As I lay in bed on this balmy Saturday night, all hunched
over and curled up on my side, those horrible feelings listed
above (and many more just like them) were swirling throughout
me. A good two hours after Pamela had stormed out of my suite
once she learned of the voyeur room and its existence, the
words she had left me with were still ringing very loudly in
my ears. Not only did Pamela demand that I never speak to her
again, but she called me just about every nasty, derogatory
name in the book because I had been eavesdropping on her and
all of the other ladies since their arrival nearly three weeks
ago. My secret was out, and most likely public news.
But the worst thing of all was that Pamela also insisted
that I send her home - back to Maryland - at the absolute
earliest opportunity. Pamela said that she was going to
pack her belongings and expected to be on an airline flight
back to the United States within 24 hours.
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Those were her
final words to me as she stomped off, down the hallway.
I was under the impression in recent times that Pamela and
I had something extremely special together which had the real
possibility of lasting for not only a lifetime, but all of
eternity as well. Alas, it was not going to happen. Any
chance that Pamela and I had at a bona-fide relationship was
now squashed. And I had no one to blame except myself.
I had been sprawled across my bed here in my personal
suite for the past two hours. My stomach was in a severe
amount of discomfort because I had spent a large portion of
those two hours crying my eyes out like an upset toddler.
My stomach hurt so much that I was clutching it as I lay on
my side. I believed that I was past the crying stage, but
felt the same way ten minutes ago before another fit started.
Everything was ruined.
Pamela seemed to be the woman that I had been searching my
entire life for. She was incredibly ladylike and witty, but
also friendly, warm-hearted, caring and very loving. Pamela's
awe-inspiring physical attributes and cover-girl face were an
extra attraction for me - but certainly not the only reason
why I found her so wondrously appealing. The way that Pamela
looked was icing on top of an already delicious cake for me.
It also seemed - at least to me - that Pamela and I went
together like bread and butter. Salt and pepper. Steak
and a baked potato. I thought everything between us was
absolutely perfect, and progressing to even greater heights
with each passing day. But when the truth about the biggest
secret I had held back from sharing with Pamela - the voyeur
room - reared its ugly head, everything changed.
Pamela's impression of me now was that of a sick and
demented pervert who got his rocks off by spying on unknowing
women with the help of hidden video cameras. Really, I could
not argue with that viewpoint. I had no defense. How could
I possibly deny that what I had been doing for the past
couple of weeks was _not_ sick and demented?
In all likelihood, Pamela now looked at me in an even
lesser light than the hundreds of thousands of nameless,
faceless customers she had degraded herself to in a Baltimore
area strip club for the past 11 years. Knowing how little
she thought of the common patron at the strip club where she
was employed, Pamela could very well think of and view me as
a billion times worse than any of them now.
But the verbal firestorm and beat-down that Pamela brought
forth upon me may have very well just been the beginning. It
would not surprise me one bit if all of the other guests who
Kristanna and I had brought here - Trish, Devon, Lindsay,
Amy and Camille - knew about the voyeur room now as well. I
could easily envision Pamela telling all of them about my
nasty, little secret. Who could blame her if she chose to
do just that? Was there a reason for her not to tell them?
Many of the things I just said about Pamela could easily
pertain to Devon as well. How could I go wrong if I went the
other way, and ultimately pursued a relationship with Devon?
I could not go wrong with either because Pamela and Devon
were both absolutely perfect, albeit in different ways.
But, any chance I had with Devon was most likely shattered
now as well. I was certain Pamela had told her - as well as
everyone else - about the voyeur room. All was ruined.
What about Trish? Trish and I had been getting along
wonderfully as of late. She and I could hold a very long
and insightful conversation, and seemed to be on the cusp of
a true _friendship_. But Trish would surely not approve of
me eavesdropping on her private moments and discussions with
the others. How would Trish react if she knew that I liked
to stroke my cock while secretly watching her masturbate
with _Mr. Happy_ - her treasured magic wand/vibrator? I
think it is safe of me to assume that it would _disgust_ her.
