This is a long story. But it's a true story, and I wanted to be sure I told it properly. I wanted to do it justice. The length is worth the read. I promise.
I remember the first time I realized I was attracted to her. She staying with us -- my parents, my two older sisters, and myself -- at our place at the beach. I was twelve years old, and it was the fourth of July. We had all gone out to dinner, gotten some ice cream, and watched the annual fireworks show on the boardwalk. We were showered, tired, and ready for bed. We all sat in the living room, watching the Independence Day Concert on TV, my parents on one couch, my sisters on the other couch, and myself in the recliner. She came down the stairs, just having showered, her hair wet, in her pajama pants, and a t-shirt. Being the gentleman I was, I gave up me seat and sat on the floor. She sat in the recliner, and rolled into a ball as she watched TV. I turned to look at her, and because of the way she was sitting, and the way her legs were, she had a camel toe right along the entirety of her pussy. It was evident she wasn't wearing underwear. I stared at it for a good ten seconds, until she re-situated herself. I looked at her, and she was looking back with a judgmental glare. I'd been caught. I went back to watching TV, but I couldn't get my mind off of what I'd just seen. Being a pubescent, pre-teen boy, I had to rub one out immediately. So I said goodnight, ran upstairs into my room, laid down, and jerked off to the thought of her. It wasn't until I came that I thought to myself, "She's your cousin, you sicko..."
The following story is 100% true, as I remember it. There is no embellishment whatsoever. This all happened.
Jill is my oldest cousin, clocking in at 14 years older than me. She's on the shorter side, being only 5'4. However, she's by no means petite. I don't mean to say she's fat. In fact she's always been in damn good shape. She just has larger-than-average breasts (36DD), and a larger-than-average butt. She has a perfect smile and gorgeous eyes. Everything about her is just perfect. As weird as it is for me to say, my cousin is fucking hot.
After that first incident at the shore, I couldn't help but be repulsed by the thought of her. I'd jerked off to the thought of my own cousin. I felt so gross. I felt like scum. I had to keep my mind off of her. And I did. For a while. You see, my family has always been close with Jill, so any opportunity we got to spend time with her, we did. It wasn't always easy, seeing as how she lived almost 120 miles away. But we still made it work. More often than not, she would visit us.
It was Christmas time, and she had planned a visit for the second weekend in December. This would be the first time since the 4th of July incident that I'd be seeing her. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it.
The day arrived, and I had to clean my room. Whenever Jill would stay with us, she'd always stay in my room, pushing me to the couch. Being the youngest, I was always forced to make that sacrifice. I never usually cared, until this time. I didn't want her sleeping in my bed. But it wasn't her fault. It's not like she even knew I'd jerked off to her. I had no reason to be repulsed by her, other than for my own thoughts. I had to realize that. I couldn't treat her like she did something wrong, because she didn't.
She pulled up in her car, and I sat in the living room, just waiting for her to walk through the doorway. I was dreading it, but I was going to pretend there was nothing wrong. I had to. She knocked on the door, and my mom answered the door. They hugged, and Jill entered the house. She saw me, held out her arms for a hug, smiled at me, and it all melted away: the repulsion, the dread, everything. It was gone. I don't know how, but somehow just seeing her made it all better. I was incredibly happy to see her. I smiled, stood, and gave her a hug. Her big breasts pushed and squished against my chest. It was magnificent. There was just one problem: it was giving me a boner. I had to pull away before she felt it. I did, and she turned to my sister and gave her a hug. I sat down as fast as I could so no one would see. It was a close call, but I now had an erection, and it was because of my cousin.
My sexual attraction didn't go away. I just didn't feel grossed out this time. I don't know what it was that had me so attracted to her, but I had to get rid of this thing. I went up into my room, lied down on my bed, and began to jerk off. I was getting close, and I still didn't feel grossed out.
Shit. Jill's supposed to be setting up camp in here. I wasn't sure what to do. The obvious choice was to stop, but I was so close, that literally one more stroke would make me cum. I stopped, but it was too late. I was cumming.
"Alex?" she said from behind the door. I was panicking. I couldn't think of anything to say. She opened the door.
"GET OUT!!!" I yelled.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" she shrieked as she slammed the door shut.
God dammit. She just saw me cumming. This was easily the most embarrassing moment in my entire life. My face was steaming hot. I had no clue what to do. I couldn't believe she'd just seen me cum. And I was cumming to her! Granted, she didn't know that, but that just added to my embarrassment. But I had to stop panicking. I had to do something. I couldn't just stay in here all weekend. This was where she was sleeping. I had to get cleaned up, and go out there.
Was she waiting outside the door? Did she run and tell someone? Maybe she didn't even see anything. Maybe she got out quick enough. Ah, who am I kidding, of course she saw. I turned the doorknob, and opened the door slowly. She wasn't there. I exited my room, and headed toward the steps to go downstairs. The bathroom door opened next to me. It was her.
"You're gonna change those sheets, right?" she asked, without hesitation. I smiled nervously, but she wasn't smiling. She just kept walking, and brought her stuff into my room. I went downstairs, my stomach in my throat. I couldn't believe that had just happened. I just...couldn't believe it. 'This is a dream', I kept thinking to myself. I pinched myself. Not a dream. 'Maybe I can go back in time, somehow'. My mind was going in every direction, trying to think of how to make this go away. It wasn't going away. Just then...
"Alex!" I heard her call from upstairs. "Come here!"
I complied. I walked up the steps, on my walk of shame. When I got up there, I went into my room. There she was, sitting in my desk chair. "Sit down," she said, gesturing to the bed. Again, I complied. I sat with my hands folded in my lap, my palms sweating, more nervous than I'd ever been in my entire life. What was she going to say? Was she going to lecture me?
"There's no reason to act like I saw anything," she said. "We can keep this between us, and bury it. Pretend it never happened. Okay?"
"Okay," I mustered.
"You're a teenage boy. Obviously you're gonna do that kind of stuff. I just wish you said something when I knocked, so I didn't walk in on you." She smiled. Thank god. I thought she'd be mad. "Now go ask your mom for some new sheets. I'm not sleeping on those."
And that was that. I got her new sheets, and that weekend went on like any other weekend she'd visited. It was a little weird being around her, sure. But she'd been so cool, it was easy to bury it. And so we did.
....THREE YEARS LATER....
It was the end of summer. I was a new man. I was now 15 years old, and a whole four inches taller. I wasn't the same person I was when I was 12. The past was behind me, along with the incident where Jill caught me cumming. I hadn't forgotten about it by any means, but it didn't affect me, nor did it seem to affect her in any way. That's not to say I wasn't still attracted to her. Because I was, very much. Every time she'd visit, I'd check her out as she walked away, enjoy her breasts pushing up against me when we hugged, and jerk off to her. Nothing changed in that aspect. Just my mindset about it all. It wasn't weird anymore. It had become the norm.
She was visiting us again. We had planned out the entire weekend: Saturday we were all going to the zoo, then to the movies, and Sunday we were going to the private swim club our family belonged to. It was going to be a fun weekend, especially since Jill was coming.
Jill and I were never as close as she was with the rest of my family. Probably because I'm 14 years younger than her, and she'd always been more of an authoritative figure -- like an aunt or an older sister -- than a friend. So when she visited, she usually stuck with my mom and my sisters. They were closer in age, and had more in common. It didn't upset me. It's just how it was.
However, this time, it upset me. I didn't know why, either. At the zoo, I felt like the fifth wheel. It was the four of them -- Jill, my mom, and my sisters -- and then me. I didn't care that my mom and sisters weren't paying attention to me, though. It was the lack of attention from Jill that was getting to me. It's not like she was paying any less attention to me than usual, either. I just wanted more.
The four of them walked together, and I lagged behind, because I felt out of place when I walked with them. Like they didn't want me there. But it wasn't too bad. I enjoyed watching Jill walk as I stayed a few yards back. She was wearing shorts that accented her butt perfectly. All I wanted to do was squeeze it.
That night, we were figuring out which movie we wanted to see. This time, it was only Jill, my sisters, and myself. I was just thrilled to have been invited, because I felt left out all day at the zoo, and my confidence was shaken. I was afraid they didn't really want to spend time with me at all. But they included me in their movie date, so I was happy.
At the movies, I wanted so badly to sit next to Jill. Again, I didn't know why. This craving was new. Any other time she'd visit, I wouldn't mind being in the background. But this time I wanted to be front-and-center, with her. So I did everything in my power to make sure that happened, without being to obvious. And I was successful. I was as happy as could be throughout the movie. It wasn't as if I was talking to her, either. Just being next to her made me happy. Like I was just given the greatest gift I could have asked for. What was going on?
We got home, and it was almost midnight, so everyone went to bed. As usual, I was staying on the couch. At this point, if this was like every other time she visited, this is where I would jerk off to the thought of her and her walk that I admired earlier that day. But not this time. This time I just lied there, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking about her smile, her laugh, and the feeling I got when I was with her. Was I falling in love with her? No way... I've heard of being attracted to your relatives, but falling in love with them? Impossible. Although, it sure did feel like I was crushing on her, hard.
I did end up jerking off that night, but only after a long night of thinking. I came, to the vision in my mind of her butt, jiggling up and down and back and forth as she walked, and I turned over and fell asleep, anxious to spend some more time with her tomorrow.
I was ready to go; I had my bathing suit on, my towel under my arm, and my sunscreen on. I wanted to go to the pool. But moreso than that, I wanted to spend time with Jill.
