I must’ve somehow subconsciously orchestrated that second time with Randy, possibly wanting to relive the awesome experience just once more within my lifetime (Awakenings 2). That second encounter, Randy was more aware of how the drug worked, using only half the amount as the first time. The result was mind-blowing. Unlike the initial time when I’d felt spacey, disoriented and had blanked out off-and-on throughout the night, the second time, I was aware of everything he did to me. Otherwise, the results were identical – morals destroyed, nerve endings so sensitive they tingled, inhibitions totally absent, and a sexual appetite completely haywire to the point there was nothing I wouldn’t do - and I didn’t even know when I’d had enough. Anyway, you can call me a cheating wife – or a slut – and technically you’d be right, but life is not completely all black and white.
During this past holiday, Stu abruptly informed me he’d been told to travel to England the following day. I was devastated. I needed more time alone with him to make amends, help get those vivid images out of my mind – images of when I was bent over the back of my couch, Randy pounding his swollen meat into me - licking Randy’s cock, worshiping it - swallowing Randy’s thick sperm – well, you get the picture. I said I’d get it all out in the open, and I will. I don’t intend to spare myself in this, at all. As I also said, I spend a lot of time in hot baths, thinking about it. If the truth were known, I guess I really do want to try that Eastern Asia stuff called ‘love dust’ again, the stuff Randy bought, but I vowed I never would. The way I had reacted to it, scared me pretty bad. Additionally, I couldn’t believe I’d ever let someone like Randy touch me, allowing him to violate me so thoroughly. This was a guy who actually made me queasy when I looked at him. How could I have done it? He disgusts me! I hadn’t seen him since our . . . orgy. I’ll call it what it was. That was by design. I carefully avoid him each time I observe him passing through the courtyard. The same day of Stu’s departure however, we suddenly came face-to-face in the elevator. I suspect he’d been spying on me, waiting for Stu to leave on another business trip.
“Hi” he said, looking brash and confident.
I simply nodded, not replying.
“We have to talk,” he said.
I smiled much too sweetly, walking away. “Not today. Not ever. See ya.”
That night he called my cell phone. “How the hell did you get this number, Randy?” I half shouted.
“Don’t be mad, Katie. Please I have to tell you something.”
“Leave! Me! Alone!”
He sounded calm. “The information I have may affect your marriage. I must talk to you.”
A cold chill ran up my spine. I whispered, “You said you wouldn’t make trouble for me.”
“I didn’t. This is not about me. The police came by today asking for Tony. The Eastern guy I buy ‘dust’ from. He probably suspected something was up because he’d already left, gone back to Pakistan. The cops talked to all of us, and one of the cooks said they had apparently been following him because an officer went to his girlfriend’s house and questioned her too.”
I was shaking uncontrollably, unable to think straight, suddenly scared to death. Randy went on, “I have to go. I’m at work. Can I come by? We have to get our stories straight.”
“Come by? Fat chance!” I yelled into the phone.
“My condo then. I’ll be home by 3:30. Nothing will happen, trust me.”
“Trust you?” I laughed sarcastically, hanging up.
I cried all afternoon yesterday, looking for a way out. If Stu found out about this it would end our marriage. He was so straight-laced we only had sex in the missionary position. Well, maybe not that bad, but it would completely blow his mind to find out some of the stuff I’d let Randy do to me. Especially the anal sex. I’d never even let my husband near that, and I knew he really wanted to try it. He’d indicated he wanted to try oral too, but I wasn’t in for that either. In any event, it would certainly be over for us if he found out I’d done all those things with someone else, after denying him so often.
Okay, I’d go see Randy if I had to. I had no choice. I did have a choice about him ever touching me again though. I rang his doorbell yesterday afternoon at 3:30 sharp. He opened it wearing sweatpants and a tee-shirt that didn’t quite hide his flabby belly. His hair was damp, like he’d just gotten out of the shower. I followed him into his living room, taking the chair directly across from him, as far away as I could get. Randy smirked like he knew what I was thinking. He went to the wet-bar, got a bottle of white wine, came back and set it on the small table in front of me. Still smiling, he laid a cork-screw beside it.
“Here, you open it so you’ll know nothing is up.”
