The truth starts to come out and it hurts just as much as the lies did.
The Judgment of Sgt. J Chapter 11 The Darkness of Truth
I watched Sherri run crying down the hallway. I knew she was running to seek comfort from her mom and Cathy. Those three drew strength from each other when they are united. However, for the past few years they have been against each other. Each of them had found a spot in my heart however; my heart was heavy with doubt about each of them.
I did not know why they had turned suddenly against each other especially Kay and Cathy. All I did know was I was not going to stand for it. My family means the world to me for without them I am but alone in this world and in the darkness. I had one family taken from me and this one is on the verge of pulling itself apart.
I blame myself for they have looked to me to guide and lead this family. I thought I was doing a fair job of it until I not only opened my eyes but also my ears to those close to my heart. I not only saw but also heard the in fighting between them all.
I thought maybe with each of them telling me their story of me coming into their lives I could see where I had went wrong. In doing so, I only heard lies told not only to me but to their selves as well. In the past year, I have heard Kay and Cathy arguing over whom I loved the most.
Two women who I have spent most of the last 30 years with sharing a loving and caring relationship with suddenly felt I loved one more than I loved the other. However, that was not the case. For the one I love most tells me I cannot join her, as my mission here on earth is not complete.
My angel tells me three souls once again cry out for help. I do not know if I am strong enough to take on their demons as I scarcely keep my own at bay. Worst yet is the fact I seemed to be losing the hope that once ran strongly through my veins and once filled my heart with each passing lie I heard.
I poked at the fire one last time. Maybe this second book of my life was not such a good ideal after all. For not only have, I heard their lies, their deceit and found betrayal of my trust but their tales has awakened the monster within that has laid dormant within me all these years as well.
I hung the fire poker back up then sat upon the sofa pondering those words I spoke onto Sherri, “Now the valley cried with anger," "Mount your horses draw your sword." "And they killed the mountain people, so they won their just reward." "Now they stood beside the treasure, on the mountain dark and red. Turned the stone and looked beneath it." "Peace on earth" was all it said.
“Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend, tell lies to the ones you love. Do it in the name of heaven, you can justify it in the end. There won’t be any trumpets blowing come judgment day. On the bloody morning when Sgt. J rides away.”
Those words were from the song “One Tin Soldier” a 60’s era anti war song. Later in the 70’s it was in the movie Billy Jack. I only used it as a metaphor for the revenge that I will seek upon God come judgment day. For on that day the name St. Peter will call at the gate will not be John but will be Sgt. J.
The reason for that is John only exists to a few while everyone else knows and sees the man as Sgt. J. While proud of my service to my county, I only see Sgt. J as a man who got others killed. The three J’s in Vietnam only one J returned home Sgt. J, of the four on patrol that night in the jungle only one returned home Sgt. J. Most in this small town only knew of the legend of Sgt. J, a man that filled their nightmares. Very few knew of the man behind the legend that being a young boy of eighteen who ran off to war because his heart had been broken.
Carrie, Cathy, Kay and even my shrink will tell you as they do me. Sgt. J saved many lives while in Vietnam and without him many would have perished including me. However sometimes I wish I had never returned home from that damn war. They tell me I cannot be John without being Sgt. J and that Sgt. J cannot be without John.
I sat there on the sofa feeling as if I was neither of them. I felt alone more alone than I ever had in that dark jungle of Vietnam. I have not had this feeling for many long years. I looked to the sign that still hangs above the fireplace, “Hush, Hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you.” Maybe wishing or hoping my Angel would come to me and tell me what I should do.
The last flame from the fire in the fireplace went out, as the room grew dark. No angel came or whispered sweetly in my head. Only the darkness of my life closed in around me. I sat in the darkness as despair devoured me. I was hoping fate or the grim reaper would show up wanting to play a round of cards. I thought I would not be able to cheat this time around, as I had in the past.
For this time, I was truly alone, alone without hope, alone without Sgt. J or myself. Now was the time for this pair to strike for without hope, without Sgt. J or myself I have no Angel who protects me. For once in my life, I would be at their mercy.
I closed my eyes hoping the duo would take me quickly. Just as quick, as I had taken some of the enemies live in that dark jungle. I was ready to face them and to pay my debut without putting up a fight. Neither the great Sgt. J nor the one known as John would raise a finger to stop them. In the darkness, I heard three voices as they filled my head.
“John, I am sorry and please forgive me for breaking your trust,” Kay said.
“John, please forgive me for not following the code I know you live by,” Cathy said.
“Daddy, please forgive them for their actions were not their own,” Sherri said.
Their words filled my head as I sat there in the darkness. I realized I have never truly been alone in darkness and this time was no different. Three had come in the place of one. I had a response to Kay and Cathy in my mind, which was “The things two people do to each other they remember, if they stay together, it is not because they forget, it’s because they forgive.”
My mind searched for a reply to Sherri and I found none. I thought she might have meant that Cathy’s addiction to coke and Kay’s fear of ever loving me was controlling them. In my mind I saw Sherri standing there as that sweet little girl of ten holding out her skate as she asked, “Mister, can you fix my skate?” Only this time she was asking me to forgive her mom and Cathy.
Suddenly that vision of that sweet girl left my mind as I got that gut feeling. You know the one that you get when something is just not right or you feel as if something bad is about to happen. That feeling brought upon me the monster within who has lain silently deep within my soul for many years.
I opened my eyes to stop him from coming out and I saw I was no longer in the darkness. The lights were on and three stood in front of me with their hands entwined. Kay, Cathy and Sherri united as one looking sadly at the one who was about to pass judgment on two of them. I looked to Kay first who had her head bowed in silence, then to Cathy whose head hung the lowest. My eyes went to Sherri who stood there staring into my eyes.
