This is a true story and I put it out there for some real advise.
I did something when I was younger that was just plain stupid. First, let me say that my earliest sexual fantasies involved oral sex. When I was hitting puberty and I saw a picture of an erection, my first instinct was to put it in my mouth. When I started dating boys and we made out, I got to see a real one and the found the instinct was strong. Social norms say that I should be a good girl and wait for that special someone who gets to have my innocence and I was all for that. But it looked so good to me.
I was growing up fast and feeling very sexual so I began to masturbate regularly. It was beginning to pervade much of my thinking and I think the boys were picking up on it. I don't know, maybe I was just cute. I started to see a boy and we were becoming an item. One Saturday night, watching a movie and cuddling, we got to kissing and really made out. He was groping me and I was letting him. I let him take my top and bra off and get a good long and thorough feel of me. My pants were on and tightly belted and as much as I was wanting it, I wasn't letting him in my pants. He was more than happy to let me in his though, and long story short, I gave my first blowjob.
Well, when he came in my mouth it was like an epiphany. The flood of emotions and sensations was incredible. I just wanted to do it all the time after that. I sucked him off once more that night and three times the next day. It was like I'd discovered the messiah or something, I was just crazy for it. All was good, but he, like most boys just had to brag. People started to talk and I had to deny it and be offended or be labeled a slut. When I dumped him I was really angry and confused but it didn't make my appetite any less voracious, if anything I wanted it more the more I thought about it. It was then that I grew up enough to know that discretion was very integral to sexuality and a good reputation was invaluable.
Shortly after, I went on a family vacation and camping trip. We were hundreds of miles from home and I was among strangers, and the boys were hitting on me. An older boy caught my eye and we would sneak off together. I had some liberty with my folks and as long as I didn't disappear for more than a few hours, I was left to explore.
As I'm sure you've guessed, I went down on this guy and neither of us could get enough of it. I was still a virgin and wanted to stay that way, and as long as I was giving lots of head he was good with that. It was a nice week of fun but I was aware that he was just a candy. I wasn't feeling like I was in love with him but I did really like him. He always seemed protective and attentive and fun and funny and we had this weird chemistry. But I was easy pickin's for him. I'd been eager to find a tasty looking boy and actually taste him.
I met up with him after breakfast hoping for a little dessert. We went off to our hiding place where I delighted in draining him. I felt like I was beginning to get better at it and wished we could both stay all summer so I could get lots of practice. The day was getting hot so we went to the beach for a swim.
At our favorite spot we found a bunch of kids we'd gotten acquainted with and without much thought started hanging out with them. We were laughing and having a good time chatting and showing off as kids do. My guy likes playing baseball and talking about it too much and I could see the girls were getting bored. I subtly steered the conversation to more risque topics. Everyone was happy to take the bait. With the conversation now rolling, looking for a reaction, my guy hits on the theme of a girl blowing a ball team. Well, you just can't fake a knee jerk reaction. Around me I heard a collective 'EWWwww' from all the girls while I thought, 'lucky girl!'
Suddenly everything went quiet. All the girls were looking at me in horror. I was smiling, smiling in a way that only comes from a deviant sexual thought, and the girls started looking at me with alarm on their faces. They knew!! It was like I suddenly had leprosy. All the fun went out of group and we decided to go for a swim.
I was happy to be among strangers when making a self discovery like that . I knew that I'd be leaving the next day and never see them again so although I felt bad, I was glad I wouldn't have to wear it for long. The realization was still a bit startling but I just accepted it for the moment, now glad that I was leaving soon. I never had to see those kids again so I shrugged it off.
Bobbing around in the waves he said, "that was intense."
"Ya. That was weird."
"When all those girls were scrunching up their noses, you got this look like you'd won a million bucks. You really like doing it, don't you?"
I felt a little defensive and said, "ya. So what."
"I'm playing baseball today. Wanna come and blow me after the game? Don't look at me like that. I'm not like those kids back there. I think you're really cool and they're jerks and you're the normal one. So, wanna?"
I smiled and said, "ya," because everything felt good again. The thought of doing it when he was all hot and sweaty sounded terrific! And that was the frame of mind I was in when I went to the game. I was really looking forward to this. By the time the game ended, I'd done a couple tokes and had a beer. I was feeling good and loose and confident. The sun had been hot and felt great, and with all the excitement of a close game and them winning while I was hot to see him, well, I was in a good place.
As the field was clearing, he came over and kissed me. I kissed him back in a way to say, 'I can't wait!'. He took me by the hand and lead me off toward were all the guys were going. We got to the pavilion and he said to me, "we talked today about a girl blowing a ball team."
"Well, wanna? I told all the guys that if you want to it will be just blow jobs, no groping or sex or anything you don't want to do."
"No phones, no cameras?"
"No phones, no cameras."
Suddenly I was really up for this. I was super excited, I felt good and confident and I was unbelievably turned on by the idea. I smiled big and open and sincere and nodded my yes. I'm no fool. I knew what I was wanting to do was super slutty and just wrong on too many levels to count. I knew it was dangerous in a bunch of ways too. I wish I could blame the weed and beer but I wasn't out of control. I was, plain and simple, wanting to suck lots and lots of cocks and be BAD! He took my hand and when the coast was clear, he smuggled me into the shower where all the guys were waiting. He'd arranged it ahead of time and the guys started hooting when they saw me.
