What would an alien think of human physiology?
NOTE: All persons who have sex in my stories on this site are 18 Y.O. or older.

The reasons for these repostings are explained in the earlier numbers.


The first great battle for human supremacy on the Earth was fought where?

On a rainy morning a lone sanitation maintenance worker found a brightly shining object in one of the screens of the urban sewage treatment plant. Since he thought that it might be valuable, he called the police and turned it over to them. When the FBI got wind of this they swept in and confiscated the object and forwarded it to the UNIT (a highly secret governmental organization to process and forward information of national interest to the pertinent organizations for their use.) It was later forwarded at the instructions of the CZARATE to SPACE SYSTEMS, a joint venture between NASA, the major independent space systems providers and the military.

During the analysis of the object, it was found that it was transmitting data on an easily found frequency in a form that was rather easily interpreted. It was found to be based on a septal numeric system and utilized the vocabulary found in the novel, LADY CHATTERLEE’S LOVER. After the effort began to translate the message contained in the transmissions, it was determined that it would have to be carefully edited to put the information in an easily read form. The original rendering was kept, also for deeper analysis.

This manuscript is the version prepared for official consumption, though none of it ever became public knowledge. In fact, only a very few persons ever learned of it and it was never transmitted by any electronic method. The reasons for that are self-evident upon considering the report. Added to this was the apparent susceptibility of the Earth to foreign (extra-terrestrial) forces that it indicates. The government would never want that information to become public knowledge after the monumental effort and life loss in the THE PROJECT, which also was not of general knowledge of the public.

The entity giving this report identifies himself as Agent XemLt. It is assumed that it was intended to go to his superiors, whoever and wherever they were located. It is written in the first person and shows a high degree of intelligence. Perhaps higher than is evident in this version of the report.

So, here is the report for those who have the right to read it:

Too busy to report during the effort to avoid detection by their highly formed space net and landing on this planet. I, Agent XemLt have landed and am proceeding to secure my ship and myself for this exploratory operation.

This planet is a very dynamic place and so I need to find a secure hiding place to prepare for a systematic examination of this planet and to determine the suitability of our locating on it. The manual says to look for a place of security with heat. My sensors have located a biologic source in a very large structure a short flight time away. These residents of this planet must be rather large. It is a good thing that size is not the final determination of success in these kinds of operations. In fact being small has distinct advantages in covert work.

The sensors indicate that the biologic is located about midlevel in the structure and is only minimally moving. Perhaps at some kind of resting state.

I got in by accessing a small hanging hinged entry port located near the bottom of a much larger access port. I am moving through the structure and moving up a stair-step riser to a higher level in the structure. I have identified the immediate location of the biologic behind another of the high open-able portals. It is closed, but I used a small heat ray to produce an opening large enough for me to access the room.

The biologic is supine on a raised platform and is apparently in a mental down time mode. Since this is the first view of an indigenous major biologic, I will do my best to give my first impressions of it. I can see it through the light covering on it, of course. It is about 14 qickzils in length and 4.5 qickzils in width and 3 qickzils in height while supine. The lower half of the body is formed as two sturdy appendages that have flat surfaces at the ends, evidently for standing. At the top of the body is a globular body at the end of a thick stalk protruding up from the main part of the body.

Since, I am very small in comparison to this biologic construct, perhaps it will offer me a place of security and warmth in one of the many orifices that it contains. My search has started at the top of the globular structure. On opposite sides there are small external structures leading into dead end tunnels. Not big enough for my use.

Between these two openings there are other ones on the upper side, as seen by the object being supine, they are three in number. The first two side by side ones are associated with a raised structure. My sensor found there to be serious biological risks in this entrance, so it was ruled out. And the much larger one below them is part of a hinged structure that has an arch of very hard individual structures on the bottom and top in opposition to each other. Perhaps, it is a food preparation assembly in association with a movable internally protruding muscular structure. Neither of these will serve as a safe haven for the night.

As I move down the body, I notice two nearly identical twin raised structures with pronounced peaks. They seem to add a sense of symmetry to the biologic body. Lower down the body is a centrally located very shallow depression, totally unsuitable for entry or any other discernible use that this agent can understand.

At the apex of the joining of the two walking (?) structures there is located a brush like gathering of stringy material. Under it stretching down between the upper joining of the two long appendages is a shallow groove. At the top of it is located a small tube like structure of unknown function. I can find nothing like it in all of my data base. The groove marks the meeting of two sets of overlaying flat structures that are evidently intended to protect the openings located underneath. The higher opening is too small in diameter for my use and lightly indicates the presence of organic waste products. The lower one is somewhat larger and is the best candidate for body entry that I have so far found.

There is also another entry point located underneath the location of the body in line with the groove, but it also indicates the presence of waste products and has a very tight entry portal. I don’t think that I would want to enter there and take the chance of being stuck inside.

So, I landed in the brush and am proceeding to move to the intended entry port. As I am doing so, I must have disturbed the brush in some manner because my translator picked up the sounds translated as, “Jim, is that you?” With no answer from any ‘Jim” the biologic proceeded to squirm and then used its two side appendages to massage the area, inadvertently nearly crushing me, and then laying back at rest.

I projected a very low intensity heat ray, which caused a sympathetic raising of the body’s temperature. The flat structures began to swell and the groove has begun opening revealing the opening underneath that I had located with my sensors. There also is starting to be a dramatic increase in a viscous liquid in and about the opening.

My sensors told me that entry would be rather easy and that the opening proceeded plenty deep enough for my use. So I am proceeding to enter and have heard a sound of very low tones proceeding from the direction of the globular construction. The same direction that the inquiry of ‘Jim’ had proceeded from.

As I am entering I have encountered only internal biologic sounds of an organism at the work of living. The tunnel is expanding as I am entering and seems to squeeze back rhythmically as I proceed in. The heat is increasing, but not to an alarming level. And the viscous liquid is helping the entry process greatly. The tunnel proceeds to a natural dead-end with a small trap door on its upper surface. I am settling in for some very much needed down-time for myself, confident that I will be safe until I have to move on in the morning.

After an undetermined number of zunkels of down time, I am becoming aware that there is another structure entering the tunnel. I had not anticipated this and am very concerned about it. The structure is very large compared to the rest state of the tunnel and is proceeding down the tunnel in alternating efforts in and nearly out of the tunnel. I am trapped at the far end and being pummeled by the structure. I have opened my secure entrance to ascertain at firsthand the damage to my sensors that is going on, when I am inundated by a tremendous volume of a viscous substance similar to that which occurs naturally in the tunnel.

It is proceeding directly into my ship and I am in danger of succumbing to its threat. If you don’t hear anymore from me
[After an extended pause, the following conversation was recorded by the object, at this time evidently out of the body.]

“Oh, Jim. That felt so good!”

“Felt great to me too, babe!”

“Damn, Jim! How long did you save that load?”

“It’s been at least two weeks, Hun. Sorry I woke you up. I know that you have that appointment in the morning.”

“It is okay this time, babe. I need to take better care of you anyway.”

“You usually do, My Love. I love you so much.”

“Come over here and give me a nice big hug. ……… Now let’s go to sleep my big man.”

[How the object got into the sewer system is a matter of considerable curiosity.]

James Dylan DeanReport

2017-05-30 14:27:35
Love your handle!!! Yes, that was part of my intention in writing it.


2017-04-05 00:28:43
Now that should almost be under humour. Good job.

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