I stared deeply back into her eyes and what I saw sent chills through my body. As my eyes focused on hers visions of others in my life started to take shape. First, I saw Terri then Carrie and then the monster within me Sgt. J. My mind raced to understand why I was seeing them. My mind returned to normal as Sherri spoke again.
“Daddy, you will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well,” Sherri said smiling at me.
I wondered if she had seen the same vision I had in my mind as she stared into my eyes. I stood up from the sofa and walked to Sherri. I wrapped her in my arm hugging her as I kissed her upon her forehead.
“Thank you princess for reminding me I do have a heart,” I said to her. “Leave us now princess,” I added as I broke our hug.
Sherri turned to her mom and to Cathy as she said, “Call me later if you need to talk,” before she walked out the door.
I turned to Kay and Cathy who stood there with their heads still bowed. I raised each of their head with a fingertip and stared into their eyes. I looked into Kay’s and I only saw the love I have for her. I looked into Cathy’s and I only saw the strength, the hope as well as the love she has always given to me.
“Let’s just forget the past and focus on the future.” “For I can not pass judgment on anyone without passing it upon myself first,” I said.
“John, I was wrong for never telling you the truth,” Kay replied with sadness in her voice.
“John, I broke your trust only for Kay.” “I did not mean to bring pain into your heart,” Cathy replied.
“My mind and the other within me tell me to punish you both, however my heart tells me to forgive and to forget.” “I must follow my heart as I know it will not lead me into despair,” I said. “Care to continue your story?” I asked.
They both nodded their head yes and I took them back to the study. I sat them down then returned behind my desk and turned the computer back on as I told them to continue. They looked to each other and grasped hands.
Cathy continued as she explained her and Kay spent most of their time together for the rest of the cruise. Kay was still having trouble with whether she could and really did love you. I took it upon myself to prove to her that she did love you or at least she would find no other to love her as you could.
“I allowed Kay to pick one person male or female to bring back to our cabin each night,” Cathy said to me as I typed. “I told her she could have sex with that person and I bet her that they could not make love to her as you did,” Cathy added as she looked to Kay.
Kay looked to me as I stared at her then she said, “I think I actually wanted to find someone better for it would give me a real reason to leave you.”
Kay continued their story. The first person I picked was an older man in his forties. He had asked me to dance and Cathy had told him it was all right with her if I wanted too. His name was Larry; he was about 6’ tall with silver blonde hair. He was of average weight and I found out that he had just lost his wife a couple months ago.
“I only came on this cruise because I promised her I would before she died,” Larry said to me as we danced.
Larry explained his wife and he had been swinging for about ten years. He told me they enjoyed swinging with single men, as he loved to share her with other men. He also explained that swinging had not only opened their minds but also their hearts. I asked him just what he meant by that.
“One must be truly in love with the other to share an experience such as sharing ones wife with another man.” “Each must have trust and respect for the other to see that no jealousy comes between them,” Larry said as we danced. “I only asked you to dance because I sensed the trust and respect you two shares,” Larry added smiling at me.
I smiled back at him as I asked, “I have one question for you.” “Why have you not felt my ass or brushed your hands against my tits?”
“I respect not only you but myself as well,” Larry replied.
I thought of you John when he said that. A tear ran down my face and Larry wiped it with his finger. He asked me if something was wrong.
“No, I have one like you back at home, my husband,” I replied.
I explained that you had sent us here to see what swinging was all about. I informed him that you been involved with swinging since in your teens. I also told him this was rather new to me, as I always believed that a man should own the woman he has.
Larry stopped dancing with me and he stared into my eyes as he said, “No one person should ever own another,” “The only thing they should both own is each others hearts.”
The dance was over and I invited Larry back over to our table. I introduced him to Cathy; he politely kissed her hand telling her how lovely she is, and that he was happy to meet her. Cathy looked to her hand then to Larry as a smile came over her face.
“Sort of reminds you of home,” I said smiling to Cathy.
“He does in a way,” Cathy replied smiling.
The three of us sat there talking and having some drinks. When Larry went up to get us our drinks I told Cathy, I wanted him for the night. Cathy told me that was fine but he would have to understand she would not be joining us. Larry returned and as he sat down, I took his hand into mine.
“Would you care to make love to me tonight as she only watches?” I asked Larry.
“I would love to have sex with you but as to making love I am afraid my heart belongs to another,” Larry replied. Larry looked to Cathy as he added, “I will respect your wish to only watch for your eyes tell me that your heart belongs to another as well.”
Cathy smiled at him then looked to me. It was truly the first time I actually saw and felt she truly was in love with you John. A voice inside my head spoke to me as I looked at her.
“Her heart is true and sure unlike your own,” the voice echoed in my mind.
The three of us finished our drinks and we went back to our cabin. I led Larry straight to the bed while Cathy went into the bathroom. I suppose she was in there getting what she needed as I was about to do as well. Kay looked to Cathy and she went on with their story as I typed.
“I did as I was worried you had seen what Larry saw in my eyes,” Cathy said looking to Kay. “I tried to erase John from my mind by getting high back then,” Cathy added before she went on with their story.
By the time, I had snorted a few lines and returned Kay and Larry were already out of their clothes. They were in a sixty-nine with Kay on top. Kay had her mouth wrapped around his cock and her thighs wrapped around his face. I pulled a chair to the foot of the bed and removed my clothes. I went and got a dildo from our toy collection in case I needed it. I sat down in the chair as I watched Kay skillfully working her mouth, tongue and her hands on Larry’s cock.
I could hear Larry’s tongue wet slurps at Kay’s wet pussy as she sucked on his cock. His cock was just average maybe around six inches and not huge in girth. He had the type of cock that one could really go to town on when sucking on it. To me his cock was just the right size for all of your holes.