I peeled off my shirt, kicked off my flip flops but not my bikini bottom and knelt on a towel while my guy stripped. He was fully hard and really wanting it. While all the naked guys crowded around I took his cock in my hands and started to suck him. I looked into his eyes and into the eyes of all the guys in the front of the circle while I had his cock deep in my mouth. As much as I like giving head, having all these guys watching me made it seem so much dirtier, which made it even better. In no time he came in my mouth. I feel a soul touching and intimate connection when I feel cum shooting into my mouth. Aside from the pleasurable sensations, for me there's a mental and emotional feeling I get way deep down inside as I connect with the guy. I feel profoundly happy and maybe a little shy but a wash of 'feeling like everything's alright', engulfs me. Every time; it makes me smile in a way that guys comment about. I've been told that that smile is as heart warming as the blowjob is sometimes. I know how it feels from my side and it's a special smile I love to give because nothing else makes me smile like that. That's the smile I gave him while everyone looked on. Everyone in that room knew I was enjoying myself.
I opened wide so all the guys could see the load on my tongue before I swallowed it. I stayed in that position while the next boy took his place. Just like the first, I took him in my hands and started sucking. I was using my hands at least as much as my mouth and in short order had him cumming too. Someone shouted, "show us the load!" so I did and smiled, then I swallowed it.
The next boy had some stamina so I worked him hard. I wasn't yet very skilled at giving head but I knew I could make him cum faster by using my hands. My early blowjobs in a lot of ways were more like me jerking a guy off into my mouth which was how I was approaching this. Finally he pulled out, grabbed himself to finish off and came all over my face while I held my head back with my mouth wide open and my tongue all the way out. I loved the way it felt when he sprayed all over my face . I was really getting into this now and so were they. I knelt there with my head back so everyone could see the cum on my face and so it wouldn't run off too fast while the next guy took his place. And on it went. I made certain to get each cock in my mouth as deep as I could go, seal my lips tight around it and suck while using my tongue. It was important to me that I left each boy with the memory of how it looked and felt to have me willfully and happily sucking his cock with the full intention of making him cum, so I could swallow it.
At one point, four guys came up and said they all wanted to try and cum on my face at the same time, so we all got into it. As with all the others, I gave each one a good suck and hand stroking. Using both my hands and mouth while they took turns and rubbed themselves, we were reasonably successful. I already had some cum on my face but now I was soaked. I had it in my hair and all over my eyes. My whole face was saturated and it was dripping onto my tits while I took a big lick of my lips. While they ranted I played with it and using a finger, scooped it into my mouth and cleaned my self up. My jaw was aching and I needed the break, so using this time to rest, I was good to go right to the last guy. Most of the guys wanted to cum in my mouth and I was more than happy to have them do it. I had a blast!
With no more takers, I sat back to catch my breath. I was exhausted and I was in kind of a haze. It was bliss I guess, but on a grand scale I'd never experienced before. I jumped in the shower and rinsed off. I hurt in a lot of places and what were pleasure irks were now aching. I felt like I was some kind of hero, at least the hero of the moment, but I was wrong. In the murmur, whore and slut drifted to the surface. Some were kind and supportive but not all. Suddenly I wanted out of there. I looked for my escape when suddenly my friend handed me my shirt then took my arm and lead me out.
Safe outside, he handed me my flip flops and said, "holy fuck! that was amazing!!"
At least for a moment I was allowed a feeling of triumph. I had just done a very nasty deed, I had done it with profound joy in my heart and absolute abandon and I felt proud of myself for taking the risk and living to tell about it. It was not just a memorable episode. It was an awakening.
"I can't thank you enough! That was so much fucking fun!!" I shrieked.
"You looked like you were having fun. You have this cute little smile after you make somebody cum that the guys love!"
"I felt like everything was cool until I went to clean up. Some of them were calling me names. Were those guys starting to turn on me? I suddenly got a real creepy feeling."
"Ya, some were. I mean, you just blew fourteen guys. They can't believe what a slut you are." And there it was. The guy I'd put my faith in just called me a slut. I couldn't blame him for saying that. I'd only known him a short time and it was consumed by me getting as much fun time as I could. I had done something very wrong and I was now happy to rejoin my family to pack and leave. We left early the next morning and I was very preoccupied for the rest of the day.
First and foremost I had to deal with the impact of my self discovery. In spite of what I had just done, I wasn't a slut. I had done something very slutty but I was not a slut. I thought of it as being like someone who drinks, getting stinking drunk. Getting shitfaced once does not make you an alcoholic. I had this kind of morning after feeling though. I had embarrassed myself to myself. I swore that this was a one off. Did it, was glad I did it, will never do it again. Because if I do, I'm a slut. But I am a slut if I'd do that! No matter how much I beat myself up for what I'd done, I couldn't not like thinking of it. I was deeply confused and stayed that way for a long time.
When I look back I still have that doubt and confusion. I look at myself and other girls. I see what I consider to be skanky girls and I don't look like that at all. Some seem so low and stupid and what they think looks sexy looks gross to me, but I'll bet not one of them has sucked off fourteen guys in one session. So who's the slut?
I'm careful about my health and appearance. I do all the things that good girls do and I enjoy doing them. I truly want to be a good girl. I'm just 'the girl next door' who loves her family and kitten, and I have love for so many other people and things too. I feel as fresh, clean and innocent as I try to appear. I'm genuinely kind and caring toward people, even strangers, and have real empathy for the less fortunate. I loved my boyfriends. I made love to my boyfriends. And I loved being in that shower room, although I know I was a slut to do that. No, not only for doing it, but by wanting to do it, and loving doing it.
I know for sure though, that it's having a very real impact on what I'm doing now. To be sure, my initial motivation with Mr. Andrews was to behave badly and have sex just for the sheer thrill of it, and by doing it with a man so much older than me, I was acting out and being a dirty little girl. And I like the feeling of being a dirty little girl so I must be a slut. And around and around I go. What do you think?