Lindsay? Amy? Camille? I could see it now. All six of
the ladies were gathering the pitchforks from the garden shed
outside, as well as any other weapon or sharp object they
could find. Soon, they would burst through my door and, in a
display of extreme (but justified) vengeance - shred me to
within an inch of my life. If so, I would deserve it.
Like everything else in my life, I had failed.
I had found the ultimate woman - Pamela - who seemed intent
on committing herself to the idea of a life-long relationship
with me. In fact, I found _two_ ultimate women. Devon was
equally interested in me as well. But, just like everything
else in my life, I had screwed it up. I flopped. I _failed_.
I took what had been an ideal, dream scenario, and absolutely
ruined it. Unfortunately, that seemed to be a recurring theme
for me throughout my 39 years on this planet.
I was going to spend the rest of my life all alone - in
total misery. Perhaps this was my true destiny after all.
To be an outcast from society who never knows happiness...
* * *
Still lying in my suite (and feeling quite miserable), I
was so startled that I twitched and sat up when I felt a
presence on the mattress behind me. I quickly turned around
to get a glimpse of who had paid me this surprise visit. It
was Kristanna, who was cradling one of her beloved animals
here on the island - Bow Wow Meow (a cat) - in her arms.
"Hi Jeremy," she greeted me, her voice quiet and sullen.
I tried to wipe away the excess of tears which had settled
and dried on my face. Although I was not the type of man who
considered himself to be _above_ crying, I did not want for
anyone - especially a woman - to see me in such a weak state
of mind. On the other hand, of course, Kristanna had watched
me cry a time or two in the past. So this was really nothing
new to her. Still, I never felt comfortable when she saw me
like this. "What are you doing here?" I asked her, upset.
Kristanna placed Bow Wow Meow upon my shoulder and said,
"I brought you a little pussy to help cheer you up." When it
was obvious that her attempt at humor was unsuccessful - I
was not in the laughing mood - Kristanna grabbed the frisky
feline and then set it down upon the floor. Bow Wow Meow
slinked off toward its favorite corner as Kristanna looked
at me and frowned. "I heard what happened, Jeremy."
Something did not seem right here. Although I could not
pinpoint it just yet, I knew something was wrong. Different.
"Oh? What did you hear?"
Kristanna took a deep breath. "I was just talking to
Pamela for the past half-hour. Actually... she was screaming
at me. Pamela is horribly upset. She is just as mad at me
as she is at you because I knew all about the voyeur room,
too. Pamela even accused me of being a co-conspirator with
you." A tear streaming down her face, Kristanna reached out
and touched my arm with her right hand. "You okay, Jeremy?"
Suddenly, I realized what seemed so out-of-place.
"What happened to your voice?" I asked, confused.
Kristanna hung her head low for a brief moment, then
glanced back up at me and frowned in response. "I have
wanted to tell you for the longest time, Jeremy, that I can
speak perfect English. But you... you like that wild accent
I use so much. I always use it around you because you seem
to enjoy it so much. But I speak perfect English. In my
country, we are taught English at a very early age."
I was so shocked that I could not even say anything...
"I always use that accent when I meet someone new who
does not speak my native language, Norwegian," she went on.
"It is a way for me to get noticed, I guess. I met you four
years ago, Jeremy, and you just ate my accent up. You have
always told me that I sound so chippy and funny. So, I kept
using it. But at the same time, as you became my close
friend and someone who meant a great deal to me, I wanted
you to know that I can speak perfect English, too. I... I
just never got around to it until now, I guess, because you
seem to enjoy that accent so very much."
Kristanna paused and continued, "Right now seems like the
perfect time to let you in on my little secret. I am not
here now to make you laugh. I am here to be your friend."
Still stunned, I simply stared at Kristanna. Her accent
was her defining quality to me. It always had been. But
now, I learned, it was fake? Kristanna's accent was _fake_?
She pouted. "I hope you're not mad, Jeremy. Again, I have
kept using it for so long because I know that you enjoy it so
much. I hope you do not think of it as something sneaky or
manipulative on my part. I have never asked you for anything.
I have not gained anything, material wise, by disguising my
voice for so long. Now... I want to come clean about it. I
only spoke that way because the accent made you laugh..."
"I'm not mad," I conceded. "Just a little surprised."