Kay was taking all of his cock into her mouth on the down stroke. On the up stroke I could see her cheeks sucking inward as she sucked at his cock with gusto. Kay left out a little moan as Larry pulled her ass cheeks apart and I knew he was tonguing her butt hole. I started to rub my pussy as I watched Kay sucking wildly at his cock. At the same time, she was wiggling her pussy and ass down onto his face. I slipped a finger into my pussy and started to take it in and out of my pussy.
“I was thinking of you John as I did,” Cathy said looking to me as I typed.
Kay never looked at me as she sucked on Larry’s cock. Kay soon had his pre-cum flowing from the head of his cock. I was amazed at just how much pre-cum he was producing as well. Kay was like a kid in the candy store.
She stopped sucking on his cock and took it in her hand. She pumped at it causing even more to leak from his cock. Kay twirled her tongue in it and then encased her mouth around it as she sucked hard on just the head of his cock.
“AHhhhhhhh you are going to make me cum,” Larry moaned out from under Kay’s pussy.
Kay pulled her mouth from his cock as his pre-cum stretched from his dick head to her lips. She lapped at it with her tongue and sucked it all back into her mouth as her hand went back to pumping on his cock.
Larry moaned again as his cock jerked in her hand as thick ribbons of cum shot from the head of his cock. It shot almost a foot into the air before it landed with a splash onto Kay’s hand. Kay just kept pumping at his cock and it kept shooting cum out onto her hand.
After the fourth shot came out Kay took his cock back into her mouth. She sucked and bobbed her head wildly as I watched her swallow the rest of his cum. Kay removed her mouth and she smiled at me as she went to licking the cum from her hand.
Larry’s cock did not even go soft it stood tall and hard as Kay spun around and sat her hairy pussy down onto his cock. Kay started to bounce slowly on his cock as he reached up and played with her big tits. Kay must have had an orgasm as Larry was eating her. Her pussy was creaming his cock as she went up and down.
I wanted to climb onto the bed and lick her creamy juices from his cock. However, I wanted to stay true to you John. It was mainly because John had made me feel like no other man ever had. My skin tingled at his touch and he is the type that holds you after the sex something that only another woman had ever done to me.
With as creamy as Kay’s pussy was their wet fucking sounds soon filled our cabin. Larry released his hands from Kay’s tits and she went to kissing him upon his mouth. I reached for my dildo and inserted it into my own wet pussy. I slowly started to run it in and out taking it deeper with each stroke.
Larry’s hands went to Kay’s butt cheeks as he pulled them apart as he helped her ride his cock. Kay was soon bouncing wildly on his cock. I matched their strokes with the dildo I was running in and out of my pussy.
Kay broke their kiss and she sat straight up on Larry’s torso. She got up over him in a squat position without ever taking his cock from her pussy. Kay started to bounce up and down on his cock. Kay got going to fast and Larry’s cock slipped from her pussy.
“AHhhhhhh,” Kay moaned wildly as his cock popped from her pussy banging into her clit.
Kay’s pussy squirted it juices all over Larry’s cock. Kay reached under her and reinserted his cock into her dripping pussy. She got back down from being in a squat and once again started to ride his cock. Larry’s hands ran all over her butt as she rode him.
“Play with my asshole,” Kay moaned softly before she went to kissing Larry.
Larry pulled one of her butt cheeks with one hand as the other slipped between them. He ran his finger around her asshole teasing her hole. Kay’s ass hole started to wink wanting to feel his finger inside of it. Finally, Larry slipped his finger up into her asshole.
“Yes finger my asshole,” “Put more fingers in my ass,” Kay begged as she rode his cock.
Larry slipped one then another finger into her asshole. He became to run his three fingers in and out of her ass. Kay’s juices once again flowed from her as she had a long multiple orgasm as he fingered her ass hole. Larry pulled his fingers from her ass as his hands gripped at her butt cheeks.
Larry started to buck upward driving his cock harder and deeper into her wet pussy. Larry was also using his hands on her ass to help slid her up and down on his cock. Kay moaned softly as her orgasm just kept going.
“Ahhhhhhhh,” Larry moaned and pulled Kay down hard onto his cock.
I watched his balls swelling up and then shrinking as he filled her full of cum. I had my own orgasm as his cum leaked from her pussy coating his cock with both their juices. I pulled the dildo from my pussy and ran it over my clit as my pussy gave a quick little squirt of my own juices.
I licked at the dildo tasting my juices from it. Kay eased up off Larry’s cock and it slipped from her wet pussy with a wet plop. His cock was white with cum and wet from her pussy juices. It a way it looked like the white foam that forms when waves crash against a shoreline.
I was a little shocked to see Kay spin around as she buried her face into his slimy cock. She rubbed her face into the mess then started to lick his cock clean of their juices. Larry pulled Kay’s wet dripping pussy onto his own face. I left them as they cleaned each other to go into the bathroom to take some nose candy.
I tooted line after line as I had you John on my mind when I went in there. I am not for sure how many lines I had done. However no matter how many I did I could not clear my mind of you John. Then I heard Kay and Larry going at it again.
“Spank my butt and take me deep and hard from behind,” Kay yelled.
I heard the sound of his hand as he smacked her across her butt. Then only moans filled my ears as they went to fucking on the bed. I thought how lovely that would be if that was me on the bed and you John behind me fucking me.
“I should not use the word fucking as when I am with you it is making love,” Cathy said to me smiling. Her smile faded from her face and her head dropped down as she added, “There was just one small problem with that,” “It was Carrie you were fucking and not me.”
