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Introduction:

This is a fictionalized account of a true event in my life.
CAW 19 – Black, by Pearl Jam

All copyrighted material is used here non-commercially. Non-commercial use of copyrighted material is protected under the Fair Use provisions of United States Copyright Law. Special thanks to NE Woman for her assistance with proofreading and editing, and for her kind words of encouragement.

*

With each passing year my memories seem to be more vivid, rather than less so. It was mid December, 1993 and I was living in a suburb of Seattle, WA. I was recently divorced, and had a casual fling going with an older woman I'd met at a previous job. Nothing serious, a 'friends with benefits' thing. After my divorce, I wasn't looking for anything more than that.

I had a decent job as an office manager at a collection agency. The work wasn't very pleasant, but it paid well enough. Of course this was not the career I had planned on when I got my bachelor's degree in fine arts, but if you've ever wondered what kind of job a BFA degree will get you, managing a phone room is near the top of the list. I still painted in my spare time, but I hadn't sold anything, and none of the dealers or galleries I showed my portfolio to expressed any serious interest. As romantic as the idea of being a starving artist was, I liked to eat on a regular basis, so I swallowed my pride and got a real job.

I had about 25 people who worked for me, and although I was technically the boss, most of my crew made more money than I did due to the commission structure. It was a nondescript job, in a nondescript office, in a nondescript office building. Typical cube farm, but I did have my own small office that overlooked the phone room.

One day I was talking with the receptionist while going through the day's mail.

“So, what's going on between you and Marcia?” Lisa asked, out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Marcia was one of my subordinates, and although we were friendly, I didn't even think of her as a friend. She was just another co-worker.

Okay, not just another co-worker. Marcia was, in my opinion, the best looking woman in the office, and I had occasionally fantasized about bending her over my desk and having my way with her, but I never seriously considered her anything more than a fantasy.

“Haven't you noticed the way she looks at you?” Lisa went on. Being the receptionist gave Lisa plenty of time to keep an eye on everybody's personal business, but she didn't gossip too much. “It's totally obvious, she wants you.”

“Are you nuts? First off, she's married. Second, she's way out of my league, and third, I'm pretty sure I'm not the type of guy she goes for. I don't have that kind of dough.” I said.

“Men.” Lisa snorted. “You're all alike. Too dumb to see what's going on right under your nose.”

“I don't know why we're having this conversation, don't you have anything better to do with your time?”

She twisted up her nose at me and was going to say something, but fortunately the phone rang and she had to answer it, putting an end to our little chat. I waved at her and went back to my office.

The more I thought about it, the more I chuckled about what Lisa had said. The very idea that the most beautiful woman I'd ever met would want anything to do with me was absurd. I was still laughing when Marcia knocked on my door, even though it was wide open. I looked up at her, and couldn't help laughing.

“What's so funny, boss?” she said as she sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

“Oh nothing. Something Lisa said. What's up?”

“I've got today's numbers.” she handed me a paper with that day's collection totals broken down by client.

I looked over the numbers and chuckled.

“Looks good.” I said.

“Are you laughing at me?” Marcia asked.

“No. Yes. Well sort of.” I couldn't stop, but I noticed she had a hurt look in her eyes. I'd never seen that before. She always seemed so cool and collected and confident.

After an uncomfortable silence, I decided to let her in on the joke, I mean, surely she'd see how wrong Lisa was, and why I thought it was so funny.

“Not at you, never. It's just... I was talking to Lisa, and she has this crazy idea that you have a crush on me, and that you want to go out with me.” I laughed again.

“I know. I didn't say it, she did. Hilarious isn't it?”

Marcia wasn't laughing, in fact she looked like she was going to cry. In that instant, my useless male brain put two and two together and I finally saw what Lisa saw. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her burning gaze.

Marcia stood up as if to leave, and through some miracle, I found my voice. “Marcia?”

She stood there and looked at me silently.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” Did I just say that? Out loud? She was my subordinate, which meant I could lose my job if the bosses found out we were dating, she was married, and she was so much more beautiful than I deserved, or could possibly hope for. I could feel my face flush, and I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so fast.

