This is an experimental series. I want to improve my writing so any criticism (positive or negative) is very appreciated. Enjoy the story.

My eleven year old sister Marissa was knocking on the door again. What a pain it is to live with two women, they’re two beautiful women, but still a big pain. My name is Mike, I’m twenty one years old and I recently had to move back home with my mom and sis because I found out that my girlfriend, who I moved in with, cheated on me. As I got up from my desk to open the door, she barged right in and when I saw her, I gotta say this, she’s one of the most prettiest little girl I've ever seen. Standing 4’10”, skinny figure still developing her nubby breasts, pale complexion that it’s made even sexier by her big green eyes and her flowing curly red hair, just like a mini version of our mother. She came in the room and told me if I could give her $20 because our mother wouldn't give it to her and she would try to pay me by her next allowance. I thought about it, I could have given her the money and tell her to keep it but something took over me, something dark. I told her how about if I give her a job, anytime I tell her to do something for me she would get paid good money. She gave me a smile, in her mind she probably thought I’ll make her clean my room or do my chores, she told me ok. I got close to her and placed my hands on the side of her face. She looked up to me and I looked down at her, such a beautiful face and I saw her little tiny titties and I instantly started to get a hard on. She asked me what did she needed to do. I told her that this job was something very different and it needs to be a secret between us. I saw her face brighten at the prospect of a little secret. I went to the bed and I sat at the edge, I told her that for this job the only thing she needed was her mouth, she was confused. I told her to get closer and she did, I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and told her to kneel in front of me. I knew that because she was still very young she doesn't have an idea of what I’m implying and so I explained. I told her about a penis and that the only thing I need is for her to put it in her mouth and suck it and lick it until I came. She had a scared face and she seemed to be in the verge of bolting out the door. I calmed her down and told her she will get $30 every time she did this to me, she told me she will do it if I promised to pay her, she even made me pinky swear, I did all that and I said lets get started.

I took out my 7” dick out and her face was so beautiful with her scared look and curiosity at the same time. What am I supposed to do now? she asked me, I took her small pale hands and placed it on my hot dick. Her soft hands felt so great for a moment I thought I was gonna cum all over her face. I told her to stroke it and she willfully obeyed. Seconds passed to minutes as she kept on stroking, her face was so beautiful, her eager look to learn, the curls of her red hair bouncing all over and those piercing green eyes staring at my cock, hungrily. Now the moment came to slip my cock in between those beautiful soft pink lips, I took her hands off my cock and for a moment she seemed disappointed but I reassured her with a smile. I grabbed her head and kissed her forehead, she looked worried, I told her it was okay I’ll take her step by step and slowly.

My cock was just an inch from her mouth, I could feel her heavy breath on my dick’s head. I told Marissa to start licking the head. She stuck out her tongue and gave tentative licks on my head, but I felt that was too much for me. This little cutie, my beautiful sister, was going to shove my cock in her little mouth and all for thirty dollars! She started to loosen herself a bit and gave more licks and I told her to imagine she was licking a lollipop and her licks improved. I told her to stop and open her mouth, she did, and I grabbed her head and slowly started to insert it in her mouth. One, two, three inches went in and very fast I realized I was dealing with a virgin so I have to go slowly on her. Once my cock was inside I saw that her face got redder and I instructed her to start sucking like a popsicle, go up and down and slowly. She only had the head and a few inches of the shaft in her mouth but what big fucking sensation it was! It felt like never before, such a small eager virgin mouth it was! With every suck she gave she was getting better at it and her little muffle made it all the better. She asked me with my cock in her mouth if she was doing good, I told her she was doing great and if she puts in a little more of my cock inside she was in the route of earning forty dollars. That got her more excited and she started to go deeper and got at least five inches in her mouth before she started gagging, I told her to take it easy just go a little more faster. I stroked her red hair as she started taking it deep and hard in her eleven year old mouth. She made gag noises, grunts and the saliva suction and with my moans of pleasure I was lucky mom was not here today.

Then the moment I wanted to delay so much, I was gonna cum. I told her to get ready because I was about to cum, she asked me what is that. How great it is to fuck a virgin’s mouth, she doesn't know what’s going to happen to her. My bitch Ex girlfriend always made me finish on a napkin and if she was in a very good mood her tits, never the mouth or face. I grabbed Marissa by the sides of her head and held her with my cock in her mouth, she panicked and I told her not to, just relax and try to swallow my cum. As my cum shot out from my dick into the back of her mouth she started gagging and coughing and I told her to hold on, two more shots came and when I was just taking it out of her mouth the fourth shot went right to her upper lip all the way down to her chin. She looked up at me, her mouth full and dripping with cum. What a beautiful sight it was, her pink pouty lips complemented by a frosting of cum. Swallow it I said, she complied and with a grimace Marissa swallowed. I got up and went to my wallet took out two twenties and handed them to her. She gave me a weak smile and I asked her if she likes her new job, she said yes. I grabbed her, hugged her and stroked her lovely hair just to comfort her in someway and I didn't even minded my own cum on my chest. I told her tomorrow she can make forty more.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-01-05 22:07:41
any girls 18yo. or older want to be my little sister and suck my cock while I eat your pusy call the NIGHTRIDER at 863-640-3084 any time and talk to me no texing except for nude pictures you most live in Polk county FL. or Hillsborough County FL. call now!!!!!!!

Anonymous readerReport

2013-12-26 01:31:15
needs a major rewrite and better PARAGRAPHS.

anonymous readerReport

2013-12-11 20:16:02
Point. A new thought is a new paragraph. Each line of dialog is a new paragraph. Example
.....and curiosity at the same time.

''What am I supposed to do now?'' she asked me.

I took her small pale hands and placed it on my hot dick. etc......

That's basically how that should've look. Remember to put the quotations marks on all dialog.

''Like, I would love to be with your little sister.'' I said as I approch the room.... etc....

Monster paragraphs are hard to read. So keep those two items in mind for the next chapter.

Otherwise it was off to a good start.

I guess chapter two is already posted, so on the next chapter, break it up a bit.

anonymous readerReport

2013-11-12 00:54:47
Learn how to use comparatives and superlatives properly. You wrote " of the most(sic) prettiest little girl's...". You should have deleted the word "most" from the sentence and pluralized "girl". Then you repeated the error by writing "...just go a little more(sic) faster.". The word "more" should not have been in that sentence.
Try proofreading by reading your story ALOUD and you will be able to detect and correct these errors.

anonymous readerReport

2013-11-12 00:29:26
Due to the horrible grammar and punctuation I didn't make it all the way to the actual sex. I'm glad too. Based on the comments I read kiddie porn doesn't do it for me.

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