“John, I loved you deeply back then and I was willing to be Carrie to have you,” Cathy said to me as I typed. “However during that cruise I decided I had to become Cathy not only to you but to myself as well,” Cathy added as she looked to me once again.
I stopped my typing as I replied, “About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.”
“Ain’t that the fucking truth,” Kay said while giving Cathy then me one of her looks.
“Your new found freedom from that bottle has given you a backbone but has also caused your mouth to move before your heart tells you to speak,” I replied to Kay glaring at her. A loud smack filled the study as redness came to the side of my face from the slap Cathy had delivered across my face.
“John, don’t you talk to her like that and don’t you ever look upon her with those eyes,” Cathy screamed at me.
I looked to them both to see their hands joined together in support of each other. I looked into their eyes to see just what they were feeling. I only saw darkness filled with uncertainty. It was almost as if I was looking into my own eyes.
“Forgive me, girls for I too spoke not from my heart but from the monster within me,” I replied hanging my own head.
I felt Kay’s hand go to my chin and lift my head as she said, “John, you are not a monster for monsters do not have a heart,” as she smiled at me. She turned to Cathy as she added, “Sorry Cathy I meant nothing by that remark,” as she kissed her.
I watched as they kissed, it was not a kiss without meaning or without feeling. That kiss showed me they were learning as they told their story for it was healing their hearts. Maybe this story was a good idea after all I thought before I told them to continue.
Kay took over as she explained Larry and her fucked two more times. Larry fucked me up my ass however; he was as gentle with me as you are John. Cathy was still in the bathroom when I left Larry from the room. Before Larry left, he took a hold of my hand.
“Kay, sometimes you have to find yourself and love yourself before you can truly love another,” Larry said as he smiled at me then kissed my hand before walking out the door.
I returned to the bed and sat at the edge crying into my hands. Cathy returned and she asked me if Larry had hurt me. I stopped my sobbing, as I told her no he had not, he had only showed me what I already knew. Cathy put me to bed and she held me as I fell asleep in her arms.
“I dreamed of you John as I slept,” Kay said to me. “In my dream I could only see you and each time I reached for you, you went further away from me until I was alone and in the darkness,” Kay added.
I awoke from that dream and realized Larry was right. I would have to find myself before I could ever love you John. I thought of you losing Carrie. Then I thought of you having to find yourself in order to move forward with your life. I was not sure of leaving you or of asking you for help.
“However when we returned home from our cruise in a short time someone else would make my mind up for me,” Kay said.
I looked to Cathy as I typed and she hung her head. The one I had always thought to be perfect may lie behind all of this. Kay explained that the rest of the cruise was uneventful, as any sex I did have did not satisfy the craving I felt I needed. Cathy talked to me about you, her and Sherri each day. In a way, I even thought Cathy was telling me goodbye. I was not sure but I sensed something was wrong with her.
In all my years with Cathy, I always felt the love she gave to me. However, the last few days of our cruise I felt as if she had no love to give to me any longer. I once had been in her heart but now her heart had you in it John.
Our cruise ended and we returned home where you and Sherri picked us up at the airport. I was surprised when Sherri hugged me and welcomed me back. I actually felt as if she had meant it. I was even more shocked to hear her confess she had tried to seduce you.
From the look on your face I believe you were, even more shocked John. I knew if she would try something like that, you would never go through with it. She was that missing piece in your life as you were the missing piece in hers.
“My bigger concern was myself and also the way you looked at Cathy when we returned,” Kay said to me then looked to Cathy.
Cathy continued with their story as she explained she was shocked to see Sherri being nice to her mom. She was even more shocked when Sherri hugged her and asked her to forgive her as she had made a mistake. She also told us of your run in with Terri. When we finally did meet her, I hated her from the start for I saw she was still in love with you. However, I also saw how you looked at her.
“The eyes that looked upon Terri were not your eyes John but the eyes of the monster within you,” Cathy said to me as she looked to Kay.
Kay looked to me and she reached across my desk and touched my face as she said, “The pain on the inside is what keeps you human,” “Never forget that.”
As she spoke those words and her hand brushed against my face, a vision of Carrie formed in my mind. My nose suddenly filed with the scent of “White Diamonds.” Then the voice of Carrie filled my head.
“Be aware my love the dark pool at the bottom of your heart. For in its black depths dwells darkness best not to disturb,” Carrie said in my mind.
I was lost with my own thoughts trying to understand what she meant by that until I heard, “John are you OK.” “JOHN,” Kay and Cathy voices snapped me back into the real world as I told Cathy to continue.
It only confused me and I turned to coke once more only this time the drug started to use me instead of me using the drug. I lost my job due to my coke use and I turned to selling coke for my dealer in return I got my coke free. I had enough money to live on so not working did not trouble me right away.
The three of us went to swinging. I never did anyone at any of the parties or the clubs we went too. I only ever had sex with you John. You never had sex with anyone neither as long as I was along. However when just you and Kay went you had sex with other women.
Kay came to me once and she said, “I hate it when he is with another woman.”
“Then stop swinging,” I replied to her.
“I can’t for I get the attention and the submission I need,” Kay said to me.
I went on about my drug-filled life as Kay and you went off to enjoy swinging. I did not see much of either of you two except for on the weekends. Sherri kept me informed as we met a few times during the week as we were back to having fun together.
“You turned to Sherri to get what you were missing from John and I,” Kay said as Cathy shook her head yes.
I was worried about you John for you had told me you hated ever telling or getting her involved with swinging after a few months. You even started to allow her to go with Terri to swing parties without you.
“You even told me you hoped Terri did not rub off onto Kay for if she did you may fall out of love with her,” Cathy said. “I stood and did nothing as the two of you drifted further apart,” “I should have stopped both of you but I could not even stop myself from using drugs so I did nothing,” Cathy added hanging her head.