We got to the pool, and set up our chairs and blankets. I took my shirt off and sat down. I watched Jill do the same, and I did so without her knowing, because I had sunglasses on, and she couldn't see my eyes. She put down her bag, set up her chair, and...STARTED TAKING OFF HER SHIRT. Holy shit, I'd forgotten. Bikinis! Jill was wearing a fucking bikini, and I was about to be treated to the sight! She took off her shirt, and her beautiful, bountiful breasts were revealed, concealed only by a black bikini top. My mouth began to water. This was too much for me to handle. I just wasn't ready.
And then went the shorts. Mother fucker. I was seeing Jill in full bikini glory. I was praying she'd jump in the pool and get nice and wet. But then something even better happened: she started putting sunscreen on herself. Oh lord, what a gift. It was as if someone on high knew I was going to die that day, and wanted me to die happy. I watched her rub that sunscreen all over her chest, belly, and thighs. It was probably the greatest thing I'd ever seen. I felt like I was going to cum in my pants right then and there. Thankfully, I didn't.
After about a half hour of sitting, Jill decided to lie down to get in a tan. She laid out a towel right at my feet, and lied on her stomach. I had the perfect view of her perfect ass. While she was laying down, she undid her top, to avoid tan lines. So she was lying down, with nothing supporting her breasts. I was using all of my energy, praying that she'd forget, and accidentally stand up without her bikini top, revealing to me -- and the rest of the swim club -- her beautiful, bountiful breasts. But it never happened.
Another half hour passed, and I wanted to go in the pool. I was hot, and bored. "Anyone wanna go in the pool?" I asked. Nobody seemed interested. So I went to the edge of the pool, and put my feet in. Five minutes later, someone sat down next to me.
"Sup kiddo." It was Jill.
"Oh, hey!" I was so happy. The two of us never really hung out just one-on-one. She put her feet in the water.
"Holy shit, it's cold!" she laughed. "So what's up? We never talk. I have no clue what's going on in your mind."
"You don't wanna know," I said, smiling.
"Yes I do," she replied. "You're my cousin. We should talk." If she knew what was going on in my mind, she'd have been singing an entirely different tune. "So what's up?"
"Nothing, really," I said. It was the honest truth. It was the only thing I could say that wasn't 'I want to fuck your brains out'.
"Come on, there has to be something." She was really badgering me. I had to come up with something to say. This was the first time in...EVER...that it was just us two.
"Well, I'm actually looking forward to going back to school." It was true. It was going to be my sophomore year of high school, and I was pretty excited.
"Well that's good!"
"Yeah, I usually hate school, so this is a nice change."
"What is it about this time has you excited?" We talked for a good twenty-or-so minutes, about school, her experience in college, and different things. It was the best day I'd had all summer. And the fact that she'd once saw me cumming was not an issue at all. I don't know if it was on her mind at all, but it wasn't on mine. This relationship was going to work, without anything weird getting in the way. So what if I was attracted to my cousin? It'll just be a thing about me that no one will ever know.
But that night, I couldn't sleep. All I could do was think about her. Her smile, her voice, our great conversation... Why? What was going on? Am I...falling in love with my cousin? No way. That's just one step too far. I eventually got to sleep, but it took hours of staring at my ceiling, thinking about Jill's gorgeous face.
She left the next morning, and it made me far more upset than usual. How many times has she gone home after a weekend visit, and it's never really upset me before. But this time I didn't want her to leave. Something was wrong. This was not okay.
Weeks went by, and she was still on my mind most of the time. Anytime I would think of her, I got butterflies in my stomach (not to mention, a boner). I had to do something about it. Either talk to someone, or just get her off my mind somehow.
But months went by, and she was still on my mind. I was still jerking off to the thought of her, and I was still getting butterflies when I thought about her. I just could not keep her off my mind. What the fuck was going on? I had to talk to someone. I needed help. But who do I talk to? My mom? My dad? My sisters? Jill herself? None of those options seemed like a good idea. Fuck it. This is just going to have to be my little -- nay, big -- secret.
That summer visit was the last time I would see her for quite a while. For one reason or another, we just couldn't schedule a visit. So almost a year later was what we finally settled on. It was summer again, and as it turned out, it was the weekend of my birthday that she was coming. What a birthday gift.
Turns out, I hated seeing her. Knowing I could never have her was pissing me off, and the fact that she was within my grasp made me want to snatch her up and kiss her as I squeezed her ass. But I couldn't. I wasn't allowed, and that put me in the worst of moods. So I avoided her as much as I could, while also trying not to be rude, and avoiding suspicion.
Saturday came; my birthday. And everyone treated me like a king. It's what we do in our family -- whosever birthday it is, gets treated like royalty. It definitely brought my mood up. Not to mention, I was also turning 16, and would finally be able to drive. It was an exciting day for me.
That evening, we were going to dinner. We each took a shower, and I agreed to go last. When Jill was in the shower, I went in my room to get my outfit that I was going to wear. As I was leaving my room, something caught my eye: by the door, on top of her bag, was her underwear. Her bra and panties. Just sitting there, begging to be picked up. Was I really that sleazy? Have I sunken that far? The answer was yes.
I shut my door, picked up her panties, and gave the crotch a nice sniff. It didn't really smell like anything. So I went in for the lick. Didn't taste like anything. But to be honest, I didn't care. They touched her naked pussy. That's all I cared about. I was licking the place that rubbed against her pussy for hours. It was the greatest birthday present I could have asked for, and I didn't even ask for it. I did the same with her bra, and went back and forth between the two, going to town for about a minute, and got out of there before she even knew I'd been in there.
Being a 16-year-old boy, it didn't take me long to get ready, so I was watching TV in the living room, waiting on everyone else. After about a half hour, everyone was ready, except Jill. We were waiting on her.
When she finally came down the steps, I was at a loss for words. She was....stunning! All she was wearing was jeans and a t-shirt, but something about the way everything fit, and the way she'd done her hair and makeup...I'd never seen someone so drop-dead gorgeous. I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to sound weird.
"You look..." I mustered. Come on, Alex. Think of something! Any word!
"Yes..?" she asked as she smiled, confused.
"Aw, thanks!" she gave me a hug. And once again, her fantastic breasts pushed against me, giving me yet another boner.
The entire night, all I could think about was what I'd said. Very pretty? Seriously? That's the best I could come up with? How about 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful' or 'out-of-this-world sexy'? Right. Those would all sound excessively creepy. She's my cousin, not my girlfriend. Oh, how I wished she was my girlfriend... I didn't care if she was 30, and I was 16. We could hang out all day, fuck, spend time together, fuck, talk to each other, and fuck. It would be the life...
She went home the following morning, and it was a bummer saying goodbye. But for some reason, I felt better. I felt like I'd accomplished something. I told her she was pretty and it made her happy. I got to lick her bra and panties. Plus, I was going to take my driver's test today. It was a good weekend. But again, once she was gone, all I could do was think about her.
Six months later, at around Christmas time, I got my license. I felt like a new man, holding it in my hand. And it was Christmas time that we were going to see Jill. This time, though, it was a big family get-together. My parents, my sisters, Jill, her parents (my aunt and uncle), her sister (my other cousin), and myself, were all meeting at our grandparents' house for dinner on Christmas Eve.
Her sister, Jen, wasn't even close to being as attractive as Jill, so I wasn't attracted to her in the slightest. In fact, they hardly even look alike.
We got to my grandparents' house, and everyone was dressed up nicely. I, myself, was dressed in a sweater and khakis. We all hugged, and kissed, and said hello, but Jill was nowhere around. Then she entered the room. My jaw dropped. I thought she looked good on my birthday? I was wrong by a long shot. I had never seen anything so insanely beautiful in my entire life. It was taking all my might not to pounce her and kiss her right on the mouth. She was wearing black dress pants with gray vertical stripes, a dark red button-down blouse, and a small black cardigan over top. On top of that, her hair was wavy, and her makeup was pristine. Holy shit, was she heavenly. I stood in amazement as she walked around, giving hugs. When she got to me, I was just staring at her, blankly.
"Hello?" she said, smiling with her arms out. I snapped back into it.
"Sorry!" I gave her the biggest hug I could ever give anyone. I even gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Wow! Someone's happy to see me!" I pulled away instantly. Fuck. That was too much. Wait...did she feel my boner? Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! I just sat down and ignored it, hoping no one heard her or saw how big of a hug I gave her. This was weird. I'd gone too far this time. But she just laughed and sat on the couch next to me. She slapped my thigh. "So I hear you got your license! That's awesome!"
"Yeah, I'm so excited. I feel like I should've been driving for years, now."
"So do you know how to drive a stick shift yet?"
"No, I never had the chance to learn."
"Well you do now." She stood up. I just gave her a confused look. "It's tradition! I taught both of your sisters when they got their licenses, so now I'm gonna teach you!"
"You have a stick shift?"
"Yup! Always have! Let's go!" No way could I pass up this opportunity. She told everyone where we were going, and we were off.
I got in the driver's seat, and she got in the passenger's seat. I put my hand on the stick, but I was at a loss. What the hell do I do? I know it's not as simple as shifting the gear. There's a clutch or something, right? Luckily, she read my mind.
"Here," she said, as she put her hand on top of mine. I got a tingle down my spine. I had a small smile on my face, but I don't think she noticed in the dark. "Now put your foot on the clutch."
