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My second story ever so please tell me what I need to fix and what I did wrong. this a story about a girl named Olive.
“Olive, don’t go to Lewis, stay here in California. It snows in Minnesota plus you’re not a fan of any of their sports teams,” my sister Lily told me as she braided my hair in to a fish braid, “You also hate the cold.”

“But it’s a great private school and majority of their students become doctors,” I argued back.

“Just promise me you will call every day, so that I know you’re okay and you have to visit for all your holidays. You’re only 16 and you’re going to one of the best colleges in the states,” she finished braiding my hair, “Why do you have to be so independent?”

“Because you grew up to fast and I followed in your footsteps. Let’s go shopping and take our minds off this.”

“Sorry sis I can’t I need to be in the office soon, maybe next time,” she gave me that stupid you know it’s my job smile.

Lily is a lawyer. She works with small business helping them get started and when they get sued or sue bigger companies. The only big company she helps is our parents. They have several extremely expensive restaurants and a few malls as well.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Hershey brown skin. Hazel, almond shaped eyes. High cheek bones. Short, broad nose. Round face, with flawless skin. I stood 5’4 and very fit for my age. I wasn’t muscular, but I was tone. Many guys thought I was very attractive, but I was never attracted to them. I’m a in the closet lesbian, God forbid anyone besides my sister found out.

My family is wealthy. I never had to worry about anything. We lived in the middle of nowhere, but the house was huge. I had my own room that was the size of a 2 bedroom apartment. I went to a private school and was a straight A student and students and teachers alike loved me. I’m very close to my sister. She is my only sibling. Even though we’re 11 years apart we acted as if we were twins. Actually besides the fact she was 2 inches taller than me; she looked like an older version of me. We even wore our black, silky hair the same. Braided.

I’m going to miss her, but it’s time for me to explore.

Her hand was wrapped around my neck, lifting me into air and back against the wall. I kicked my dangling feet desperately trying to get away. I had my hands wrapped around her wrist trying to pull her hand away from my neck. Struggling only made it worst, yet I continued to do it.

“I said do you understand!” she was yelling at me trying to get me to answer.

I tried to answer but only choking noises came out.

She let my naked limp body drop to the ground. I quickly went into fettle position and begged for mercy and forgiveness in between catching my breast. Her heel dug into my side just below my rib cage. ‘This is the last time I’ll ask and then you’ll need a doctor to stitch you up, do you understand slut?” her voice was so calm, which only made her scarier.

“Yes ma’am I understand, it won’t happen again just please don’t hurt me anymore.” I had tears streaming down my hazel eyes.

Her foot pressed down harder, about 5 seconds went by and she finally released the pressure. I stayed huddled praying that that was the end of my punishment. “Get your ass cleaned up and dressed you’re going on a date with a princess tonight.

I quickly grabbed my bag and coat trying to get out before she got any more ideas.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going slut?”

“Y-you told me to get ready,” the fear in my voice was noticeable.

She laughed at me, “You pathetic cunt use my shower your clothes will be on my bed,” she had a smile of accomplishment on her face.

I walk upstairs to third story of the sorority house, every once in a while a member of Capa Omega would see me and slap my ass or pinch my A cup breast or call me out of my name. I was happy when I finally made it up to the advisor’s room. Her room was the biggest and had its own bathroom. Her room was the size of my bedroom back home. Her room had whips, canes, hand cuffs, gags and other torture objects neatly organized. She had a dresser about 3 feet away from her Cal-king bed. It was filled with vibrators and cock rings.

She worked hard to work her way up the chain of command having the third highest rank of leadership. She still had to answer to the Princesses and Queens, who called all the shots. There are 5 Queens and 5 Princesses and 10 Advisors. Below them are generals, one for each state. Then you have a mayor for every city. And the lowest are subjects. It was pretty much a gang of lesbian women. The leaders usually have great jobs and people who live in poor neighborhoods do all the dirty work. I think there are other secret groups within the gang, but I’m not sure who they are or what they do.

Capa Omega sells drugs, sex slaves, fire crackers, makes fake money, robs bank and does other illegal activities. I’m not sure who does what, but I do know they have cops apart of the gang covering up for them. I also know that young, black virgins get a chance to be a pet to a Princess or Queen if their liked, if not their sold. That’s why I had to go on a date tonight, one of them saw my picture and liked me. This will determine the rest of my life.

I quickly walked into the shower and spent 15 minutes in the tub scrubbing my skin raw and washing my hair. When I was done I dried off and walked back into her room. I put on a red corset and a pair of black skinny jeans. I put on the 6 inch pumps that I knew would hurt my feet. I did not wear a bra or panties because I knew I’d get in trouble.

I walked down stairs to see that the Princess was sitting on the couch talking to the advisor. I walked to her and bowed to her. I waited on my knees waiting for her to give me a command. I was shaking scared I did something wrong as the silence went on. "Turn around and lift you hair." I did as the Princess told me. it felt like a collar was being wrapped around my neck, then i heard a locking sound. "I'm going to keep her I'm understaffed. I want this one thing finish school as a pediatrician. Do you understand Nancy?" The princess sound so cold and harsh.

"Yes I'll watch other her and make sure she's doing what she's suppose to while she's here."

"Very good she'll being staying with me from now on, sell anything she owns and if its personal like pictures keep the and keep any jewelry, and remember to check for a diaries."

"My team is on it."

"You slut get up were going to the car now."

anonymous readerReport

2013-01-07 07:21:32
You forgot to use tags of what worthless shit was included in thiis story so i accedently started reading it. so of course a negative from me since i get no enjoyment from stories about violence and torture. next time either use proper tags or dont even bother posting.

anonymous readerReport

2013-01-06 22:46:12
Check your grammar and check spelling - reread, don't just do a spell check. Develop the story more closely and don't rush the deions and explanations. This will be a much better story if you remember that the readers don't know what is happening unless you do a good job of explaining. Good potential in this story.

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