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Introduction:

this is just fanfiction nothing more so no hater comments and no shitty votes unless you think my story is crap and please imagen these to be human with spines ears etc. because that is what they were ment to be
Hello my name is the blue blur some may know me as sonic the hedgehog I know we look pretty small on the screen but in reality we are much taller I am 18 5'7 and I have a crush on my best friend amy........Amy damn she's hot she is 17 5'6 and she has a rack any guy would want I am velvet blue and amy is light pink but you have already seen that.
We are pretty much a team now we have been working together for about 5 years now tails and knuckles are helping with missions by clearing the way and occasionally reparing and making new x-tornado's Amy and I Mostly focus on Dr. robotnik some may know him as Dr. Eggman but enough of the intoduction let's get to my story.
It was a normal day And I was running down the field then I ran into someone "ohhhh amy? GOD ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU :D" I said "OMG SONIC IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN" She said back we hugged and told each other what we had been up to since the last time we saw each other then we started walking down the field and talking "so sonic Have you done anything fun lately" she asked.
"Nah nothing to fun just your normal boring crap" I responded "oh okay I know the feeling I haven't been doing anything that is much fun lately either" we started getting very bored so we decided to go down to the creek and take a swim when we got there all I had to do was take off my gloves and my pants then change into my swimming trunks and jump in amy on the other hand told me to turn around and she changed into her bikini.
We Spent over 5 hours splashing and having lots of fun before we decided to get out, "that was fun mabey we can do it again sometime what do you think sonic?" she asked me "that doesn't sound like a bad idea" i replied "well I should be getting home it's getting dark see you tommorow sonic" I started to feel something wierd "sure see you tommorow if you dont get captured by eggman again" we started laughing and tackling each other.
We had totaly forgot that it was getting dark we were to busy having fun with each other I know that sounds wrong but it was not the kind of thing were you play with each other's genitals anyway "oh crap it is pitch black out here i can't see a damn thing" she said *click* "can you see now I turned on my lantern" I replied "yes I can thank you sonic" After she said that I picked her up and took her home "here you are"
The next morning I decided to go and visit her but to my suprise when I looked through the window because there was no answer when I knocked on the door She was masturbating over me! so I decided to ring the doorbell this time she got up and put her clothes on then answered the door "oh sonic um hi sorry for not answering I was" then I cut her off "masterbating over me" I said like I was really dissapointed in her "yes sonic I was Masterbating over you" there was a silence and a loss of words for both of us we didn't know what to say.
Then to her amazment I pulled her in for a kiss she slowly closed her eyes and pushed back against me I was suprised that she accepted the kiss after what I had said "oh sonic" she said blushing so much I nearly mistook her for a strawberry but I wouldn't tell her that yet She invited me into her house little did I know then but she had other plans than to just have lunch.
After we had lunch we started talking about random shit by the way if you just came for the sex don't worry it will happen soon "so sonic what do you want to do?" she asked "IDK it depends on what you want to do because I have no ideas :/" I told her "well I have an idea" she said with a devilish smile she came close to me and started taking my clothes off so I started taking hers off I knew what she wanted so I decided to let her have her way with me.
she was so eager to get to what she wanted that she started taking my clothes off faster so in return I took hers of faster and I took all her clothes off before she even got to my pants "I told you I was the fastest thing alive" she giggled and finaly got all my clothes of then she layed me down on the bed then got on top of me the lined up her pussy AKA vagina as most people call it with my cock AKA penis and most people call it.
As she slid her pussy onto my cock We both started feeling an immense feeling of pleasure I was already getting hard And I couldn't take much more "your already hard sonic" she said to me "and your already wet" I replied, after about 5 minutes we were both about to cum "OHHHH I'M GOING TO CUM SONIC" she screamed with high pleasure "SO AM I" I replied, We both ejasculated at the same time she let out a moan sounding satisfied but then I was proved wrong because she pulled her pussy off of my cock then went anal .
I just layed there staring in shock at how much this girl could take I mean this girl had already taken 5 minutes of vaginal and then took my cum into her pussy and now she is doing anal it has been over an hour AN HOUR and anal sex isn't exactly the most non painful process of sex "OHHHHHHHH PLEASE DONT STOP SONIC" SHE TOLD ME "i'm not doing anything amy" I replied "oh your not?" she asked "nope" I told her.
She was about to cum again and so was I she got off me and started giving me a blowjob She wouldn't get off so I knew she wanted me to cum in her mouth so I decided not to resist against her....