She taught me how to drive a stick, keeping her hand on top of mine for the first ten to fifteen minutes. I was in heaven. She eventually let go and said, "Alright, you're on your own now. Go!" And I did it. In just a short fifteen minutes, I was driving a stick shift like I'd been doing it my whole life. She was a great teacher, and she was lots of fun. We laughed and we talked for the whole lesson, and it was a blast.
We pulled into the driveway, and just as we were getting out of the car, she said something that made a perfect night just serene.
"We should hang out more often." She didn't know it, because she was walking into the house in front of me, but I had the biggest smile on my face.
The rest of the night was a blur. All I could think about was those twenty minutes in heaven, and what Jill said.
Unfortunately, a month or so later, Jill got a new job that required her to work 6 days a week. So that meant she never had a whole weekend free to come visit us. And the 250-mile round trip drive wasn't worth a day trip. She was promoted to regional manager, so her vacation days were also limited. She had to be there when everyone else was there. Plus, on top of that, she didn't want to take too many days off in her first year. She didn't think it would look good as a newly-promoted manager. So we went the entire year -- summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years -- without seeing her once. It was torture. But it wasn't the end of the world, for me, because I knew that when I did get to see her, she'd actually want to spend time with me. For now, I had the memories to make me smile, and the thoughts to jerk off to.
After my 17th birthday, I decided to start working out. I was on the heavier side -- not fat, necessarily, just not slim. So I changed my diet, and started an exercise routine. And by the start of my senior year in high school, I noticed changes. I was more fit, and much more toned, muscularly. People at school noticed, too. So I kept it up. By Christmas time of that year, I was in great shape. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I was sexy.
The thing that crossed my mind the most about being in good shape, was 'I can't wait for Jill to see me!' I was 17 and had never had a girlfriend because I had almost no confidence, and I went to an all boys high school. So Jill seeing me was pretty exciting. Unfortunately, I had no idea when the next time I would see her was. It had been an entire year, and I was starting to miss her. A lot.
It was nearing the summer, and we still hadn't seen her, and had hardly ever heard from her. I was starting to worry that she didn't care about us anymore. That her new job was too important to think about us. But a week before my high school graduation, she called my mom. She was coming to my graduation party! Man, I was pumped. It was a week away, and I was already cleaning my room as soon as I found out. I wanted it to be spotless for her.
It was the day of my graduation, the day Jill would be showing up. She wasn't going to make it to the actual ceremony, but she'd be there in time for the party. Once the ceremony was over, we all drove to my house, where the party was being held. There was about thirty people, and none of them were Jill.
It was nearing 6:00, almost three hours into the party, and Jill still hadn't shown up. My dad had picked up the pizza, wings, and fries, and we were ready to eat dinner. And Jill still hadn't shown up. I didn't give a shit about anyone else there. I just wanted to see her. And she wasn't there. It got to be 7:30, and I asked my mom if she'd heard from her. Apparently she was stuck in traffic. That put my mind at ease a little bit, but I still wanted her to get there. I didn't even want to eat, I wasn't hungry. I just wanted to see Jill. Oh my god...what is wrong with me? Why is she all I can think about right now? I'm at a party with tons of friends and family, and lots of great food, and all I can think about is Jill?
It got to be 8:00, and I started to get really upset. I went up into my room and lied down. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I feeling like this? I've had this feeling before, but not this serious. It was eating at me. It was a mixture of anxiety, excitement, depression, and anger. And it was swallowing me whole. What the fuck was going on?
I lied in bed for a solid half hour, just thinking about everything -- when Jill was going to get there, why I was feeling this way, why I wasn't hungry... I decided to get up and go back down to the party, but I still felt like shit. I still didn't care about anything but Jill.
When I got downstairs, my mom told me she got a text from Jill about five minutes ago saying she'd be there in about ten minutes. I sat outside, waiting for her. Those were the longest five minutes of my life. Then she finally pulled up. I stood up as a smile consumed my face. She parked, and walked up to me.
"I'm so sorry, Alex, I--" she started, but I interrupted her by throwing myself at her. I gave her such a big hug, I almost tackled her. "Oh my..." she said, as she hugged me back. I wanted to stay here forever, just holding her, smelling her hair, feeling her breasts squished against me. But I had to let go.
"Congratulations!" she said, once we finished hugging. "Do you feel old?"
I smiled and nodded. My mind was blank. I was just so enthralled by her long-awaited presence. And then she said exactly what I'd hoped she'd say...
"You look amazing! Have you been working out?"
"Yeah, I have!"
"Let me see!" I was taken aback.
"Take off your shirt, let's see those abs and pecks!" I froze. She...she wanted me to take my shirt off? She wanted me to take my shirt off. So I did. And she let out a wolf-whistle as she placed her hands on my chest. "Lookin' good, there, stud. When did you start working out?" I almost didn't hear her, as I was fighting the urge to get a boner. Her touching my chest was turning me on more than anything I can remember. If I only I could touch hers back.
"Uh, about a year ago," I mumbled. She took her hands off my chest.
"Well, it sure as hell is paying off, so keep it up." She walked past me to go into the house, and as she walked by, she smacked my ass. I had to get up to my room and jerk the fuck off. This was just too much to handle. So I did. I ran upstairs, and started jerking off, thinking of her breasts pushing up against me, thinking of her hands rubbing my chest, of her hand on my hand, of her outstanding smile, of her amazing body in that bikini...
Then I remembered something... I was in my room, where---
The door opened. I jumped up, but my pants were down. I struggled to pull them up as Jill's voice said, in an oh-so-familiar way, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" and slammed the door shut.
God. Damn. It. How could I let this happen again? I knew she was staying in my room for the weekend, and that she'd have to bring her stuff up there, yet I still went up there and decided to jerk off. Now what? Getting caught once was one thing. I was 12, and she was nice enough to forget about it. But it's a whole five and a half years later, and it happened again. It's going to be pretty damn hard to slip it under the rug, this time.
Okay, so what do I do? Do I go out there? Is she waiting out there? Last time she wasn't, but this time is different. I'm a fully-developed man now. She's seen it all now. Holy shit...she's going to think I was jerking off to her! I mean, I was, but now she's probably going to think that! Why else would I rush upstairs to jerk off, in the middle of my party! I'd just given her a huge hug, and smelled her hair! Did she notice I smelled her hair? FUCK.
My mind was racing. I did what I had to do: go out there. I opened the door, and there she was, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, smiling.
"Do that often, huh?" she said, smiling, making me all the more uncomfortable.
"Why the hell did you have to catch me again?" I said, just going for it.
"You're acting like it's my fault? How is this my fault?"
"It's not. I mean...ugh..." I lowered my head in shame.
"It's fine, Alex. You're a guy. Guy's get urges. Although, most guys can wait until the end of the night to get it out."
"There's a party being thrown for you downstairs, and you had to come up here and do that? Why?" Was she serious? Did she really want to know why, or was this a rhetorical question? I just let out a nervous laugh. "I'm serious, Alex. Are you...addicted to it? Because that can be a serious problem." She's seriously talking to me about this. This is actually happening. What the hell do I say? "I'm just trying to help. It's an awkward conversation, and it's even more awkward for me to catch you, but this is twice now, and both times, you could've or should've been doing something else." I opened my mouth to say something, but she continued, "Seriously, Alex. Do you have some sort of addiction?"
"I...uh..." I didn't know what to say. "Are we really talking about this?" I said, with attitude, as I shoved past her and went back downstairs to the party. It was harsh, but I really didn't want to talk to her about my masturbation habits. I already felt awkward enough having been caught by her.
So I ate a slice or two of pizza, but that was all I could manage. I just wasn't hungry. I pretended to be enjoying myself, but I wasn't. How could I be? I was just caught jerking off by my cousin, who was the one I was jerking off to in the first place...FOR A SECOND TIME. My mind was elsewhere. Until I realized that Jill hadn't come downstairs yet, and it had been almost a forty-five minutes since she caught me. What was she doing up there?
I was talking to a few friends when I felt a violent tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and saw Jill, leering at me. "Come with me." Obviously, I complied. She was clearly mad, for some reason, and I didn't want to give her reason to be more mad. But why was she mad? Why was she just showing her face after nearly an hour of being in my room? What did she find in my room? Did she use some sort of black light and find all of the cum stains on my sheets? But I'd just changed my sheets, that couldn't be it. What the hell was I in trouble for? Unless...
We got to my room, and she shut the door hard behind her. "Sit." I did. She stood, arms crossed, leaning against the door, continuing to leer at me. If I wasn't so scared, I'd have been turned on. She looked so hot, being this angry. Unfortunately, I had a terrible feeling about what might have made her this way.
"Got something you wanna tell me?" she asked, still glaring at me. I did have something to tell her, and I think she knew exactly what it was that I had to tell her. But I wasn't going to. I decided to play dumb.
"Huh?" She broke the death stare, grabbed my computer chair, rolled it over to me, and sat directly across from me.
"I spent a a half hour up here, piecing it all together." It was at that moment, that I knew for certain that she figured it out. My stomach dropped. "And I spent another fifteen minutes, trying to decide if I wanted to confront you about it. So I decided I'm going to. Because I couldn't get it out of my head, so talking about it seemed best." I knew exactly what she was talking about, and the exact thought process she was going through. But still, I played dumb.
"What the hell are you--"
"You were jerking off to me!"