After the longest 5 seconds of my life, during which her big blue eyes began to sparkle, she silently nodded.

“Lion's Den? 8 O'clock?” Who was talking? Was that me?

Marcia nodded and gave me the most radiant smile I'd ever seen, then she turned and walked out of my office.

Holy shit! Did that just happen? How... What... It took me 15 minutes to come to my senses. That did just happen, and I had a date with an angel. Seriously, how? I was about as ordinary and average as a man could be. Average height, 5' 11” and slightly overweight. Not fat, but pudgy from sitting behind a desk for too long. I certainly didn't have the type of body women swooned over. Sure, I had a decent job, but I didn't have the kind of money that women got excited about either. I was no Casanova, I did okay, but the women I attracted were always ordinary and average, like me.

Marcia on the other hand, had everything every man wanted. She was petite, 5' 2”, slender, and had boobs that looked almost too big for her small body. She had long, thick, curly strawberry blonde hair, pale skin with a few well placed freckles, high cheekbones, a dainty little nose, and the most lucious full lips that just begged to be kissed. Mere words fail to adequately describe her. Beautiful, Gorgeous, Stunning, Flawless, Exquisite, Ravishing, Angelic. Nothing comes close.

What did she see in me that I didn't see? The more I thought about it, the more unreal it seemed. Maybe this was some cruel joke Lisa and Marcia had concocted to embarrass me, or perhaps Marcia had lost a bet.

I seriously considered not going, worried I was being set up somehow, but I couldn't stay away. When I pulled in the parking lot of the Lion's Den at 7:55, I saw her. She was stepping out of her car, a red two door Ford Focus, when I parked my truck next to her.

The Lion's Den restaurant and lounge was located about a mile from our office. It was in an old single story building, it's exterior covered in dark wood. The interior of the lounge was dimly lit, and had a very subdued ambiance.

We both said hello, but we didn't embrace or anything. I opened the door for her and watched her walk in the restaurant. She was wearing blue jeans that weren't too tight or too loose, a long sleeve t-shirt that was tight over her chest, and a blue denim jacket. I was still wearing the dark blue suit I had worn to work that day, but I had removed my tie and opened the collar of my shirt.

We were seated at a booth and we ordered drinks. I had a screwdriver, and Marcia had a Bacardi and Coke.

“I thought you were married.” I don't know why that was the first thing I said to her, I guess I was distracted by her giant wedding ring. It looked like it cost as much as I made in a year.

“Separated, actually.” she replied nervously. She must have noticed me staring at the Rock of Gibraltar on her hand. “Oh this? I guess... Does it bother you?” Without waiting for me to reply, she pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it unceremoniously into her purse. “Better?” she smiled and took a drink of her cocktail.

I was stunned. She had just taken a very expensive wedding ring off. For me. To make me comfortable, to let me know she was available. She dropped what I later learned was a twenty-five thousand dollar ring into her purse like it was nothing more than a piece of trash. For me.

“You Okay?” she asked after several minutes of silence.

“Yes... No... I...” My brain wasn't working, and instead of going for something smooth and casual, I asked her the question that was burning a hole in my mind. “Why are you here? With me. I mean, I never thought...”

She looked surprised. “You asked me. Remember?” she finished her drink and waved towards the waitress for another.

“I know, and I'm glad you're here. I really am, but it's just... You're so...” I could feel my face flushing.

“I'm so what?” she asked with one eyebrow raised.

“Beautiful.” I whispered. She smiled at that. “And I'm...” I'm not.

“And you're...?” she asked, still smiling.

The waitress interrupted us with fresh drinks, which gave me a little time to think. “I'm surprised you wanted to go out with me, that's all. I didn't think I'd be your type.”

“What's my type?” she asked.

“I don't know, I thought you went for older, more successful guys.”

“More successful? You mean money?” she sounded annoyed, and looked it, too.

“I didn't mean it that way, I just think... You're way out of my league.”

“I'm here with you, aren't I?” she said, stating the obvious. She was there with me, and apparently of her own free will.

I decided to change the subject, so I asked her how long she had lived in the Seattle area. That lightened the mood, and soon we were back to smiling and gazing into each other's eyes. I couldn't stop staring at her dazzling blue eyes. They were full of mystery and intrigue.