"I was talking to Pamela," Kristanna said, returning to
her original topic. "She told me what happened. Pamela is,
as I mentioned, horribly upset. She almost blew up when I
told her that I knew all about the voyeur room, too. But I
have a feeling, Jeremy. Give Pamela a little time and she
will come to her senses, and realize that you do nothing
wrong with the voyeur room. She was absolutely frantic;
speculating that there are live feeds of all of the girls on
the Internet. That you sell videos of them for profit. I
told her that no one sees those videos except you and I."
Kristanna shook her head and continued, "Pamela loves you,
Jeremy. Once she settles down and regains her composure, I
think that I will be able to have a peaceful discussion with
her about the voyeur room. I will set her straight."
I chuckled in a bitter manner and shook my head at her.
"If Pamela loves me, then why is our relationship over?"
"It's not over," Kristanna responded. "Pamela is angry
right now, Jeremy. Mad. She just needs time to cool off."
"Of course it's over!" I exclaimed, the anger and rage
slowly building within me. "I have a snowball's chance in
HELL of EVER getting back with Pamela! Not only Pamela, but
Devon too! Trish! Lindsay! Amy! Even Camille! By now,
I'm certain that Pamela has told all of them about the voyeur
room. They are all probably planning on what way to maim and
disfigure me as we speak! I ruined everything, Kristanna!"
I fell over onto my side and buried my head in the pillow.
Suddenly, I found it difficult to hold back a new batch of
tears while saying, "What am I going to do, Krissy? I
fi-finally find someone who seems to accept me for who I am,
and I ruin it." A tear escaped from my right eye and dripped
onto the pillow beneath me. "It really just m-makes me start
to think that I'm never going to be happy in l-life. I will
spend the rest of my days, all alone, on this island."
I hesitated, trying to compose myself, before going on,
"All alone. Always alone, in isolation. I'll d-die here.
No one will even d-discover my bo-body for six or eight
months, if not longer. Maybe even YEARS." I did start to
cry as I concluded, "My who-whole life... it has been wasted
up to this point. JUST WASTED!"
Kristanna sighed and shook her head at me. "Apparently,
you made Pamela promise you something before escorting her to
the voyeur room." Kristanna paused for a short moment, then
added, "You made Pamela promise that she would not tell any of
the others about what you were going to show her." My eyes
went wide as Kristanna explained, "Pamela is horribly upset,
yes, and not thinking straight. But she is coherent enough
to have told me that she never, EVER breaks a promise." I
groaned as Kristanna added, "Pamela WANTS to tell all of the
others about the voyeur room, but refuses to go back on her
promise to you. You lucked out there, Jeremy."
"But Pamela told you about the voyeur room," I countered.
"She did not know that you knew about it beforehand."
"I demanded an answer out of her," Kristanna mused. "I
could tell that something was wrong because she was so upset
when I came across her in the hobby room. I already had a
pretty good idea of what may be wrong, anyway. She told me
that you had showed her the voyeur room. I told her that I
knew all about it myself and thus, Pamela was angry with me,
too. But when I learned of Pamela's promise, I reminded her
of it two or three times. I reminded her that she cannot
tell any of the others. Pamela is a very good, upstanding
girl, Jeremy. No matter how mad she is at you and me, she
will not tell the others. I have faith that she won't."
Suddenly, I felt a certain sense of relief. At least a
tiny portion of relief. Trish, Devon, Lindsay, Amy and
Camille were not plotting my demise at this moment in time.
I could take a deep breath and rest a bit easier with that
knowledge. But, there was still plenty for me to be upset
about. Any chance that I had with Pamela was long gone...
"I... I'm going to die here, Kristanna. I'm going to die
on this island. I will die the very same way that I have
spent the vast majority of my life - alone. All alone. No
one will ever c-care about me. I w-will never have th-the
opportunity to be a hu-husband... a f-f-fa-father. I will...
I will just waste away here, into absolute nothingness." I
growled and ended, "I... I think I already have."
"Wasted away into absolute nothingness. I'm a nobody. I
feel... I feel that I have... so much... to give... someone.
But th-the reality... the r-reality... is I... have nothing.
I _AM_ nothing. I will die here, all alone, on this island."