Well there it was. Out in the open. She knew, and there was no more hiding it. Playing dumb was a stupid move at this point. She saw right through it, anyway.
"Well!?" she said, apparently waiting for me to say something. What the fuck was I supposed to say? 'You're right, I want to fuck you until you can no longer walk'? Right. That would go over really well...
"Wh--what am I supposed to say to that?" Honestly, what in the world could I have said?
"Just tell me," she said, closing her eyes. She opened them and took a deep breath. "Is it true?"
I looked at her, hesitated, and nodded. She closed her eyes again, but this time made a disgusted face. I felt like a complete dirt bag. The silence went on for too long. I had to say something, and I had something to say.
"How did you figure that out?" she didn't even look at me. She was definitely planning on explaining, but this was just too much for her to handle. Finally, she looked at me.
"I was thinking about the first time I caught you. We had just said hello to each other. I had just gotten to your house. Then I realized, that was the same exact case this time. So I gave it some thought, and it dawned on me: I always catch you looking at me. Whether it's when I'm putting on sunscreen in a bikini, or just sitting down, watching TV. I always catch you watching me. You quickly turn away, probably thinking that I would think nothing of it, and you were right. I really didn't. You're my cousin. Why would I think you're looking at me in any sort of weird way? Then I remembered the time down the shore. When I caught you looking in between my legs. Again, I really thought nothing of it at the time. But when I caught you, you ran away. Obviously you were up to something. But you were young. Curious. So I figured, whatever. But all of it coming together over the past few years... And on top of all of that, you always hug me really tight, for a really long time." That last statement threw me for a loop. So what? Everyone else hugged her tight, too.
"I could feel your...you know..." My eyes widened and my face got really hot. She felt my cock every time I hugged her? And she didn't think anything of it? "It happens a lot when I hug guys. I feel their erection. It's not uncommon. You, being a young man going through puberty, felt my boobs pushing up against you, and got a hard on. At least, that's what I assumed. Obviously I was wrong."
"No," I interrupted. I have no clue why I did, but I did. There was no going back now.
"No, you weren't wrong. It was your boobs. You know...pushing up against me." Why the fuck am I opening my mouth right now? She was obviously wondering the same thing, as she gave me a look of disgust, combined with puzzlement.
"Everything just fit together," she continued. "You hug me, get an erection, and feel the need to relieve it immediately. Do you have that little self control?" A look of realization consumed her face. "Oh god... It was because I touched you, wasn't it? I touched your chest and abs, and that turned you on. Didn't it?"
She held her head in her hands as she took all of this in. Oddly enough, it wasn't affecting me. It felt good to finally get this out. I'd been attracted to her for five years. Frankly, it was about time someone found out.
We sat in silence for what might as well have been an hour. You could cut the tension with a knife. Finally, she said something.
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I'm gonna tell everyone it's a work thing. And I'm gonna sleep on the couch. I don't need you getting off on me sleeping in your bed."
The rest of the night was a complete blur. I honestly don't even remember if I went back down to the party, or just went to bed as soon as Jill left my room. It didn't matter. This was the shittiest I'd felt in...ever.
The next morning, I woke up to Jill saying goodbye to everyone. It sucked. She was supposed to stay for a few days, but she felt so uncomfortable with everything that she felt the need to get out of there as soon as possible. She didn't say goodbye to me, and I understood why.
As she packed her car, I felt like I had to say something. I couldn't let her leave just like that. It felt...unresolved. She got in her car and started it. This was my last chance, if I was going to say something. I bolted outside and stopped her just as she put her car in gear. She rolled down her window.
"Jill, you can't leave just because of me. It's not fair to everyone else." I expected her to say something, but she didn't. So I continued, "I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel more comfortable. If that means not being in the same room as you all weekend, fine." She almost seemed taken aback by the fact that I was actually saying this to her. I was taken aback, myself. This was unlike me. I was always one to keep my mouth shut. But this was too big. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Not this time.
She sat, hands on her steering wheel, just looking down at her lap.
"If I could change things so that I wasn't attracted to you, I would. But you're an attractive woman. I've thought so my whole life. For as long as I can remember, I always thought you were pretty. It wasn't until I got older that I thought you were...well...hot. I sometimes forget we're related! That's how attractive you are!"
"Okay, Alex, you can stop."
"No, this has been eating me up for years. I'm attracted to you. I'm attracted to my cousin. If that's disgusting, fine. But I don't see it that way. When I look at you, and when I think about you, I don't see my cousin. I see a gorgeous girl with an amazing personality. In my mind, you're not my cousin. If I could have it my way, we wouldn't be. I'm not attracted to you simply for the fact that you're my cousin. I'm attracted to YOU. You, as a person."
I was done. There was nothing else I could say. Now I just had to wait for what she wanted to say. She continued to stare down at her lap for a while. Then she looked up, put her car into gear, and said, "I have to go," then drove away.
Well, fuck. That didn't go exactly as I'd hoped. But in all honesty, as I watched her drive off, I felt like I was filled with helium. An enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't really want to think about where our cousin-cousin relationship would go from there. I just went back inside, dawlded up to my room, collapsed onto my bed, and just lied there. My mind was blank. It was so much to take in, that I just shut it all out.
As the week went on, I just sunk lower and lower, feeling worse and worse with each day. Before I knew it, it was Friday, and I hadn't left my room to do anything but eat and go to the bathroom. My mom poked her head in every now and then to see if I was okay, and I just put on a happy face and told her I was fine.
Weeks passed, and my 18th birthday came along. This was supposed to be an exciting day, officially becoming an adult. But nope. I was still in the dumps, an entire month and a half after I opened up to Jill. I couldn't foresee things getting any better.
I didn't really know why I was upset. It wasn't because I missed her. It wasn't even because I was afraid our relationship was ruined. I think it was because -- after finally opening up to her -- I realized nothing was ever going to happen between us. Ever. Before, I could imagine us together. I could just pretend that I would get to fuck her some day. All of that had been shattered. And I was taking hard. Much harder than I would have expected. There was definitely something else that was bothering me, but I didn't know what it was. No matter how hard I thought, how deep into my soul I searched, I just couldn't figure out what was keeping me down so low.
At the end of August, I was starting college. I was going to a university that was halfway to Jill's place. Still pretty far away, but much closer than before. Before, she lived over 100 miles away. Now it was a mere 52.4 miles (yes, I'd looked it up).
It was now going on three months of not even hearing from her.
During my first week of college, I met a lot of people. Some I liked, a lot I didn't. But there was one person that I enjoyed spending time with more than anyone. Her name was Noelle. I got the feeling she felt the same way, because for the first weekend, they had a freshman dance/mixer, and encouraged pairing up, and she expressed interest in going with me. I ended up asking her, and she said yes. We had such a great time, that we scheduled a time to hang out, just the two of us. Almost like a date.
It turned into two dates. Then three dates. And on the fourth date, I kissed her. I knew there was something special about this girl. Something irreplacable. She actually wanted to be with me. This was something no other girl had ever shown any interest in doing. I just wasn't great around girls. But this girl was different. She was interested in me. AND she was smoking hot. I couldn't let her get away.
It was nearing October, and still I'd heard nothing from Jill. I had found out she got a Facebook page (by looking her up), but she never accepted my friend request. But I didn't care anymore. That wasn't important to me. School was now my priority. But even moreso, Noelle. We had been spending many hours a day with each other. She made me feel like no one did. No one but Jill.
And it was then, as I watched her read her Harry Potter book, that I realized... I was in love with Jill. I had suspicions of it before, but it was never something I actually thought to be true. When I realized I was in love with Noelle -- that I would die for her -- I also realized that that was what I felt for Jill. That was why I was so depressed. I was in love with her. I was in love with my cousin.
Thankfully, I had Noelle to keep my mind off of her, because had I never met her, it might have still been eating at me. But I didn't think about it at all for the next two months. Not until Christmas.
I went home for Christmas, and told everyone about Noelle. They were all very happy for me. And I was happier than I'd ever been in my entire life. But it eventually hit me that I'd be seeing Jill over Christmas break. We saw her every year, excluding the previous year. I asked my mom, and she confirmed it. She was visiting the 22nd to the 23rd. And they'd made plans to go downtown and shop. Whether or not I was invited, I didn't know. It didn't matter. I wasn't going. I didn't want to be around Jill, and she sure as hell didn't want to be around me.
The day came that she was visiting. I decided to make it a point not to hug her. She didn't like that, and I didn't want to force her to do something she didn't like.
She arrived, and the moment I saw her, I realized... all of it was gone. The feelings, the attraction, just gone. I felt literally nothing. But I had to be sure. So I gave her a hug, felt her breasts push up against me, and...nothing. When I pulled back, I saw a tiny look of happy-impressed on her face. I didn't have a boner. This was awesome. There was nothing there. No feelings, no attraction, no desire to pounce her and squeeze her lady parts. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada. This was going to be a good two days.
As we spent time together, having family conversations, catching up and whatnot, I think she realized that whatever I felt for her had vanished. I don't know how she knew, but the more we talked, the more comfortable she seemed to feel.
At the end of the night, when everyone was heading to bed, I approached her.
"I just want you to know that everything I felt about you," I said. "It's gone." She smiled.
"That's good to hear," she said. "But how?"
"Well, I have a girlfriend now."
"Oh really?" she seemed genuinely happy to hear that. "What's her name?"
