Dennis Richards is a 67-year-old retired Vietnam Veteran romantically involved in a May-December relationship with Darlene, a 35-year-old executive. What Dennis does not realize is that his lover is also one of the founding sisters of an off-the-grid all woman survival community hidden deep in the mountains of western Colorado.
I stuffed my last cardboard box of personal belongings into the cargo hold of my girlfriend's Rav4, jumped into the passenger seat, and waited while she fussed over a map with directions to our new home. Darlene was like that - a stickler for details. She flipped her shoulder-length hair out of her eyes for the umpteenth time and squinted to read the tiny print. Mapmakers tended to hide the most critical information in the smallest print known to man.
Finally finished, she turned to me and smiled. “Let’s go!” She put the Rav into drive and we were on our way. We were going to start a new life off the grid.
Darlene was a smart, feisty little brown-haired woman, just less than five feet five inches tall, with small breasts, shoulder length hair, and a freckled baby face.
Darlene and I moved in together to save money when my landlord evicted me from my apartment for nonpayment of rent. We believed that two could live as cheaply as one. We were right, two could live as cheaply as one, but only for half as long.
We met at a local tavern where we developed an unlikely May-December relationship. She played the part of May at the youthful age of 35 years. I fulfilled the role of December at the tender age of 67.
Through the process of elimination, we had become drinking buddies at our local tavern. I’m not sure “buddies” is the correct word. More often than not, we were the last people still standing when the barkeep bellowed out, “Last call for alcohol!”
Initially geography was our common bond. The tavern, built in the 1890s, featured a Walnut and Mahogany bar with an odd little ‘L’ shaped hook at the far corner of the saloon. The bar and a back wall of brick formed a naturally cozy little alcove large enough to accommodate three bar stools.
According to local legend, the original owner ordered the hook’s construction to allow him to observe activities of untrustworthy bartenders behind the bar while also keeping an eye on equally untrustworthy patrons. The voyeur and hermit in me loved the location and I had it all to myself for several months until the day Darlene arrived. She also loved the strategic location.
Like commuters sharing an across town bus, we gradually got used to each other’s presence. Familiarity grew comfortable and gave way to conversation as we observed the ebb and flow of tavern life.
It all started with casual flirting. She flirted. I was casual.
Hell, she flirted with everyone: Men, women, and even the bartender’s mangy tomcat. While I enjoyed the sometimes-risky banter, I never considered Darlene as potential girlfriend material. She was a young vixen and I was an old wolf. I amused myself trying to sneak a peek down her blouse or up her skirt when I thought she wasn’t looking.
One Friday night the stars governing our relationship aligned like the bars on a slot machine. Heads turned as Darlene strutted into the tavern in a blur of legs, cleavage, and the predatory smile of a fox. Her outfit left little to the imagination. Her mini-dress must have been a belt in a previous life and her tissue-thin blouse was unbuttoned down to her navel. She wore no bra.
“That’s a nice outfit you are almost wearing,” I did a double take when she hopped up on the barstool next to mine.
"Panties optional dress code?" I nodded as I filed that image into my long-term memory vault.
“Like it? I’m going to get laid tonight. One of these stud-muffins is going home with me,” she chuckled with a little shiver and scanned the bar for targets of opportunity. I grimaced, envy flavored a bit oddly by jealously. What a curious blend of emotions for a virtual stranger?
I did an inventory of my own.
Most of the men in the tavern looked like dropouts from Blubber Buddies or some such weight-watching group. I had recently gone from 215 to 185 pounds. I felt authorized to gloat.
Wives or girlfriends escorted most of the men. Boyfriends escorted a few others. Darlene’s field of viable targets was limited unless she lowered her standards or went in for a threesome.
I pitied the lucky guy who won Darlene’s attention. She had the uncanny ability to read people like a book and play them like a deck of cards.
“Complements of the house,” Our curious barkeep did a visual inventory of his own as he set a beautifully mixed and handcrafted White Russian in front of Darlene.
She took a small sip and savored it like a gourmet, “Perfect!” tilted her head back and wolfed it down in one long gulp. Yikes! Talk about power drinking.
Darlene hopped down from her seat, and like Alexander, the great set out to conquer the known world.
I had to admire her style. She was the Alpha-Fox loose in the henhouse, radiating sexual availability like a neon sign in the night. Darlene was in a class by herself and that was a problem. She sparkled like a diamond in a coal bin and scared the shit out of the men she approached. If anything, she was too beautiful and too self-assured. The men she flirted with as she worked her way around the tavern were flattered, flustered, and fearful of her attention. None of them dared to flirt back - they refused t o take the bait.
After ten or fifteen minutes of flagrant flirting, Darlene returned to her seat to regroup and refuel. Our bartender presented her with another complementary White Russian as his sacrifice to the Gods of wishful thinking.
“Thank you so much. You are such sweetheart. Can I have another one to keep this one company,” Darlene touched his hand and if her smile had been any warmer, the barkeep would have erupted into flame.
A few moments later, our generous drink master returned with three tall White Russians. “One is for you and the other two are honor guards for the dead soldiers,” he pointed to the two empty glasses.
“I love this drink,” she inhaled the beverage, chugging it down in one long slurp. I raised one eyebrow in puzzlement. How can anyone love a drink without taking the time to appreciate the subtle by-play of flavors?
Thrust quenched for the moment, Darlene resumed her quest for tonight’s bed partner. Her second expedition of seduction ended in bewildered frustration.
“What the fucking hell? I usually have to beat men off with a stick,” shaking her head in disgust, she demolished another White Russian.
“Maybe you should offer to beat them off with a stick, you know, fifty shades of kinky?” Darlene gave me a hard look. She was not amused.
“Why? Do you want to get beat off with a stick?” she smiled before dispatching the last White Russian.
“Hell no! I hate splinters.” I said.
“He shoots. He scores!” Darlene laughed as she raised her index finger and traced a point on the invisible blackboard in the air. “Nice one.”
I shrugged my shoulders. I could feel the rising heat of a blush. I squirmed in my seat under her gaze.
As Darlene studied me, her dark look of frustration gradually brightened and her eyes sparkled as her grim expression transformed into the predatory smile of a fox.
“I’m as horney as hell. Wanna fuck?” she leaned into me until our noses touched while her hand moved to my knee and slowly slid along the inside of my leg.
I answered by placing my hand on her knee and mirrored her journey of exploration.
“Your place or mine?” I whispered. It was as cliché as shit, but I couldn’t help myself.
What could I say? She had just made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Thus began our May-December love affair.
We became romantically involved as much out of laziness as out of lust. Neither of us cared to invest the necessary time to search for the perfect partner so we settled for close enough for right now. After we moved in together, I would joke was that I was 'robbing the cradle' when I took her to bed. She would always laugh and respond, “I guess that would make me a grave robber.”
Two things attracted me to Darlene. The first was her personality. She was so easy going that I once tried to give her the nickname, Lake Placid. Still waters run deep and it didn’t end well.
“Okay Dennis, that was a twofer,” the book she was reading sailed across the room, missing my head by less than an inch.
“Watch it you nearly hit me! What the hell is a twofer?”
“A twofer is the first and last time something happens. I hate nicknames. Why the fuck would I want to be named after a stagnant pond?” Her smile was a weird combo of mischief and annoyance. I took pet names off my to-do-list.
Everyone needs a hobby and sex was her diversion from work. She collected orgasms like some folks collected postage stamps.
After a few months together, the real-estate development company in which Darlene had invested fifteen years of her life went belly-up, and then her last two paychecks bounced. The bounced checks set up a cascading overdraft chain reaction.
Darlene's rent check bounced, along with about 25 or 30 personal checks; each bad check racked up a $35 bank charge, $25-30 in returned check merchant fees, and her account soon was bleeding red ink by several thousand dollars. The certified letter ordering our eviction was the last straw. Our financial camel lay mortally wounded, its back broken beyond repair. We needed a new place to live, and we needed it fast.
We crisscrossed Denver and the surrounding suburbs chasing every "For Rent" sign we could find. We always came up a day late or a dollar short.
"Well, if you hear anything, please give me a call. Thank you," Darlene frowned as she hung up the phone. She looked at me, turned slightly and studied the calendar hanging on the refrigerator door, looked back into my eyes.
"That was our last best lead, we're screwed," Darlene slumped in her chair.
We sat across from each other at the kitchen table as, like an unwanted house guest, a shroud of gloom settled over the room. Out of options, we ran out of time. Eviction day was less than 72 hours away.
Darlene's posture suddenly changed as she sat upright in her chair as the corner of her mouth turned upwards and a smile lit up her eyes. "Damn, can't believe I forgot 'em," she slapped the palm of her hand on the table and let out a laugh.
"Dennis, how would you like to live on a commune?"
"Huh?"What kinda random question is this and where is it going? Darlene's exotic view of life trended toward the spiritual rather than the religious. I braced myself for her answer, "What kind of Hippy Village are we talking about?"
"Hippy? I'm not talking about Woodstock my love. I've got friends from college living in an off the grid cabin in the Rockies. They owe me some money, maybe we can stay with them."
"What's their address?" If you learn where someone lives you can start to make good guesses as to their culture.
"Honey, they don't have an address and they're not on a road," Darlene moved to the living room sofa and I followed.
"How far are they from the road?" This was getting interesting. The closer to the road, the more connected they would be to conventional reality. I had visited many communes in my younger days and everyone had a personality ranging from boring to batshit crazy. We sat together on the couch.
"Fifty miles give or take," she leaned into me as she sat next to me.
"I’ve known them over fifteen years. We were friends back in college."
"What kind of friends?" if they had been living off the grid for 15-years this group had something going for it.
"You know, friends who help friends. Anyway, they are heavy duty into the survivalist movement. They might let us stay with them." Any group holding its own for fifteen years might be an answer to our current housing crisis, it depended on the depth of the batshit. Too deep would be too weird.
"Okay, you've got my attention," I gave her a kiss, "Tell me everything you know. Who are these guys?"
We talked until there was no more to say, "Stay or go. Your choice. Do you want to give them a try - at least for a few weeks?" Darlene asked.
Living as amateur survivalists, her friends occupied an off-the-grid cabin located somewhere in the Rocky Mountains about 250 miles west of Denver.
The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. Living off the grid far from civilization was an attractive alternative to living in a cardboard box behind a Safeway Supermarket. Besides, I liked the high country and I had made several hiking trips into the mountains while stationed at Lowry Air Force Base prior to shipping out for an all-expense paid tour of Vietnam.
"Hamm, I'm in. Let's see if your friends will let us stay with them," I watched and listened as she dictated a text message requesting sanctuary for us, and shared her joy when she received an affirmative response a few minutes later.
"Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, It's off the grid we go," I sang.
Darlene joined in with a verse of her own, "Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, off with clothes we go," as she turned the dwarf song into a stripper-gram for two.
More efficient than artful, she had me barefoot from my toes to my chin within a minute.
Naked and laughing we sealed the deal by morning with a wild session of lovemaking. We were going to make a new life for ourselves. We were going off the grid.
The next two days passed in blur as we raced to pack what we needed for our new lives. Our Rav4 got a new set of off road tires along with a complete tune up and oil change. We sold everything we couldn't take with us. What we couldn't sell, we gave away. We were done with Denver.
We departed a few hours after sunrise and followed US-70 out of Denver. Within an hour we were up into the mountains and four hours after that we hit the town of Rifle and broke for lunch. I asked Darlene to stop at the local Smoke Shop. I had learned that our new home wasn't only remote; it was in the middle of fucking nowhere. The idea of running out of cigarettes a million miles from resupply was frightening.
I assumed our new off-the-grid home had some power, so I purchased an electric rolling machine. I then covered my bet; I bought two hand-powered rolling machines just to be safe. I then cleaned the shop out of their inventory of Zen rolling papers (three cases), along with 60 pounds of tobacco, two hundred cheap disposable lighters, and five tobacco pipes.
Darlene stood next to me as the cashier rang up the largest single purchase in the shop’s history.
“Are you out of your mind? Who spends that kind of money on cigarettes? Seriously, we’re broke and almost homeless,” she shook her head.
“Sweetheart, where we’re going, money ain’t going to be of much use, so, why not,” I added another handful of Bic lighters to the pile of merchandise.. The total bill put a $1,600 dent in my bank account (did I mention that I'm addicted to cigarettes?).
The Zen cigarette tubes and 60 lbs. of tobacco were too bulky to fit in the Rav's cargo bay, so I ended up securing my newly acquired stash to the vehicle's roof. I wrapped everything up in a tarp and triple tied it down with rope and bungee cords. The car looked like a band of gypsies owned it by the time I finished.
We turned north on Route 13, passed the town of Meeker two hours later, and we turned onto a winding dirt road leading up into the mountains. About 45 minutes later Darlene announced, 'It won't be long now' for the twentieth time.
Darlene was a bright young lady. She had programmed a series of waypoints her friends had e-mailed her into her vehicle's GPS system. We followed the dirt road through a thick pine forest until the road devolved into not much more than a poorly marked trail. The trail shrunk down to a path as we continued onward, our path soon became nothing more than a series of GPS waypoints connected by miles of barren rock as we climbed above the tree line.
I finally asked Darlene after an hour of driving ever deeper into the mountain wilderness, "How long is not long?"
"We should be there within the hour," Darlene answered.
"Christ Almighty! Your friends aren't only off the grid; they're off the fucking map. Do you have any idea of where we really are?" I complained.
Darlene just shrugged her shoulders, smiled, and kept driving.
Our Rav4 reached a ridge crest, which afforded us with a splendid view of a long, thin U-shaped valley nestled between two towering mountain ranges an hour later. We could see a building almost lost in the distance at the far end of the vale.
The structure was considerably larger than it had seemed from the ridge as we approached the dwelling. The rustic cabin looked like it was growing out of the side of the mountain upon closer examination. It was as much a log mansion as it was a log cabin. Solar panels covered the south facing steel roof, and a farmer's porch wrapped around three sides of the cabin. Buck Rogers meets Davy Crockett.