Kristanna tilted her head to the side and looked at me
for several seconds, then reached out and placed her hand
atop my shoulder. She trailed it downward, momentarily
massaging and caressing my back. "You choose to live here
all by your lonesome, Jeremy. How many times have I asked
you to move to Norway with me? How many times have I asked
you to just VISIT Norway for awhile, and see what it is
like?" Kristanna appeared quite agitated. "No one is
forcing you to be live on this island. It's your choice."
"It's been 20 years," Kristanna went on. "It has been 20
years since Victoria left you at the altar for that other
girl, Jeremy. When are you FINALLY going to stand up for
yourself, and release the clamp that Victoria has on you?
You have not even seen or spoken to her in 20 years. It is
OVER. NOTHING can change what happened that day. NOTHING!
If you cannot change it, then why worry about it?"
"You don't understand how humiliating that was for me."
"Maybe not," Kristanna nodded. "But do you remember when
your brother and sister from Ohio paid you that surprise
visit last year? I was visiting you then, too. Remember?
They brought all the kids with them, too."
"Yeah," I answered. "You told Dan and Di that you were
my girlfriend. That was... interesting."
"Your brother and sister tried to convince you to leave
this island, too," Kristanna recalled. "They tried to get
you to move back to Ohio with them. To re-enter the world
and become an actual human being again. You told them...
_no_. Do you remember what your reason was?"
When I did not answer, Kristanna did it for me by saying,
"Because seeing them reminded you of Victoria. Seeing
anyone who was at your wedding reminds you of Victoria,
and the humiliation that you endured. Even your own family.
You have shut them out completely. That is WRONG."
Kristanna shook her head. "You became an Internet tycoon
19 years ago when it was still in its infancy. You built up
this huge fortune and then sold everything off 17 years ago.
With all that money in your pocket, Jeremy, you buy a private
island in the South Pacific and go away there to hide from
the rest of civilization. By that time, you told me,
Victoria had met a new man and was already married to him.
She was not tormenting you, or poking fun at you because of
what happened in the past. She was not doing anything."
"You have so much to give someone, Jeremy. I am not
talking about money, either. Not at all. Look at Pamela.
Despite what just happened earlier, she worships the ground
that you walk on because you are the most amazing man she has
ever met in her whole life. I could say the same thing about
Devon, too... Devvy. She is crazy about you. But give Pamela
a little time. Eventually, she will get over being angry and
come to her senses. Then, I will explain to her that the
voyeur room is nothing but a harmless fascination for you. I
will make Pamela understand. Trust me on that."
"How can Pamela worship the ground that I walk on, as you
say, if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?"
"Give her time," Kristanna reiterated. "Jeremy, YOU are
not thinking logically, either. Pamela is a smart girl. She
is not going to let one imperfection about you ruin her image
of you as a whole person. Give her time to cool down. I
think that I will try talking to her again in the morning."
"It will never work, Kristanna," I groaned. "Even if
Pamela and I got back together - which we won't, but even if
we do - I would screw it up somehow. I always do." I shook
my head and ended, "I've been a failure my whole life. I am
the definition of a total failure..."
Kristanna narrowed her eyes at me and asked, "Have you
been taking your medication lately?"
"YES, I HAVE!" I sniped in response.
"I didn't mean to make you angry..."
"If I can't get Pamela to want to be with me... then I'll
never be happy," I told her. "Pamela is perfect for me. I
think I am perfect for her. If I cannot get her to like me,
then WHO CAN I get? Devon? Eventually, if I choose to go
after a relationship with Devon, she would have to learn
about the voyeur room and its existence, too. Devon would
HATE ME, Kristanna. She would _HATE ME_!"
I shook my head and fretted, "Just what I said earlier -
I will spend the rest of my life on this Godforsaken island,
and die here. Who in their right mind would love me anyway?
Maybe that is the thing, Kristanna. Pamela discovered what
type of person I am. Even if she never knew about the
voyeur room, Pamela would have still discovered what type of
person I am. It is my destiny to be alone in life!"
"What type of person are you?"
"The type who has been to dozens of psychiatrists over
the past 20 years. The type who has spent a cumulative of
four months in nine different mental hospitals. And the
type who is jacked up to his eyeballs on anti-depressants.