As we sipped wine, he told me about the cops’ visit. He said he’d been really careful, so he wasn’t particularly worried. Also, that I shouldn’t be either. He instructed me to deny we’d ever used ‘dust’, in fact, never admit that we’d ever been intimate. He said I should tell them we were ‘friends.’ That’s all.
“I ought to tell them the truth,” I said, staring at him. “Serve you right if I did.”
“Why? You liked it.”
He laughed. “We both know you’re lying about that. Think about it for a moment. You went crazy for my cock, especially the rough fucking. You were after it constantly, all night. Jeez, I was so sore the next morning I couldn’t piss. You know the thing I liked best? Your slender little body bent over the back of your sofa, holding your ass-cheeks apart, practicably begging me for it. You went wild when I shoved it up your virgin butt.”
I could see it in my mind, Randy viciously fucking me like I was a bitch in heat. And me . . . wanting it so much.
“I’ve never seen a woman who could cum by being fucked up the ass, before.” He was grinning broadly.
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “You’re vulgar,” I muttered – but remembering. That’d happened weeks ago, but my tender anus suddenly felt protruded like it had the following morning again, the thin fabric of my shorts rough and irritating against it. I shifted my weight slightly to relieve the irritation and realized my shorts were moist. Glancing down, I observed a small damp spot on my crouch, hastily crossing my legs to hide any embarrassment. My face was aflame.
“Okay then, when I put my penis in your butt. How’s that? Better?”
I glared at him until he continued quietly, “Man, you rode my cock like you were going crazy! Couldn’t get enough of it. It was like you were trying to suck me all the way inside - and after we’d both shot that awesome load, you just turned around, dropped to your knees and swallowed that dirty cock like it was candy. It still blows my mind, I can tell you. I think about that every time I jerk-off now.”
I remembered it. Vividly. Remembered all the things I’d been pushing to the back of my mind since it happened. Yes, I’d lapped up his sperm like it was sweet-cream. At the time, I’d wished he could shoot a quart of it into my mouth - down my throat. I’d even relished our mixed juices coating the insides of my thighs, smeared it all over them with my hands, afterward licking my fingers clean. The ‘dust’ had caused it, I knew, but it had been awesome. Also, because the sex had been forbidden, that had made it somehow more decadent, nastier, the more enjoyable. I had wallowed in it - everything he’d done to me, all of it. Even - as he’d so rudely put it - cleaning his cock with my mouth, after he’d had it in my butthole. I suddenly felt queasiness in the pit of my stomach. How could I have done such a thing without getting sick? Ugg.
“You’re disgusting,” I muttered softly.
“I’m disgusting? You’re the one who had my dick stuck in down her throat to the balls. You’re the one who licked like it was an ice cream cone! You’re also the one who sucked my asshole – even tried biting it. What would your husband have thought if he’d seen you doing . . .”
“That’s enough!” I shouted. “I’m disgusting, too! Okay?”
I turned my head a bit, closing my eyes. It did no good. Tears flooded them, running down my face. I bit my lip until it hurt. “Okay?” I whispered again.
Silence for a moment, and when I looked back at him the cruelty that’d been there initially, had been replaced by something resembling tenderness. “What were you thinking when you did that?” he insisted softly. “I really want to know. It’s important to me.”
I knew I had to get out of there, but I didn’t want him to see the damp spot on my shorts. He’d enjoy that way too much. Hesitating, I looked for a way out, but then simply answered his question. “Honestly? Both times you gave me that stuff, I had the image of a large male wolf taking his pleasure with the pack’s females - not particularly concerned about their enjoyment - simply using this particular female as a repository for his sperm. I didn’t care for that part really.”
He gave a short laugh. “Yes, you did. Lifting up on your toes like that? Shoving your ass up to me that way? Moaning and grunting like I was hurting you, but still helping me find just the right spot? Oh yeah, you liked it.”
I felt my face burning again. He was right, of course. Just the memory of it was causing my body to react. My mouth full of cotton, I felt like I had a temperature. “I have to go,” I muttered. I didn’t move, taking a sip of wine. “It’s getting late.”
“Ever think about trying dust again?” he said quietly.
