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a rough draft of a story ive been working on feel free to tell me what you think
My boy friend and I sat alone on the couch. The TV was off and a single light was on. We had been cuddling for a half hour or so but when I looked up at him as he played with my hair, he stopped and looked me in the eyes before traveling down to my lips. When he looked back up I parted my lips giving him the okay. He kissed me lightly at first but soon pressed harder against my lips in a force full kiss. I finally allowed him entrance to my mouth and his tongue darted inside quickly. Wasting no time our tongues danced back and forth gliding in and out of each other’s mouths. A small moan escaped his lips as his hand traveled up my side resting it there almost on my tit. I grabbed a fist full of his short hair urging him on. He got the message quickly and cupped my above average tit slowly squeezing till I moaned for more. With that he broke the kiss and quickly removed my shirt. The sudden rush of cold air making my nipples harden. Now with both his hands on my tits he began to squeeze them I started to whimper, silently begging him to take it farther. Finally he takes off my bra, I hear him groan with pleasure as he watches them. Leaving a quick trail of kisses down my neck he takes my left nipple into his hot mouth sucking gently making both my nipples harden even more. Unexpectedly he bites down hard making me cry out in pleasurable pain. I can feel him grin as he continues to suck then bite me several times before moving to do the same with my right nipple. By now my panties are soaked and the bulge in his pants is becoming noticeable. I smile and catch him off guard quickly removing his shirt and scratching gently down his chest with my nails. I see him shiver and watch his pupils dilate even more. Pulling me close he breaths into my ear the hot air making me moan before he licks my ear and sucks on my ear lobe. I start to squirm and suddenly he licks the inside of my ear making me cry out loudly. I hear him chuckle and I know he’s grinning I grab at his cock through his jeans. I hear him gasp now it’s my turn to grin. His breathing starts to quicken as I tease him through his jeans. I can tell he’s growing impatient which only adds to the fun. Finally he takes matters into his own hands. Grabbing my hand kind of ruff and tries to put it down his pants. I laugh and pull back hearing him growl impatiently, I crawl over him so i’m sitting on his lap. I can feel his cock easily and I rub against it gently I can feel it growing more and continue to rub back and forth hearing him groan in frustration only turns me on more. By now my panties are completely soaked and i’m trying not to moan. I catch him just right making him jerk up and thrust into me I moan at this. Seeing what it does to me he jerks upwards several times making me cry out. I give in and let him push me onto the couch, I feel his hands running up my thighs and my breath catches in my throat. Inside i’m begging him to go higher. I whimper when he passes my pussy and grips my ass instead. You pull me closer to you and lay on top of me nudging my legs apart so you can rest your thigh against my crotch. The pressure of your weight against my clit makes me moan as you snicker and apply more pressure I moan louder this time and you readjust so my legs are trapped between yours. Knowing I can’t move you lightly run your hand up my thigh and cup my pussy making me gasp unexpectedly. You smile but I’ve had enough and try and flip us around resulting with both of us lying on the ground by the couch. I smile and beat you, lying on top of you and slowly undoing your belt and sliding it away from us tossing it aside. I unzip your jeans and begin struggling with the button my hands are shaking too badly. You smirk and easily pop it open I stick my tongue out at you as I pull out your hard cock. I stroke it a few times to get your attention as always it works then I quickly lean down and lick the head making you gasp. I take your head in my mouth and suck gently before licking in a circle. You gasp and moan trying to push me down but I take my time sliding about half your length down my throat and pulling up again doing this repeatedly then quickly sliding your entire length down my throat and sucking. I pull you out quickly and climb back on top of you and begin to kiss you quickly turning heavy I feel you try and thrust against me getting you know where. I allow you to flip us over and you quickly slid down towards my hips. I breathe deeply as you slid your hand between my legs you laugh and place your head on my stomach, slowly unbuttoning my jeans and then sitting up to pull them down my legs. I hear you mutter damn when you see my panties. I allow you to pull them off before I take over again to actually take your pants off as they hung around your knees. I quickly sat on top of you, your dick sitting right in front of my pussy. I could feel you trying to thrust so I held your dick and rubbed the head against my pussy making you moan loudly I cut you off by impaling myself on you taking you as deep as I could. I sat there for a minute or two adjusting to your size finally I began to move.


2017-06-06 20:32:54
Don't worry about your grammar it will improve as you write more, your story
and your writing is great! Ignore if you can the smart ass critics who never
wrote anything and are all talk. Your writing is interesting and enjoying to
read and shows your insight, please keep enjoying to write.


2014-03-27 03:31:59
I wrote this when I was 13 but needed help finding mistakes because its my own writing I'm not embarrassed by it for my age and lack of knowledge it wasnt that bad. But I will try and fix the problem with the switching between first and third person. And I will admit I'm very bad with spacing I apologize for that. If people like the base line I will retype this and repost it

Anonymous readerReport

2014-03-24 03:01:34
Either continue writing in third person or stay in first person. Do not switch back and forth. This story needs a whole lot of work. You really should never post a draft of anything. Have a literate person proof-read and edit it, THEN and only then, post it. Otherwise, your poor writing skills will come back to haunt you. You should be embarrassed by posting this poorly-written junk, Never advertise your lack of ability.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-03-23 23:37:41
Wall of text!! Paragraphs. White space is your friend

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