She told me she had moved to Seattle from Portland, OR a few months before, right about the same time she started working with me. She had a son who was 8 years old, and I knew she was only 24 herself. You do the math. Her soon to be ex-husband was over 40 and owned a business that had something to do with computers.

I told her some of my life story, which was not very exciting, but she actually seemed interested.

We ordered an appetizer to share, chicken fingers and fries, but neither of us were hungry and we only ate half the plate. The evening seemed to fly by, and way before I wanted it to end, she said she had to go because her babysitter could only stay until midnight.

I paid our tab and followed her outside into the rainy Seattle night.

“Get in.” she said as she unlocked the driver's side door of her cute little car. I got in the passenger side and suddenly, we were alone. We were both shivering from the cold rain, so she started her car and put the heat on.

As we waited silently for her car to warm up, I wondered if she liked kissing, and if she'd be any good at it. I wanted to kiss her, and I knew she wanted me to, but I was nervous.

Over the few months I had known her at work, she always acted innocent and wholesome, like she had no interest in anything sexual. Anytime the breakroom conversation got a bit raunchy, she always rolled her eyes and expressed disinterest or disgust. I thought that's the way she was, I never thought of her as a woman who wanted or enjoyed sex. I never heard her utter a cuss word. Not even 'damn'. She always said 'darn' or 'shoot'.

I got the shock of my life when I worked up the nerve to lean over the center console and kiss her. I was expecting a closed mouth, chaste kiss, but she met me halfway and before I knew what was happening, her tongue was in my mouth with a passion I'd never felt. Her kiss was urgent, like she was starving for my tongue, so I did my best to match her hunger with my own. When we finally broke our embrace, neither one of us was shivering.

“Wow, kinda hot in here.” she said as she reached for the dash to turn the heater down.

“Yeah.” I said after catching my breath.

“So...” she started, but didn't finish.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I asked. And the next day, and the day after that? And every day from now until forever?

“I'd like that. 8 O'clock?”

I nodded. “I should go.” I said as I gave her one last kiss. “Tomorrow.” I said as I opened the door and stepped into the rain.

“Tomorrow.” she replied.

I shut the door and stood in the rain as I watched her drive off. I got in my truck and fired up a cigarette. Marcia didn't smoke, and I had heard many times how much non-smokers hated kissing smokers. “It's like licking an ashtray” they always said. I looked down at my smoke, took one last drag, then I rolled down my window and tossed it out into the rain. I had been a pack a day smoker for over ten years, but at that moment, I didn't want a cigarette, I only wanted Marcia. I quit cold turkey then and there, and it was the easiest thing I've ever done.

The next day at work was excruciating. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, and she had to turn away from me so she could concentrate on her work. Lisa, the receptionist gave me an odd look, but I ignored her.

After the longest day of my life, we were finally back at the restaurant, drinks in hand. We talked and ate, nothing special, we were just enjoying each other's company. After dinner, I asked her if she played pool. She had a mischievous look in her eye when she nodded and stood up to follow me to the pool table in the bar area.

Could she ever play pool. I was a decent pool player, but Marcia... She could have gone pro. She absolutely crushed me and I loved every minute of it. Watching her bend over and line up her shots, I didn't care about winning or losing, I was simply enjoying the show.

“Next time, we'll go bowling.” I said as I put my cue away and held her jacket up for her.

We went out to the parking lot, but this time we got in my truck. It wasn't raining, but it was cold and damp and the windows fogged up quickly as we began making out. My truck had a bench seat, and she was lying on her back with her head towards the passenger door. I was on top of her, kissing her, sucking on her neck, nibbling on her earlobes. I got my first feel of her breasts and they were firmer than any I had ever felt. I thought it must be her bra, so I didn't say anything.

My hand ran down her body and landed between her legs. Even through her blue jeans, I could feel the heat radiating from her sex. I reached for the button on her jeans and she stopped me.

“Not here. Not tonight.” she whispered.

“I know, but you're so... I didn't expect you to be so...”

“So what?” she glared at me.