The sun had disappeared behind the snow-capped mountains. Night and the thermometer were both falling fast by the time we rolled to a stop in front of the cabin. A welcoming committee of at least a dozen women had gathered on the porch. They erupted in shouts of joy and hand waves when Darlene emerged from the vehicle. The boisterous welcome turned to silence when I stepped out of the car. It was as if someone had pulled the plug on the PA system.
Darlene stepped around the front bumper and gave me a hug as she whispered, "Did I mention that this is a lesbian survival commune?" in my ear.
"You forgot to share that little detail with me. What the fuck are we going to do now?" I whispered back.
Darlene was like that. She tended to skimp on the details and fill the void in with trivia or useless information. Darleen held my hand as we broke from our embrace, and spoke to the assembled women on the porch, "I would like you to meet my lover, Dennis Richards, everyone. He's old, but he's a very nice guy once you get to know him."
An older woman, who appeared to be the group's leader, stepped forward and said, "I'm Lisa Carson, Mr. Richards. Please come inside. I think we need to have a talk." I had the same, uneasy “Oh crap! Now what?” feeling that I used to get when I got summoned to the Principal's office as a kid.
Lisa turned on her heels, walked inside, and the rest of us followed her into the cabin's great room. If the cabin had looked large from the outside, it looked like it went on forever standing in the middle of the hall. It was enormous. A massive freestanding stone fireplace dominated the center of the room, and a blazing fire radiated heat and light in all directions.
A cathedral ceiling towered over the open space, and a rustic balcony ringed the wall on all sides at the second story level. Thousands of LED icicle lights hung from the balcony railings and stairways. A soft, comforting glow bathed the room.
Lisa directed us to follow her to her office upstairs. She stood about 5'6" and was a good-looking woman about my age. Streaks of red highlighted her closely cropped brunette hair, and she appeared to be in excellent physical condition. Her skin had the bronze tan of someone who was no stranger to hard outdoor work. Her face was more attractive than beautiful. She was wearing faded work jeans and a low cut wool sweater, which allowed an excellent view of well-tanned medium-sized breasts and ample cleavage.
Lisa's office featured a large oaken desk and a stone fireplace. A picture window filled one wall with a breathtaking view of the frosted mountains painted silver in the light of a nearly full moon. A floor to ceiling bookcase crammed with books covered the opposite wall. There were several oriental rugs were scattered about on the wood floor.
“Make yourselves comfortable, I'll be right back," Lisa made a quick exit through a side door.
Lisa’s abrupt departure startled me. Something was brewing and I wasn’t sure I cared for the flavor. Darlene and I took a seat on a small sofa in front of a coffee table and exchanged worried glances while we waited.
I leaned close to her ear and whispered, "What the hell is going on? This ain’t the warm and fuzzy welcome we expected."
"I know. Seriously, I don't understand. I told Lisa's assistant that you were coming with me, and she said, 'Great, the more, the merrier."
We could hear the muffled voices, but not the words, of two women engaged in a heated discussion in the next room. The conversation ended abruptly, and a moment later Lisa, entered the office with another woman in tow.
"Your presence here presents us with something of a problem, Mr. Richards. Darlene sent us a text message to our satellite phone. She told us she was bringing her lover 'Denise' with her. It was on that basis that we gave our permission for you to join our family of sisters," Lisa crossed her arms and studied us closely.
Darlene let out a little gasp just before she burst out laughing. "Fucking auto-correct will get you every time. I dictated that message on my iPhone, and I never caught the error when it changed Dennis to Denise," Darlene said.
Oh, damn! Talk about getting off on the wrong foot. We were at the intersection of Colossal and Fuck Up.
It took Lisa only a moment to absorb the implications of Darlene's unintended error. There was no conspiracy at work here; just faulty technology.
"Error or not, Mr. Richards' presence in our family of sisters might produce, err, unwanted sexual tension, that kind of stress can be bad for families," Lisa explained as she took a seat across from us.
"Seriously? You're all lesbians, how can an old fart like me produce any sexual tension?" I protested.
"There are capital-L Lesbians, and there are lower case-l lesbians, Mr. Richards, and then there are those who might want to find pleasure from a man out of mischief or mere curiosity. The fact that you're old makes you seem harmless, but I know better. You're not as safe as you appear. You have already seduced one of our first lesbian sisters and convinced her to take you on as a lover," Lisa answered as she glanced over at Darlene.
I also gave Darlene an inquiring glance of my own. I had suspected, but never known for sure, that my ladylove walked both sides of the street.
Lisa leaned forward and looked directly into Darlene's eyes, "Since we're already on the subject, why on earth did you pick such an old guy for a lover in the first place? My God girl, he's old enough to be your father or even your grandfather."
Darlene laughed, "Everyone wants to know about our May-December relationship. I picked Dennis because he's low maintenance, easy to be with, and treats me with respect. He's a fantastic lover and knows how to make a woman happy. He has a very talented tongue."
Lisa looked over at me and raised a questioning eyebrow. I just smiled back and shrugged as the 'talented tongue' comment seemed to hang in the air forever.
Lisa let the silence stretch out a bit, and then leaned across the coffee table, took Darlene's right hand in her own, and asked, "Tell me, dear sister, is his penis as talented as his tongue?"
I shifted in my seat and struggled to keep a neutral expression as the two women discussed my sexual performance. I couldn’t imagine a more awkward conversation.
Darlene looked surprised at Lisa's question, and then looked thoughtful. She told Lisa after several moments of reflection, "He has an untrained penis and it doesn't work nearly as well as his tongue. He sometimes has trouble getting it up and his pecker has a mind of its own at other times. He often suffers from premature ejaculation when he finally does get an erection."
Lisa glanced over at me and raised another questioning eyebrow. I just blushed, shrugged, and did my best to sink out of sight in the sofa. I tried to avoid any response that might extend further discussion. Darlene had a tendency to over share information.
"Thank you, Darlene. That was certainly a comprehensive answer to my question," Lisa said with a wink.
Lisa turned toward her assistant and said, "Will you please show Darlene to her room and round up a few of the sisters to help unpack their vehicle, Lucia? I need to spend a few minutes to bring Dennis up to speed on the ground rules for our colony. Please let the kitchen crew and the others know that we may be a little late for dinner."
With a quick kiss on my lips, Darlene rose and gave Lisa a slightly longer kiss as she followed Lucia out of the room.
As the door closed, Lisa stood and beckoned me to follow her, "Let's adjourn to the next room where we can be more comfortable. We've got a lot to talk about."
There was no doubt about it, I was a stranger in a very strange land.
The 'next room' turned out to be the bedroom Lisa shared with her partner, Lucia. The walls were hand hewn pine planks decked out with bookcases and several very well done nude watercolor portraits of women.
A queen-sized four-poster bed covered with a beautiful handmade quilt took up one wall, and a rustic looking nightstand with a large table lamp adorned with a stained glass shade provided most of the light in the room. The balance of the lighting came from a stone fireplace with several burning logs.
A huge bearskin spread out on the floor before the fire, along with several large throw pillows, offered comfortable seating. The room had an elegant, warm and cozy feel to it overall.
Lisa retrieved an amber colored bottle and two glasses from the bookshelf, and sat down on the rug. She patted a spot next to her as she invited me to join her at the fireplace.
"Dennis, would you care to join me in a glass of home-brewed brandy?"
"Only if you make mine a double." I was tempted to ask for a triple but I let it pass. A double would do for now.
Taking a seat on the rug next to Lisa, I made myself as comfortable as possible. I wasn't as flexible as I had been when I was younger. Moreover, sitting on the floor wasn't my preferred mode of relaxation.
I took a sip of the offered brandy. Oh my, God, it was as smooth as silk, and I could feel it filling me with a warm glow.
"Tell me Dennis, how comfortable are you with public displays of nudity?" Lisa asked, as she took a sip of her brandy.
I nearly snorted the drink out of my nose as I coughed and choked in surprise. What the fuck kind of question was that?
"I don't have a problem with public nudity," I regained my composure. "I've visited plenty of nude beaches in my life."
"Did you get nude yourself or just visit as a voyeur?" Lisa inquired.
"I got as naked as everyone else. Why do you ask?" I responded.
"Because our dress code most assuredly is clothing optional when we're in the cabin. Most of us go skyclad when we aren't working or cooking, or if safety requires we remain covered up. I'm glad that you're comfortable with this," Lisa said, as she pulled her sweater over her head and exposed her braless chest.
I used to think I was pretty jaded and nothing would surprise me. Wrong. What do you say to a naked lady? I felt like I was playing a bit part on candid camera.
Neatly folding her garment, she rose to her knees, unbuckled her jeans, and slid them down to her ankles. My eyes widened in surprise, Lisa wore no underwear, and her naked body showed no trace of tan lines. My head was spinning. Seriously, the same dizzy feeling I had when standing at the edge of a cliff swept over me in a wave of cultural vertigo as I struggled to keep my mental balance. The normal social landmarks outlining the boundaries of acceptable behavior were either missing or obscured in this strange new world.
Lisa folded her jeans, placed them on top of her sweater, leaned back on the pillow behind her, and closed her eyes, "Ahh, that feels much more comfortable. I'm almost getting to the point where I hate wearing clothing," she said with a deep sigh.
I took the opportunity to examine Lisa's exposed body as she lay naked next to me. I was trying to engrave this moment in my memory for later replay. Maybe it will make more sense the second time around. Her breasts were still pretty firm, and they showed few of the signs of aging or sagging, apart from a few stretch marks, which came along with advancing years. Lisa's nipples were about the size of the tip of my little finger, and her dark brown areolas were roughly the size of fifty-cent pieces. Her stomach was flat with just a few wrinkles above a thin patch of reddish-brown pubic hair. She was in better physical shape than most women half her age. Either that or she was a very high mileage thirty-year-old.
Lisa's face had the usual lines and weather worn creases of someone who spent most of their time outdoors, and there was only a slight hint of a double chin.
She opened her eyes and caught me studying her body, "Do I meet with your approval?" I was stone cold busted.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. I don’t often find myself alone with a naked woman I've only just met," I stammered.
"This whole thing is way too weird. Talk about being beyond my comfort zone; you're naked. Now you tell me there’s an entire colony of naked lesbians just beyond this door,” I looked around and waved my arms, “and then there’s all this, this cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's just everything. I don't mind being outside my zone, but I still need the time to process it," I said.
"Take this cabin, for example. It didn't grow here. It seems to be at least ten or fifteen years old, and it must have cost a fortune. What did you guys do? Win the lottery or something?" I said, waving my arms around the room.
"You're either a good guesser or a very lucky boy. That’s exactly how this place came to be. Do you remember when everyone was freaking out over a $75 million jackpot that remained unclaimed for almost a year nearly 20 years ago? That was the sisters and me," Lisa said.
"It took us that long to set up a corporation to hold the ticket. We decided that we would fly under the radar. We didn't want the media attention, I’m sure you can understand." she patted my leg.
"How the hell did you build this structure? You needed some heavy equipment to put this place together, and there are no roads in or out of the valley?"
"We cut and milled all the wood we needed on site. A French Canadian Heavy Lift Helicopter Service brought in all the necessary equipment to complete this building and about a dozen utility structures. I'll give you and Darlene a tour of our Colony tomorrow," Lisa offered.
I numbly nodded 'yes' while reaching into my shirt pocket. I needed a smoke to calm my nerves.
With a pack of smokes in my hand I asked, "Is it OK with you if I have a cigarette?"
"Shit! You've got cigarettes. I haven't had one in years," she took the pack from my hand and tapped two cigarettes out before setting the pack down next to her leg.
Lisa gave me one before rolling onto her stomach. Slightly spreading her legs for balance, she stretched forward and reached into the fireplace to find an unburned twig to use as a match to light her cigarette.
Her buttocks were on vivid display as she sprawled before me. Each rounded cheek was firm, compact, and well-tanned. Her small puckered brown anus was clearly visible in the valley between them just above the lips of her vagina. I could feel stiffening in my shorts as my body responded to the vision before me.
I was going to have to get my aging and raging hormones in check if nudity was going to be the new normal. I had a hunch that sprouting a boner every time one of the women of the colony bent over wasn't going to cut the mustard.
I reached into my pocket, pulled out my Bic lighter, and lit my cigarette while Lisa worked to get her twig lit. I then tapped her on the leg and offered her my lighter.
Lisa relaxed against her pillow for the next few minutes, and puffed away at her first cigarette in years. "Damn! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed a good smoke." She laughed and blew a perfect smoke ring and then another.
"Keep the pack; it's my treat. I've got plenty more in the car," I watched the smoke rings until they dissolved in the air. I was impressed. Not many smokers could blow a quality smoke ring .
"Really? How much is plenty more?" Lisa asked.
"I've got enough tobacco to roll at least 24,000 cigarettes. That should last a few years," I told Lisa about my bulk tobacco purchase in Rifle, Colorado.
My eyes kept drifting back to Lisa's breasts and down to her pubic hair and vagina as we talked. I finally said, "I know that staring is rude, Lisa, but it's hard to keep my eyes away from your body. You're a very attractive woman." I felt my erection twitch.
"So I've noticed, but don't worry about it. I didn't give you much warning before I changed into my birthday suit, and this was a test. I wanted to see how you would handle female nudity, and you did just fine. I'm frankly flattered when someone admires my body, even if it's a man. Just try not to drool," Lisa said with a grin as she glanced at my crotch.
"I understand the usual norms around social nudity, and it doesn't include unwanted sexual aggression. Just because a woman is naked doesn't give anyone permission to grope or fondle her. I get it," I rested my hand in my lap. Just to be on the safe side.
"That is an almost a feminist viewpoint for a man. Maybe you'll be able to fit in here after all," Lisa stood up, stretched and stood on her tiptoes as circulation returned to her legs.