Cathy raised her head as she went on with her story. In a short time, Sherri once again asked me to get you to join us. She explained it would only be as if we were swinging too. I told her I would not and she threatened to tell you about my drug use. I told her to go ahead and tell you and that I would tell you about her as well.
“Daddy’s little girl will not be so special after he knows the truth,” I said to Sherri.
“You fucking BITCH,” Sherri screamed as she jumped on me pushing me to the floor.
She was on top of me as her hands went around my throat. I felt her start to squeeze her hands around my neck. I looked into her eyes and what I saw frightened me. The look in her eyes was those of yours John when the monster came out in you to play. Sherri suddenly jumped from me and helped me up onto my feet.
“Forgive me Cathy,” “I don’t know what is wrong with me and I can not control it,” Sherri sobbed out as she wrapped her arms around me.
Sherri sobbed into my shoulder, I knew something was troubling her mind as her tears and trembles going through her were real. I wrapped my arms around her telling her everything would be OK. I wanted to help her but how could I when I could not help myself.
“Please don’t tell daddy please he will hate me,” Sherri sobbed and begged.
I told her I would not say anything to you. However, I saw Kay standing there in the room as well. From the look on her face, I would say she had heard and seen everything that day. Cathy looked to Kay and she took over telling their story.
Let me back the story up to where I met Terri. Kay went on as she explained she became even more confused when she did meet Terri. I thought you would be happy to be with her again but I saw the pain in your eyes each time you looked at her. I remember being up dancing with Paul as we left the two of you alone at the table.
Paul said, “I hope those two can become friends again,” as we danced.
I asked him what he was talking about; Paul explained that you had never really forgiven her for breaking your heart. He told me in away you blamed her for the death of Carrie. He also thought that maybe Terri still had deep feelings for you as well.
I stopped my typing as I said, “No one but I was to blame for Carrie's death as I failed in my mission to protect her.”
“JOHN, you had no mission back then the war was long over,” Cathy replied looking to me.
“When it comes to my heart I am always on a mission,” I said then told Kay to continue.
A few more drinks in me and all I cared about was that fat cock I had brushed my hand against as we danced. I think we went back to their place where Paul and I went onto the sofa. Terri sat with you on a love seat.
While Paul and I was kissing and feeling up each other you and Terri were but talking. I was to far gone to stop so I just blocked you both from my mind and went on with my fun. Paul slipped my top from me and he roughly squeezed at my tits.
I felt my pussy juices start to flow as he pinched and pulled at my nipples. Paul started to lap at my nipples with his tongue making them grow hard. When they were rock hard, he slipped one into his mouth. I am not for sure where it came from but I whispered into his ear, “Bite my nipples.”
Paul did just that and as I felt the pain, I felt my panties being soaked as my pussy squirted. I looked over to you and saw that Terri was between your legs sucking on your cock. Your head tilted back with your eyes closed. Paul pulled down my pants then my wet panties. Paul buried his face into my hairy pussy and began to lick at my pussy. He darted his tongue in and out of my pussy bringing me to another small orgasm. I pushed his head from between my legs and told him to sit up on the sofa. I unsnapped his pants and pulled them down to expose his cock.
“OH MY GOD,” I yelled as I saw just how fat his cock was.
I think Terri replied, “Wait until you feel it inside of you.”
His cock was less than 6 inches but it was rounder than a beer can. It was much fatter than the thick cock I had enjoyed on our cruise. I went to wrap my hand around his cock however it would not go around it. I ended up using both my hands to encase his cock as I pumped my hands on it.
His pre-cum started to leak from the head of his cock and I covered my mouth over the head of his cock. I started to lick then suck at the pre-cum flowing from his cock. I tried to get more of his cock into my mouth however; all I could get in it was just the head of his dick. My mouth would not stretch any further around it as my jaw started to hurt.
I finally gave up as I said, “Fuck me with that fat cock.”
Paul picked me up and he tossed me onto the sofa and climbed between my legs. He grabbed my legs and he pulled them apart as wide as they would go then placed them upon his shoulders. Paul never left go of my legs as he lined his fat cock up with my pussy and he shoved it in as deep as it would go as he entered my pussy.
“AHhhhhhhhh shit,” I moaned out as his thickness tore at the walls of my pussy.
His fat cock hurt as he shoved it deeply but it also gave me great pleasure as I felt the pain as it stretched my pussy wide open. Paul started to fuck me deep and hard. My mind took me back to my gangbang on the cruise that I had enjoyed. I started to have one orgasm after the other as Paul fucked me. I do not even think I was thinking of him as he did.
I seemed to have black out or something for I only remember him grunting then feeling cum filling my pussy. I heard my pussy fart as he removed his cock and cum spilled from my open hole. I also remember that it made us all laugh. On the way home, I cried and I told you I was crying because I did not think a man would share another woman willingly as you had and could still love her.
“I lied to you John I cried because it was not Paul that fucked me that night but all those men on that cruise.” “I cried because I enjoyed it to much and I wanted it again,” Kay said to me.
Kay went on to explain when we started to swing with other and go to swing clubs she started to feel better as at least she was getting what she wanted even if it was from someone else. I remember the first swing club we went too. Cathy had gone with us and I had left you two alone to explore the club after more than a few drinks in me.
As I went, from room to room peeking in I saw all types of fun. I saw women with women, threesomes, foursomes, and even a room in which an orgy was taking place. I walked to a closed door and I opened it to find a room with three beds in it and bondage stuff hanging from the walls.
