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Introduction:

19 year old Snow is a casuel girl. What happens when she meats the new jocky kid
You can say I'm just a casual teen ager smart nerdy and no one likes me because I'm gothic and they think I'm a creep. But in reality I'm a nice gothic girl. Not a lot of friends but I don't care I do my work like I'm sapost to eat sleep and do it all over. I'm a 19 year old in collage my names Snow night. Yea sounds like a awful name for a gothic girl but I didn't name myself. I live in my dorm room in the college because the only job I do to pay for my collage is getting money from my father who owns like half he buildings in California. Every one calls me rich and snobby which I don't care because they like judging ppl allot it's kinda aggravating. I'm single lonely and I love it. I'm very sweet if you get to know me like my best friend onyx she's gothic too but she tells ppl to fuck off and stuff like that because she doesn't give a shit she's also popular with the guys because she has a to die for body. I mean I'm sexy to skinny average I'm not fat I like to keep in shape but her she has a awesome body big boobs nice ass a model face all the guys love her. I walk to my room after taking a shower and get dressed in black skinny jeans black tank top and a black jacket with chains on it. I fix the gages in my ear rinse my mouth with salt water to clean my tongue piercing and grab my keys and books walking to class. I've been to the school for at least 6 months now straight A's in all my classes because unlike everyone else I pay attention. I walk into class only to get paper balls thrown at me and called a loser. Sighing and ignoring them I sit down in my seat. The teacher walks in "alright class we have a new student his names Erigon carter be nice" oh great a mother person who can pick on me and call me names too lovely. He walks in and my eyes practically pop out of my head. He is huge in muscle sexy blue eyes black spiky hair tall maybe about 6 foot. He's like a god. The bad thing is he gets put right next to me because that's the only available seat because no one likes sitting next to me. He sits down and plops his feet on another desk and relaxes. I look at him and he lifts his eye brows. "The fuck you looking at freak"? I look away from him. Great a jockey kid prefect. I was right another kid to make fun of me while at this school. Do they find it fun or something? I smile when my best friend walks in. "What's up bitches"!! She walks up and look at the new kid and shakes her head "preppy basturd". She walks over to me. "What's up girl this guy giving you hell? Better watch it with my bestie I'll cut your nuts off and make you fucking eat them" he laughs at her "bitch you wouldn't come near my balls" she grins "why you gotta disease or something" he clenches his jaw "no do you"? She shakes her head "nope" she pops the p and sits back in her chair. I smile today's gonna be a great day with her by my side she's in all my classes and no one messes with me when she's around me because they're afraid of her.


In gym class I run with her as we talk about new clothes they got at Spencer's. Spencer's is a awesome gothic store in the mall it gots all kinds of cool shit. But it's kinda expensive. But hey who cares my dad gave me a card with money on it to use when I need it. He loves me allot I'm kinda glad that he dose cuz my mom split when I was only 3 from there my father always spoiled me told me how special I was to him since I was the only child he told me he would take care of me. After gym class we go into the shower area and take a shower to get all the sweat and stuff off of us so we don't stink Which I think is kinda cool. Drying up talking to onyx we both get dressed. "So how you think of he new kid he's kinda sexy huh"? I shrug "yea but he's a jerk too" she smiles and we both walk to my dorm room to watch movies and stuff usually we drink a couple beers and eat snacks until we fall asleep which is what kinda happened. When we wake up the next morning were both late for class which makes us get dressed quick and run to class before the bell. Some kids laugh but then stop when she gives them I'm going to kill you look of you don't stop laughing. We sit down and as the teacher starts teaching a video comes up of me and onyx showering and talking. The kids laugh and onyx looks at herself. "Oo I look sexy" I stair shocked and humiliated as my face turns bright red like a tomato. The jock kid is only smiling to himself proud. "Tell you the truth goth girl you have a nice body but so stupid look" I blink he did this? What the hell did I ever do to him? I get up and run out hearing kids laughing. Onyx follows me out and I cry as she holds me. "He humiliated me onyx I didn't do shit to him at all" she rubs my tears "stop crying girl it's just a video of us naked it's kinda sexy in a way we look good plus I'll get him back" I nod and sit up straight "yea I will too slimy basturd" oh I'm so getting him back for this and when I do he won't like it at all. He'll be begging me for mercy. He thinks I'm mad now oh he just wait and see I'll show him
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Sorry it's short I didn't know what else to right for the first chapter but I'll right the second one thanks for reading. so far tell me what you think
5 comments

Anonymous readerReport

2014-04-15 12:19:41
The story seems like it could be going in a good way but I cannot really tell what the story is totally about from this moment,

As others have said work on your spelling and ensure that you do not use abbreviations as this just makes the story seem rushed, maybe consider spell checker and re read the story before you post it, this is a good first chapter but maybe consider revising it just so you can make sure you are spelling 'meet' 'college' 'stare' etc in the correct way according to the sentence because for example 'stair' is a word but not the one you were looking for in the context of the sentence

Consider paragraphs and maybe writing a draft of the paragraph then reading where you can add detail for example feelings, surroundings etc.

But trust me this is good for a first try and I can see that you have tried to write the story well but just a few changes here and there and you will be good to go :)

TK3413Report

2014-01-26 02:12:25
We'll I'm actually 19 and "college" sorry suck at spelling a little. We'll college has drama too

Anonymous readerReport

2014-01-25 23:42:46
Oh, my god, this is such shit. You're what, twelve? Maybe thirteen? Get some real experience and pay more attention in school, then you should try this again. Maybe. Dumbass.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-01-25 16:56:22
So... Just a few helpful tips... First, It's "college", not "collage". Be sure to check your spelling, spell checker won't catch correct words used incorrectly, and please don't use abbreviations(ppl). I always find it helps to do a read through out loud. Second, just use high school if you're going to describe high school drama, the whole thing is unrealistic from a college stand point. Otherwise not a bad start, keep trying and please do continue.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-01-25 12:25:36
Keep going please would rate but it wont let me

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