“I don't know.” I said as I caressed her flat tummy. “So hot. You always act like a prude at work, but now...” I cupped my hand over her crotch again.

“I'm a very private person. Nobody needs to know what I do, and what I like.” she reached up and grabbed me by my hair and pulled me down to her. “I like you.” she whispered before attacking my mouth with her tongue again. Holy fuck this woman could kiss!

“I thought you didn't like sex.” I said during a brief rest. She answered me with an even more urgent, passionate kiss.

“So you do like sex?” I teased and she answered me with another kiss.

“How about oral sex?” I thought that might be too much, but she answered me with another heated kiss.

I reached under her and put my hand inside her jeans, over her underwear. “Are you wearing a thong?” I never expected that.

“Always.” she replied as I caressed her silky smooth cheeks with my fingers.

I had never wanted a woman so much in my life, but I knew we should wait for a more dignified place than my truck to make love for the first time. I don't know what came over me, I had never done anything like what I did next.

I pulled my hand out of her jeans and then I reached down with both hands to her right hip. I reached in and pulled the waistband of her thong above her jeans and tore the soft cotton fabric until it separated in my hands.

Her eyes were wide open, but she didn't say a word. I moved my hands to her left hip and ripped that side apart. She dropped her head back and rolled her hips around as I eased her thong out from her jeans. I couldn't see too much in the dark cab of my truck, but I could feel how wet the crotch was.


“I'm keeping these.” I said as I stuffed her shredded underwear down the front of my own jeans.

“Okay.” she whispered.

I'm not proud of what I did with her thong when I got home that night, but what would you have done?

The next day was Friday, and we met at the same restaurant. I pulled up next to her car and told her to follow me. I led her to my apartment and escorted her to the door.

Because of my recent divorce, my place was small and sparsely furnished, although I did have a small studio in the second bedroom. I had cleaned up the best I could, I even put clean sheets on my bed and hoped they wouldn't be clean for long.

I was as prepared as I thought I could be, I had picked up a bottle of Bacardi for her and vodka for me. I even had condoms, but I hoped she didn't insist on using them. Nothing worse than taking a shower while wearing a raincoat.

After fixing our cocktails, I sat on the couch and she straddled my lap. We kissed and kissed and kissed. I pulled her shirt up and she helped me pull it over her head. She was wearing a pink lace trimmed bra and I couldn't get it off her fast enough. Her bra joined her shirt on the floor and I got my first look at her tits. They were big, but they didn't sag one bit. I cupped them in my hands and squeezed.

“Implants.” she whispered, almost embarrassed.

“Wow!” I had never touched a set of fake boobs, but I immediately decided that silicone was my new favorite thing.

“I had it done after Matt was born.” Matt was her son. “I was less than an A-cup after nursing, and Mark wanted...”

I gave her a dirty look. The last thing any guy wants to hear about is another guy, especially when she's still married to the other guy.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...” she whispered.

I pulled her close and kissed her to let her know I wasn't mad, and I still wanted her. Oh God did I want her.

We stood up and I led her to my bedroom. I lit a candle on the nightstand and turned out the overhead light. We undressed each other and fell onto the mattress.

In the flickering candle light, I took my first look at her body. She was lean, but not too muscular, her stomach was flat and her tits stood up proud on her chest. Her legs, like the rest of her, were perfect.

She was on her back and I was on my side next to her. I kissed her neck while caressing the smooth skin on her stomach. I moved down to her chest and saw hundreds of freckles. I wanted to kiss every one of them, and I really did try, but her boobs were calling my name.

I dragged my tongue from her chest up to her right nipple and gently sucked it into my mouth. She sighed and ran her delicate fingers through my hair as her nipple grew in my mouth. I moved over and did the same to her other nipple, sucking it erect.

“Should I get a condom?” I asked. I was as hard as I'd ever been and I knew this was going to be the first of many times that night. I wanted to be inside her, and quickly.

“No, I'm on the pill.” Good girl, I thought to myself as I put my hand between her legs and checked her temperature with my fingers. Oh yeah, she was as ready as I was.

I got between her legs and rubbed the underside of my cock between her lips, getting it nice and wet. “Ready?” I asked as I teased her clit with my erection.