"I'm famished and it's getting late, Dennis. Let's continue this conversation later, but we need to get downstairs before there's nothing left of dinner in the meantime," I took her hand and gave her a grateful for her assistance look. I have the knees of a man twice my age.
The dining area was located just off a large commercial kitchen at the far end of the great room. A supersized picnic table lined with benches provided more than enough seating capacity for the thirty-seven females who made the colony their home. The table itself was a stunning thing of beauty. The tabletop surface consisted of wide pine planking sanded to a silky smooth sheen, and then coated with dozens of layers of polyurethane.
I took a good hard look around as we descended the stairs. Designed to appear humble, at least from a distance, the cabin was a state of the art survival factory. There was enough solar capacity on the roof to meet the needs of several large households. All the lighting I had seen so far utilized LED bulbs. The thousands of icicle lights deployed around the great room drew less power than two or three 75-watt bulbs.
The air temperature in the hall was a pleasant 75°F. Most of the sisters of the colony were gathered in animated conversation around the expansive dining table, which Lisa said doubled as a conference table for group meetings. They were all topless and most were bottomless. I had never seen so much exposed female flesh in one place at one time.
I was frankly in a daze as I tried to process a torrent of new information. I was kinda prepared for the sight before me thanks to Lisa's sudden introduction to public nudity. Nothing Darlene had told me about this place had prepared me for the strange reality of actually being here, however.
One of the women spotted us and shouted out a greeting to Lisa before we had even descended a third of the way down the staircase. A naked Darlene was waiting for me with a hug by the time we reached the bottom of the stairs.
Darlene whispered in my ear as we embraced; "Give me a long, wet, sloppy kiss and play with my ass. I'll explain later."
I had learned long ago that obedience was the best course of action when Darlene gives a command like that. We locked lips and traded spit in one of the most passionate kisses we had shared in a long time. I ran my hands over her bare bottom and lovingly caressed her buttocks as I held her. Darlene let a low moan out. I cupped each cheek in the palms of my hand and jiggled them so much that she burst out laughing which ended in a loud 'yelp' when I gave a loud slap to one of her cheeks.
"What was that for?" she whispered.
"That was for your excessively detailed account of my prick's sexual deficiencies," I whispered back.
Darlene giggled, gave me a quick kiss, took my hand, and then pulled me in the direction of the dining table as she said, "You've got to get some dinner before it's all gone. It's venison stew, and it is absolutely delicious."
Flavored with an assortment of tasty vegetables that I couldn't identify, the stew was thick, hearty, and spicy. Darlene was right. The taste was out-of-this-world delicious.
After allowing me a few minutes to eat, Darlene started to introduce me to each of the sisters.
Darlene has a natural ability to remember names. I, on the other hand, had already forgotten the name of the first woman by the time I had been introduced to the third sister.
I shook hands, made and kept eye contact (to avoid staring at their naked breasts), and repeated their names in a futile effort to drill each name into my memory as I met each member of the colony. Most of the women warmly responded to my introduction, but several were very reserved, if not hostile. A few of the sisters clearly had 'man issues', most likely the result of some abusive male in their history.
I couldn't say that I blamed them. I could understand how my presence might be disquieting, to say the least, if I had joined a remote all lesbian community to put the world of men behind me.
The next to last woman I was introduced to was an attractive sandy blonde named Alice. She was well-endowed, and she had a dark golden tan like the rest. I guessed her age to be about fifty, and stretch marks on her somewhat saggy breasts and her stomach suggested that she had given birth at least once in her life.
Alice seemed genuinely happy to meet me. She gave me a radiant smile and held onto to my hand far longer than is customary. Alice turned to the young girl sitting next to her, and said, "This is my daughter, Star Shine, and she's been living in the colony since she was three years old. You're the first man she has ever met. She just celebrated her 18th birthday two months ago."
I bowed and shook Star's hand as I wished her a belated birthday while doing my best to make and keep eye contact. Alice's daughter was drop dead gorgeous with small, perky breasts, and a slim elfin and athletic figure adorned in a beautiful amber tan. She had bright blue eyes and wore her waist length blond hair in a braid, which made her look like a young Scandinavian fashion model. She was, in a word, stunning.
I had a hunch that I wouldn't earn points from her mother if I started drooling over her nude daughter, so I kept my cool even as I felt the stirring of an erection. Thank the Lord I was still fully dressed.
Her mother must have been a mind reader. Alice took my hand and pulled me close and asked, "Why are you still dressed, Dennis? Why don't you strip down and make yourself comfortable?"
I noticed her question elicited a few murmurs of agreement, including a nod from Lisa, and an, “'I'll second that motion” from Darlene.
"Moved and seconded. All those in favor, please signify by saying Aye," Lisa announced in the voice of a true parliamentarian. A loud chorus of Ayes filled the hall.
Lisa then called for the 'No' vote: crickets. I half raised my hand and quietly said, "No." My vote was as much a joke as an opinion.
Lisa smiled at me and said, "Hearing minimal opposition, I declare that the Ayes have it. Motion carries."
After a long pause, Lisa said, "OK, Dennis, you heard the vote. Now it's your turn."
Stripping was going to be awkward. The last thing I wanted to do was strip naked in front of a group of nude woman, especially with a growing boner. Even so, I decided that I had no choice but to comply. It was clear in any event that I would eventually have to join the clothing optional norm of the colony.
Taking a deep breath, I braced myself and unbuttoned my shirt, took it off, and laid it on the table. I then took my shoes and socks off and placed them next to my shirt. I was trying to drag things out for as long as possible in hopes my erection would go down.
I undid my belt, unzipped my jeans, let them slide down to my ankles, and stepped out of my pants. I tossed them into the air with a flip of my foot, caught them with my free hand, folded my jeans, and laid them on the table.
I remembered how my mother always told me to wear clean underwear in the unlikely event that I had to go to the hospital. I prayed that there were no visible racing stripes as I stood in my whitey tighties. A small but noticeable bulge was making a tent in my shorts. I could feel myself blushing as I noticed Alice and her daughter staring at me with interest. All the colony's sisters seemed to be paying close attention to developments in fact.
The attention on my private parts by so many women had a chilling effect on me as a wave of apprehension spread across my body. Being naked was the ultimate in performance anxiety. I knew that my junk was about as average as you could get; my circumcised penis measured five and a quarter inches when fully erect and just under three inches when flaccid. The girls were going to be severely disappointed if any of them were expecting a well-endowed porn star.
I removed my t-shirt next, folded it, and placed it on top of my jeans. I stood dressed only in my underwear for a few moments as I worked up the nerve for the final act. I debated with myself; I had few choices; I could either chicken out, or I could drop my drawers.
Well, I would give them a show since they apparently wanted one. I slowly lowered my shorts and exposed a patch of light brown pubic hair. I paused and then turned away from the table and slowly slid my shorts to a half-mast position, leaving half my buttocks exposed. I slowly lowered them to my knees after another dramatic pause, and then let them drop to my ankles.
I turned around, faced the women, and proceeded to do an exaggerated bow from the waist with my arms spread wide. I heard Alice's daughter giggle. There was a smattering of happy laughter from the sisters. Thank God! My fear and stalling tactics had worked, and my erection had subsided to the point where my prick was only semi-stiff, halfway between flaccid and hard.
"Well done and nicely played," Lisa said with a smile, as she gave me a thumbs up.
"I think this would be a good time for you to introduce yourself to our group, Dennis. Why don't you take a few minutes and tell us about yourself," Alice said.
"Thank you, Alice. That's an excellent suggestion. You have the floor, Dennis," Lisa said.
The sisters' leader was testing me. Earlier she had wanted to know if nudity by the colony's women would 'bother' me. Now she was now testing the sisters to find out if my nudity would bother them; quite clever actually.
I’d done my share of public speaking over the years, but it was different this time. There's a certain something about standing naked in front of an audience that compels honesty. I decided to give a very brief and unvarnished account of my life thus far. I stood in thought with my head bowed for several minutes. There were two things at work for me during this interlude; the first was an old showman's trick: keep the audience in suspense by never starting on time.
The second was a political trick: use any extend silence to buy time and gather your thoughts and wits. Show your audience that you're thoughtful and caring, or as my dad used to say, 'Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that you've got it made.' I was going to use the body language of my audience to gauge my reception while I spoke.
"Hello. My name is Dennis Nathan Richards, and I was born in New Haven, Connecticut. I am a 67 year-old Vietnam Veteran with a 100% disability from Agent Orange exposure while in the country. I served in the United States Air Force, mostly in Japan and Vietnam.
I searched the faces of the sisters while I spoke as I tried to access my ability to engage each woman at a deeper and more positive level. I was, in essence, trying to seduce a room full of lesbians while we were all naked. Talk about your lost cause.
"You can stop me at any time if you have a question. I would rather we have a dialogue than a monolog," I said in an effort to break the ice.
The invitation to ask questions resulted in one brown-haired woman tentatively raising her hand. I asked her to remind me of her name, and she said, "My name is Amelia and I have a question. You said you got a monthly disability check from the VA. What kind of disability do you have? You seem to be in good shape."
"Good question, Amelia. My disability is mostly invisible. I have Type II Diabetes because of exposure to Agent Orange while I in Vietnam. I specifically have severe neuropathy in my right hand and in my feet."
"What are the effects of your neuropathy?" Amelia asked as a follow-up question.
"Neuropathy is nerve damage as a result of too much sugar in my blood. In my case, the result is numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. The other effect is rather embarrassing." I said as I paused. I was not sure how much detail I wanted to get into.
"Do not stop there. Please explain," Amelia asked as she pressed me for more information.
"Well, err, sometimes I have difficulty in getting it up and keeping it up" I reluctantly volunteered to the group.
Amelia and several of her sisters nodded. I noticed that Lisa and Alice were paying very close attention to the conversation.
"The result sometimes is a limp dick, for lack of better words, when the nerves connecting my prick to my brain shut down due to high sugar levels," I answered.
Several sisters responded with stifled laughter or nervous giggles and additional follow-up questions. Sex is always an interesting conversation. I had their attention at least.
"Can you still have an orgasm?" Alice asked with a look of concern on her face.
"I still have orgasms; even when flaccid a guy can still ejaculate. It just takes a little more effort and it’s not nearly as much fun," I explained.
"I don't understand. Darlene says you're a fantastic lover. How can that be if you don't get hard?" Alice asked. I heard several sisters say, "I was wondering the same thing."
"My goal or mission as a lover is to provide the necessary emotional and physical stimulation required for my partner to achieve an orgasm. I do that orally," I said.
Standing stark naked in front of a table full of attractive and nude women while talking about orgasms and oral sex was having unintended consequences. I could feel my semi-flaccid penis begin to stiffen. There was no way to hide my growing arousal.
"I thought you said that you couldn't get hard, but you apparently can," one of the woman observed.
"I get an erection sometimes, and sometimes I don't. It tends to be a hit or miss affair. My prick seems to have a mind of its own and I can never depend on it to respond as I want it to. It's all rather embarrassing and frustrating," I explained as I shared far more information than I wanted.
Looking at several sisters' body language, I saw signs of what looked like sexual responses from about half of them. Nipples had slightly hardened, many had leaned forward a bit more than usual, and their faces were relaxed and smiling or friendly neutral. Body postures showed a focused interest. At some primal level; pheromones were in the air and my body was responding.
I looked down at my gradually stiffening penis; I covered myself with my hand. "Sorry about that, but all this talk about sex and stuff seems to be having an effect on my hardware, as I'm sure you've noticed. It never seems to respond like I want it to, as I said, and a public boner is rather awkward," I explained. I could feel the heat of a blush burn across my body.
Darlene came to my rescue. She walked up to me and gave me a big hug and lingering kiss, and then turned to face her companions while holding my free hand. "I think Dennis is thinking about the lovemaking session we'll have when we go to bed," she said with a foxy grin.
Darlene started to rub my ass while she stood next to me, much to her sisters' amusement. The sensation of her warm hand massaging my bare behind did nothing to diminish my arousal. I continued to stiffen to about three-quarters erect, a little less than four inches, under her playful touch.
Looking out over my audience of colony members, I noticed that they were all paying close attention to the interplay between Darlene and me. I was at a loss for words and wasn't sure how, or if, I should continue or try to beat a hasty retreat.
"Don't be embarrassed by having a hardon, Dennis. It's a natural event. We all get sexually aroused from time to time; it is just that your arousal is slightly more noticeable than ours is," Lisa said. Her statement got choirs of chuckles and laughter from the sisters and did much to ease the tension that had been building in the room.
"I'll put it to a vote if it makes you feel better, however, Dennis. By a show of hands, how many of us would like Dennis to proceed with his self introduction?" Lisa said as she raised her hand. A unanimous show of hands joined with Lisa. The sisters wanted the show to go on. The vote left me both relieved and annoyed at the same time. I was glad I hadn't offended them, but I was still several zip codes away from my comfort zone. Exhibitionism had never been my thing.
I turned to Darlene who was still playing with my bare bottom, and said, "Maybe now is not the best time for foreplay. Shall we will continue this later?"
Darlene was as much of a ham as I was. With an exaggerated stage pout, she said to me, "You are such a tight ass. You need to learn to relax and have fun." She jiggled my ass cheeks with both hands. The jiggle made my erection dance in the air.
My mind went blank as I started to speak; I forgot what I was going to say. "I'm having a senior moment. I just lost my train of thought. Are there any more questions while I try to get back on track?" I asked the women around me while I stalled.
Alice and several of her sisters raised their hands. I figured it would be an easy question, so I called on Alice.
"Since you're the only man in a community of lesbians, how do you feel about women who love women?" Alice asked as several of her companions nodded their approval of her question.
I began my answer by explaining how Darlene and I were on the brink of being homeless when she suggested that we could go and stay with a group of her college friends who were 'living off-the-grid'. Not that it would have made a difference, but she never bothered to mention that we were traveling to an all women survival colony. We were both completely unprepared for what we found when we arrived on your doorstep.