"Noelle. She's great. I've never been so happy in my life. I think it's a combination of that, and the fact that I just got it all out there. Knowing that nothing could ever happen between us, and coming to that realization, helped me get over you."
"Get over me? You make it sound like you had feelings for me."
I didn't say anything. I just let out a nervous laugh.
"Well that's great," she said, and she walked away.
She didn't sleep in my bed. When my mom questioned her, she insisted that I was too old to be giving up my bed, and that she had absolutely no problem crashing on the couch.
The rest of the weekend went great. It was like our relationship was back to normal. Better than normal, in fact. Because for the past six years, normal was me resisting the urge to pounce her, and her knowing nothing about it. Now it was strictly a cousin-cousin relationship. And I couldn't have been happier.
Over the next few months, Noelle and I got really close, and very far in our relationship. We told each other 'I love you', were having sex on the regular, and spending most of our time together. But I think we were spending too much time together. Because by March, we were growing tired of each other. It wasn't that we were starting to hate each other, or fall out of love with each other. We were just getting bored of each other. We had sex at least every other night and spent hours a day with each other. It was almost as if we were married. We were honest with each other, and told one another that we felt like we should spend some time apart. We weren't breaking up. We were just...on a break, as Ross and Rachel would put it. We agreed to start back up after Spring Break, which was a couple of weeks away.
Over Spring Break, I saw that Jill had accepted my friend request on Facebook. I decided to check out her profile. I read what she wrote in 'About me', what some of her statuses were, and looked at some of her photos. Some people would call this stalking, but it was completely harmless. Until I came across a picture of her in a tight gold dress. It showed off her figure, displayed her cleavage, and thanks to the way she was posed in the picture, outlined her butt. I almost instantly got a boner. I wrote it off, though, because I was just horny. I hadn't had sex in two weeks, and hadn't really had the desire to jerk off much. But as I continued to scroll through her pictures, I just got more and more turned on -- pictures of her at a club, dancing...pictures of her in yoga pants...pictures of her in bikinis... all of it was just too much. I shut the computer and went to get a glass of water. I wasn't going to do this again. I was done being attracted to my cousin. I wasn't going to jerk off to her. I just wasn't.
I chugged the water, and stood at the sink as I tried to let my erection go down. It just wasn't happening. Those images weren't leaving my mind. But I was getting that feeling again -- that feeling in my stomach, like butterflies, but better. That feeling I always got when I looked at Jill. It overcame me, and caused me to go against my better judgement. I decided to keep looking at pictures of Jill.
I went back upstairs and opened up her page. I looked at how many photos she had: over 200! This was going to be fun. I looked through all of her albums, from a wedding she was in, to a summer vacation album, to a 'day in New York City' album, to her godson's Christening, to an album with random pictures, and so many more. I found a few that I really liked and kept them open. One was of her laying down at the beach. She was on her stomach, so I could see her ass, and she was propped up, so I could see her cleavage. One was of her standing next to a statue in Central Park. She was leaning against it, like she was doing standing pushups against it, so I could see her side figure -- her boobs and her butt sticking out beautifully. And the last one -- my favorite one -- was a picture of her and a friend at the gym. She was in yoga pants and a tank top. The tank top displayed her boobs and her upper figure, while the yoga pants were tight around her hips and legs, accenting her lower figure. But the best part of all, was there was a wall of mirrors behind them. So I got a front view, and back view of her at the same time.
All of these pictures overwhelmed me with horniness, and that inexplicable feeling Jill used to give me. I felt my cock, and I had a bunch of precum on my tip. I had to do it. I couldn't control myself. I had to jerk off. And so I did. And it only took about a minute for me to cum. And when I did cum, it was a lot. I came to the gym picture, and as I came, it all came rushing back to me. All of the feelings I had for her. I was still attracted to her. I still wanted to fuck her silly. I was still in love with her.
I cleaned myself up, and thought about it. It wasn't my horniness talking, either. I had just came, so I wasn't even horny. It was my brain. It was me, realizing that those feelings never went away. They were just pushed aside while I was occupied with another girl. Don't get me wrong, I was still very much in love with Noelle. I was just also in love with Jill.
This wasn't good.
When Spring Break was over, I had to tell Noelle that I wanted to keep the break going for a while. She was hesitant at first, but she didn't question me. She trusted me. And I felt horrible. She trusted me, and she shouldn't have. I wasn't cheating on her, but I was in love with another woman. Her trusting me made me feel like absolute shit.
I didn't know what I was going to do with the extra time I asked of her. Hell, I didn't even know how much more time I wanted. I just needed to figure something out. Maybe if I fuck Noelle again, it'll get my mind off of Jill? Well, but then what if that doesn't work? I'll feel even more horrible, and I'll feel like I used her. I could always just get back with Noelle, and pretend there's nothing wrong. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? Well, it'll make me feel like a douche for thinking about my cousin while I'm fucking my girlfriend. And then what if she found out? Then I'd be really fucked. I was in quite the dilemma, fighting my own conscience. But I had to figure something out, and soon.
A few days had passed, and I still had nothing. I was talking to Noelle via text messaging, and on Facebook, but I hadn't had a real conversation with her in almost a month. I was being selfish. I had to talk to her. But then what do I say? No. I can't talk to her. Not yet. Not until I figure something out.
I was on my computer, thinking all of this over, and I happened to have Facebook open. I hear the message sound. I click over to Facebook, expecting it to be a message from Noelle, but it wasn't. It was from Jill.
Jill: "Hey, stud! How's school?"
Fuck, she called me stud. That was so hot. Now she's got me all turned on and shit...
Me: "Not too bad. Just got back from Spring Break a few days ago."
Jill: "Nice. How was it?"
Me: "Great. Felt nice to not have to worry about anything for a week."
Jill: "Yeah, I remember working for the breaks. How's the girlfriend?"
Jill: "Oh no. What does that mean..."
Me: "We're sort of on a break."
Jill: "How come?"
Me: "We just started to feel like we were spending too much time together."
Jill: "Yeah, you gotta give each other some room to breathe in the beginning. I know all you wanna do it be together at that time, but when you're just working out the kinks of the relationship, it's never good to be around each other for too long at once."
Me: "Yeah, we're learning that the hard way."
Jill: "We all do, unfortunately. But every realtionship is different, so it's best you find out the hard way. That way you can figure it out by experiencing it, rather than trying to go by textbook."
She was so smart. Which just made me all the more attracted to her.
Jill: "So, listen, if you ever wanna take a weekend away from school, just let me know. I'll come pick you up and you can stay with me for a couple of days."
Jill: "Yeah! Then I'll drive you back on Sunday or whenever. Why, is that a problem?"
Me: "No, not at all! I just figured you wouldn't really be too comfortable with that, since...you know."
Jill: "Yes, I do know. But I could tell you were done with that. You had no problems over Christmas, and I felt like we were friends again."
Jill: "You are done with that, right?"
Me: "Yeah, of course! I just wasn't sure you were over it entirely. You seemed pretty affected by it."
Jill: "Yeah, I was. But I've had plenty of time to think about it, and when I saw you at Christmas, it eased my mind. So I'm okay now. But if I get even the slightest hint that it's not over for you, we're right back where we started. Understand?"
Jill: "Great. So you'll take me up on my offer, right?"
Me: "Definitely. As a matter of fact, could we do that this weekend? I need to get away from here for a bit."
Jill: "Sure, but weren't you just away from there for a week?"
Me: "Yeah, I just need some more time away from Noelle."
Jill: "Ah. Okay then. I understand completely. When do you get done class tomorrow?"
Me: "My only class tomorrow ends at 10am."
Jill: "Oh, sweet! That works perfectly! I can pick you up at 11ish, and we can grab some lunch. That okay?"
Jill: "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow! I'll call you when I'm close to get some directions to your dorm building."
Me: "Sounds good."
Jill: "Okay, bye!"
God dammit, why did I just do that? I wanted to, but I really shouldn't have. She's the reason me and Noelle aren't doing well, so by being with her all weekend, I'll be running toward the problem. Not away from it. Dammit. Oh well, I hadn't seen her in 3 months, so it was about time I saw her, anyway. Even if it's just to catch up, or whatever. I'll just have to do my best to repress any and every thought that runs through my head while I'm with her. That's easy enough, right?
11am the next morning came all too quickly. I had just gotten off the phone with her, so she would be pulling up any minute. I hadn't even told Noelle that I was leaving. I probably should have, but no communication means no communication. It's just a weekend. She won't miss me.
Jill got there, walked around to open the trunk, and she gave me a hug. I thought about my old lady psychology teacher naked. It was the first thing to come to my mind that would keep me from getting a boner. And what d'ya know -- it worked.
The car ride was basically just me telling her about all of my classes this semester. It wasn't anything too exciting, but she gave me all the best advice, only furthering my opinion that she's super smart.
We ate lunch at Red Robin. We continued talking about school, but the main topic turned into Noelle. And before I realized it, the conversation got really personal.
"We were just together far too often," I said. "We were getting bored of each other. The spark was gone, and the flame wasn't lit. To be honest, I don't know if we'll ever get back together."
"Yeah, that's tough..." she said. Then that's where the conversation took a weird turn. "How often did you guys...you know...?" I almost choked on my burger.
"Um...like a few times a week?" I said, not sure why I was actually answering that question.
"Because if you do it too much, you can lose the freshness of the relationship very quickly. The sex is what keeps the flame going. If you get too used to each other in bed, everything becomes pretty predictable, and frankly, boring." What she was saying made a lot of sense. I was just a little surprised she asked it. I guess she was just trying to help.