“Please.” she whimpered, almost begging.

She reached down and pointed my cock against her opening and tried to pull me in. I pushed forward slowly until I was sheathed inside the hottest, wettest pussy I'd ever felt. I didn't want to move, it felt so good, like we were made for each other.

“Okay?” I asked. I don't have the biggest dick in the world, but I'd been told by many women that it's thicker than they were used to.

“Please.” she said. I pulled back slowly, then thrust in hard, hitting her clit with my pelvic bone. I did it again and she purred like a cat. I had to concentrate to not cum right away, so I did what always worked, I calculated out some prime numbers in my head. 1,2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,23,29 etc... I was able to do this and pick up the pace of my thrusting, and she met me stroke for stroke with her hips.

“Oh God.” she murmured quietly, then she began to tremble beneath me. “Ohhhhh” she whispered as her body shook and shuddered. I knew I wasn't going to last much longer so I tried to slow down but that only made it worse. I came so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I managed to remain concious until I finished cumming, but after that I started to tremble myself. I could feel her velvety smooth walls clamping down on me and I was so sensitive I couldn't take any more. I pulled out and collapsed beside her on the bed.

She snuggled up close, putting her head on my chest and her hand on my belly. I must say, as good as the sex was, it was nice and peaceful to lay there with this enigmatic woman gently rubbing my belly.

Enigmatic you say? She gave no outward indication that she was filled with the heated passion she had shown me three night in a row. She never raised her voice during sex, never cursed or implored me to fuck her harder or faster, yet she seemed to enjoy it more than anyone I've been with before or since.

When I caught my breath, I got up and went to my bathroom. I returned with two very hot damp hand towels. I gave her one and started cleaning her with the other one. I've always enjoyed the rubbing and caressing when cleaning up after sex. I massaged her swollen sex with the towel, and she did the same to my cock and balls. When she was finished, she leaned over and kissed the head of my cock.

Another surprise. I had overheard Marcia talking to another woman in the breakroom about how dirty oral sex was. “Gross, that's where pee comes out.” I remember her saying, but here she was, kissing my dick. She let go of me and I laid down next to her again.

“How long have you been on the pill?” I asked. I don't know why I wanted to know, usually I didn't care to hear the details of contraception, I just expected them to handle it.

“About a month.” she said, still rubbing my belly.

A month? Was she dating some other guy before me? “A month?” I repeated, mostly to myself.

“Yeah, there's this cute guy where I work, and I was hoping he'd ask me out. I wanted to be ready, just in case.” She gave me a sly smile, but my brain was still on the wrong track. Was there another guy at work? She couldn't be talking about me. I'm not cute.

“A cute guy at work? Who?” I was starting to get jealous, but I tried to stay calm.

“I shouldn't tell you, but... He's tall, but not too tall. He has brown hair and the most gorgeous brown eyes. He's funny and sweet, and there's something about him I can't resist.” She kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear. “And he's my boss.” she giggled.

It finally hit me. She was talking about me. She thought I was cute, but even more mind-blowing, she knew over a month ago, and wanted me enough to go to a gynocologist to get an exam and a prescription for birth control.

“Why didn't you say anything? How did you know I'd ask you out? Why didn't you tell me?” I was flabbergasted, and a little annoyed that we could have been naked in my bed weeks before. If I'd only known.

“I knew you'd figure it out. Took you long enough.” she laughed. I didn't think it was funny.

“I didn't figure anything out.” I protested. “Lisa figured it out. If she hadn't said anything I never would have figured it out. Why do women do that?”

“Because we can.” She put her head on my chest and rubbed my belly. “What have we here?” she said as she moved her hand down to my cock. I started getting hard again, and was going to roll over for round two when she moved her head down and took me in her mouth.

After our first two dates, and the way she kissed, I had expected passion, but I thought it would just be sex, missionary style with gusto. I never expected a blowjob, but she was giving me one, and she was as good at that as she was at playing pool.

“Uh, you'd better stop.” How was I ready to cum again so quickly? What was she doing with her tongue? “Seriously, Marcia, I know you don't want...” I felt the familiar twinge in my cock and in no time at all, I erupted. I was sure she'd pull off, but she kept going, sucking and swallowing.