"This is all unexplored territory for me, and I am winging it the best way that that I can. I believe that everyone has a right to love anyone of his or her choice. I doubt that we have much control when it comes to selecting our sexual identity. We are who we are. I don't remember choosing to be heterosexual. It is just who I am."
"The real question is how do you feel about having a man living among you in this beautiful colony? Because men can be real dicks, no pun intended, as we all know," I said to an outburst of laughter.
"I noticed that several folks here did not seem too happy with my presence when I was speaking earlier. I suspect that personal experience with abusive males is likely the source of this negative attitude.”
"Let me tell you this, I know a thing or two about abusive men. A male babysitter raped me when I was twelve years old," I explained. The sisters responded with a collective gasp. Alice looked shocked; her daughter stared at me with wide eyes and an open mouth as her hand shot into the air with a question.
"How did it happen? How did it make you feel? Was it traumatic?" Star Shine asked me in a series of rapid-fire questions.
"Without going into gory details, it happened after I got severely sunburned. My babysitter walked in as I got out of the shower. I was naked and he offered to give me a massage after he took his shower. A naked pedophile giving a nude boy a massage - what could possibly go wrong? The rest is, as they say, history."
"As to how it made me feel; I felt used and humiliated. I was there exclusively for his sexual pleasure as far as that bastard was concerned. I wasn't a person to him, only an object for his sperm. I hated it and I vowed I would never treat a fellow human the way he treated me."
"I didn't hate men when it was over, but I didn't trust them. I did hate him, and I dislike the way too many men treat other people, especially females," I explained.
"How do you feel about gay men?" one of the sisters asked without raising her hand.
"As I said before, I believe that everyone has a right to love anyone of his or her choice. I think most of us occupy some point on the sexual spectrum. Very few of us are born 100% straight or 100% gay. Almost all of us are born on one side or the other of the rainbow of possibilities. Does that answer your question?" I asked. Nodding heads told me I had.
"What happens when you get an erection at a nude beach?" another sister asked.
I laughed, "I either sit down and wait for it to pass, or I go behind a bush and take care of business."
"What would you do if you end up staying with us?" Lisa asked.
Lisa was everything anyone could want in a leader. She was thoughtful and measured in her approach to unexpected problems. I was an unexpected problem. I knew her questions weren't accidental. They were part of her test, which would determine whether I stayed or went away. My problem was that I had no way of knowing what the right answers were. My only option was to roll the dice and hope for the best.
"You and your sisters have built something here that is amazing, unique, and precious, Lisa. The protection and continued safety of this community is a top priority. I can understand why some might view me, as a man, to be a possible threat to this family. I am who I am, and there's nothing I can do to change that," I said.
We were now talking about the elephant in the room and the hall had become silent as each woman considered my words. I raised my right hand and faced Lisa.
"I vow to do everything in my power to help this colony continue to succeed under your leadership" I said while making eye contact with the group’s leader.
"The world outside this valley is changing into something very ugly and dangerous, and I think that having a man among you might be useful. I would like to be that man, and I will place the safety of your sisters ahead of my own if you allow it."
I lowered myself to one knee before Lisa, crossed my arms over my chest, and bowed my head when I finished speaking. I held my position as I waited for Lisa to speak. It may have been a bit melodramatic but it seemed like the right thing to do. I had once seen it done in a movie.
The silence seemed to stretch out forever, but I didn't move. I did a long count in my head to track the time. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, and Lisa broke the silence when I got to fifty-two Mississippi.
"That's a compelling offer and I appreciate your apparent sincerity, Dennis. It's very moving. Truth be told, however, I don't know you well enough to trust you with the lives of our family. I can't give you trust that you haven't yet earned. I will allow you to remain among us as my guest until I make a final determination as to your status here. We will revisit this question in two weeks. You will not attempt to leave our company in the meantime..” Lisa paused before she continued, “Do you understand?" She was not making an optional suggestion, this was a stone cold command. I didn’t want to find out what would happen if I disobeyed.
"Thank you, Lisa, I can't ask for more. You have my word of honor," I replied, as I resumed a standing position. At least my status had been clarified; I was a guest/prisoner of the group's leader.
The serious discussion wasn't as much fun as the sexy questions. My erection decided that it was time for a nap for the time being. I took the opportunity to wrap up my 'brief' introduction as quickly as possible.
"I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you, and I'm thankful for your generous hospitality. I will do my best as your guest to carry my own weight for as long as I'm under your roof," I concluded.
The applause of the sisterhood caught me by surprise. It wasn't over the top wild, but it was polite and lasted about 20 seconds.
As the applause died down, I took a seat on the table's bench next to Lisa and just tried to relax. I felt like I had just run a marathon. Darlene gave me a warm hug and a glass of ice-cold water and sat with me. I don't know which I appreciated more; her company, the hug, or the beverage. I guzzled the water down in one long gulp. Public speaking is lonely and thirsty work.
The sisters stopped by in ones and twos to exchange small talk with Lisa before retiring for the evening. That was the cover story at least. I noticed after the third such 'visit' that most of the women seemed to spend more time sneaking glances at my naked crotch than they did in conversation with their leader. Great; I was now either the object of sexual curiosity, or at the very least, a diversion in the colony's daily routine. It had been years since most of the women in the cabin had seen a man, with or without clothes. Maybe I should charge admission.
Lisa stood and stretched after too long sitting on an uncomfortable wooden bench without padding , "I'll show you both to your quarters if you two are willing to call it a night."
After several minutes the last of the group drifted away to their rooms.
The colony's sleeping quarters were on the second level balcony that ringed the rectangular shaped Great Room. I did a quick count; there were 24 doorways in total, seven on each side of the long axes, and five each on the short sides of the rectangle.
The room reserved for Darlene and I was located on the north balcony above the cabin's Great Room and appeared to be identical in size to Lisa's quarters. The room was stunning in its simplicity. The walls had the same pine paneling that we had seen in Lisa's rooms, with wide oak planks for flooring and exposed wood beams supporting the white plaster ceiling. A colorful handmade antiquated quilt adorned a queen-sized bed on the wall opposite a large picture window. I paused for a moment and looked out over the moonlight bathed sleeping valley. The shadows of mountains rose in the distance like sentinels into a sky ablaze with stars.
The belongings we had brought with us on our journey nearly filled a huge walk-in closet. I was pleased to see that my tobacco stash had also been unpacked. A small windowless half-bath was located at the far end of the closet. Lisa advised me that a communal shower was located two doors to the left when I asked where I could take a shower. I had to admire the cabin's design efficiency. The half baths used a minimum of plumbing and were handy for midnight relief, while the community showers were for general hygiene. Lisa wished us a good night and left us alone in our room. Darlene wrapped her arms around me when Lisa had departed, and gave me a hug and a kiss that was almost violent in its intensity.
"I'm so fucking horny, Dennis! I want you to make love to me right now," Darlene said, as she wrapped her arms around my bare backside and pulled me onto the bed.
"Your wish is my command," I replied, and slowly began to kiss her face. I softly kissed her eyelids and then her cheeks. I lightly traced the tip of my tongue across her lips and kissed her under her chin before moving down and nibbling along the nape of her neck. I kissed along the edge of her collarbone to her shoulders' rounded top. I then reversed direction and gently kissed the side of her neck, and then softly nibbled her earlobes.
Darlene's steady breathing changed into little pants punctuated by low moans as I continued to circle her face and neck with kisses. I softly caressed the soft rounded underside of each breast with my hands before touching her whole breast. I avoided direct contact with her nipples. I let my fingers brush ever so slightly against each tit as my hands caressed the contours of her chest instead.
Darlene arched her back as she tried to push her stiff nipples into my hands each time my fingers approached the tips. I refused contact, and continued to tease her instead while my hands moved back to her shoulders and along the inside of her arms.
My lips followed the same path traced by my hands and fingers. I kissed the top of each breast and used my tongue to trace a circle around the base of each nipple before flicking my tongue across the very tip.
I moved my hands to the inside of her thighs and softly caressed her sensitive skin as I kissed and licked the underside of each breast. I sucked one nipple at a time into my mouth and gently squeezed them between my teeth when my exploring fingers approached the outer lips of her vulva.
Darlene moaned, and her fingers pulled at the bed coverings as she spread her legs further apart. I moved my fingers to each side when my hands reached the base of her vulva, and followed the valley between her pubis and the top of her thighs. I reversed direction when my fingers reached the base of her stomach and worked back down towards her knees.
Her pussy was glistening with moisture and glowing pink, and her skin took on a deep reddish blush. Her soft moans became steadily louder as her arousal grew in anticipation while I explored and stimulated each erogenous zone in turn.
I slowly licked, touched, stroked, and caressed Darlene's inner thighs as I steadily worked my way upward toward her pussy. I wanted to keep her on the edge of a climax for as long as possible. I could feel the tension building within her as her body trembled and tightened in response to ever-building waves of pleasure.
I slid my tongue along the valley between her swelling pubis and the top of her thighs when my mouth reached the base of her vulva. Darlene hips and body began to writhe and twist to meet my mouth as I used the point of my tongue to gather her secretions into my mouth. I celebrated and savored every delicious drop.
I gently and carefully opened the large lips of her labia with my fingers, and let the flat of my tongue slide along the valley separating her inner and outer lips. I used my tongue like a magnifying glass in a beam of sunlight to narrow the focus of her pleasure and drive each particle of joy toward the center of her erect clitoris. Women have twice as many nerve endings in their clits as men do in their pricks. I wanted every one of her nerves to be on fire with desire.
I finally gently parted the lips of her labia minora to reveal her vaginal opening and swollen clitoris. The inside of her lips was bright red and slick with her lubricant. I ran the tip of my tongue around her opening and then moved upward and swirled the tip of my tongue around the base of her clitoris, as she began to force her hips upward to meet my mouth.
"Oh fuck yes! Don’t, uh, oh my God, don’t stop!" she screamed as her legs and body started to shake and quiver. I flicked my tongue across her clit as I slid my index finger into her vagina, and started to massage the ridges of her G-spot with a 'come hither' motion. I increased the pressure of my tongue around and on her clitoris as I stimulated the inside her vaginal canal. I slowly slipped the index finger of my free hand into her and wiggled it from side to side when I felt mounting waves of contractions ripple within her body.
Darlene's orgasm exploded in series of vaginal spasms, her legs went stiff, and then kicked and flailed about as she cried out and screamed "Yes! That’s it, oh yeah!". I relaxed the pressure a tiny bit and then redoubled my efforts as I stimulated all points at the same time as each wave passed.
I knew I was finished when I felt her hands pushing my face away from between her legs. I scooted up and lay along the side of her body, holding her close to me. We cuddled together and basked in the warm afterglow of euphoria. I kissed her lips, and innocently asked, "Did I make you happy?"
I knew it was a stupid question, but I loved hearing her answer. It was my report card.
"You were fucking fantastic, Dennis, and you know it! My God, I came so many times that I lost count," she said, and then hugged me as tightly as she could.
"That was only the first installment. Are you ready for part two?”
I kissed her skin in a line across the top of her pubic mound, and whispered in her ear, "Turn over onto your stomach."
She eagerly obeyed. I straddled her and began to caress her buttocks and the inside of her thighs. The delicious musky scent of sex rose from her like steam. Using my fingers to spread buttocks apart, I leaned forward and ran my tongue down the side of the valley between her pink cheeks. Darlene twitched, and her hips jumped as she screamed, “Oh my God, fuck yes!”
I licked from the top of her crack down to a point just before her vagina opening. I then reversed direction and used my tongue to lick along the opposite side of the valley. I avoided contact each time I approached her anus and traced a teasing wet circle all around her puckered hole instead. I savored the sweet/tart taste of her fluids and the rich aroma of her arousal.
I continued to lick an up and down path along each side of her valley. Each pass was slightly faster than the previous one as I teased and pushed her toward the brink. Darlene suddenly arched her back after several minutes of mouth play, and screamed, "Oh my fucking God yes! I'm going to cum.”
I stiffened my tongue and drove it deep into her anus as she screamed. Sliding it into her as far as I could, I could feel her entire body tense in a screaming, nearly ear-splitting climax. She reached the top of her first mountain and kept climbing.
The contractions of her orgasm squeezed my tongue like a pulsating vise in one wave of pleasure after another before she lay still.
"Christ, Darlene, do you think you can make any more fucking noise?" I scolded.
"I doubt it, but I can try," Darlene giggled, as she tried to catch her breath.
"I had been telling my sisters what a fantastic lover you are while you were meeting with Lisa, but I don't think they believed me, so I decided to let them hear for themselves. Besides, you need all the advertising you can get," Darlene explained.
"Why would I need any advertising?" I asked.
"I think they all heard how hard you could make a girl cum after tonight. You now have a reputation to uphold, Mr. Talented Tongue. A few of my sisters might want you to give them personal tutoring if I know them."
"And you would be okay with that?" I asked, as I gave her a skeptical eye.
"Of course I would be, just as long as you make sure your students use me for the final exam," Darlene laughed with a wink.
"Okay, okay, I'll think about it," I said, as I lowered my mouth between her legs and began to lick. It had been a long day, but the night was still young.
The bright glow of morning sunshine reflected off the snow-capped western mountains and cascaded through our bedroom window, filling every corner with light. Some part of my sleeping brain registered the change in illumination and curiosity teased my eyes open.
My initial reaction was a momentary disconcerting sense of confusion that we all feel when waking up in a brand new place for the first time.
The mountains dazzled white and magnificent against the brilliant blue sky; Darlene slumbered next to me as naked as a newborn child. Her freckled face had the relaxed innocence of deep sleep.
The fog of confusion lifted within a few moments as I remembered yesterday's journey to the Colony. I became acutely aware of important business requiring my immediate attention; my full bladder and rock solid piss hardon screamed for relief. I felt like a star of one of those annoying TV commercials featuring old men and their 'urgent need to go'.
I got out of bed and raced, if you can call a stiff-legged gait racing, toward the bedroom door. I paused for a second to scan the room for a set of underwear to cover my nakedness. Increasing pressure on my bladder warned me not to delay. I exited the bedroom and moved toward the community bathroom as quickly as I could.
As luck would have it, none of the sisters was visible on our side of the balcony. My luck changed the instant that I entered the bathroom. Alice was lathering up under the shower, and her nude daughter was brushing her teeth at a complex of sinks under a wall-sized mirror.
Mother and daughter turned to stare at my erection and me, as I made a beeline for the toilet.
I stood before the open bowl, glanced around at my unwanted audience, and tried to take a piss. It's an unpleasant fact that pissing with a hardon is challenging, if not impossible.
There is an annoying little valve inside the prostate gland, called a sphincter. Its job is to control urine flow in the urethra, and it is directly above the two ejaculatory ducts bringing sperm up from the testicles. The system is part of a man's hardwiring, designed to prevent sperm and piss from mixing. The shutoff valve remains closed even with a raging boner until the erection starts to go down.
Maneuvering my erection in a downward direction was painful and awkward. I managed to dribble out a tiny stream instead of a golden relief stream. It was just enough to reduce the internal pressure on my bladder, which in turn, reduced the pressure on my prostate gland and allowed my erection to subside. The dribble turned into a yellow river of pure relief leaving my toes tingling as my penis returned to a flaccid state.
"That was fascinating, I've never seen a boy urinate before," Star said in a quiet voice.
The bathroom wasn't designed with modesty as a priority. The showers and walls were tiled and open, as were the toilets. Privacy is non-existent.
"He's not a boy, he's a man," Alice said, as she corrected her daughter's choice of nouns.
I turned my head to see Alice behind me toweling her hair dry. Alice's gaze, like her daughter's, fixated on my genitals.
Great! A mother and daughter inspection team - just what I needed.
I decided that I might as well clean up from last night. I stepped under the shower Alice had vacated and turned the water on to the hottest setting that I could stand. Maybe a cloud of steam would offer some privacy.
Crap! I had no soap.
"Alice, could I borrow your soap please?" I asked.
"My pleasure," Alice answered, as she joined me under the shower and started lathering my back.
I tried to figure out a polite way to discourage Alice's hands-on assistance when her daughter joined us and proceeded to lather my legs.
The sensation of two sets of hands caressing my body vanquished whatever objections I had over getting woman-handled. I could probably force myself to get used to pampering with a little bit of effort.
"You need to clean all his body parts, Star," Alice said, as she ran her hand between the cheeks of my ass and scrubbed my anus with her fingers.
"Turn around so that we can do your front, Dennis," Alice said, as her hands turned my body to face them.
Alice soaped up my chest, and Star soaped my legs. I closed my eyes and let them do their thing as hot water rolled off my back. The sensation was incredible and arousing as the mother's hands scrubbed downwards and her daughter's small hands caressed upward. I wondered what would happen when their hands met at private parts in the middle; maybe they would arm wrestle for cleaning privileges.
"Am I supposed to clean his thing?" Star asked her mother.
"It's called a penis and, yes, it also needs to be cleaned," Alice instructed her daughter.
I looked down to see Star kneeling before me. She was at eye level, and only a few inches away from the beginnings of an erection. Star looked at me and back at her mother who nodded her head 'yes'.
Star reached her hands out, and with a tentative and delicate touch, began to apply soap to my pubic hair. She grew bolder and spread the soapy lather along the length of my growing erection as her fingers created a flurry of soapsuds.
I seriously doubt that Star had any idea of how her touch was affecting me. Her mother, on the other hand, knew damn well what was happening as she proceeded to 'help' her daughter by circling my erection with her thumb and fingers, and stroking me with enthusiasm.
Alice abandoned all pretenses at cleaning after a few minutes of pumping, and moved full throttle into giving me a hand job. Alice had locked eyes with mine. She was smiling and unblinking as we made and kept intense eye contact.
"I will ejaculate if you keep this up, Alice," I warned her.
"I know," Alice said, as she rubbed her fingers around the tip of my glans and played with my pee-hole. The tempo of her strokes increased and abruptly ceased.
I looked down to see what was going on - or not going on in this case. Alice was guiding her daughter's hand to a glistening drop of pre-cum which had formed at the opening of my urethra.
Mother and daughter both shared the signs of sexual arousal. Nipples stood erect and hard, and a rosy blush added a glow to their faces.
"Notice how slippery it feels, Star. It's pre-cum and men produce it to help lubricate a woman's vagina to make penetration more enjoyable for both parties," Alice instructed her daughter.
The intense look of serious curiosity and wonder on Star's face almost made me laugh. I wouldn't have been surprised if Star pulled a pad of paper out and started taking notes. I let out a groan of pleasure when her mother touched the drip with her finger and smeared it around the surface of my gland.
Star mimicked her mother's actions with Alice's encouragement as she dipped her fingertip into another emerging drop of the colorless fluid and carefully spread it over my gland.
"Dennis will make more pre-cum if you continue to stimulate him," Alice said, as she caressed the length of my erection and, several drops of fluid oozed out of me almost on command. Alice continued to slowly milk me as her daughter used the tips of her fingers to spread clear lubricate over my swollen glans.
I could feel pressure building in my testicles, and my legs began to shake as my body tensed. I was close to going over the edge.
"Are you in there, Dennis?" Darlene's voice called as the door to the bathroom swung open.
"Come on in, Darlene, the water's fine," I answered with a less than steady voice.
A nude Darlene took a few steps into the bathroom before she stopped and surveyed the situation. Her eyes widened at the sight of the mother and daughter pleasuring me. Darlene's mouth opened in a mischievous grin and she started to laugh.
"It didn't take you too long to introduce yourself to my friends. It looks like Alice and her daughter have the situation well in hand," Darlene punned with a chuckle.
Darlene walked over to Alice and whispered something into Alice's ear. Alice's only response was to giggle, nod, and stroke even faster.
"I'm going to cum," I moaned, as I passed the point of no return and my toes began to curl. I could feel a hot rushing sensation building up in my groin and my body went rigid as a surge of sperm began to rush upwards in search of release.
Alice reached behind my body when I let out a long moan, slid her free hand between my buttocks, plunged her index finger deep into my rectum, and wiggled it to and fro. The intense pleasure I was feeling suddenly kicked into overdrive as my brain released an additional surge of endorphins. I exploded in an incredible orgasm of pure ecstasy and gratification while her surprised daughter tried to catch my ejecting sperm in her hands.
Darlene and I returned to our bedroom a few minutes later, and Darlene burst out laughing.
Darlene told me, “Alice is very proud of her homeschooling skills", when I asked her what was so funny. "She told me last night that she was thankful a man showed up at the colony. She said you arrived just in time to help teach her daughter advanced sex education. The curriculum apparently includes lots of hands-on field work and there is a killer oral exam she’ll have to pass if she wants to graduate, from what I understand.”
We returned to our room after breakfast to find a note from Lisa pinned to our door. She was reminding us to join her on the front deck for an introductory tour of the colony and surrounding area. The instructions also suggested that we dress for the weather.
Our walk-in closets looked like walk-in dumpsters. Everything we had brought with us in the Rav4 had been piled in the storage spaces like an unorganized jigsaw puzzle. I busied myself picking out an appropriate wardrobe for our tour.
I selected my favorite Indiana Jones style hat; a dark-brown fur felt fedora, which had cost a small fortune. I had bought it online a few years ago in the mistaken belief it made me look like Harrison Ford. Fedoras are some of the most practical headgear known to man. The wide brim keeps the sun out of your eyes and sheds rainwater like a mini-umbrella.
I customized the hat with the addition of an eagle feather I had acquired at a yard sale. It counted as contraband since I didn't belong to a federally recognized tribe. Non-native people are prohibited by law from possessing eagle plumage and could be fined as much as $100,000 and sent to prison for up to a year.
I decided to take the risk for the sake of fashion. I stuck the feather into the hatband, which was adorned with a small enamel replica of the red-yellow-green Vietnam Service Ribbon that I had earned when I finished my tour in Vietnam. I didn't think that I would run into any federal feather police considering the remote location of our mountain hideaway.
I preened in front of the full-length mirror wearing nothing except for my hat and a smile.
"You're so vain that you probably think this song is about you..." Darlene sang in a perfect imitation of Carly Simon as she gave me a warm hug.
"Wow, the cowboy hat makes you look sexy."
"It's not a cowboy hat, it's a fedora," I replied with a grin.
"Well, it's a very sexy fedora," Darlene whispered into my ear as she pressed her nude body against my backside. Her hands reached around me and began to fondle my semi-flaccid penis. The incredibly sensual feeling of her slender fingers delicately caressing the length of my shaft almost drove me out of my mind.
"I'm horny. Want to fool around?" Darlene asked.
"We're meeting Lisa in ten minutes; we don't have the time," I answered.
"Ten minutes? Isn't that nine more than you usually last," Darlene teased.
I turned to face Darlene, dropped to my knees, and was eye level with her pussy. I positioned her legs in a wide stance and glanced at my wristwatch. Using my fingers, I gently opened the cleft of her mons pubis to reveal her pink clitoral hood. Beads of lubricant and a reddish glow around her vagina testified to her advanced state of arousal. Darlene let out a little gasp and shifted her feet to maintain her balance when I ran my tongue over the length of her hood and licked her swollen clitoris.
I blew a cooling stream of air on her clit before placing my mouth over her genitals and exhaled a hot breath. The contrasting sensations were like fire and ice. I followed each sequence by giving the little man in the boat a rough tongue bath.
Darlene's legs began to quiver and tremble. She grabbed the back of my head to help steady herself and to maintain her balance, and pressed my face into her sex. Lick, blow, and suck, I increased the pace of my stimulation and was rewarded by a series of pants and grunts as Darlene's level of arousal increased. I slid my finger into her vagina and stroked her G-spot with enthusiasm to speed her ascent as she climbed the mountain.
"Oh my God, I'm cumming," she cried, as waves of contractions squeezed around my finger. She suddenly lost all control and my mouth filled with liquid as she squirted and urinated. Her hands pushed my face away. I loved the sight of her contractions as her clit pulsed in climax and streams of liquid trickled down the inside of her legs.
I looked at my watch again and announced, "One minute thirty seconds. I think that we have a new land speed record. Now we've got to hustle if we're going to be on time."
Darlene stood naked before, tilted her head, and put on her best woe-is-me face, "What about my afterglow?"
"Take it with you," I said, patting her bare behind.
Lisa was waiting for us with a warm smile when we arrived on the cabin's front deck more or less on time.
I returned Lisa's smile as I gave her a pack of hand-rolled cigarettes and a red Bic lighter.
The shadows still held a hint of last night's frost despite clear blue skies and bright sunshine.
"Follow me," Lisa said, as we set out on our tour of the Colony.
Our first stop was a utility building built into the base of the mountain with only the outer garage doors visible.
"This structure is designed to minimize the Colony's visual footprint. We don't want to draw undue attention to our presence because of Google Earth and the plethora of available satellite imagery. Our continued survival is dependent upon us keeping a low visibility, and we do our best to be invisible to the outside world," Lisa said, as she opened a set of outer doors to reveal a long dark tunnel blasted into the mountain's bedrock.
When Lisa entered the darkened corridor motion sensors activated banks of overhead LED lighting which in turn illuminated the passageway for as far as the eye could see.
“Holy Shit! Did you guys build all this?" The sound of my voice echoed off the walls.
The tunnel was a twenty-by-twenty-foot wide box ramping downward into the mountain's interior. The rough-hewn rock walls glistened with seepage and condensation. Drainage ditches lining each side of the corridor's crushed gravel roadway carried the excess water into the interior.
"The Liberty Mountain Mine was one of several thousand of hard rock gold mines dotting the Rocky Mountains back in the 1860s. The claim never amounted to much of anything and it went bust after three years. We took the existing mining shafts and adapted them to accommodate our service vehicle fleet," Lisa explained.
The temperature gradually rose as we descended. We found ourselves in a large cavern after about 300 - 400 yards. The cave contained a full-service automotive center, complete with a dozen vehicles of various descriptions. I spotted several snowmobiles, Jeep Cherokees, and ATV's, along with a few front-end loaders and small bobcats. I saw our Rav4 parked off to one side.
"Several of our sisters are excellent mechanics and vehicle operators. They do a fantastic job keeping our fleet up and running," Lisa said, as she led us to a tunnel at the back of the cavern.
We followed the lighted passageway for a few thousand feet into another expansive cavern so large that the roof and far walls were lost in darkness. The hot and humid air in the grotto hummed with energy: The distinct whine of 3-megawatt steam driven turbines filled the chamber with the sound of its power.
I was slack-jawed in disbelief at the sight I was seeing. It looked like a scene out of the science fiction movie 'Journey to the Center of the Earth'. Piping and heavy machinery at the middle of the cave surrounded a huge hot spring and a heated pool of water on three sides. A single story control center occupied space on the side of the pool nearest to where we stood.
Flowstone covered the walls of the cavern behind us and looked like waterfalls frozen in time. Stalactites reached down from the darkened ceiling and thousands of stalagmites grew from the floor. Some grew as massive as trees. We followed a well-worn path through the stone forest while batteries of strategically placed LED streetlights overhead bathed the area around the lagoon in a glow of whitish-blue illumination. I noticed that motion detectors kicked the lights nearest us into high power when we came into the range of a lamp; it was like walking under a searchlight's moving beam.
"Let's stop by and say hello to the technicians on duty. We'll have a cup of coffee and some conversation. I'll tell you more about this amazing place," Lisa said, as she pointed to a two-story building about the size of a raised ranch and motioned for us to follow her.
Lisa climbed the exterior stairway and entered the building without knocking. She shouted, "Surprise!"