The rest of lunch went pretty much the same: I told her about my problems, she helped me come up with solutions. Just being the best person I'd ever known.
We arrived at Jill's place -- a place I'd never been -- and she told me I could sleep in the guest bedroom. She had a split level, two-story house. Her bedroom was on the second floor, mine was on the first, along with the kitchen and living room.
She let me watch her TV while she went out and did some food shopping. She made me dinner, and we talked some more, this time about her job and what's going on in her life. The way she made it out, she had a great life going for her. Good job, good friends, making good money... it wasn't too shabby for a single 32-year-old woman.
That night, we watched a movie. When it was over, it wasn't even midnight. But I decided to go to bed, anyway. When I got there, I couldn't do anything but think. My life was so great just a few short months ago. What happened? I had a great girlfriend, and not a care in the world. Now, I'm in love with my cousin, who I'm only falling in love with more, as I spend time with her, to get away from my girlfriend, who I'm only apart from because of my cousin. It was a mess, and there was no way of cleaning it up. I felt like I was at the bottom of a pit. The thought of it overcame me. I started crying. I was never a crier, but I just didn't know what else to do. I was in love with two women, one moreso than the other, and the one I was in love with more, I could never be with. But I didn't want to be with the one I loved a little less, because of the fact that I was madly in love with the first one. It was too much to handle, and I just broke down.
Jill must have heard me, because she knocked on my door.
"Come in," I said, doing my best to disguise me voice so that it sounded like I wasn't crying. But she saw it on my face as soon as she entered. She came rushing over to me, sat on the bed, and gave a huge hug.
"Oh my god, what's wrong!" she asked, genuinely concerned. I couldn't really talk. She just made me burst out crying even more. "Alex, what is the matter? Is it something with Noelle? What happened? Talk to me!"
I took a deep breath.
"I just can't do this," I said.
"I love Noelle so much--"
"That's great!" she interrupted.
"I love her so much, that I can't be with her right now."
"What? Why? What do you mean?"
"I'm in love with someone else," I said, still unsure if I wanted to come out and say it.
"Oh boy...that's tough."
"It's you." I went for it. There was no other way to go about this. She pulled away immediately. She didn't leave my side, though. I think she was too shocked to stand.
"What?" she said, just staring at me blankly.
"I can't be with Noelle, because I'm in love with you just a little more than I am with her. And I love her too much to do that to her. But I know nothing will ever happen between you and me, and that is killing me. It's just....killing me."
Silence. She just stared at me.
"You..." she muttered. "You're in love with me?" I nodded. "How-- what-- I'm--" She couldn't find the words. "I'm your fucking cousin." She had an upset tone, but she remained calm, for the most part. More calm than I deserved, anyway.
"I know. It's wrong. Believe me, I know that. That's why I can't do this, anymore. I can't be with her, because I love her too much, and I can't be with you, so I'm just gonna be with no one." Then she did something that shocked me beyond words. She hugged me. Tight. Like she was seriously worried about me. Like I was about to go off to war, or something.
"I'm so sorry, Alex," she said. "I'm so sorry." I decided to hug her back. "I honestly don't know what to say, or do at this point. I thought it was just a sexual thing. I didn't realize it was affecting you this much." She pulled away from the hug, but kept her arms on my shoulders. "I really wish there was something I could do. I hate seeing you this hurt because of me." I didn't know what to say. There really was nothing she could do. I just looked at her. And she looked back at me. We just looked at each other for a few long seconds. Then...
She kissed me. Right on the mouth. Out of dumbfoundedness, I pulled away immediately.
"What are you doing?"
"Sshhh..." She kissed me again. I went with it. I kissed her back. I moved my arms and placed my hands on her sides. She moved hers to my neck. I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She did the same. We were making out. I was making out with her. I was making out with Jill. This was actually happening. I had to take my arm away from her side for a second to pinch myself. Nope. Not a dream. This was real. I was making out with my cousin.
After a few minutes, I decided to slide my hand up a bit. When she didn't stop me, I kept going. I went to her side-boob, and she still wasn't stopping me. So I went for it. I put my left hand on her left breast, and gave it a squeeze. Holy fuck, was it everything I'd imagined and more. I almost creamed my pants right then and there.
Still locking lips, she pushed me down lightly so that I was lying on the bed, and she was on top of me. She now had her hands on my chest, rubbing it ever so slightly as we continued to make out. With my left hand on her breast, and the right still at her side, I decided to run my right hand down to her hip and over to her butt. I didn't squeeze. I just placed it there for a few moments. I didn't want to get everything I've dreamed of in five short minutes.
She moved to my neck, sucking on it. I got chills down my spine. I gave her perfect ass a nice squeeze. Again, it was a miracle I didn't cream my pants right then and there. I'd been wanting to be in this spot for almost 7 years, and it was out-of-this-world spectacular. I couldn't have imagined it being so good. I just wanted to stay there, her on top of me, making out with me as I squeeze her tits and ass. I didn't know if this was going to go any further, but if it didn't, I wouldn't even mind. I was more than content being here, right here, for the rest of the time.
She went back to kissing me. The feeling of her soft lips against mine, our tongues mingling while we caressed each other made me the happiest man in the history of humankind. Nothing in my life had ever made me happier. Not even being with Noelle.
She sat up, so that she was straddling me, and took off her t-shirt.
"Why are you doing this?" I had to ask.
"Don't you want this?" she said, throwing her shirt on the floor.
"Then shut up." She took both of my hands and put them on her breasts, now only covered by her bra. She bent back down and continued kissing me, my hands caressing her firm, bodacious breasts. I wanted to reach around and unhook her bra, but she was in charge of how far this would go. If she stopped right now, I would be happy. However far she was comfortable with going, was how far we would take it.
I wrapped one my legs around hers. She seemed to appreciate it, because when I did that, she grabbed my neck passionately, and kissed me even harder. She then pulled me up into a sitting position, while she continued to straddle me. She pulled away from the kiss to take my shirt off. She then wrapped her arms around me so that her hands were on my back, just as mine were now on hers. We locked lips again, and continued to make out for a few moments, before she pulled away again.
"Is this ... what you wanted?" she asked, out of breath.
"Yes. Yes. Very ... much ... so." I said, also out of breath, as I nodded. She smiled.
"Good." She went back to kissing me. She let go of my body. I opened my eyes to see why. She was taking of her bra. I was going to get to see those glorious tits. Her bra dropped, and I pulled away. There they were, in all their glory. Jill's 36DD breasts. I couldn't resist. I went down and started sucking on one, while playing with the other. Jill laughed. They felt amazing, both in my mouth and in my hand. After about a minute or so of allowing me to do that, Jill put her hand under my chin and pulled me back up to eye level. I looked into her gorgeous eyes, and she looked back into mine. I wanted to thank her, but I felt it would kill the mood.
So I just grabbed her face and kissed her hard. She put her hands on my shoulders, and kissed me back, still straddling me. She moved her legs so that they were wrapped around my waist. I moved my hands around to her back to pull her in closer to me. I felt her breasts push up against me, and this time it was okay for me to be hard. And this time, they were bare. This was everything I wanted, and more.
I felt her start to grind along my pelvis. We were both wearing bottoms -- I was wearing basketball shorts, she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms -- but it was insanely sexy, nonetheless. It meant she was horny. Horny for me. Her cousin. I corresponded by gently --VERY gently -- and slowly -- VERY slowly -- thrusting my hips. I barely moved them a couple inches, but it was enough. Because as soon as I did so, she pulled away and pushed me back down onto my back. But she didn't lie on top of me this time. She crawled down to my waist, and started to pull down my shorts. I lifted my hips so she could get them off. She pulled them off and threw them over with her shirt and her bra. My boxers remained, and my cock was harder than it ever was, being held down my the fabric, causing all of the precum to drip onto my waist. She placed her right hand on my shaft, and her left hand on my left hip. She slowly starting rubbing it. She looked up at me with the dirtiest look, and continued rubbing.
She then lifted herself up on top of me, and straddled me, as though she was going to ride me, cowgirl. But she still had her pants on, and I still had my boxers on. Then I remembered: she doesn't wear panties with her pajamas. I learned that 6 and a half years ago, when I saw her cameltoe. She started gyrating her hips, super slowly, rubbing her covered pussy lips along my covered shaft. I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I placed them on her thighs. She had hers on my thighs, as well, behind her. Again, if this was as far as she'd decided to take it, I'd die a happy man.
But she took it even further. She slid down again, and this time pulled my boxer briefs down. My cock popped up, beyond excited to finally meet her in person. She slid my boxers off, and threw them to the side. She took my cock, and started gently playing with the tip with her first and middle fingers. After a few moments, she wrapped her hand around the thing, and slid it down my shaft. She stroked it slowly a few times, then sped up. I was surprised I hadn't cum yet. I was on the verge since the moment her lips touched mine.
She was looking at me in that dirty way again. I just looked back, biting my lip. Then she went for it. She licked the frenulum, up to the tip, taking the precum with it. She wrapped her lips around my head, and swirled her tongue around. I uncontrollably moaned. That had never happened to me before. I'd thought that was only something that happened to girls, but nope. It just happened to me. Jill was so incredible, she caused me to involuntarily vocalize my pleasure. Noelle was never this good. I'd trade every single time I had sex with her just to have sex with Jill once.
"Like that, huh?" she said, looking at me with a smile. She heard the moan. I just nodded, smiling.
She went back down on me, this time taking in some of the shaft as well. Withe very few sucks or so, she'd go a little further down the shaft. Once she was most of the way down, she stopped for a second. She took a deep breath, and dove right back down, deepthroating me in one shot. She held it there, at the back of her throat. Then she started sucking again, deepthroating with every motion.
"I'm about to cum," I said. I didn't want to tell her to stop. I didn't know if this was as far as she wanted to go. But she did stop.
"Okay, then," she said, climing off the bed, and standing up. "My turn." She pulled her pants down, kicked them over to the other pile of clothes. There, she was. In the flesh. Naked Jill. I could've died right then, and I would've died happy. I'd been wanting this to happen for years, and I never thought it would. Yet, here I am, looking right at her gorgeous body, naked. I couldn't take my eyes off her pussy.
She walked over to me, and gestured for me to stand up. So I did. She then lied on the bed, on her back, and spread her legs, bending her knees up. I kneeled at the bottom of the bed, and started rubbing her clit. She just lied her head back, and trusted me to do it right. So I continued rubbing her clit with my first and middle fingers, licking them every now and then to give them some moisture. When I licked my fingers, I got a small taste of her pussy juice. And it was magnificent. It was a sort of salty-sweet flavor, more on the sweet side. It was yummy.
I placed my left hand on her pubic area, and continued to rub her clit with my thumb. Using my right hand, I started to rub her pussy lips. I looked at her face, to see if she was enjoying it. If she was, she wasn't expressing it. She still had her eyes closed, just relaxing. So I decided to go in for the penetration. I put a finger in. I felt her jolt a bit. I smiled. So I went in and out with one finger for a little while, until she instructed otherwise.
"Use two," she quietly said. I complied. I stuck a second finger in and pushed them in and out. After a few moments of that, I started doing a 'come hither' motion. That, she liked very much. She let out an "oooh" as soon as I did that. I did that for about a minute or so, until my hand got tired. Then I went down on her.
I licked her labia, from bottom to top, getting the juices up, then went in. I put my mouth around her lips, and inserted my tongue. She tasted...incredible. I could eat her out all day. It was the best pussy I'd ever tasted. Granted, I'd only ever tasted one other pussy, but still. I pentetrated my tongue in and out of her delicious pussy, while simultaneously sucking her labia, and rubbing her clit with my thumb. The more I did it, the more juices flowed into my mouth. It was magnificent.
After a couple minutes of doing this, Jill started moaning. Not just a little "oooh", either. I mean actually moaning. "Mmmm, uhhh, oooh, mmm, oooh, uuuhh, mmmm..." It was turning me on beyond belief. I wasn't even being pleasured, and I thought I might cum. But I didn't, and I just kept on pleasuring her.
I figured I'd try something I once saw in a porno... I took my left hand -- the hand I wasn't using -- and placed in on her pubic area. I pushed down lightly, as I continued to eat her out and finger her. Nothing really happened. So I pushed down harder. She let out a huge moan, "OOOH my GOD!" as she arched her back. So I kept that up. She kept moaning and started writhing a little bit. Whatever pushing down on her pubic area did, it was working wonders. "Oh, god, you're gonna make me cum!" she said, after about two minutes. She had a surprised tone to her voice. I don't think she expected me to be able to pleasure her so much.
Just then, I felt it. Her pussy tightened around my toungue and fingers, and she came. She didn't quite scream. It was more of a loud moan. Nevertheless, it was the hottest thing in the history of ever. She even squirted a tiny bit, and, again, it tasted great. I pulled back, and just watched her in her state of bliss. She writhed and twitched for a good fifteen seconds after I stopped. I didn't know I could do that. But I did it. And I did it to Jill.
I still couldn't believe this was happening.
When she calmed down, I climbed into bed with her, and hugged her. She was laughing, catching her breath from the orgasm.
"Thank you," she said, looking into my eyes, smiling.
She sat up and pushed me back down. I was on my back, and she was now kneeling next to me.
"Do you have a condom?" she asked.
"No," I said. I didn't. I wasn't expecting to get laid this weekend. HOLY SHIT I WAS ABOUT TO GET LAID. Jill wanted to fuck me! This was about to happen. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit... Everything I've ever wanted in my entire life could not amount to how much I wanted this.
"That's okay," she said. Wow. Not only was I going to get to fuck her, I was going to get to fuck her raw. I almost passed out from excitement.
She mounted me, sitting on my lower stomach. She pushed herself back, and glided her pussy lips along my cock, the same way she did when we still had bottoms on. Only this time, we were naked. I was feeling Jill's pussy against my cock. I'm sorry, but this was just unbelievable. How was this real life?
She did that a few times, then pushed herself up with one hand on my lower stomach, and used the other hand to take my cock. She held it, hovering over it, and looked at me.
"Are you ready?" she said.
She slowly lowered herself, insterting just the tip for a second or two, then going down...down...down...until my whole cock was buried inside her. I could hardly contain myself, it felt so good. I clenched the sheets, bit my lip, closed my eyes, and tilted my head back. It was so tight, and so warm. She pushed herself back up slowly, giving herself a small jolt of pleasure while doing so, then lowered herself back down. She was fucking me.
She went up and down, up and down, going faster and harder with every movement. I rubbed her thighs for a while, then grabbed her hips. When I did that, she started grinding instead of bouncing. My cock was balls deep inside her, as she gyrated her hips back and forth. I'd never felt something so amazing. Noelle was like fucking a doll, compared to Jill. Because Jill wasn't a girl...she was a woman. A woman with experience.
She was grinding back and forth when I started to feel like I was going to cum.
"Stop," I said. She stopped, without questioning why. She knew. "I don't know how we're gonna do this...you're making me wanna cum so soon."
"It's fine. We'll make it work." She was just too nice. Too perfect. But why was she doing this? Was she actually attracted to me all along? Was she waiting until I was 18? What was the deal?
She lifted herself off my cock, and kneeled next to me again.
"What do you wanna do?" What did I wanna do? Fuck her, that's what!
"What do you mean?"
"I'm pretty open. Whatever you wanna do, I'll probably do it." Wow. She was going to let me pick what we do in bed? Does this woman get anymore perfect!? I had to think about what I wanted to do. I didn't want to cum yet, but there's not really much I can do to her, other than finger her or eat her out, and I just did that.
"It's up to you," I said. She looked off to the side, as though she was thinking. But then I thought of something. "I have something."
"It's uh...kinda...weird. It's just something I've been wanting to do to you for, like, ever."
"What is it?"
"Can I motorboat you?"
"Sure," she laughed. Hell yes. I was gonna be able to fulfill every little fantasy tonight. And I had so many.
I sat up, stuck my head between her tits, and motorboated the shit out of her for a good thirty seconds.
"Happy now?" she said with a smile on her face.
"Very," I said. "I also have something else."
"Whatever you want, Alex."
"I just wanna squeeze your ass."
"But you already did that."
"I wanna squeeze it while you wear your favorite jeans."
"Because you have no idea how many times you were over my house, in nice tight-fitting jeans, that I just wanted to squeeze your ass. Now I finally can."
"Okay, then." She got up, went to her room, and came back in some skinny jeans. I stood up, gave her a hug, and squeezed away. Massaging her butt, giving it a few little spanks, and squeezing some more. After about a minute of just doing that, I figured that was enough. We both sat on the bed as I thought of something else I wanted to do.
"Here's an even weirder request," I said after a minute or so.
"Can you get completely dressed in an outfit that you would wear to my house?"
"Sure..." When she gave me a confused look, I had to insist it would make sense.
"Just go with it." She did. She left, got dressed, and came back wearing the same jeans, and a bra and the white t-shirt I loved. "Oh, perfect."
"Now what?" she asked, standing there, all dressed.
I asked if she could go outside the house, and come back in. Being the greatest person ever that she is, she agreed. I threw on my tshirt and shorts, and met her at the door. When she walked in, I gave her a bigger hug than I'd ever given her, lifting her off the ground, feeling her magnificent tits squish up against me, while squeezing her ass. She made it even better by wrapping her legs around my waist. I gave her a huge kiss on the mouth, and carried her back to the guest room.
I threw her on the bed, dropped my shorts, took off my shirt, and then did the same to her -- took off her shirt and her pants, leaving her in her underwear.
"Why are you doing this exactly?" she asked, lying on the bed in her black bra and panties.
"This is what I've wanted to do to you every time you walked through our door, for the past seven years." She looked at me and smiled, with an 'aww!' expression on her face at the same time.
"So now what?" she said, sitting up on the bed.
"I wanna fuck you," I said, with zero hesitation.
"How?" I had to think about this one. I wanted to fuck her in every way possible, but how was I going to start? I stood there, looking her up and down. She smiled.
"How 'bout we start off with doggy?" she said, as she turned over onto her belly. That sounded good to me.
She got into position, face on the bed, ass in the air, kneeling. I slid her panties off her. I held my cock in one hand, placed the other hand on the small of her back, and pressed the tip against her pussy lips. She was looking back at me, smiling.
"Gentle at first," she said. I slid the tip in, and held it there for a few seconds. I pushed in just a little bit, and she let out a small "mm". With only the tip and the first inch or so of my shaft in, I started thrusting. Which each thrust, I went in just a tiny bit deeper. By the tenth thrust, I was about halfway in. I decided to just go for it. I pulled back, and thrusted every inch into her, as hard as I could. She clenched the sheets, and gasped.
