the best day of my life
saturday started out like any other day. i woke up at 3 PM after a long session of world of warcraft, turned on inuyasha and pulled my pork till i came in a wave all over my stomach. as usual i just rubbed it into my boxers and waited for it to dry. then i got up and walked downstairs and said hi to my mom, "hi mom". mom was my first sexual experience but that is a different story. we have not had sex since i called her a bitch and told her i wasnt into older women anymore. it was the truth, because i wasnt. i walked into the kitchen and poured myself a bow of captain crunch. i imagined it was actually called "crunchy cunt" and i got hard again. i had to pull my pants down and start jerking off again, my mom asked what iwas doing btu ibarely even heard her. i came all over the kitchen table and accidentally came into my cereal so i gave it to my mom and she ate it all. i loled really hard becaus i wasnt that hungry anyway.

i walked down the steps outside, it was a sunny day. i saw a lot of girls my age but i disregarded them and walked straight to the elementary school playground. i had prepared for this day all week, i had bought a bunch of twizzlers and stuff from the store. i walked onto the playground and a bunch of boys were playing kickball. i took off my shirt to reveal my glistening, bulging torso and stepped up to plate. "let me show you how a real man plays, motherfuckers". i kicked the ball all the way into the woods and then beat the shit ouf of the pitcher, ran all three bases and scored a homerun. i started laughing so hard i fell onto the ground, and dirt got stuck to me because i was so sweaty. now i knew none of the girls would want me, i started crying and ran all teh way back to my house. i couldnt even think straight the rest of the day, i almost killed myself.

later though i was ready, the next day i skippied school like this: i woke up and told my mom i was going to school, and i went to school but i left soon afterward. i told the nurse i had a stomacheache, im pretty sure she wanted my cock but whatever. i walked over to an elementary school,. they were all at recess, so i got prepared to play kickball again but then they all started walking inside. i walked into the front entrance and went into a classroom, there were at least three hot girls in there. one of them i had seen before, her name was jessica she was only 10 but she had already started growing boobies and i could see thepussy juice dripping under her desk. i said i was jessicas brother and i had to take her out of class for a minute. i whispered inthe teachers ear "im just gonna fuck her really quick and bring her back" he smiled and said sure. i laughed because i saw he had razor scars all over his wrists. what a pathetic faggot, i bet he was still a virgin haahhaa.

jessica followed me out of class, i farted really loud and couldnt help but laugh. she looked a little confused, so i said "once your in college youll understand". she didnt really know what i was talking about. i picke dher up and carried her into the guys bathroom and took her into a stall. she said :i dont feel comfortable" so i took her back to my house in my bed. we had sex for almost a hundred hours straight, by the end her pussy was dripping like a waterfall and it was like a big gaping hole, so i started to fist her. i fisted her so amazingly hard, her pussy was squirting everywhere. istarted cumming everywhere, all over the place, i knocked over my lamp with a 5-roper and then later i came inside her and cum started overflowing out of her vagina in pulsing waves, spilling over her preteen legs all over my bed and spilling onto the floor. i noticed a lot of red in my cum. at first i was worried i had an infection then i remembered i had just split this little whores pussy wide open and she was probabvly about to die. i realized she was unconscious and she probably hadf been for a while. i took her to the hospital and said we had been in a car accident, when the doctor asked waht all the cum was from i blushed and said "carnage turns me on motherfucker" and i kicked his ass. he started laughing because he realized i was only kidding. he sewed up her pussy and asked if i wanted to smell his fingers. i said "sure" and smelled his fingers, but my nostrils were already saturated with the stench of 10 year old smelly pussy. she woke up and asked where she was. i said she had been in an accident and i would take her home. when we got to her house i said i had fucked her pussy from here to next tuesday and asked if she wanted more. she started crying and said she was scarred for life. at first i thought she was joking so i let out a guffaw but then i realized it was real. her mom answered the door and i said "wow look behind you a thunderstorm" then i pusehd her daughter off the porch and ran all the way back to my house. i never got caught for this and i only felt guilty for like a day.

8 years later i was at a bar hitting on pussy. i recognized a familiar face. it was jessica, but her face was all scarred up from meth use and and she had a very dolorous aura about her. i went up to see if she recognized me but she didnt. perfect. i started to work my magic and she explicitly said "i was abused as a child and i cant have sex without severe emotional consequences" this turned me on but i saw it would be hard to get her to come home with me so i called up my friend George Henry Bernard (get it) and then it was no problem. i brought her back home and lay her down on my bed. she lay almost lifeless as i lubed her up and used her body to bring myself to orgasm over and over. i filled up my room with cum and it leaked out the door and started flowing down the stairs. my mom asked what i was doign and i said "mom why am i still living with you im like 27" so i flipped her double birds and walked out of the house to rent an apartment. it was raining out so i walked under a bridge and started fingering my asshole.

the end hope you liked it
- the pussy slapper

Anonymous readerReport

2016-10-02 22:13:00
Rofl. Came here looking to have a wank. Leaving with a good laugh! Thanks niggaaaaaa

Anonymous readerReport

2016-08-30 20:09:07
oh my fucking god this was AMAZING LOL especially the WoW part. true neckbeard detail. do more man, fucking loved it. 10/10

Anonymous readerReport

2016-08-05 20:25:39
I just died lol ;)

Anonymous readerReport

2016-05-13 17:36:56
Excellent parody. Laughed my ass off.


2016-03-23 10:18:02
That was fuckin' excellent!
I was tryin' to hold in my own guffaws so's not to wake the wife but failed miserably!
You Sir, really need to do some more writing but turn sellp chkkeer on or have a buddy proofread it. But then again, the way its written does lend it a certain charm!
Anyway, Good Job!,

You are not logged in.
Characters count: