This is my first story, and English is not my first language.... its not even my second, so all comments are welcome as long as they help me improve the story. Also this first part has barely any sex in it.
Disclaimer: all characters in this story are purely fictional any resemblance with any living person is just a coincidence.


Millions of years ago there was a war between God and Lucifer. Lucifer stole something important called the holy scepter from God during the commotion and somehow managed to escape heaven. God then sent his best warrior the archangel Michael, the two fought and Michael was victorious and decided to hide it somewhere that Lucifer could not reach it a place you humans call earth. However, this did not mean that humans themselves were unable to make use of it.

The scepter was stored in modern day Egypt where the Pharaohs passed it down from generation to generation. That is until three brothers named Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades learned of the scepter’s power and stole it from King Ramesses XI. They drew lots and Zeus won, the brothers ruled for thousands of years. They ruled the world with no concern for their actions. Traveling the world myth were created because to the different form they took especially Zeus who was known as Thor in the Nordic region and Raijin in east Asia.

In order to stop their carnage God sent his son Jesus to Earth, his mission retrieve the scepter. He faced many obstacle along his way as the brothers hold of the human population was strong, but he vanquished them all not without a cost, death. Before his death he had twelve humans who could protect the scepter from falling into the wrong hands. These twelve changed the shape of the scepter to a chalice, one often called the Holy Grail. Before their death the brothers took over the newly formed Roman Catholic Church and send the crusade in order to return the Grail to them. Having failed multiple times their decedent Pope Clement VI created the black plague. in his dying breath John, the only one of the original twelve still alive, sent the Grail and group of brave men to a foreign land, at that time an undiscovered part of the planet. Again the Grail was changed into what I am unable to tell you, just me telling you this story may change history as we know it

Chapter 1

Erick was spacing out in his biology class in an auditorium style lecture hall, having to listen to his professor droning on about the different type of cells half an hour left, he thought. Erick was an oddity compare to others like him, he never fit the general stereotype of a black man. Although he was 6’0” tall, had long arms, slightly over-sized hands, he only weight about 160 lbs also, he couldn’t catch, dribble, hit a ball for his life. He only had two things going for him, one he was considered to be above average in looks and two he was wickedly smart, the later he used in order to pay for college.

After napping/daydreaming for half an hour class ended and Erick made his way to the library a place he considered his second home. The sun was going down on this warm day in South Florida, with spring break having been a week away, it was time for the long haul, meaning no more vacation till summer. He went inside the building, climb the stairs and went to his favorite spot located in the third floor hidden behind the rows of books. There he sat and started on his homework.

When he was done he made his way out along the way he said hello to Nikita someone who he shared one class with. Nikita was a short Indian (not Native American), that was about 5’1” had a slight curvaceous built, b-cups tits and a cute heart shaped ass, she had a round face a small mouth with nice lips, a childishly flat nose, piercing dark eyes, and long wavy hair that reaches her back usually tied in a ponytail. He then made his way outside the temperature was about 88 degrees, and summer wasn’t even there yet.

Erick went to the parking garage found his car got in it and headed home. While driving he saw a car with its emergency lights flashing and a man waving at oncoming traffic for some reason Erick felt a pull toward the man. He parked his car behind the other one, getting out of his car he saw an old man who had to be around his late mid to late 70’s he had a fair complexion, the only way Erick could describe him was Santa Claus without the beard.

Approaching him Erick asked “Hello sir what seems to be the problem”
“My tire popped, you can call me Bob” he answered
“Alright let me see what I can do”

The tire in question was on side facing the street, cursing himself for his luck Erick started getting to work on the tire. As he was doing that a car was coming down the street the driver not paying attention to the road because he was using his phone and driving. His car start going to the right close to the curb and by the time the driver looked up to see Erick it was too late. All Erick saw were bright lights and then nothing as he woke up from his nightmare at his spot in the library, thinking that he fell asleep he just made his way home.

Chapter 2

The next day was a normal day his family leaving the house before him. Nothing weird happened to him and after class he made his way to the library.
Around 7:00 he saw Nikita doing her round she told him “ you were out last night”
Erick vividly remembering the dream said “yeah, had a long day I guess.”
“Oh, OK study hard now” saying that she put an arm around him. He found that gesture strange but did not really think much of it.

Two week went by Erick started noticing that people mostly women were acting more friendly towards him especially Nikita. The changes were gradual, at first she seeked out his attention more, like having an actual conversation with him outside of class. She straightened out her hair, and wore more provocative makeup. At the time of her rounds the time they spent together seemed to linger, she went from touching him in the arm to the latest incident with her sitting in his lap and kissing him. Although he was confused by this change in personality he gratefully welcomed it.

Again she came doing her round making sure the books were in place when she saw Erick she smiled showing her pearly white teeth. Walking towards him swinging her hips seductively she said in a sweet voice

“Hey Erick, still studying”
“Yeah got a Chem midterm in two days”
“C’mon take a break, let me help you relax”
“Sure, what do you have in mind”

Nikita grabbed him by the arm and led him to a family restroom. The restroom was unisex and was very handicapped friendly because of its large size. Now this may have the first time Erick was led to a restroom by a women but he knew was going to go down and was looking forward to it. She locked the door behind them then grabbed his neck and kissed him softly on the lips, he kissed her back inserting his tongue in her mouth to search and explore. She slowly slipped down opened his zipper and fished his dick out. Gently pulling it out she put it in her mouth, lazily caressing it with her tongue.

Given this treatment it was no wonder that Erick’s cock grew to its 7” length and a 6” girth. By now he had his pants and trousers around his legs, and stood there enjoying this “stress relief.” Nikita was massaging his balls while sucking on his cock with great gusto. She pulled down and shoved his dick down her throat, he felt her throat pulsate around the head of his prick. Grabbing his ass she moved her head up and down his dick bringing him to the familiar feeling starting to build in his balls. Clenching his butt Erick involuntarily thrust in her mouth and came opening the floodgate down her throat and watched as she had no problem taking it all in.

When she was done she rinsed her mouth, pop a gum in, smiling showing her teeth and said “ whenever you need to get rid of your ‘stress’ you know where to find me.”
“Wait where are you going now” Erick answered while pulling his pants up”
“Gotta finish my round, see you” she added in a seductive tone, and with that she quietly left the restroom. Turning around facing the mirror Erick wondered what the hell just happened. At that moment he saw him, Santa Claus, to be exact a shaven Santa named Bob calmly standing behind him with a smile on his face.

Anonymous readerReport

2015-11-02 04:59:54
It's by no means clear what all the mythic references in the prologue have to do with the story which follows, but perhaps in time it will be. I agree about the need for punctuation, descriptions and slower-paced plot development. Remember to revise, and keep up the good work!


2015-09-05 23:54:02
tried to read each story and found that they are just rubbish, all I read was half of the first chapter and gave up on them all. ESPECIALLY GENESIS..


2015-01-15 20:30:29
The story is good for a first try. Like some of the others here you need punctuation to make it easy to read. Fix your timeline, if you are going to use big time items like the Greek Gods, or the crusades make sure that time passes correctly. You need description on your characters and places. Slow down on your story telling, its not a race to finish fast, take your time to tell us whats going on.


2014-03-11 03:43:26
Anonymous reader
2014-03-06 01:28:12
I thank you for your criticisms.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-03-06 01:28:12
Punctuation...punctuation...did you ever hear about punctuation? It's those little marks that separate a sentence from another. They are called : colon, semi-colon, period, question mark, exclamation mark... etc.

This form of presentation is too hard to read, so I leave it to others to decipher it.

My opinion and rating will be a negative mark.

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