"Oh, fuck!" I didn't know if it hurt or felt good, but since she didn't say otherwise, I continued. I fucked her hard, every inch of my cock going deep into her pussy. I went for as long as I could, as hard and fast as I could, for about 30 seconds, then slowed down. "Mmmm, don't stop," she said. I didn't want to seem weak, so I jumped right back in, shoving my whole cock inside her. I fucked her and fucked her, wanting to get her to climax. But I was starting to feel like I was going to cum, so I pulled out as fast as I could. As I did so, Jill arched her back and moaned: "Uuuhhhh!!!" I looked at her pussy and it was pulsating. I pulled out in just enough time to make her cum, and keep myself from cumming. That's what you call perfect timing.
She orgasmed for a few seconds, then collapsed onto the bed. She just lied there, out of breath. I stood there, watching her.
"How...the fuck...do you do that?" she said, panting. "No guy has ever been able to make me cum like you do." Wow. Was I really that good?
"Maybe it's my dick," I said. "Maybe it's a good size and shape for your pussy, because I can't make Noelle cum like I make you cum. And your pussy feels so much better than hers."
"I guess that makes sense," she said, turning over onto her back. "Now fuck me again." She pushed herself to the edge of the bed, spread her leags, and bent her legs so that her knees were up. I moved toward her, my cock throbbing, still ready to cum. I rub the tip along her labia.
"I, um..." I said, somewhat embarassed. "If I keep going, I'm gonna cum. Like, really soon."
"So?" she said, bluntly.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I wanna keep going for as long as we possibly can."
"It's getting kinda late, so I think we should finish this up and get to bed." That was a bummer. I wanted to fuck her all night. She saw the disappointment on my face. "What else did you wanna do tonight?"
"I don't know," I said. "Anything. Everything. I've wanted you for so long, and now we're here. I just don't want this moment to end."
She sat up, put her hand on my cheek, and smiled.
"This isn't the end," she said. She kissed me, softly but passionately. "Trust me."
That was such an amazing thing to hear. Whatever it was that made her decide to do this wasn't going to go away. She wanted this to keep going on. She wanted to have this sexual relationship. And I couldn't have wanted anything more.
So she lied back down, her legs spread, knees up, and I started rubbing my cock on her labia. I did what I did before, and just went for it. I pushed every inch into her, causing her to arch her back again. But this time, she screamed. "OH FFFFUCK!!!!" She clenched the sheets and writhed around, arching her back. "Oh m-my f-f-fucking g-god! I fu-ucking l-love you! Do...do that a-again." She could hardly speak, it felt so good.
So I complied. I pulled all the way out, held it for a second, then rammed myself all the way back into her.
Wait, did she just say she loved me?
She screamed again: "OOH...GOD! MORE!" I did it again. And again. And again. She screamed each time. This was good, because it wasn't enough to make me cum. I was just pushing in, then pulling out. I wasn't thrusting over and over. So I could have done this for quite a while. Unfortunately, after doing it ten or so times, her screams started to die down, and she was starting to get used to it.
"Jesus...that...that...uuhh, god...you're just...whew..." She laughed. Since I pleasured her so much, I figured I might as well ask for a favor.
"Can we please keep going tonight?" I asked, holding my cock in my hand. "I really just want to keep going. Neither of us has to be anywhere tomorrow. Why can't we just stay up all night and fuck?"
"Because, Alex, you're wearing me out!" She was right. She had to be tired. Orgasms like that use a lot of energy. "Fuck me in one more position, then I'm going to bed."
"Okay," I said, thinking about which position to do next. I looked at her tits, still in that bra, and thought of it. "I'm gonna titty fuck you." She smiled, sat up, undid her bra, threw it to the side, got down on the floor, lied on her back, and squeezed her tits together. It was a beautiful sight. And it was a good thing she decided this was the last position, because there was no way I'd last much longer after seeing that.
I knelt down over her, straddling her, and lowered myself over her breasts. She parted them, allowed me to put my throbbing, ready-to-burst-cock between them. When I did, she pushed them together. Right then, I wanted to cum, but I did everything in my power to prevent that from happening.
She then starting moving her tits up and down long my shaft. To compensate, I started thrusting, slowly. It was going to happen. I couldn't stop it.
"I'm gonna cum," I said. She just kept doing what she was doing, looking me in the eye with her sexy face. I started thrusting harder and faster. She started alternating breasts -- left one up, right one down, left one down, right one up -- really fast, while squeezing them together. I went as fast and hard as I could, feeling myself about to burst. "I'm gonna cum!"
"Do it!" she said. "Cum!"
And with one final thrust, I exploded all over her face, chin, neck, and tits. And I mean EXPLODED. I'd never cummed so much in my life. It just wasn't stopping. She was covered in it. It felt so incredible. My thighs were trembling. If she wasn't under me, I would have collapsed.
After a good seven squirts of cum, I was done. I fell over onto the floor next to her, and caught my breath. She sat up, turned toward me, and started licking the cum from around her mouth. She then wiped up the cum from everywhere else, using her finger, and ate it all. She knew I was enjoying this, because she stared right at me, giving me the sexy eye.
It was a LOT of cum. I could have filled a juice glass with it. But I understood why -- I'd been wanting to cum since the moment she kissed me, almost an hour ago.
When she got most of it cleaned up, she gave me a love tap on the chest, stood up, and said, "Alright, kiddo, I'm off to bed." She took her clothes and left the room, saying nothing else, just leaving me, lying there, more satisfied than I'd ever been in my life. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to follow her, give her a hug and a kiss, and thank her. I wanted to go buy a diamond ring and get down on one knee for her.
I propped myself up so that I could reach it on the bedside table. I looked, and it read 'Noelle Calling'. Without hesitation, I pressed the ignore button, climbed into bed, rolled over, and went to sleep.
I had no problem falling asleep, either. I would have thought my mind would be racing, but my mind had never been more clear. I was happier than I ever was, and I was exhausted. So I crashed, and slept better than I had in months.
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon. Jill was making breakfast for me. First she fucks me, then she cooks for me? She was the best girlfriend ever!
Woah, what? Girlfriend? Is that what I just thought of her as? She's my cousin.
I got up, put my shorts on, and headed out to the kitchen. There she was, standing at the stove, dressed in sexy, short, cotton shorts and a t-shirt. Her ass was the first thing I saw. I came up behind her, and gave her a light smack on the ass, causing it to jiggle. She turned her head to me and smiled.
"Morning, you." I wrapped my arms around her, giving her a hug from behind, and gave her a kiss. Her ass up against my cock gave me a boner. She turned to bring the cooked bacon over to the table, and as she did so, she gave my cock a nice little rub, and said, "And good morning to you, too."
We ate breakfast in silence, unsure of what to say to each other. Plus, we were both starving, so we just downed our food, with no time in between bites to even say anything.
I finished eating before her, so I sat and watched her eat.
"Stop," she said, smiliing.
"Tell me why you did it," I said.
"Did what?" she asked. I looked her with a you-know-what look. She knew exactly what I was talking about. She put her fork down, sat back, and crossed her legs. She took a deep breath, and exhaled. "I felt bad." That hurt. This was a sympathy play? Then why did she say it was going to continue? "Then I started to like it." Oh. Well that makes me feel better. She went back to eating.
"That's it?" I said. That was too simple. "You felt bad for me, so you kissed me? And then you immediately started liking it, so you fucked me? I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound plausible."
"What do you want me to say?" she said, chewing. "I was attracted to you before, and I just didn't want to act on it because you were underage, and it was just weird in every way? Fine. That's what it is. I enjoyed feeling your boners. I enjoyed sleeping in your bed."
"No! I honestly just felt bad for you. You were crying because you had such strong feelings for me. I mean, sure, there was a little something already there. You've got a killer body, and you're more sweet to me than most guys I've ever known. You genuinely care for me. And...well...it turned me on to you. So when we started going at it, I just wanted to keep going. And as we kept going, I just enjoyed it more and more. And then you made me cum. That sealed the deal."
"We are officially fuck buddies. You wanna fuck me? You can. I wanna fuck you? I can. There's no strings attached. We're no longer cousins. We're just...fucking." I didn't know what to say, so I kept silent. That sounded good to me.
Jill finished eating and cleaned our dishes. While she did so, I went to my room to check my phone. I had two missed calls, one voicemail, and one text, all from Noelle. I read the texts. The first one said: 'Alex. Call me. Please.' The second one said: 'I don't know where you are, but you have to call me. It's important.' I immediately listened to the voicemail.
"Alex," she sounded massively upset. "Please please PLEASE call me. I need to talk to you. PLEASE." I called her back. It hardly rang once, before she picked up.
"Hi," she said, urgently.
"Hey, what's going on?" I was deeply concerned.
"Where the hell are you?"
"I'm staying with my cousin for the weekend. I needed to get away."
"Is there a way for you to get back here today? I need to talk to you. In person."
"Uh...I don't know..."
"Alex, this is serious. Please. Can you get here today?"
I looked out through the doorway and saw Jill sitting, reading her book. She wass doing the simplest thing, but still looked so sexy.
"No," I said. "No, I don't think so." Silence on the other end. "Why, what is it?"
"When can you get here?"
"I'll be back sometime tomorrow. Can it wait?" Again, silence on the other end. This time, the silence went on. I almost thought we'd gotten disconnected.