All because of what Victoria did to me 20 years ago!" My
body actually began to tremble and vibrate from all of the
negative energy. "Who wants to be with someone like me?
Pamela would have realized all of this eventually. So
would Devon... and anyone else, for that matter."
"Pamela and Devvy would both love you regardless of
whatever problems you have, or THINK you have," Kristanna
insisted. "God, Jeremy! Get a grip of yourself. Use some
logic here. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself!"
"Devon? Devon would want nothing to do with me once she
learns of all the problems that I have. Because of her own
problems - the drug incident from high school and the fact
that her parents have somehow shut her out of their lives
completely - she needs someone with minimal baggage in life."
"Devvy needs someone who will love and care for her, and
treat her the way she deserves to be treated - with love and
respect," Kristanna contended. "You would give her that,
Jeremy, and so much more. Again, I could say the same for
Pamela. Pamela is already wildly in love with you, Jeremy.
You have treated her like royalty since the very moment you
met her at the airport over in Lima. You don't think that
Pamela realizes that? That she appreciates that?"
I shook my head once more, not wanting to listen to any
of those words. "No one would love me, Krissy, once they get
to know me. I'm just... I'm all screwed up. I'm a FAILURE!"
"I know you, Jeremy. And... _I_ love you."
"I love you."
"I've known you for four years, Jeremy. I've been coming
to visit you for four years. I have logged nearly _250,000_
airline miles to fly here and visit you. You've poured your
entire heart and soul out to me. You've told me all of your
little secrets. Even your dark secrets... you have told me
them as well. And I still love you. I always have."
I was dumbfounded. "You... you mean as a friend, right?"
She shook her head and replied, "No."
"You're interested in me as a... a BOYFRIEND?"
Kristanna chuckled ever-so-softly and shook her head to
that as well. "No, not exactly. I'm interested in you a
LOT more than just a boyfriend. Something ever-lasting."
Kristanna had dropped little hints here-and-there about
her true feelings for me, but I dismissed them without a
great deal of thought or consideration. I simply figured
that I was reading too much into what she said, or that I
was perceiving her advances (and her cryptic messages to me
in Norwegian) wrong. This was my _best friend_ here...
"Why haven't you told me this in the past?"
Kristanna took a deep breath. "I tried. Many times. I
tried to convince you to go with me to Norway, but you
always refused. You wanted to stay on this island rather
than be with me. It just got to the point between us where
I figured that you were completely incapable of looking at
me as anything other than your friend."
"I tried to convince you to stay with me on the island..."
"Why should I want to stay here?" Kristanna countered.
"My whole life is back in Norway. Momma and Papa, my sister
and her kids, all of the friends and relatives that I grew
up with. I love my family SOOOOO much. I miss them so much.
That is the difference, Jeremy. I have a reason to go back
to Norway. You have NO REASON to stay on this island. If
you really wanted a new start in life, where no one would
know about your past, Norway would have been the perfect
place for you. You could have started over, but you would
have had me by your side. I would have helped you, Jeremy,
adjust to my country. Why should I stay on this island?
Why should YOU stay here? It is more important for you to
live in this tropic of eros that you call home, and be
miserable, than to go to Norway and pursue a life with me."
"I never looked at you as anything more than a friend!" I
exclaimed, trying to defend myself. "I had no reason to
because I thought you felt the same way about me!"
Kristanna frowned for a moment, then nodded her head in
response. "Maybe I should have told you my true feelings a
long time ago. But again, it just got to the point where I
thought you were incapable of looking at me as anything more
than your friend. So... I accepted that as fact. Plus, I
did not want to say or do anything that would jeopardize our
friendship. I do love you, yes. But I also look at you as
my best friend, Jeremy. I have for a long, long time."
Kristanna glanced up at the Heavens for an instant, then
re-focused upon me. Suddenly, there were tears in her eyes.
"I would do anything for you, Jeremy. I really would. That
is why I helped you bring all of these girls to the island
in the first place. You're incapable of looking at me as
_your girl_, and I accept that."