"No fucking way, Sister. We've been watching you three on our security cameras for the last 20 minutes," said a thirty-something brunette as she gave Lisa a warm hug. The slender technician was dressed in a loose-fitting one-piece coverall. The zipper of the hunter green overall was pulled down to her navel, and it was clear at a glance that she wore nothing under her outer garments. I recognized the woman as one of the sisters from last night's meeting.
Thanks to air-conditioning, the interior of the control center was ten or fifteen degrees cooler than the cavern's air temperature. Wraparound observation windows provided a 360-degree field-of-view. A control panel filled with switches and dials below the window monitored the performance of the turbine and generator. Several large screens displayed different views of the underground labyrinth of caverns and passageways. Images and various views of the area around the cabin dominated one bank of displays.
Lisa said a quick hello to the two women on duty, and then led us to a large conference table on the first floor of the control center. Three K-cups worth of hot steaming coffee awaited our pleasure in a couple of minutes.
"What is this place?" I asked, as I took a sip of coffee, "It's incredible whatever it is. No one has ever seen anything like it."
"This facility," Lisa tapped her finger on the conference table, "Doubles as the control center for our geothermal generating capacity and also serves as a security command center in the event of an intrusion. We've wired every conceivable approach to our valley for sight and sound. We have acoustic sensor arrays and remote video cameras to alert us in the event of any intrusion."
Floor to ceiling maps of the valley and surrounding area covered one wall of the center, and banks of radio equipment filled another wall. I hadn't seen anything like it since I completed my tour of Vietnam. I had worked in the Out-Country Air Operations command center at MACV back in the day as we tried in vain to interdict the flow of enemy supplies coming down the Ho Chi Minh trail.
The Air Force dropped tens of thousands of seismic and acoustic sensor arrays along the length and breadth of the trail system. The enemy couldn't fart without us knowing about it. It didn't do much good. Charlie had more farts in his belly than we had aircraft and bombs. Still, we had wired the trail like a pinball machine and played it every day.
"Our sensors are solar powered and have a 99% up-time. We picked you up on our surveillance system when you were still ten miles out yesterday. Our security teams didn't go on high alert since we expected your arrival. On ready-alert maybe, but they weren't deployed to prevent your entry into the valley," Lisa said, as she pointed out the grease paint marking which indicated our route of travel.
"How often have you had a problem with intruders?" I asked.
"We've only had two incidents since we opened the cabin. The first was a troop of lost boy scouts. We intercepted them and redirected them back to civilization. The second time was when two escaped convicts wandered into our valley," Lisa said.
"How did that turnout?" I asked.
"Not so well for the convicts. They stumbled upon three of our sisters skinny-dipping in the river and decided to have some fun. They almost beat one girl to death and tried to rape the other," Lisa said, as her eyes narrowed and her expression hardened.
"The third woman was able to get away and radio security. We got there before they could do much more harm than they had already done," she said.
I remembered the hullabaloo over the escape of two men from the federal prison facility in Englewood. It eventually died down. No one ever found the escapees, and folks assumed that they had made their way to Mexico.
"What happened to the men?" I asked.
"I executed them and left their bodies for the animals. No trace of them remains," she said without elaboration. I noticed her hands were shaking as she was talking.
The phrase uttered by Robot B9 from the TV series "Lost in Space" rang like an alarm bell in my brain. ‘Danger Will Robinson, Danger!’ I had an increasingly uneasy feeling. Lisa was a first class security freak and she was telling me way too much and sharing too much information. If I couldn’t earn her trust, there was no way she would ever allow me to leave this place. alive. In her mind, millions of dollars and fifteen years of labor depended upon Liberty Mountain staying off the grid and a secret from the outside world.
She was a competent and capable commander, and the security of her family of sisters was clearly her number one priority. My mission was to figure out a way to become a fully-vetted member of the colony and to earn Lisa's complete acceptance.
Shit! She just confessed to murdering two men in cold blood. I tried to hide my involuntary shiver. I pulled out my pack of smokes out of my shirt pocket, offered a cigarette to Lisa, and took one for myself.
I felt a surge of sympathy as she smoked in silence. It wasn't for the dead rapists that I grieved, but for Lisa. Necessity forced her to take a life to protect the community, and she would carry the memory to the grave. I realized with a shudder that she wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet into me if she thought it necessary to protect the colony. Having a cup of coffee with someone who one day could be your executioner was weird. Weirder still was the fact that I liked and respected her. Memo to self: Don’t piss Lisa off.
"This is one of the secrets of Liberty Mountain. We decided to expand the network of tunnels leftover from the days when this site was a hard rock gold mine after we started to revamp the old cabin. Imagine our surprise when we busted through into this cavern. It's a geothermal treasure. It took us almost five years to engineer and design this system. Construction was a three-year process which cost us almost $5 million to complete," Lisa explained.
I looked around in amazement as Lisa spoke and tried to imagine what kind of mind had dreamed all this up. I had the dizzy feeling I had woken up in the middle of someone else’s science fiction novel.
Darlene had told me that Lisa had been a college professor back in the day and she was reverting to form. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she warmed to her subject.
"We've pretty much run the generators nonstop for the last ten years. We keep one generator active and the other in reserve. We switch generators every few month to perform routine maintenance. This one geothermal feature provides us with all the power and heat we'll ever need," while she talked, Lisa moved from one window to the next as she pointed out the different aspects of the underground complex, her enthusiasm was catching.
"We produce far more electricity than we need. The excess capacity doesn't go to waste because we use it to distill water into hydrogen. Our location is so remote that it's impractical to import gasoline. That’s why we've converted all our vehicles to run on hydrogen. The cabin is steam heated. We keep the fireplaces going for their physiological benefits rather than for heating value. Our relationship with fire is both a primal and tribal thing. There's something about a fire and an open hearth that makes a house a home," Lisa said, as she tapped the ash of her cigarette into an empty water glass that doubled as an ashtray.
"Let's take a walk. I've got a few things to show you guys," Lisa motioned for us to follow her as she exited the control room.
I couldn’t help smiling. Lisa was beginning to sound like one of those infomercials on late night television. Just as she gilds the lily with more features than you could possibly imagine, she opens the next chapter with the words, “Wait! There’s more…” or in this case, ‘I've got a few things to show you.”
We followed the trail down to a winding passageway leading to another cavern deep under the mountain. After several hundred feet the corridor emptied into an illuminated grotto. The air in the open space was thick with humidity and the rich scent of growing things. Before us lay an expansive underground hydroponic garden roughly the size of a football field.
The garden's computerized hydroponic system automatically operated with a minimum of human intervention. Row upon row of tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, and other vegetables thrived under a full spectrum array of an artificial lighting system. There was a patch reserved for Cannabis production. Forty or fifty dark green marijuana plants added a pungent fragrance to the air.
"Our Colony is nearly 100% self-sufficient in the production of food. We hunt deer and elk, and take one or two a week. We also have a herd of 35 or 40 free-range cattle and two-dozen sows, to say nothing of our flocks of free-range chickens. The only food that we still import is wheat for flour.
We could grow winter wheat in the valley, but the fields would stand out like a neon sign on satellite imagery. Speaking of food, it's time for lunch," Lisa said.
The Colony leader led us to an elevator shaft dug out of one side of the grow room instead of following the route we had taken to the cavern. We emerged in the grand kitchen of the main cabin a few minutes later.
Several sisters, a few dressed in aprons and nothing else, were busy fixing the Colony's midday meal. Lunch consisted of the remainder of last night's venison stew, fresh baked bread, and a garden salad. The food looked and smelled as delicious as the naked backsides of the kitchen crew.
I didn't realize how hungry I was until I took a bite of the warm bread. The next ten minutes passed without conversation as we consumed lunch in blissful silence. I tried to process what I had seen on Lisa's tour of the Colony. What she and her family of sisters had constructed defied description, and was God damned close to defying imagination. I wouldn't have believed such a thing was possible if I wasn't a witness.
"How did you find this place, and how did this community come to be?" I asked Lisa as I spread a pat of freshly churned butter on new slice of warm bread.
"My father and I found this place by accident about thirty-five years ago. We were hunting on horseback and came up over a ridge and we saw this spectacular valley below. The cabin was in ruins, but it was still beautiful. My dad knew these mountains like the back of his hand but he had no idea this place existed until the day we stumbled on it," Lisa’s eyes were closed as she shared her memories.
Several of the sisters took seats near us and listened intently to the conversation while the Colony leader told the story of the valley's discovery.
Most of the lunchtime crowd was dressed in work clothes, although a couple of the women were nude. The mixture of dressed and undressed females was oddly erotic and distracting, and I had to force myself not to stare.
"We explored the cabin's wreckage. I was the one who found the old safe filled with stock certificates for the Liberty Mountain Mining Company - 345,000 shares total. The original owners cleared out when the gold ran out and the mine went bust.”
Lisa paused and chuckled before she continued, “They even left a note which described the gold mining venture as a 'fool's dream' and anyone stupid enough to try to make a go of it was welcome to the company and all its worthless holdings. We researched the company when we returned to Denver. Apparently no one had filed paperwork to dissolve the company. Although dormant, It was still a legally valid entity."
"We had to settle nearly 160 years worth of back taxes, fines, and fees to the tune of $240,000 to get on the right side of the law. It was worth every cent," Lisa said with a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame.
"Dad and I fixed the cabin up enough to be useful as a family hunting lodge. We came up to the mountains every year before he died and I became the sole owner of the Liberty Mountain Mining Company."
"I continued to visit the cabin with friends and lovers after my dad died. We fancied ourselves a 'Society of Sisters' and often daydreamed of starting an all-women commune. We pooled our money and purchased lottery tickets. We planned to split any winnings among the players. We used to daydream about winning and held many discussions on what to do with our good fortune if we ever won. Then it happened. We found out that we held the winning lottery ticket to a huge jackpot," Lisa said.
The word about Lisa's history lesson spread, and a dozen or more sisters joined the others at the table.
"Each sister could have cashed out with $2.5 million if we had split the money evenly, but the windfall would have been the end of our group. We decided, after much discussion, to pool our money and build a state of the art survival colony instead. The vote was unanimous," she said.
"I remember the vote well. I wasn't ready to live away from civilization, and turning my back on that kind of cash in my pocket was a tough choice. I considered the money as an alternative retirement account," Darlene said.
The attention to detail and planning which went into the Colony's creation was impressive. Lisa and her group spent a year creating a shell company to redeem the $75 million winning lottery ticket to avoid the public attention associated with winning a large jackpot. The Society drafted a charter and a set of bylaws governing the community's operation.
Everything was as open and democratic according to Darlene's remarks and comments from several sisters, at least as open as a secret society could be. Free and open elections for colony leadership resulted in Lisa's selection as colony leader, a post she had held without visible opposition for the last 15 years. Members of the family of sisters were fiercely loyal to each other and to their leader. The fact that Lisa accepted, or at least tolerated me, did much to improve my standing as a 'guest'.
"I love what you've done to the place," I nodded.
"The only thing missing is children," one of the women said to Lisa.
The comment about children hung like a pregnant pause in the air. Looking around, I was startled to see all eyes were on me as the phrase 'founding father' took on a potentially new meaning.
"Children might be a nice addition," Lisa smiled.
The tour of the Liberty Mountain camp consumed most of the day and I welcomed the chance to sit down and collect my thoughts. We were back in the cabin with about twenty minutes to spare before dinner service, and I wanted to use the time to clean up before supper. Darlene had left me on my own for the evening to rekindle a long lost friendship or love affair. Her parting words for the evening were, “Don’t get into too many beds and if you do, save a spot for me..” I had real affection for Darlene. She was unusual in that she was emotionally loyal while also a free spirit when it came to sex. We were as much fellow travelers as we were lovers. Ever try to force a cat to sit on your lap against their will? It never ends well for either the cat or your lap. The night belonged to me. I frankly welcomed a few solitary moments.
I went to our room, changed out of my clothes, grabbed a towel, a bar of soap, and visited one of the four community showers. Any hope of sneaking in for a quick scrub down without company ended when I entered the room. The hour prior to the evening meal apparently was rush hour. I spotted the naked bodies of several females of various ages amid billowing clouds of steam. The way the light glistened off the women's skin sent a jolt of lust through me. The 'slippery when wet' sensuality of water on naked flesh is a major turn-on.
I waited my turn by the sinks lining one wall. I glanced around for a urinal to use out of instinct. The designers of the woman's restroom neglected to install plumbing for men, of course. Situational awareness demanded that I be more mindful of my surroundings until I learned the practices and customs of my new home. Looking for urinals in a woman's bathroom equaled a major brain fart.
My voyeuristic presence in the shower room remained unnoticed by the ladies, so I took the opportunity to watch and relax as the sisters frolicked under the streams of steaming water. Each of the sisters shared a common physical trait with the others. In fantastic shape, the naked bodies displayed the lean and well-toned appearance of women who worked and played hard. The clothing optional dress code produced deep, bronze-colored natural tans. Even the most expensive tanning booths couldn't duplicate the deep golden hue of a sunshine tan.
The unlimited supply of hot water didn't lend itself to short showers. A person could spend the entire day in the shower without hitting cold water if they wanted to. Voyeurism soon gave way to impatience. I would be likely to die of old age before I got a chance to take a shower at the rate things were going. finally, I left my towel on the sink and entered the clouds of steam with a bar of soap in hand in search of hot water.
My appearance at the center of the group elicited a short 'eek!' of surprise from Charlotte, who made an instinctive and half-assed attempt to cover herself with her hands. One of the women called out, "What are you doing in here. Dennis?"
"I'm here to clean up like you guys before dinner," I said.
"Well, come on in. The water's fine," Charlotte beckoned to me as she regained her composure.