I took a deep breath, uncontrollably shuddering at the thought. Yes! Yes! Yes! “No, not really.” I licked my dry lips. “Why? Do you have some more?”
“Sorry. I got rid of it all when the cops started nosing around.”
I realized I felt somewhat disappointed by his response. The feeling both surprised and puzzled me. I got up hastily to hide my damp shorts and walked to the window, facing the large grassy expanse of lawn outside, hugging myself and sipping the wine. We were three stories up, no one visible. I was confused by my own body’s reaction to all this, somewhat disoriented – and unaccountably aroused. The growing dampness between my thighs felt – nasty. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I spoke quietly, saying again, “I have to go.”
I hadn’t heard him get up, but he was suddenly behind me, hands on my hips, his body lightly touching my back. I felt him lean forward, his breath warm and moist on my neck, causing me to cease breathing completely. “That stuff was getting too risky to keep around,” he whispered moistly. “Wish I’d kept a little of it now though.”
I could feel the curve of his soft thick cock resting against my ass, his hands lightly lying on my hips. I was aware I was sucking short breaths through a half-open mouth, licking my dry lips. I seemed powerless to move. Closing my eyes tightly, I shook my head, whispering, “No. Please Randy.”
His hands slid slowly upward to cup my breasts, fingers rolling each nipple, tugging gently, maddening. Subtle secretions turned into literal gushes between my thighs, my shorts growing wetter, legs trembling uncontrollably - that image of the wolf lingered in my physic. “Stop it, Randy. Please,” I whispered, eyes clinched shut, still seeing that damned wolf. “I want to leave now,” I pleaded.
He pinched harder – pain and forbidden thrills shooting through my body. My legs had grown almost too weak to hold me upright, breathing becoming so difficult.
“Go, if you want to,” he said softly. “Nobody’s stopping you.”
His cock now felt as hard as a piece of wood pressing into the crease of my butt, hot, meaty – pulsating with need. I felt like a slut – a whore. Shuddering, fighting down a little moan and my own growing need as I frantically sought a way out.
He pressed against me harder. “Your alfa-wolf wants to mate,” he whispered, biting the side on my neck.
My legs finally gave away and I sagged, but his hands had somehow found their way around my waist, holding me against him, pressing me back against that thick cock. He suddenly jammed his hips forward, the head of his meaty shaft barely missing its mark, but still very effective, as disappointment surged through me. I fought the urge to shift my body, help him find his target. I knew then that he had me. It had nothing to do with the stuff he’d given me two times before. This was lust, pure and simple. The wolf wanted his bitch and knew she was ready – and he knew she wanted it, too. Soon she wouldn’t just be ready. Soon, she would desperately need it. That’s when he’d take her. Take her any way he wanted. I couldn’t stop the moan escaping this time.
Surrendering at last, I lifted up on my toes, letting him have what he wanted. His cock found its mark through the thin cotton material of my shorts, making me gasp. He pressed harder, rewarded by more moistness, his hands working frantically with the button on my shorts. Finally, he just ripped it apart. I become aware I was whimpering like a small hurt animal, twisting my ass, helping him even as he prepared to violate me. I felt the coolness of the air conditioned room on my steaming crotch as the shorts and panties slid down, pooling around my ankles. I stepped out of them. Poised on my toes, legs parted, I waited for the hard painful thrust I remembered that his cock produced that time he’d first entered my pussy; breathless, heart pounding out of control, offering myself to him . . .
Suddenly, the pressure of his cock was gone.
“Wh . . . what?” I groaned, turning my head in desperation. He was walking away from me. “Wait, Randy,” I hated the way my voice sounded, pleading, pitiful.
Randy simply glanced over his shoulder, and then disappeared into his bedroom. Unashamedly, I scurried after him. He was lying on the bed, his sweatpants on the floor, that thick awesome cock sticking straight up. It jerked once, then again. “Get over here and do me,” he ordered.