Kristanna paused for a long moment, trying to find the
right words to continue her speech with. "I know it may
sound totally crazy on my part, but if I can't have you for
myself... I want you to hook up with one of these girls -
Pamela or Devvy, or Trish, Lindsay, Amy, Camille. With or
without me, Jeremy, all I want is for you to be HAPPY! It
is all I have EVER wanted for you! V-Victoria hurt you so
much 20 years ago. She destroyed you! If I had one wish in
life, it would be for you to be happy. You deserve it!"
Once again, I found myself totally speechless. If I read
this situation correctly, Kristanna was in love with me.
But my happiness was far more important to her than her own
needs. If she could not have me as a romantic interest in
her life, Kristanna still cared about me so much that she
wanted to pair me up with someone who would, in her own mind,
make me happy. I was stunned by her gracious words...
"I cannot tell you all the many times back home in Norway
when I thought about you, Jeremy." Kristanna's voice began
to break and squeak as she conveyed, "I went to parties with
my friends. I would go out with my family for a night on the
town. I'm a happy and jovial person. I like to laugh and
have a good time. So, I ALWAYS had a good time when I went
out with friends or family."
Kristanna gulped her throat. "Then I thought about you.
While I'm out with my family, my friends... having fun, I
knew you were all alone on this island. Probably lying in
bed, feeling all empty and depressed. Even worse, probably
lying in the d-d-dark. It always made me start to cry..."
Kristanna shielded her eyes and, indeed, began sobbing.
"I... I felt so horribly GUILTY! The man I love, the man I
want to be with... I left him all alone for three or four
weeks at a time! THAT is why I suggested you bring a group
of girls here, Jeremy! I just want you to be happy. It is
at the point now where it doesn't matter if it's with me or
not. I just want you to be HAPPY! It would make me happy!
In fact, NOTHING would make me more happy!"
"Sweetheart, I don't even know what to say..."
"Maybe Trish and Camille are not really interested in
you the way you and I wish they were," Kristanna commented,
regaining her composure and wiping away her tears. "Lindsay
is too young for you after all - just as I predicted she
would be months ago. Amy is DEFINITELY not relationship
material. You are not interested in any of those four as a
possible wife anyway, and that is a very good thing. But
Pamela and Devvy, Jeremy... both of them are crazy for you.
I WOULD NOT TELL YOU that you and Pamela still have a future
with each other if it wasn't true! But if you really think
that you're finished with Pamela, try Devvy. Devvy would
welcome you into her life and her heart with open arms!"
"I thought you had designs on Devon, Krissy," I countered.
"You have been wild and crazy about her since the very first
moment that you met her. She is crazy about you, too."
"Kanskje alle tre av oss kunne flytter til Norge..."
"What did you just say?" I demanded. "Tell me!"
Kristanna shook her head. "Nothing, Jeremy. Nothing."
"I don't want you to take it the wrong way."
"I won't take it the wrong way if you tell me what it is
that you just said," I insisted. "PLEASE! You're being all
open and honest with me tonight. No more cryptic messages!"
Kristanna sighed and took a deep breath. "I said... maybe
all three of us could move... to... to Norway. Me... you and
Devvy. That... that would be the best-case scenario for me."
"The three of us? All together?"
"If Pamela wanted to come along, that would be wonderful,
too," Kristanna said. "The four of us could be a family.
There would be so much happiness. And we would see to it
that you would never even THINK about Victoria again! But
I... I know you would never go for that. Not only do you
never want to leave this island paradise of yours, but you do
not look at me in that kind of a way - as a lover. That is
fine, though. It really is. I... I understand."
I was silent, allowing those words to sink in.
"I remember the first time I saw you some four years ago,"
Kristanna pined. "It was at the Inca ruins over in Peru, at
Machu Picchu. Do you remember that, Jeremy? You were
looking at one of the exhibits in the village outside of the
temple. I was with Momma and Papa. Momma was laughing at
me, saying that I was drooling at the mouth, looking at you.
She was the one who convinced me to go over and talk to you.
I was apprehensive about it because I did not know you at
all, and I was thousands of miles away from my homeland. A
Norwegian girl approaching an American man on Peruvian soil.
That just seems... off." Kristanna frowned and sighed.