She was by far the tallest woman in the colony and towered over me by six inches or more. I might just as well be standing in a hole when I stood next to her. I measured in at five feet, eleven inches tall. She possessed a hefty and muscular body without a trace of fat. Like most women, her lovely tanned breasts weren't perfectly symmetrical. Her right boob appeared to be a half-cup size larger than her left side. Charlotte didn't shave her pubic hair or apparently anything else unlike most of the women in the colony.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to alarm anyone. Maybe I could schedule my shower for a time when no else is around," I offered.
"No, no, you're welcome to bathe with us. You startled me. I forgot that there's a male visitor in our midst. I'm not going to start wearing clothes because you're here. Besides, it feels kinda sexy to prance around naked in the company of a man," Charlotte giggled. Her breasts jiggled as she bounced up and down on the tips of her toes.
"OK, would you rather I wear clothing when I'm around in the evening, or is it alright with you if I'm as naked as everyone else?" I asked.
"Nudity is the norm around here and you'll need to bare your backside like the rest of us if you want to fit in," Charlotte said with a grin. Something in her voice belied her smile. She meant every word.
I found the whole nudity thing to be kinda weird and erotic. I enjoyed looking at the wide variety of body types in the female landscape provided by the sisters. Heck, the exhibitionist in me got a thrill at the chance to strut my stuff. The objective critic in me realized that I was a certifiable old fart. I had grown a bit too comfortable in my old age. I'm not overweight, but I tend toward the flabby side. My stomach and legs were as pale as a fish's belly. A box of rubber bands displayed better muscle tone than I did. I at least wanted to look sexy if I had to run around unclad.
The evening dinner, like all meals in the commune, is served buffet style. Tonight's offering was Beef Wellington. The sisters in the kitchen displayed some serious cooking skills. Wrapped in homemade puff pastry, and an aroma of pure delight, the filet of beef tenderloin, assembled with liver pate, mushrooms, and onions truly was fine dining worthy of a five-star eatery.
I worked my way through the serving line and took a seat at the far end of the community table. I sat down in a social twilight zone; halfway between sitting close enough to be 'next' to someone, yet far enough away to be 'by myself'.
The last 24 hours had buried me under an avalanche of new experiences, people, sights, and sounds as I tried to adjust to my new environment. My senses were on edge from operating at a level of hyper-alerted awareness. I was suffering from information overload, which felt like a major case of jet lag in my situation. I took long, slow, cleansing breaths, and forced myself to relax as I centered myself on the here and now. I moved my mind to a place where there was neither a past nor a future, only the moment of 'now' was real.
I could sense the tension draining away from my body like an outgoing tide with each breath I took. I had dabbled in Zen, self-hypnosis, and meditation when I was much younger. I closed my eyes and recited my personal mantra to help me relax and center in the moment.
'Seek not the storm's fury. Nor it's jagged light. Search instead for the quiet center, and there stand against the night'.
A voice asked, "Is this seat taken?" on the third or fourth recitation. I opened my eyes as Lisa wedged her nude body into the space next to me.
"Please sit down," I said after the fact.
"What are you doing?" Lisa wanted to know.
"I was meditating and trying to settle down and reduce tension. The last 24 hours have been hectic and eventful and I'm creating a space to relax and process recent experiences," I responded.
The warmth of our bodies wedged together and the sensual heat of skin-to-skin contact had its effect on me. The tension I had been trying to drive out of my body returned as sexual arousal. Nothing I could do would hide my rising interest. If Lisa was trying to get my attention, she was doing an excellent job.
"Christ almighty; you're as tense as shit, Dennis. A backrub will calm you down. Let's go up to my bedroom where we can relax and get to know each other better," Lisa suggested, as she took my hand and led me up the stairs to her quarters.
The dimly lit bedroom appeared much as it had the night before. The embers smoldering in the fireplace provided scant illumination - enough to see shapes, but little detail. Lisa instructed me to lie down on her bed, and she fetched two glasses of the delicious homemade brandy that she served me on the previous evening as I got comfortable.
I rested on my back with my head up propped up on her pillow, while Lisa positioned herself next to me. We sipped our spirits in silence together for several minutes. Alcohol is as effective as mediation when it comes to reducing stress. My body was relaxed and as horny as hell within a short time.
"So, what did you think of your tour of our Colony?" Lisa inquired, as she absentmindedly fondled my thigh with her right hand.
"You've built an extraordinary place. I can't believe how lucky I am to be here," I answered.
"Do you think it was luck that brought you here?" Lisa asked.
"Well, it sure wasn't planning," I said, shrugging my shoulders.
Most of Lisa's body was in a shadow except for the curves of her breasts that were highlighted by the glow from the fireplace.
A soft, warm hand rubbed my inner thigh. "This may be a stupid question, but are you trying to seduce me?" I asked with a slight grin as I realized that I sounded like Dustin Hoffman in the movie 'The Graduate'.
"Maybe, what do you think?" Lisa replied, as her fingers stroked my scrotum. My growing erection twitched in response to her touch.
"What about the upper and lower case L for lesbian?" I said in reference to Lisa's comments from the night before.
"I'm also a capital 'L' leader and I've made love to everyone who calls Liberty Mountain their home. It's my way of getting to know people. I can only trust a person if I've made love to them. Words lie, but the human body tells the truth if you take the time to listen," Lisa explained, while her fingers tenderly caressed my shaft.
"You're a lesbian. I thought you didn't like men," I said to Lisa as she continued to fondle me. My erection was now at full mast. I was so hard that it was almost painful.
"It's not that I dislike men; I prefer women. There have been a few male lovers in my past," Lisa replied, as the tip of her finger played with the clear drop of precum leaking from my urethra. My level of sexual arousal increased as she smeared the clear, colorless, viscous fluid over the head of my prick.
"Darlene has told me all about your lovemaking skills. Shit! She made more noise than a brass band last night. Everyone in the cabin heard you two going at it," Lisa told me as she traced the veins on my dick with her finger.
I watched as she played with me. Her face glowed in the light of the fire and she was studying my trouser-snake with the intensity of a mongoose studying a cobra. She was playing me like a fiddle, and I could feel the pleasure building within me. Fuck! Premature ejaculation is a real buzz-kill. I needed to give Lisa her share of tender loving care, just to buy time.
"Enough. Lay back and take my place. Turnabout is fair play," I said, as I climbed to my feet and guided Lisa back into the spot I had previously occupied.
She had a bemused smile on her lips as she settled into my place on the bed. "What do you want me to do?" she asked.
"I want you to be happy," I said, as I leaned over her and lightly licked her lips. Lisa's eyes widened in surprise and she resisted my kiss for an instant.
I gazed into her eyes as I stroked her cheek with my fingers. I slowly leaned forward again, nuzzled her cheeks, and kissed her closed eyelids. I traced the outline of her lips with my fingers and followed with a series of butterfly kisses.
I caressed her face, and chin, and nibbled the nape of her neck. I kissed her on her lips again as my hands moved across her shoulders. Her lips opened this time, and her tongue touched mine for a moment before it withdrew.
I looked into Lisa's eyes and whispered, "Do you want me to make love to you?"
"I'm not sure that I'm as ready as I thought," Lisa said with a sigh.
"It means you are not ready if you're not sure. Reluctant lovemaking is the second cousin to rape. You're an extraordinary woman, and I find you to be incredibility attractive and sexy. I'll make love to you when you ask me, but not until then. I don't attend parties unless I'm invited," I told Lisa as I took her into my arms and held her close to me.
Lisa shifted her body and rested her head on my chest. I thought I heard her whisper 'Thank you' as her breathing slowed. She was soon gently snoring in my embrace. I pulled the blankets over us and tried not to think about the pain in my balls.
Lisa's playful and seductive touch had brought me to the edge. I could have taken her at her word when she said that she wanted to make love to me to 'get to know me'. There was no doubt in my mind that she would have allowed me to 'have my way with her'. She was the one who suggested using sex as her way of getting to know her people, after all.
Lisa had boxed herself into a corner by making an offer she hadn't been 100% comfortable honoring. I gave her the opportunity to withdraw without losing face when I asked her permission to proceed.
My grandfather used to tell me, 'Sometimes we can only get what we want by not taking everything we can get'. He also used to remind me that 'No good deed goes unpunished'.
Lisa snorted in her sleep as she rolled over on her side and we nestled like two spoons in the kitchen drawer. She was quietly snoring again within a few minutes. I wrapped my arm around her bare body and held her close as I kissed her neck and soon joined her in slumber.
My bladder is the perfect alarm clock. The urgent need to go dragged me out of hibernation as the night sky brightened in advance of dawn. I awoke to the gentle sound of Lisa's breathing. Naked, beautiful, and warm, she lay next to me in the relaxed innocence of sleep. Lisa sensed a change in my position, shifted her body, and pressed her bare bottom into my groin as we snuggled together under the covers. My hand remained cupped to her breast. Lisa placed her hand over my mine and pulled it tight to her body as she slept.
Our bodies cuddled together in blissful warmth. I wanted to stay under the sheets forever, but I needed to take a piss. With a bad case of 'morning wood', my erection found a home between the cheeks of Lisa's ass. As pleasant as it felt, I wouldn't be able to stop my body from unleashing a flood if I didn't get out bed soon. Wetting the bed wasn't an option.
I untangled myself from Lisa and silently slipped out of bed into the chill of the morning air. I adjusted the blankets to cover Lisa's exposed shoulder, and made tracks for the bathroom. I decided to make a quick getaway instead of using the facilities in her room to avoid the awkward moments after a night in which nothing happened. I almost made it to the door when Lisa's sleepy voice called my name.
"Where are you going, Dennis?" she asked.
"Gotta go pee," I mumbled.
"Excellent idea; hang on and I'll join you," Lisa said, as she threw the quilt back and climbed out of bed.
"We might as well take a shower since we're already up," Lisa suggested while grabbing towels and soap from the closet.
Three members of the kitchen crew hard at work preparing breakfast are the only other people up and about in the hour before sunrise. We had the showers to ourselves.
We dried each other off after our morning scrub, and Lisa suggested, "Let's head down to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee."
The custom of indoor nudity might make more sense if we were born kangaroos with natural pockets. I stopped by my room to make up for our genetic deficiency, put an unbuttoned flannel shirt on, stuck a pack of smokes and a lighter in the breast pocket, and joined Lisa in the kitchen.
Coffee is the nectar of the Gods and Colombia's only legal drug export. It's also a natural lubricant, allowing us to slide from dreams to wakefulness with a minimum amount of friction.
Coffee in hand, Lisa led me to a cozy nook next to the fireplace in the Great Room and we sat together next to the fire.
"I want to talk to you about last night," Lisa said, as she sipped her coffee.
"OK, what's on your mind?" I responded.
"Tell me something, I know I turned you on. Why didn't you want sex with me?" Lisa asked.
Her question was both delicate and dangerous. The wrong answer could do damage to our relationship, but I had no idea of what she thought the correct answer should be. I followed my grandfather's advice: 'tell the truth if all else fails'.
I set my coffee down on the fireplace hearth, took Lisa's hands in mine, and looked into her eyes as I spoke, "Your body said one thing, but your words were saying something different last night. I listened to the truth that your body spoke. You weren't ready to get that intimate with me. "
"True, but I would've gone along if you had persisted," she acknowledged, as she gave my hands a soft squeeze.
"I figured that you would allow intercourse if I pushed it. You would be resentful, nevertheless, and that makes for a lousy start to our relationship. I would have selfishly screwed you to the floor if I only thought about my own gratification," I said with a grin.
"I'll take your friendship if I have to choose between being your friend and being your lover and can't have both," I further explained.
My father used to tell me that the best way to learn the thoughts of another is to ask a direct question, shut up, and listen to the answer. "What about what happened, or didn't happen last night?" I asked.
" I was relieved at first when you asked for my permission, then I was pissed. I was confused after that. I was happy in the end. Maybe you didn't think me desirable enough or maybe you didn't like me enough for us to fuck. I felt safe, loved, and cared for when you held me in your arms and stayed the night," Lisa said as she gave me a hug wrapped in a smile.
Silence filled the comfortable space between us as our conversation slowed to a stop. The colony's leader took a sip of coffee and studied me over the rim of her coffee mug for several moments before saying, "You're a strange man, Mr. Richards. Whatever am I going to do with you?"
Our zone of silence gradually evaporated as the sisters of the colony drifted into the kitchen for breakfast in ones and twos.
"Refill your coffee and grab a seat; we've got a group meeting in fifteen minutes," Lisa announced, as she excused herself to prepare for the gathering. I set off to the kitchen looking for fresh coffee. Ready or not, a new day was getting underway.
It's a fundamental law of the universe: staff meetings seldom begin on time, and the Liberty Mountain assembly was no exception. Significant numbers of sisters hadn't taken a seat at the conference table yet. Start time came and went as Lisa kept glancing at her wristwatch and scanning the faces of the attendees for missing members. I also glanced around the table for Darlene who was also among the missing. My ladylove took starting times and deadlines as suggestions rather than requirements. She had a long established reputation for always arriving at the far edge of 'fashionably late'.
Only the light tapping of Lisa's pencil on the tabletop betrayed her outwardly calm exterior. The taps steadily increased in tempo the longer we waited. It was as if the pencil doubled as a Geiger counter reporting that her frustration was approaching critical mass.
The giggles and laughter of several women echoed from the walls of the hall as if on cue. Darlene, Lucia and a woman whose name turned out to be Sandra emerged from the kitchen moments later. I saw the trio and nearly burst out laughing. They were as drunk as skunks, and could barely keep from falling over as they staggered toward the meeting table.
Darlene took a seat next to me with a stumble, and moaned as she held her head in her hands. She seemed like she had just come from an orgy: her hair was a mess, nipples stood like stiff pencil erasers; her shoulders, cheeks, and chest glowed like a neon sign with the rosy blush of sexual arousal. The swollen outer lips of her labia glistened with vaginal lubrication.
"Too much party," she groaned, as she leaned her body against mine.
"Too much sex?" I asked.