I saw a woman on one bed with a black hood over her head hiding her face while the other two beds were empty and there were ropes in which to tie the person to the bed. There were two men on the bed with the woman; one getting his cock sucked and the other one fucking her from behind. I also saw there was a small line of about four other men standing at the foot of the bed. My pussy twitched and started to get wet as I watched her taking on those two men. I walked over to the empty bed and stared at the ropes on it.
A man came over to me dressed as a Master and he said, “Looks like fun but you need to be submissive to be in here miss,” as he smiled at me.
I looked at him and I wanted to tell him thanks as I walked from the room. However, that voice within me took over as I stared at the ropes. The voice said, “You know you want it.”
I turned to the man as I replied, “Take my clothes off and tie me to the bed and have your way with me.”
The man took my top off then my bra. He kissed and then licked at my tits. He pinched at my nipples as he pulled them from them. I moaned softly as he did. He pulled my jeans from me and then he pulled my panties from me. His hand went to my hairy pussy.
“Your pussy is dripping wet,” The man said as he slipped a finger up inside of me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he slipped more fingers into my pussy. I started to fuck his hand back when he had four fingers up inside of me. The man picked me up and he tossed me onto the bed. He tied my hands to the headboard.
“Do you have any limits?” The man asked as he tied my hands.
“No,” I replied.
“Are all your holes opened to be used?” He then asked.
“Yes use them all,” I replied.
The man pulled my legs apart spreading them widely as he ties my feet to the bed as he asked, “Do you have a stop command?”
“What is that?” I asked back to him.
“A word or something to say when you have had enough,” The man replied.
“I love you John,” I replied not knowing why I even said that.
The man went back to my pussy and he pulled at the hair on my pussy before he went back to shoving his fingers in and out of it. The man curled his fingers against my spot and my pussy squirted over his hand as my orgasm came over me.
“Damn you squirt as well,” he said as he placed his body on top of mine.
The man shoved his cock into my pussy and he started to fuck me. He fucked me hard and deep. His hands squeezed at my tits and pulled at my nipples as he did. He fucked me for about ten minutes then pulled out as he placed his cock between my tits. He started to tit fuck me as he twisted on my nipples. I noticed a group of men had gathered around the bed and was watching us while they pulled on their cocks.
The man tit fucking me pulled his cock from between my tits. He shoved his cock into my mouth telling me to suck on it. I did as he had told me and in a short time, his cock blasted a load of cum deep into my throat.
“Care to let others use you?” the man asked me as he pulled his cock from my mouth.
“Yes but untie me so I may fuck all these hard cocks back,” I replied looking to all the men standing around the bed. Once untied I lifted my legs high into the air as I spread them as wide as I could as I added, “Use me take all my holes until I scream John, I love you.”
Four men were on the bed quickly One shoved his cock up my pussy while one shoved his cock into my mouth. I wrapped my hands around the other two cocks as their use of me started. After the first three blew a nut, I looked to see about 15 standing around the bed.
I saw one with a nice eight to nine inch cock and I told him to lie on his back. I climbed on top of him and started to ride his cock. He played roughly with my tits causing me to squirt all over his cock. He played with my ass and my asshole as well.
“Some one fucks this slut in her ass,” The man beneath me said.
I felt a hand smearing some type of lotion onto my asshole. It felt warm and wonderful as my asshole puckered as a finger toyed with it. I felt a cock replacing the finger in my ass.
“AHHhhh Yes Fuck me use my holes,” I screamed as I rode the one cock as the other fucked me in my butt.
The two men soon got together and they fucked the hell out of both my holes at the same time. I had my face buried into the shoulder of the one I was on top of as I moaned softly as they used my holes. Some one grabbed me by my hair and pulled my face upward. My eyes saw a big black cock about 8 inches and thick.
“Suck it slut,” The black man said as he pulled on my hair.
I took his cock into my mouth and I sucked it like no other cock. I think I sucked it too good for in only a few minutes he filled my mouth with cum from his cock. He pulled it from my mouth and he slapped my face with it.
“Damn it woman you made me cum to fast,” The black man said as he shoved his soft cock into my mouth.
The black man told some one to hand him a paddle, as I needed a spanking for that. The black man took the ping-pong paddle and he lightly spanked at my ass. I spit his cock from my mouth.
“You call that a fucking spanking,” I yelled at him as I pushed at his midsection.
The black man replied, “You asked for it now bitch.”
He started to paddle my ass good. The swats from the paddle stung and warmed my butt. My pussy twitched and throbbed with each smack that he landed on my ass. My pussy started to drip as he rubbed the handle of the paddle at my pussy.
“You are fucking enjoying this you slut,” he said.
He must have been as well for his cock was now hard and poking me in my face. I wrapped my hand around it and shoved it back into my mouth. I sucked at it just as I had before.
“OH no fucking slut,” The black man said as he pulled his cock from my mouth. “This load is going up that fucking red ass of yours,” he added as he moved behind me.
The black man got behind me and he shoved his big black cock up my asshole. I moaned lightly as he shoved it all the way up it. He started to fuck me with hard deep strokes as another man shoved his cock into my mouth. The two men soon were in rhythm as one butt fucked me and the other fucked my mouth.
The one in my mouth pulled his cock from my mouth. His cock throbbed and jerked in his hand as it shot two blasts of cum into my face. He then milked the rest of it into my mouth.
I looked back to the black man fucking my butt as I moaned, “Fill my ass with cum.”
He gave his cock a few more deep strokes then buried it deeply in my ass. I felt his cock swelling and then throbbing as it pumped its load into my asshole. The black man leaned down and he kissed and licked at my ear.
“You play this game so real, I hope I see you again here pretty woman,” He whispered into my ear.
He pulled his cock from my ass as his cum flowed out running down to my pussy causing it to flutter as his cum flowed over my pussy lips. I reached between my legs, scooping some cum into my hand. I moved my hand up to my mouth where I licked it from my hand and fingers.