I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but I was too far gone. Crawling between his legs, I went to work. I licked the clear liquid drop from the head of his cock, lovingly sliding my loose lips all around the soft crown, slowly easing it down my working throat until I felt hair tickling my nose. I held it there, savoring the fullness in my gullet and beginning to choke, struggling to breathe around it, throat working frantically - and then slowly pulling off as I heard him groan loudly. God, I loved it - the feeling of a warm cock in my mouth, pushing into my throat, hearing a man groan like that - and me, the cause of it - knowing what was yet to come. Randy meant nothing to me. His cock could’ve belonged to any man, I simply didn’t care. I loved it. I made love to that meaty appendage, sucking, licking, taking his hairy balls into my mouth, allowing him push my face downward into the crack of his ass, licking there, smelling his musk, biting at his puckered hole - taking every degradation he wanted to dish out, simply for the thrill of hearing his tortured grunts and moans. I wallowed in the carnal knowledge that it was little old me who was causing those sounds - little old me who’d turned this big strong guy into a quivering bowl of mush. When I finally took his meat in my mouth again, he immediately emptied his balls like a fire-hose. Cum coated my tongue, clung to the roof of my mouth, sliding in large globs down my working throat, to pool in the pit of my soft belly. It felt full and warm down there as I lightly scratched his scrotum with my nails, then his asshole, licking watery drops as they re-formed on his pee-hole. His lovely cock was growing soft in my hand, but I just smiled. I knew I could make it hard again.
Randy suddenly pulled me up and flipped me onto my back. He kissed the lips that had just sucked his cock and licked his asshole, licking at them as I stuck my tongue into his mouth, moaning softly. He trailed his lips down to my nipples, softly sucking each one, biting tenderly, then down my belly, past my pubic mound, until I felt his breath reach my cunt. I nearly screamed as he locked his lips around my clit, then sucking my loose folds into his mouth, running his tongue over my puckered anus, traveling from top to bottom along my sweaty crack. I was trembling uncontrollably, not even breathing as I clutched his hair and pulled him tighter into the molten crevice between my outstretched legs. Only my shoulders and ass touched the bed as I urged him faster, moaning, twisting frantically, clutching his head . . . then screaming aloud as I came . . . over and over and over . . .
When I became aware again, he was still nibbling gently on my over-sensitive flaps, tenderly sliding his tongue between them, caressing my belly, my breasts, making love to me. I’d never had that before. It wasn’t long before I felt a gush and a familiar tingling down there. He sensed it too, for he redoubled his efforts, a rerun of earlier. When I finally cried out, he slid upward, kissed me open-mouthed, and said, “The wolf wants to mate his bitch. Go get ready.”
I knew what he meant. Obediently, I arose and walked into other room, bent over the back of the couch and spread my feet, waiting. In my mind I saw the wolf approaching, cruel, menacing, in total control of me. I was just a convenient hole, open and waiting for his enjoyment - and he would use me for that. It excited me terribly, so excited now that my juices coated both thighs. I thought of Stu, wondering briefly what he’d think if he walked in at that moment and saw me this way. Then he was gone. All that remained in my mind was the male wolf getting ready to mount his bitch. My heart was hammering against my chest as I licked dry lips and waited expectantly, poised as I had the last time, on my toes, ass lifted slightly in the air – waiting – needing what he would soon give me. I heard faint footsteps and lifted my ass a little more, feeling the rush of cool air enter dark places. That small adjustment had the effect of spreading my ass-cheeks farther apart, giving him a better view of what he would soon have. What he wanted. He’d told me he liked for me to do that, and I knew it’d make his already throbbing cock even harder. That excited me tremendously. He must’ve stopped, pausing to appreciate the view. I flexed my anus, enticing him to speed up. I was growing desperate, my mind screaming, hurry, hurry, hurry . . . The male wolf finally arrived, wrapped his front paws around my waist and, with no preliminaries, sank his turgid staff all the way to the base. I cried out as the force of it took my breath away, making my knees buckle for just an instant. There was pain, but the female wolf always feels pain before she experiences the pleasure of her mate’s hot liquid gift inside her womb.