to be continued.........
8 comments

anonymous readerReport 

2013-10-16 17:22:11
*pounding heart.

sorry for the double post and the posts being cut off. Xnxx is screwing around with my posts. Nevertheless I hope this helped :)

anonymous readerReport 

2013-10-16 17:21:10
*abbreviations.

Yes I realize that 3) and 5) are very similar but that's because the point really is crucial. 5) is focusing more on the part of the story where the actual sex is involved, whereas 3) is more of a generalized point about the entirety.

Nevertheless it stands that at no part of the story is there any real characterization, development, description of how the dialogue is inflected and inferred, or where there is it is only at the most basic extent. More often than not you fall into the classic trap of just going 'he said' 'she said'. You do include things like 'asked' 'replied' 'giggled' and so on which is good! Well done on that, but overall you need to work on including more of that and more advanced description to really engage the reader. See my next comment.

anonymous readerReport 

2013-10-16 17:17:33
just for example off the top of my head

Sonic gazed into the eyes of his childhood friend, his mind hazing dreamily for a moment before he managed to break the bewitching gaze. God her eyes were beautiful. He felt like he could lose himself forever in those deep pools and he'd never care to be found.

Those same eyes gazed at him now with a fiery passion that he'd never noticed in them before, stirring something deep inside that both thrilled and frightened him. Something primal and at the same time a warm, joyful sensation. He could only guess that this was that emotion 'Love' that Chris had talked about before.
Little did he know that as his gaze mirrored Amy's, a fiery, yearning, lustful romance, Amy felt the same giddy tension in her stomach that Sonic was pondering at that very moment.

She couldn't believe it. She'd done it! She'd actually told Sonic how she felt. And.. And he loved her too! She was so overjoyed she felt faint. Or maybe that was just down to her pounding

anonymous readerReport 

2013-10-16 17:03:39
*abbreviations.

Yes I realize that 3) and 5) are very similar but that's because the point really is crucial. 5) is focusing more on the part of the story where the actual sex is involved, whereas 3) is more of a generalized point about the entirety.

Nevertheless it stands that at no part of the story is there any real characterization, development, description of how the dialogue is inflected and inferred, or where there is it is only at the most basic extent. More often than not you fall into the classic trap of just going 'he said' 'she said'. You do include things like 'asked' 'replied' 'giggled' and so on which is good! Well done on that, but overall you need to work on including more of that and more advanced description to really engage the reader. See my next comment.

anonymous readerReport 

2013-10-16 16:52:29
Wow where to begin on advice and critique.
1) PARAGRAPHS! Paragraphing this would make it SO MUCH easier to read.
2) For the same reasons as above PLEASE use punctuation!
3) The story felt WAY too rushed, no real build-up, no details as to HOW things were said, or any depth into their back-story or how Amy suddenly gets the guts to not only tell Sonic how she feels, but actually then and there go all the way with him. It just didn't make sense.
4) He wasn't hard and she wasn't wet BEFORE they started having sex? Sorry but that just doesn't work.
5) Even if he is the fastest thing alive, the whole story, and particularly the sex scene are horrendously rushed and lack SO much description. It made the story really disengaging and frankly extremely amateurish.
6) "IDK :/ AKA" NO! Bad writer! No text speak and emoticons in your writing! That on its own made this look like the work of a ten year old. This is a story after all. Use your WORDS to describe not smiley faces and abbrevi

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