Some one grabbed me and tossed me onto my back then placed my legs onto their shoulders. They slipped their cock into my pussy and started to pound the shit out of my pussy with their cock. Another cock took his place after he had filled my pussy full. I am not for sure how many men and even a few women with strap on had their way with me.
I was lying on my stomach and someone had his or her fake cock up my ass, which was a very small cock, or my asshole was just to wet with cum to feel it. I could feel him going up and down on me but not his cock in my asshole. I felt cum running from my pussy and my ass as he pulled his cock from my ass and got off me.
“I LOVE YOU JOHN,” I screamed as loud as I could.
“She has had enough boys sorry,” the Master said standing over me blocking anyone from using me.
He handed me a towel and he showed me to a small bathroom with a shower where I could clean myself up before I got dressed. I felt guilty as I washed cum from my pussy, my asshole, my hair, my face and just about every spot on my body. I even had cum under my arms in my armpits. I stood alone in the shower with the hottest water I could stand cascading down upon me. I was trying to wash my sins away. I felt guilty for I once again had enjoyed the abuse.
I dressed slowly as I thought how much I had really enjoyed that. As I walked from the bathroom, my ears filled with clapping from those in the room. That first man the Master of this room was still there waiting for me.
He walked me to the door and stopped as he said, “You are a true submissive and we all enjoyed you.” “Join us here anytime you return miss,” he added as he opened the door for me smiling.
That rather confused me as these men had used me as well as he had yet he was kind to me afterwards. If you both remember, I was rather quiet on the way home that night as good men cannot be bad and bad men cannot be good can they I asked myself on our way home that night?
However, the next time and every time we went there I returned to that room. The Master knew me and would always watch over me while in that room. I even started to see that it was more like a game almost like role-playing in a way. I also thought maybe I could live with being submissive as well as to love you John.
However, I hated any other woman to be touching you other than Cathy. When we went to parties without her, the other women flocked to you. Some even wanted to take you from me and make you their own. I could not control my jealousy and it finally got the better of me, as you had to escort me from the swing club after I attacked a woman who was enjoying you to much.
We talked and you told me to have my fun and that you would not play with anyone. You even allowed me to go to parties with Terri without you. The whole time I was going with Terri she kept telling me that you allowed me to swing alone because you did not love me anymore or you would have joined in on the fun.
“KAY that was never true,” I yelled as I stopped typing.
“I know that now John but back then I was so confused I believed her,” Kay replied.
“So it was Terri who told you to leave me?” I asked Kay.
“No it was not her John,” Kay replied hanging her head.
“THEN WHO placed that idea in your head?” I asked in a rather strong tone.
“It was Sherri, John,” Kay replied.
“SHERRI,” I said with shock, as I could not believe she had anything to do with that or with anything that was going on around here now.
‘Yes Sherri but it was my chose to walk away from you,” Kay replied.
Sherri and I had been getting along wonderfully since I came back from the cruise. I saw her attack on Cathy and I rather thought it had to do with her childhood however; I was not for sure about that. I even sat with her trying to explain I could not have just walked away from those men as they had threatened to harm her if I did. I was not fore sure if she understood that or not however it only proved to me that I had been a bad mother and I had no right to call her my daughter.
Then one day just out of the blue she walked up to me. Sherrie told me I am only being nice to you for daddy. I still hate you as my mother. Within an hour, she was crying on my shoulder telling me she was sorry and did not mean any of what she had said to me.
“Sherri begged me not to tell you John.” “I couldn’t as I owed her that much at least,” Kay added.
Everything turned back to normal between us until that weekend I was out having fun with Terri. Her car broke down when we got back to her house so instead of having you come get me I called home to tell you I would be spending the night with Terri and that Paul would bring me home the next day as he was out of town till then.
That night I called to tell you I would not be home on the phone Sherri answered the phone. She told that you were asleep and that you had worked that day while I was out playing. I told her what was going on and to tell you. My daughter went off on me on the phone calling me every name in the book. She told me I should just stay gone, as you both were better off without me. Sherri told me I was not a part of this family any longer, as it was just her Cathy and you now. She told me I was not her mother and never had been. When I did return home on Monday while you were at work she told me, she wanted to talk to me. I thought she wanted to talk about us and maybe to tell me she was sorry but it was not to be.
“You bring and give nothing but pain to others as well as to yourself,” “I hate you for what those men did to you and to me,” “You are not my mother anymore Cathy is and I am taking your place with her as well as with John,” Sherri said to me. “You give John only pain too for you can not ever love him as I do,” Sherri added.
“Sherri let me explain,” I begged her.
“There is nothing to explain mom other than you have never loved me and if you do you will just go away and never return,” Sherri replied staring at me.
I stared into her eyes and all I saw was my failure as a mother. I had allowed some type of harm to come to her however, I knew not what as I always thought I had protected her from her real father Mark as well as from Joe. I did not say anything back to her, as she was right. I just lowered my head and walked away. I gathered my clothes and I left leaving you that note telling you I had to find myself before I could return. I think I found myself that first night without you.
“For I had never felt as alone as I did that night,” Kay said to me. “My daughter was right you all were better off without me,” She added as she looked to me.
I stopped my typing as I replied, “I was not better off Kay for I was alone as well.”
“You had Cathy and Sherri,” Kay replied.
“He was alone Kay I was being treated for my addiction,” Cathy said to her.
“What happen to that sweet little girl of ten that used to live in my heart,” I said to the girls as I turned the computer off again.
“John, don’t be angry with her it was not her fault,” Kay said to me.
I stood out as I replied, “I know it was my fault just as I am to blame for all the events in my life,” “Sherri had nothing to do with anything,” I added as I walked toward the door.
