This was the Genesis from which I came to be what I am
I was 13 years old. I had seen porn mags, and had seen a naked girl or two, but never did I suspect this feeling that would soon encompass my sexual outlook. It all started innocently enough. I was the middle of three boys, and grew up in a house with only two bathrooms. There was one for my brothers and I to share, and one in my parents room. Whenever the boys bathroom was occupied I would retreat to my parents. It was on such an occasion that I stumbled upon a deep seeded passion that I've carried with me ever since. I had watched mom get dressed before. She would casually put on her dresses to go to work with us all wandering around the house, often times into my parents room. She would stand in the mirror in bra and panties and apply makeup. My brothers obviously weren't affected by it like me. I would find myself lingering in the room, just talking to her and observing her as she got ready for her day. Secretly I would just be looking at her in her silky underwear, mesmerised by the shimmer ripples it made on her feminine outline. I would bait her into asking me questions so I could just hang out and study her. Anyway, back to that night.
My older brother had gotten into this ritualistic habit of taking long baths in the boys bathroom. It was on such a night, when my parents happened to be out at a part together that I went into their bathroom to take a leak. (Incidentally, you know something isn't right with a little boy when he instinctually sits to pee every time he goes to the bathroom, which I did my whole life, and still do) As I was squatting and peeing, I looked atop the clothes hamper right by the bathroom door to find a pair of mom's satin panties. They were deep red, with a line of lace that ran across the waistline. I picked them up and ran the material through my fingers, utterly fascinated with the sleek feel of the fabric. The cotton crotch was a little moist, but other than that they were very clean. One thing led to another, rather quickly, and I found myself standing up and holding them in front of my waist to get a glimpse of how they would look on me. I could resist no more and took off my tighty whities and slid them on my body. It was a complete rush to my crotch. I felt so perfect, so alive, and so very horny that I immediately drew wood. I can't begin to describe how awesome it felt to massage my wood through those panties. My cock would slide around in them, so eager to the touch, so responsive to the feel. I sat in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes massaging my dick in those panties. Looking at the reflection of myself in the tall mirror and panting heavily. I had no sisters. I was completely devoid of this fantasy growing up. This would dramatically shape my sexual mentality forever. I heard my older brother getting out of the bath so I hurriedly put on my shorts and kept the panties on beneath them. We were at an unfortunate age of adolesence where he wanting nothing to do with me, so he went immediately to his room and cranked up his stereo. I was SO glad he did, because no matter how much I usually wanted his attention, tonight I just wanted to continue on with my discovery. I couldn't go to my room that I shared with my younger brother because he was in there watching TV, so unannnounced, I got on my bike and went riding. We lived close to a lake and I knew of plenty of places to go where I could just sit alone. I remember riding my bike, and being fascinated with the way the panties hugged my waist and crotch. They felt so good against my soft childish skin. I rode a little further around the block to continue that sensation, before finally going to the lakeside and parking. I surveyed the area for several minutes before I let my shorts down, laid on the ground and proceeded to rub and massage my crotch and cock with these wonderful panties. I remember laying there, eyes closed, legs spread and just breathing like a bitch in heat while I massaged myself. I would pull my cock out of the side of the panties, then massge the patch of satin that rode to the right of my cock and balls like I had a pussy. I would do that with one hand while jerking off with the other. My right hand would run up and down that patch and further down to my ass crack and taint, just groping myself like I was a girl, while my other hand slowly cranked my cock. I couldn't crank it hard because I knew I would explode. Finally I could wait no more. I had my legs totally spread and rubbing my taint, when I felt my cock reach the point of no return. I began to stroke it really hard, legs wide open and writhing in ecxtasy. As I reached my peak, one last hard pull and like a geyser had been sprung, I came so incredibly hard that cum shot straight over my head, with the second spurt shooting directly all over my own face. I had never felt a cum like this before. It had incredible force. There were 5 or 6 really hard spurts, the last one just trickiling out onto my belly, which i gathered with my fingers and put in my mouth. I had never had the urge to eat cum before, especially my own, but something about those panties changed my thought process. I lay there for several minutes afterward catching my breath, and massaging my pussy patch along my taint and the front of my crotch. I finally gathered my senses, slid my cock back into the satin panties, got on my bike and rode home. My legs were weak from being spread and cumming so hard. I decided at that moment that this was my sexual preference, and began the intense mental questioning that still exists today as to why on earth am I not a girl? It eats at my psyche. I try to calm it by cross dressing and getting fucked by guys, but the question is still there, after every orgasm, after every cock I take, after every dress or pair of panties I buy I ask, why am I not girl?