Again this beautiful woman surprised me. Only one other woman had ever been able to get me off with a blowjob, and that had always taken a long time. Somehow Marcia had done it in just a few minutes. I looked down and saw her grinning up at me while she stroked out the last of my cum.

I almost said it right then and there. I knew I loved her. It wasn't just the sex, it was everything. The way she took off her wedding ring the first night, the fact that she went to a Doctor to get on the pill. The fact that she wanted me long before I knew I wanted her.

I didn't say it, I didn't want to scare her off, but I knew I loved her more than I had ever loved a woman. More than my ex-wife, and I had loved her in the beginning.

I rolled her onto her back and began kissing her, tasting a mix of Bacardi and my cum in her mouth. I nibbled on her succulent bottom lip, then moved slowly down to her chest, planting wet kisses on every inch of her freckled skin. She held the back of my head as I suckled her hard nipples until she let out a quiet moan. I worked my way down her flat stomach, noticing a few small stretch marks, the obvious result of her teenage pregnancy. She was wriggling under my lips as I kept moving down, trailing my tongue through the thin landing strip of soft hair above her sex.

I moved down in front of her and placed my shoulders under her knees. I could see her labia, glistening with her juices, and I breathed in her fragrance. Her scent was clean and womanly, with the slightest hint of baby powder. Her lips were full, swollen with her ardor, and they were soft as velvet against my tongue. They parted at the insistence of my tongue and I tasted her secret garden for the first time. She tasted better than any woman I'd ever been with, and I couldn't get enough.

She was panting and moaning as I moved up and gently nudged her clit with my tongue. Her hips began to move up so forcefully I had to put my hands on her stomach to hold her down to the bed. I sucked her delicate pink pearl into my mouth and was rewarded with a whispered “Oh God.” from the woman I loved.

I happen to have a fairly long tongue, and I pushed it as far inside her as I could, while rubbing her clit with my upper lip. The combination of my tongue licking her insides and my lip pressing her clit up and down drove her wild, and soon her thighs were squeezing against my ears as she had the first of many orgasms. I didn't stop, I kept licking, sucking, biting. She came again and again with a quiet passion, and I enjoyed her orgasms as much if not more than my own. The subtle, sensual way she reacted to my touch, the way she shuddered, the way her muscles tensed up under my fingers, filled me with an overwhelming desire to keep touching her and never stop.

We spent the rest of that night in bed, stopping only to refill our cocktails, until she had to go home and relieve her babysitter. I wanted her to stay, but I knew she couldn't, so I got dressed and walked her to her car.

We spent the next few nights together, always at my place until she had to leave. I'd never felt such a yearning, longing, passionate desire for anyone. She made me happier than I'd thought it was possible to be. I was so in love, I called the older woman I had been casually dating and told her I couldn't see her anymore.

The holidays came around and I didn't see her on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I understood she wanted to spend time with her son, and I wasn't even that upset when she told me her husband was staying at her place for a few days. She assured me that he stayed in the guest room and he was only there to be with their son.

New Years Eve was another story entirely. I wanted her to spend the night with me. I knew her husband could babysit and I knew that 8 year olds don't stay up until midnight anyway. She refused and we had our first fight. I was so pissed, I drank myself sick and by midnight, I was hugging the toilet.

We made up a few days later and everything was back to normal. Well, normal for us. She never spent the night with me, and wouldn't introduce me to her son. She said she wanted to wait until after her divorce was final. I didn't even know where she lived, and she wouldn't give me her phone number. I saw her every day at work and most evenings, but that was it.

I was deeply, madly in love with her, and by Valentine's day I told her. She didn't say it back to me until a few weeks later. I'll never forget it, we were standing in my bedroom and I was pulling her shirt over her head when she said, “I think I'm falling in love with you.” my heart skipped a beat or three.

The Seattle area more often than not is cloudy, rainy, cold and dreary. Weeks pass without the sun shining and it can be depressing, but that winter and spring, Marcia was the sun in my sky and each precious moment we spent together was warm and bright.

