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This is my very first story please tell me what you all think.
One day a young 19 year old girl named Mary was walking home from her friends house in the middle of the night. She was about a block away from her house when a car pulled up behind her and snatched her up by putting a bag over her head and knocking her out. She woke up tied down to a bed with chains naked and spread eagle. She tried to scream but all that came out was muffels because she had a gag in. The room was dark and all you could see was the moon light shinning on her naked glowing body. A few mins later a large man walked in and sat by mary and asked her if she was confy. All mary could do was muffel in scared whines. The man got up and went to the table set at the bottom of the bed and started to pour hot wax all over mary's body watching her squirm in pain and he just laughed. Then he grabbed the green liquid on the tabled and started to scopped a nice amount into her vagina. She started to squirm and try to get away but could not. After the man lubed her pussy all the way he grabbed a glass tube that was set on the bed next to mary and shoved it as far as he could. He grab something off the table that squilled. He showed mary what he was going to do to her. He took the little animal by the tail and waved it in front of her face and she started to squirm trying to push the tube out before he got down there but it was to late he already put the mouse part way in and then took another long pole to shove the mouse all the way in. before he took the tube out he took the gag out of her mouth then he pulled the tube out. Mary started to scream in horrible pain. Squirming and screaming. The tall man just stood there and laughed at her while she was in pain. After about ten minutes when by he lubbed up his two fingers on his right and left hand. He shoved his two left fingers into mary's ass to start to lube her ass up for what he was going to do next to her. Then with his right two fingers he shoved them into her vagina digging around for the mouse. Mary scream stop stop your pushing it in to far. And he just started to laugh at her while he was moving the mouse all around the inside of her now bloody pussy while is is fingering her ass. Then after a couple minutes of him tortuing mary he finally pulls the mouse out of her bloody vagina and showed mary his wonderful piece. Mary screamed telling him to stop. He just laughed at her and said sweetheart your just getting started you are going to be fucked by a dog then a horse and then by me and i am going to cum in you as much as possible till you get impregneated with my child then i am going to treat that child like a slave to if it is a girl. After he told her what he was going to do with her he undid the chains and flipped her over to doggy style and chained her up to make sure she would not get away. He called in the two big dogs and had her set up to where when they came in they could hope right into her bloody gushing vagina. The first dog walked over to mary and started to sniff her bloody pussy. Mary just started to try to kick the dog away but did not work. The dog started to lick her up sticking his tounge in and out of her till his shaft was to full length. After a couple mins of licking the dog moutained mary and started to fuck her rough and fast. His knot started to grow more and more and mary kept screaming stop stop make this fucking dog stop and the dog kept going and locked into her and cammed all of his doggy cum into her. He finally got on latched from mary and the second dog hopped right up on mary and started to pound her till he cam in her to. Finally after the second dog got done with mary they both got let out of the room and the tall man unchained mary and cuffed her up and took her outside to ware the horse was. He layed mary onto the table he had all set up so the horse could mout her in the ass. He led the horse over to mary and started to stroke the horese dick till it was all the way out. then he took a nice huge glob of lube and forced it up marys ass and onto the horses cock. He lead the trained horse over to mary's ass and mary screamed no please dont no not there and while mary was screaming he shoved the tip of the horses cock deep into marys tight ass.. She screamed in pain and fainted. When Mary woke up she was backed to the room tide down and the man has been fucking her for hours already nutted 19 times in her. Mary screamed and said stop how many times have you cummed in me i don't want your baby i don't want it. The guy said your already to late Mary i have nutted in you more than 19 times already you are def going to have my child and you are going to be my sex slave for the rest of your life and you will do as i say and you will like it. And if we have a girl i am going to treat her the same way when she turns 16 and if we have a son then i am giving him away and i will keep getting you pregnant till you have a daughter. You got that you slutty bitch.
Nine months later Mary gave birth to a little girl.
Part 2 next week please comment and let me know what you all think.


2014-04-13 08:33:13
In case you actually are looking for some constructive criticism:
1: I'd recommend re-reading what you wrote before submitting it. You want to make sure the sentences aren't missing any words that would make the reader have to stop and figure out what a sentence means. You also want to make sure what you wrote makes sense.
2: Having the whole story in one solid text block is very hard to read. Try breaking it up into paragraphs.
3: The goal of a sex story is to get the reader worked up by getting them into the action. This is generally done by going into detail about the activities taking place. Your story is more like a high level summary of what happened. I recommend slowing it down and going into more detail in the "sex" scenes
4: When writing a story you really want to try and spell everything correctly. Try running it through a spellchecker before submitting.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-04-11 12:05:45
While the story seems good...... It's rushed, lacks details, needs paragraphs. Need a lot of work!

Anonymous readerReport

2014-04-11 07:17:42


2014-04-10 20:25:57
The biggest thing you could do is work on your spacing between paragraphs. A sold block of print is hard to read. I also agree you should go into a little more detail also. I think it has potential and would like to see more.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-04-10 12:41:56
rewrite this part with more deion...corrected grammar and more attention to detail...then work out in advance what you want to happen next...bearing in mind after being fucked in arse by a horse she is quite likely to be useless for anything else

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