Randy’s cock felt like a fencepost - large, hot, meaty, as he started pounding into my soft core like he’d done previously. Sensitive nerve endings tingled as his cock pushed the walls of my vagina aside, forcing something much too huge inside – something much too large to fit that space. The large spongy crown painfully banged against my tender cervix, but it was a small price to pay for the exquisite pleasure it was giving. I felt every ridge, every vain, every throb - I was dying. My legs trembled violently, threatening to give out, my heart hammering inside my chest as I fought for air. Vaguely I saw my hands, white knuckles clutching the back of the couch, pushing myself backward, trying to get him deeper inside me. I became aware I was making small noises, crying out pitifully, moaning, grunting obscenely as he pummeled me without regard for anything I was feeling. I was lost, oblivious to everything else in the world; Stu, my marriage, everything. There was only this thick cock moving inside me; mindlessly fucking me into unconsciousness; its massive girth pulling and pushing the lining of my vagina in and out with every thrust; the male wolf and his bitch, mating as they’d done for centuries.
Without any warning, my climax hit like a giant wave rolling over me. It was violent, unrelenting, taking my mind, my breath, my strength. Racking my slender body over and over with its intensity as I shook, twisted and cried out, mindlessly hammering myself against his hardness - until I simply blanked out.
When I came to I was back on the bed, Randy tenderly kissing my face, licking away salty tear-tracks, gently caressing around my mouth and eyes with his finger-tips. I noticed he had blue eyes, something I hadn’t observed until just then. Those eyes were filled with such tenderness I’d never experienced before. In turn, I reached up and touched his face, silently staring up at him. I was filled with wonder at my own body. We hadn’t used the illegal ‘love dust’ this time, yet what I’d experienced was just as intense as the times I had. Neither of us probably had the staying power this time that we’d previously experienced with the powder, but wow! I was amazed – and confused. Maybe the dust had unlocked a part of me I didn’t know existed. It was a real puzzle. Randy kissed me passionately and I kissed him back, my mouth open, seeking.
“I’ll be leaving in a couple days,” he said softly. “I was offered a position as the head chef at our flagship hotel in New York City. Twice the pay, a real opportunity. I’ll help out here through the New Year’s Eve party crowd, then report up there a couple days later.”
I stared at him, trying to comprehend what he’d just said. For some reason it made me sad. “I guess I won’t see you around anymore then?” He nodded. I said, “I’ll miss you Randy.” It was true. I realized that I actually would miss him. Without warning, the tears started flowing.
Randy stroked my face, kissed each tear until they ceased running. Then he said, “Come with me.”
“What? I’m married, Randy! I can’t just up and leave!”
“You can. You love me. I was lying about not having any more love dust. I have a drawer full of the stuff. We can use it every day if you want.” He looked sheepish. “I didn’t use it today because I needed to know you wanted me without having to use it. I had to know that before I could ask you to come with me. I know now, you love me.”
“That’s crazy.” What was crazy was the way my mind kept spinning at his words – the implications – the possibilities.
Randy roughly pulled me to him and kissed me, forcing my mouth open with his tongue. I found myself kissing him back, moaning softly. He placed my hand on his hardening cock and I squeezed it, desperately wanting it inside me.
“See?” he whispered. “You do. You’ll be miserable without me. Come be my little wolf. I’ll never leave you alone like he does. We can fuck like animals every day. I’ll show you things you never knew - things that will blow your mind. It’ll never get old.”
I tried to sit up, but he pulled me back down, holding my hand on his cock. I fought it, but then began slowly stroking him, my other hand reaching for his warm balls. He took a nipple between his fingers loving it gently. I moaned, slid down and kissed his nipple, biting it, sucking. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and pulled me up, flipped me over and got on top, pressing the head of his cock against the folds of my vagina, insistently forcing them apart, slowly sliding the large head inside as he stared at the surprised wonder in my widening eyes. I lay without moving as he pushed the walls of my vagina aside, feeling each ridge and vain as his lovely cock slid past the raw nerve endings – slowly, relentlessly, maddening – fighting a groan from escaping my half-open mouth, my breath coming in little short gasps. He continued licking my parted lips and staring into my eyes as though searching for something -- all the time pushing his fabulous cock deeper inside me. Suddenly, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Moaning, I wrapped my legs around him, sought his mouth with mine and slid my tongue inside. I clasped him close, lifting to meet his gentle thrusts, moving with his long persistent strokes. Given time, I knew they would become shorter and faster, that it would then become a frantic race to finish, but for now I simply relished the tenderness of it. I felt I was where I belonged. I felt like I was home at last. I felt that I finally knew what he’d been searching for in my eyes.