I thought I was in heaven. I loved her and she loved me. Whenever we went out to dinner, instead of sitting across from each other like most couples do, we always sat on the same side of the booth, side by side. She was left handed, so I sat on the right and held her right hand in my left hand while we ate. We got a few strange looks from waitresses, but we were in love, and across a table was too far to be apart.

Marcia was, and still is the only woman to ever beat me playing chess. I was much better chess player, but it was impossible for me to concentrate when she removed an item of clothing after every move. If there was a naked chess league, Marcia would be a grand master.

Things were going great until March when I got fired for fraternizing with one of my subordinates. Fraternizing? Oh yeah, that.

It didn't take me long to find a new job, but it meant we saw each other much less. I called her at work every day and we spent most evenings together, but the longer things were the way they were, the more stressed and agitated I was. I began badgering her about her divorce, and she always put me off, saying their divorce was complicated due to his business.

She told me that as soon as her son was on summer break, he was going to spend a few weeks with his father and then we could spend the night together. I tried to keep my emotions at a simmer when June came and went. School's out in early June, right?

On the first of July, I confronted her about it. She admitted that school was out, but instead of going to Portland, her husband was staying with her at her place. I flipped out, but she managed to calm me down, saying they'd be gone soon. Soon, soon, soon. That's about all she ever said to me.

We made love that night, and the next night too. The sex was still spectacular, but in the back of my mind I knew something wasn't right.

I didn't hear from her on the third, and we had made plans to go watch fireworks on the fourth. I don't know to this day why I did it, but a few hours before she was supposed to be at my place, I called her. I had gotten her phone number from her personnel file when we worked together, but she didn't know that.

Two rings and she picked up. “How did you get my number? Meet meat the Lion's Den in one hour.” Click. I never said a word, she knew it was me from her caller ID.

I was filled with dread as I waited in the parking lot. I knew what was coming, and I knew why. She pulled up and I got out of my truck. I got in her car and we talked for the last time. She told me it was over. I knew why and there was no point discussing it. She wasn't getting a divorce and we both knew it. I don't know how she managed to spend as much time with me as she had, I don't know if her husband knew about me, nor did I care. It was over and I almost felt relieved.

I left without so much as a goodbye kiss and watched her drive off for the last time. I drove home and stopped on the way to buy a pack of smokes. “Good ol' cigarettes.” I mused as I opened the cellophane. “You'll never leave me.”

When I got home, I decided to fire up the grill and cook some burgers. I don't know why I wasn't more upset, I must have been in shock.

I put on some music while I made dinner, a CD my ex-wife had given me, Pearl Jam's 'Ten'. I'd always liked the album and that night I listened to it straight through. Just as I was sitting down to eat, 'Black' came on. I knew the song, and knew the lyrics, but that night it hit me like a ton of bricks. Eddie Vedder was wailing right into my soul.

“All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine.”

I put down my food without taking a bite, went to my studio and stared at the painting I had made as a birthday gift for Marcia. I was planning to surprise her with an impressionist style depiction of an empty Bacardi bottle holding a single red rose. Trying to hold back my tears, I opened a tube of carbon black and squeezed all of it onto my palette. Taking my largest brush, I covered the canvas with the ebony paint.

Without cleaning my brush, I turned away from the canvas, went to my room and collapsed on my bed. My world had turned to black, and I wept for the first time in my adult life. Wept and wept and wept.

The song had pushed me through all the stages of grief in an instant and I accepted my loss, though I couldn't bear it.

I was a wreck for months after that and I don't remember much except the constant headaches from all the weeping. I managed to hold it together at work, but every private moment was filled with nothing but grief. I threw away all of my drawings and paintings, and haven't picked up a brush since. I closed myself off from my friends, and even moved to California, hoping the sunshine would help.

Eventually I stopped crying all the time, but I've never been the same. I've dated a few women over the years but nothing ever lasted more than a few weeks. I knew they were looking for love, but I had given all the love I had to Marcia, and she still has it. All I have left is empty, bitter, and black, and I don't want to share that with anyone.

July fourth 2014 will be twenty years.

Twenty years since my world turned to black.


Fin.

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

Songwriters: GOSSARD, STONE C. / VEDDER, EDDIE JEROME
Black lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
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