“Sherri wanted you and nothing was going to stand in the way of her having you John not Kay or me,” Cathy said.
I stopped as that inner voice spoke to me as it said, “Your duty is to protect the innocent, and your mission is to set right the wrong caused my others, Sherri is not the enemy those two are.”
I turned back to Kay and Cathy glaring at them with hate and anger in my eyes as the voice of Sgt J. spoke, “You two blame one who is innocent while taking no fault as your own,” “Her only fault was having me as her daddy.”
“ASK HER JOHN,” Kay replied with anger as she jumped from her seat and came toward me. “I never believed it myself until I won my fight with the bottle,” Kay added as she stood in front of me.
“If you are wrong you both will pay dearly,” I replied staring at Kay’s with revenge in my eyes.
Kay’s hand landed across my face as she said, “Mister don’t you ever look upon me with the eyes of Sgt. J. I am not your enemy but don’t you ever think I will not hurt you were it counts,” as she laid her hand against my heart.
Kay started to storm from the room telling me to go fuck myself. I looked to Cathy hoping she had something good to tell me. I only saw her sitting with her head bowed. I got that feeling once more in my gut. I had a feeling that I had not heard the entire story just yet.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” I asked Cathy.
Cathy looked up to me as she said, “John I have….”
“STOP Cathy there is no need for him to know,” Kay yelled as she ran back to Cathy wrapping her in her arms as if she was protecting her from me.
“I have too Kay, he has to know the truth, even if it means I lose him” Cathy replied then looked to me.
“John I was unfaithful last year on that cruise you sent us on,” Cathy said to me. “I had sex with a younger man and I did not have your permission nor did I tell you about it for I was ashamed of myself for having done it." She looked to Kay then back to me, as she added, "Kay had no part in it nor did she join us."
I felt a pain in my heart one I had not felt for many years. It was not pain from anything wrong with my heart but the pain one feels when their heart is being broken. I looked to Cathy who was shaking with fear as Kay huddled her in her arms.
“WHY, Cathy?” I asked shaking my head from side to side. I did not give her time to answer as I said, “I trusted you the most and you’re my living angel to me.” “To hear that you betrayed me has broken my heart however I am to old to run off to war,” I added as I hung my head and started to walk from the room.
“John, don’t walk away from her let her explain,” Kay cried out to me.
“Why should I as I can no longer trust either of you to tell me the truth for your hearts are only full of lies,” I replied to them.
“Please John let us or at least Cathy explain it to you,” Kay replied looking at me with begging eyes
I turned to them as I replied, “There is nothing to explain for once again I have failed in my mission,” as I walked to the back patio doors with my head down.
Kay and Cathy followed me and as I walked out the door into the dark night as they both asked, “John where are you going?”
With my head, still hanging down I replied, “Into the darkness from where I came for there is nothing for me here any longer for I am without hope now and probably forever.”
I walked out into the night down to the lake. I stood on our dock looking out over the lake as I closed my eyes. I was not for sure I could still take myself to my happy place, as it has been so many years that I have had too do that.
In my mind, I looked to the night’s heaven and I saw no stars or the moon only darkness. I only felt alone as despair surrounded me and replaced the hope that once filled my heart. In my ears, I heard the pleas of two girls as they yelled for me to come back inside.
Suddenly it seemed as if all the sounds of the night filled my ears. I heard Kay and Cathy voice as well as night owls, frogs and the sounds that the night holds. I closed my eyes tighter as I started to filter out each of the sounds I was hearing. I filtered them out one by one until I only heard silence. I stood there as a light lake breeze kicked up and blew against my face.
Suddenly I heard the gentle lapping of the waves against the shoreline. A night sky with a full bright moon and too many stars to count started too appeared in my mind. I looked around the shoreline expecting to see Carrie standing there with her long blonde hair blowing freely in the night’s breeze. I scanned and searched the shoreline to find her but I did not. A feeling came over me one I had never had before that feeling was of my greatest fear for I was truly alone.
In my mind, the night skies grew angry as dark clouds took away the moon and the stars. The waves on the lake grew to angry white caps in my mind. I finally had to open my eyes to break the vision that was forming in my mind for I was afraid to let it continue for fear of what I would see next.
My eyes opened to see stillness upon the waters of the lake. No waves, no moon and no stars as I looked around me and just like in my vision no Carrie near me. I looked to the night’s heaven once more. I heard no Angel talking to me; I only saw distant heat lightning as flashes filled the night sky.
I shook my head side to side, as I thought “My angel is gone and god is too fearful to cast his bolts near me as well.”
I now not only felt alone but I was alone. I walked to the boathouse and closed the door behind me. I went to my workbench where I sat upon the stool. I allowed my eyes to grew accustom to the darkness that filled the room. I looked to Sherri’s drawings that still hung over my workbench. The paper looked yellowed and the pictures on it almost faded away. I could barely make out any of her drawings. The one of my eyes she had once drawn were but two empty holes staring down at me.
I looked to the drawer in my workbench. I opened it and pulled out the rusted pieces of a handgun with the ammo cylinder missing. I tried to pull the hammer back but it would not cock due to the rust on it. I stared at it in the darkness wishing I never had thrown that cylinder into the lake. Suddenly the lights came on in the boathouse; they flickered as they warmed up casting an almost evil glow around the handgun as well as around me.
A voice inside me one that I knew so well said, “You know what you must do Sgt. J.”
That will end this chapter and please let me know your feelings. A new Chapter will be out soon and I leave you with these quotes one from someone else and one from myself.
“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it will always find that darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.”
“I fear there will be no light as I walk into the greatest darkness I have ever faced before.” Sgt. J