It's a new day, and all I'm thinking about is him....Adam. I wrote him that story, and sent it to him. It was a mistake, of course. He's told me before that he loves me "as a friend," which means he wouldn't give me the time of day to fool around.
"I'm outside," I text him, sitting on his porch. I wait outside, running my fingers through my choppy black hair. I look at my scuffed black Converse high-tops, and wonder about life. The door opens, and I turn around.
"I just...I don't think I'm safe alone," I whisper to him, sniffling. He nods, and opens the door wider to let me in.
"It's okay, Sissy, I don't mind," Adam replies, and I follow him into his room. It isn't what I imagined when writing my previous story, but some of my descriptions are still accurate.
I sit on his floor, glancing at his television. It's the pause screen for some video game, and I lean my head on his bed. Adam looks at me, worry in his eyes, and sits down.
"I'm glad you came over, I don't want you to hurt yourself," he says, and I lay down on his floor, resting my head on his lap. His eyes say he didn't expect that, and his hands remain by his sides.
"Do you know how much it sucks, falling for you when I know you don't feel the same? When I'm supposed to love him?" I ask, a tear rolling down my face. It traces my nostril, then continues until it absorbs into his pants. I look up at Adam, seeing his discomfort.
"I'm...I don't know..." He trails off, looking exasperated. He shrugs and looks at his TV screen, then picks up his controller and unpausing the game. He starts playing it, and I watch, but he keeps messing up and throws the controller.
Tears sting my eyes, and I get up, moving my body away from him and leaning on the bed. He looks away, and I bite my lip.
"I could just fucking leave, if that's what you want. And I don't just mean your house. I'll leave you alone, you don't need any of this," I say harshly, my voice cracking as tears roll down my face. He looks at me, surprised at my outburst.
"Don't!" Adam mutters, and I crawl over on my hands and knees. He closes his mouth tight, not saying anything else. I reach out and touch his face, but he grabs my hand softly and pushes it away.
"Please don't...I'm gross," he says softly, and I touch his face again, then get on my knees in front of him.
"You're not gross," I say, "you're handsome. Cute. Hot. Why can't you see that? Why don't you believe me?" I'm whining, and I hate it. But I need him to believe me. I need him to see what I see.
"I don't believe you because it isn't true," he replies sharply. I take his face in my hands and make him look at me, our eyes reflecting one another.
"You're fucking attractive. Goddamnit, you are. It's fucking stupid that you keep arguing with me about it," I growl, and kiss Adam hard. He recoils a little, but I keep at it, kissing him passionately. He pulls away, panting.
"You can't do that, Sissy!" He tells me, and I glare at him defiantly, quickly kissing him again, pushing my body to his. He resists, but I don't give up. I pull off my shirt, kissing him the whole time besides the moment I need to pull it off my head. I'm not wearing a bra, I didn't grant it necessary.
"Mmmn....st...stop," Adam tries to say, but I don't relent. I grab his hands and press them to my bare skin. He tries to pull away, and I still don't let him. I kiss his neck, and he exhales sharply.
"Sissy..." Adam says softly, but he isn't resisting as much anymore. He sort of melts against me, and one of his hands goes under my chin, bringing his lips to mine. Our kisses are desperate, as if we know this energy can only last so long.
"Don't stop," I whimper, and I unbutton his pants quickly. He kisses my neck, breathing hard and fast, and he kicks his pants off. I untie my high-tops and kick them across the room, then pull down my pants and thrown them where my shoes landed.
"Come here," Adam says, a look of conflict mixed with lust in his eyes. He pulls off his shirt, throwing it on my pile of clothes and sitting on the bed.
I step lightly, quickly, and straddle his lap. We press our bodies together, kissing more and touching. His hands wander across my back, resting on the lower curve and gripping it softly. My arms go around his neck, and our breathing intensifies.
"I need this...I need you," I moan, and Adam's hand goes down to pull his throbbing manhood out of the hole in his boxers. It looks different than what I expected, and he pushes me onto my back, kneeling between my legs.
He leans over me, kissing me again, trailing kisses down my body, to my navel, and I shiver. It feels good to be touched that way, by someone knew.
"Please," I whisper, and Adam looks up at me, then brings himself back between my legs, pushing in quickly. I cry out, my back arching slightly as he thrusts in and out. My arms go up around his neck, and I gently bite his earlobe.
"God....." he says breathlessly, thrusting in hard and fast, making me moan loud, making my eyes sting with tears. A few escape my eyes, and he sees.
"Oh god, are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" Adam asks urgently, fear in his eyes. He's stopped thrusting, but I grab his face and kiss him hard, letting him know he must continue.
He keeps going, and my legs grip his waist. I'm tightly grasping him, and I kiss his neck. I feel myself start to climax, and I murmur Adam's name in his ear, then bite his neck hard as I cum.
"Sissy...." he moans, and I feel him thrust in a few times, hard, and then he releases inside of me, his hot cum filling me. He shakes, going limp on top of me, and we stay there, panting, exhausted, for a few moments.
"What did we just do?" Adam mutters as he pulls out and sits on the edge of the bed, putting his flaccid member into his boxers. He puts his head in his hands, and I go behind him and hug him.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, and he sighs, shaking his head. He holds one of my hands, and looks over his shoulder at me.
We stay quiet, and I get up and put on my clothes slowly, looking at him. He doesn't move, and when I'm dressed I hand him his shirt and lay down tiredly on his bed again.
"I'm sorry," I whisper again, and he smiles half-heartedly. I walk to his door and look back at him. He doesn't stop me, so I leave. He doesn't text me for the rest if the night.