"Unfortunately, that wild accent of mine came out when I
introduced myself to you."
"I... I always liked your accent," I told her. "Whether
it was real or not, I... I liked it." I paused, thinking
about what she had just told me. "You were drooling?"
"Literally, yes," Kristanna answered, a slight giggle in
her voice. "Not figuratively."
"You want me to be honest?"
"Of course I do."
Kristanna took a little time before finally explaining,
"I believe that there are maybe two or three people in a
person's life, Jeremy, that when they see them for the first
time, the only thought that comes to their mind is WOW. I
felt that way about you when I saw you at the ruins. To be
totally honest, I have only felt that way about one other
person in my entire life. That was when I was still in
school - her name was Helga - and it was a long time ago."
"Your favorite girlfriend, Helga?"
Kristanna first hesitated, then smiled. "I saw you at
Machu Picchu that first day, Jeremy, and I was just blown
away. I mean, completely blown away. When I initially laid
my eyes on you, I was like... _WOW_. Again, honestly - I
was so much in love with you from that very first moment."
"For whatever reason, I had this sense about you. It
wasn't because of the way you looked, either. Rather, I saw
you as someone who was extremely nice and caring; very loving
and peaceful. You were the perfect man for me. I knew this
even before you and I said one word to each other."
"But you know what?" Kristanna added, grinning. "You
turned out to be even BETTER than perfect for me, Jeremy. I
learned that over the course of time. I couldn't believe it.
You are so generous and thoughtful. You do good, ultra-nice
things for others like it is nothing. And you are so very
understanding. You're everything I've ever wanted in a man."
"Never before did I ever believe that I would find a man,
or even a woman, who I felt this strongly about. But you
turned out to be that person, Jeremy - moreso than Helga, or
my first boyfriend from Norway, Mubbashir, or anyone else.
You know how much I love and care for Devvy. I am wild and
crazy over her. LOCO over her. But my feelings for that
girl do not even come close to comparing with my feelings
for you. There is no way. No way at all."
After taking a deep breath, Kristanna offered her most
sincere smile and added, "I want you to be my universe. I
would do anything for you. Anything AT ALL to make you
happy. I... I love you more than you'll ever know. I do."
This was my _best friend_ here, saying things to me that I
thought I would NEVER hear from her. I was flabbergasted!
Also feeling the effects of that long and very emotional
proclamation, Kristanna wiped a new flow of tears away from
her eyes. Sniffing her nose, she then offered me a faint
laugh and croaked, "Do you know how lon-long I have wanted to
say th-that to you, Jeremy?" Kristanna hid her face for an
instant and concluded, "You h-have no idea how l-l-long..."
"Why... why... am I... p-p-per-perfect... for you?" I
could barely get the words out myself!
Kristanna shook her head. "Why don't you look in the
mirror for starters? That is your biggest problem, Jeremy.
You do not give yourself any credit whatsoever. Pamela
thinks you are hot and sexy. Devvy thinks you are hot
and sexy. Lindsay, Amy. _I_ think you are hot and sexy.
I would even say that Trish thinks that you are hot and
sexy, too! You, though, call yourself plain and ordinary."
"But it goes beyond the way you look, obviously," she
continued. "Beneath all of that depression is a very warm
and loving person. Look at what you have done for Devvy.
Look at how you treat her. Devvy has asked me several times
over the past two weeks if this is really the type of person
you are. If you are REALLY this sincere, this gracious,
this warm and caring. Pamela has asked me the same type of
questions. Both of them wanted to know if it was an act or
not. Even Camille asked! I told them it was no act. This
is the type of person that you really are. You're so humble,
so giving, so incredibly sweet, Jeremy. That is the sexiest
thing about you, if you ask me - your good nature."
My heart was fluttering with positive emotions - and a
very sudden, overwhelming sense of love and devotion - as
Kristanna mused, "It is my personal goal for you to have
found the girl of your dreams before the next three or so
weeks are up. Whether it is Pamela or Devvy, or even one of
the others, as long as you are happy... _I_ will be happy."
I was quiet for a few seconds, but finally mustered enough
courage to say, "I think I'd be happiest with you, Krissy..."