"There's no such thing as too much sex," she said with a burp. Her hand flew to her mouth as her face took on a greenish tint.
"But there is such a thing as too much (burp) brandy," Darlene gasped, as she bent double and barfed up who knows what over my bare feet.
Standing in a puddle of someone else's used dinner is over the top gross. I nearly lost my breakfast before I got my gag reflex under control.
"Clean up on Aisle Five," I called out, as I helped Darlene to her feet.
Lisa's expression was halfway between annoyed and amused. "We'll start the meeting as soon as we've gotten these guys cleaned up and into bed," she said.
I took a seat next to Alice and her daughter twenty minutes later. The meeting of the sisterhood of Liberty Mountain was finally about ready to start.
The flannel shirt I was wearing gave me the comfortable illusion of being dressed even though it was unbuttoned, and it covered none of my vital parts. Alice leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Is it true that you spent the night in Lisa's bed?"
"We kept each other company last night," I answered.
"Very interesting; will you keep me company tonight if I ask nicely?" Alice asked with a sexy smile as she placed her hand on my thigh and gently caressed my bare leg.
"Mom!" her daughter protested as she watched her mother's attempt to seduce me.
"Shush, Little one. You'll get your turn after I check him out," Star's mother replied.
The touch of Alice's warm hand stroking my thigh in close proximity to my genitals was enough to get my libido's attention and I could sense myself responding to Alice's invitation.
Part of me was amused at the turnabout in my love life since I arrived at the colony. I had always played the part of the seducer prior to my visit to the Society of Sisters. With the tables turned, I was now the target for seduction. The new state of affairs perfectly fit with my passive/aggressive approach to sex. I had always been the sexual aggressor early on, usually with mixed results when I was young. My advances ended in failure more often than I cared to admit.
"Your place or mine?" I said to Alice, as I moved her hand to the relative safety of my knee. I didn't want to sprout another public erection in front of so many naked women. Exhibitionism isn't my thing, as I said.
The gathering's primary agenda item was the question of work assignments. The concept was simple: Many hands make light work. Maintaining the colony required a lot of effort and every member of the community had at least one assigned chore or duty. The colony ran as smoothly as a Swiss watch when everyone pitched in.
I was the only person without anything to do after the sisters have divvied up the chores. Lisa called on me when I raised my hand.
"Freeloading is not my style; I need a chore. How can I contribute to our community?" I asked.
"You are my guest until your status here at Liberty Mountain is established. Feel free to help out wherever you can," Lisa said.
"Does anyone need a helping hand?" I said, as I turned to face the gathering.
Silence answered my inquiry until Alice spoke, "Our sensors have picked up a deer herd about ten miles out. Lucia and I are on the schedule to go hunting this afternoon but she isn't in any condition to do anything until she sleeps it off. You can tag along in her place."
"I've never been hunting before," I pointed out.
"Do you know how to shoot?" Alice asked.
"Sure. I took basic training and qualified as an expert marksman," I replied.
"Are you a member of PETA?" Lisa inquired.
"If you mean "People Eating Tasty Animals," then the answer is yes," I said amid chuckles and laughter from the sisters.
"Then it's about time you learn the manly art of hunting. Alice is extremely skilled and she'll make sure you have all the appropriate gear. You two leave in an hour. Meeting adjourned, good luck," Lisa said.
"These mountains are as dangerous as they are beautiful. They might appear to be lovely and majestic but don't let 'em fool you. The beauty hides the heart of a killer," Brenda explained as she dug through her inventory looking for a pair of gloves in my size.
"Got 'em!" She yelled as she held aloft the object of her search, a pair of insulated gloves joined the rest of my new wardrobe.
A slim and attractive woman in her mid-thirties, Brenda served as the colony's quartermaster. Medium sized, well-tanned breasts protruded from her chest and a pageboy haircut framed her freckled face. The dented circular scar of a long healed bullet wound adorned her left breast, a few inches below her collarbone.
One wall of the armory displayed her honorable discharge from the US Army along with a citation awarding her the Army Commendation Medal for heroism, a Purple Heart for wounds received in combat, and an Iraq Campaign Medal. Ex-army and combat tested, she was the real deal.
The brand new garments still carried tags from LL Bean. I let out a long whistle when I did a tally in my head. The camouflage Gore-Tex hunting jacket and matching tactical cargo pants carried a hefty price north of $800. Gore-Tex is some amazing shit. The fabric is a lightweight, waterproof, and breathable membrane that repels liquid water while allowing moisture and vapor to pass through.
A pair of Gore-Tex lined winter hiking boots I had brought with me turned out to be the only article of my clothing that passed muster with Brenda. "The secret of staying alive in the wilderness is to stay warm and dry and the proper clothing is your first defense," Brenda commented as she rummaged around for headgear.
"Is it true we lose the most body through our head?" I questioned Brenda.
“We lose heat from any part of the body exposed to the air, but the head is a special case. For example, when hands are unprotected and exposed to severe cold, the human body tries to maintain a core temperature, and sometimes our bodies will shut down circulation to the hands to conserve heat,” Brenda replied.
"The rapid loss of hand function is the net result. Eventually, they become useless popsicles. Our bodies will sacrifice our hands to save our life. The head is different. Our bodies will never shut down blood flow to our heads, but it will sacrifice everything else to maintain our brains at a functioning temperature. Folks succumb to hypothermia and die from cold without ever realizing you are in danger," Brenda spoke as she produced an adjustable thermal fleece Balaclava Winter Face Mask.
"Is all this really necessary? We're only going hunting. We're not climbing Mount Everest." I grumbled.
"I use the parachute principle when it comes to gear," Brenda said as she examined the facemask.
"Gear is like a parachute. It's better to carry one and not need it than it is to need one and not have it," Brenda joked.
After a few adjustments and additions, Brenda smiled with satisfaction. My wardrobe now met her minimum standards for survivability in extreme conditions.
"You can't go hunting without a weapon," the quartermaster laid a Kimber 84M Mountain Ascent rifle on the counter for my inspection.
The rifle weighed in at less than 5 pounds. Fitted with a four round magazine, it fired a .30-'06 bullet with a muzzle velocity of a bit over 3,000 feet per second. The rifle's $2,000 price tag was the heaviest part of the Kimber. Apparently, when you win the lottery money is no object.
Brenda positioned me in front of a full-length mirror and, like a tailor, stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Very nice. Now you look like a hunter. The deer will take one look at you and die of fright," she noted with pride.
"More likely Bambi will die laughing. I feel like an escapee from an L. L. Bean fashion catalog," I said with a silly grin.
"Either way, dead is dead and Bambi is dinner," Alice smacked her lips in anticipation of venison stew.
Unloaded rifle in hand, I followed her to the underground garage. A somewhat dented 2009 Kawasaki mule retrofitted to run on hydrogen fuel would be our transportation. We spent the next fifteen minutes doing a pre-trip safety inspection.
I read out the items from our pre-trip cheat sheet and Alice reported the status of each. Tires? Check. Fuel? Check. First aid kit? Check. Radio? Check. Emergency Rations? Check. And so it went until we had checked each of the vehicle's systems.
Satisfied our pre-trip checklist was complete, Alice took her place behind the wheel, I climbed next to her and rode shotgun, and we sped down the tunnel toward the exit.
Our Kawasaki abruptly decelerated the moment we hit daylight.
"Why so slow? I can walk faster than this," I said to Alice.
"This is our exit protocol. We reduce speed when crossing the meadow to minimize damage to the grassland," Alice kept our speed to a crawl.
It was all rather clever. The colony's survival strategy was to do nothing to alter the visual footprint of the valley. The likelihood of someone accidently entering Liberty Mountain's valley was modestly remote. However, it was a virtual certainty on any given day dozens of Google Earth's armchair explorers loaded images of the valley into their computers. Dirt trails left by vehicles exiting the mountain would attract unwanted attention.
Once we crossed the meadow and entered the forested area the air temperature dropped like a rock as our rate of travel increased to a more reasonable 20 MPH. Splotches of sunlight mixed with patches of frost left over from last night's deep freeze.
The ecosystem of the valley and the mountains idled between fall and winter as plants and animals braced for the arrival of winter and the season's first major snowfall.
"The herd we're hunting should be about fifteen miles ahead of us. We'll need to cross a steep ridge and two valleys to get there," Alice said.
Thanks to the modifications to our ATV's exhaust system, we journeyed westward in near silence. The sound of our tires on the rocky trail was louder than the whispering purr of our engine.
As we topped the crest of the last ridge between us and our deer herd, Alice let the ATV coast to a stop.
The top of the rocky ridge offered a spectacular view of the snow-capped summits all around us and the clear chilly air gave the illusion distant mountains were much closer than they actually are. High overhead, the bright indigo sky of morning now had a hazy white tint and high altitude streamers of wispy mare's tails and cirrus clouds smeared across the heavens from the west.
"Time for lunch and a potty break," she said as she secured the vehicle, killed the engine and dismounted.
"Great idea! I gotta go water some moss," turning my back on Alice, I used my body as a modesty screen. As I was busy unzipping my fly, Alice moved next to me and stood at my side.
"Do you mind?" I protested.
"Don't get your knickers in a knot. Just pretend I'm not here," Alice responded with a wink.
"Besides, you weren't very shy when my daughter and I were playing with you in the shower the other day," she reminded me.
Despite some major boundary issues, I was both amused and flattered at her interest in my man parts. Since our shower episode, she flirted with me and teased me at every opportunity. As much as I hated to admit it, I enjoyed the sexual flirting between us. It was a weirdly major turn-on.
My bladder was so full I started to leak and dribble. I gritted my teeth and tried to stem the flow. I didn't have time for an argument so I raced to pull my prick out of my pants as quickly as possible. It was a photo finish. The floodgates opened just as the head of my dick cleared my fly.
My knees trembled in relief as urine drained out of me. I am at the age where my early warning system is a bit out of tune. The interval between the sensation of needing to take a piss and the uncontrolled act of urination was razor thin.
I turned to rebuke Alice for her bad manners. She was intently watching every movement of my man parts. Her eyes might just as well been super glued to my pee-hole.
"Oh, Shit! Now I gotta take a piss," said Alice as she succumbed to the power of suggestion.
"Would you like some privacy?" I made a point of drawing out and embellishing the final word of my question with extra syllables for dramatic effect. My version of "privacy" sounded like a blurry "Pretty-City".
"Thank you for asking," Alice said as she unbuckled her pants and lowered them and her blue cotton panties to her ankles. She squatted down, looked me in the eye, smiled, and pointed to her neatly shaved crotch as she let loose a thick stream of bright yellow piss.
I frowned at Alice for her exhibitionist behavior and she burst into laughter. "Don't be such a prude. I caught you spying on me while I was spying on you. You liked what you saw so I gave you a show for the fun of it."
"Lady! That was no show. That was the whole damn circus," I growled as pretended to be annoyed. My stern demeanor crumble when my shoulders started to shake with suppressed laughter and my mouth broke into a grin.
"One day a voyeur and an exhibitionist walk into a bar and," I took a breath as I tried to remember how the joke went and my mind went blank. All I could remember was the punch line, "Here's looking at you kid."
Interesting fact of life: it is nearly impossible to stay pissed-off at someone when you are both sharing a laugh.
After the show-n-tell piss break, we got down to the business of lunch. The thermos we had filled in the kitchen prior to our departure produced two steaming hot bowls of the colony's legendary venison stew.
I studied Alice as I dug into my serving of stew. Despite our shared laughter, there was something about Alice's sexual advances and continuous flirting that didn't ring true. Why would a hardcore lesbian like Alice suddenly decide she needed a man in her life?
There was a frantic, almost desperate desire for us to engage in sex, so much so, that she was even hinting at bringing her virgin daughter into the action. Even though they were both hotter than a Texas parking lot in August, I held my libido in check. Until I had a better understanding of the mother/daughter dynamics involved, I decided to make haste slowly.
Years of social trial and error had taught me the best way to clear the air between two people was to speak plainly. I liked to think of is as playing poker with my cards face-up on the table.
"Alice, we need to talk. Curious minds want to know, do you want us to have sex?" I said.
My blunt question seemed to take my hunting partner by surprise as she raised her eyebrows and blinked at me. She said nothing for several moments before responding, "Do you mean right now? Can we finish lunch first? Why do you ask?"
"At the meeting this morning you asked me if I would share your bed tonight if you asked nicely. Was that a real question or were you just flirting?" I inquired.
"I was serious. I wanted to know if you would make love to me." Alice's face took on a reddish tint as she blushed, "Dennis, will you make love to me tonight?"
"Be honest. You are a lesbian and I'm an old fart. Why would you want to have sex with me?" I asked.
She looked at me in silence for the longest time before answering, "I am concerned about my daughter."
It was my turn to be surprised. "What does your daughter have to do with us having sex?"
"My home is Liberty Mountain and I'm here because I love my sisters. My daughter has displayed no interest in sexual relations with other women, but she has shown a keen interest in getting to know you in the Biblical sense. I want her to explore her sexuality and I want her to be true to herself. Star and I have had a few long mother and daughter talks about you. You are the first male she's met. I told her I might give my blessings for her to have sex with you, but I would do so only after I've had a chance to check you out," Alice said.
"Your daughter is still a child. I wouldn't feel right taking advantage of her that way," I sighed.
Alice gave me a sharp look, "Bullshit! How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
"I was fifteen and she was nineteen," I had a hard time remembering who seduced who.
"So fifteen is old enough for boys but eighteen is too young for a girl? Sounds like a fucking double standard, pun intended," she shot back.
"OK. I get it I'm old fashioned. However, I still don't understand why you would want your daughter to have sex with me," I studied her eyes and searched for her answer.
"I want the best life for my daughter and that begins by her being true to herself. If it turns out she likes men, I'm good with that. If she prefers women, I'm also good with that. If she's bisexual like her mother, that would be fine. I'll love and support her no matter who she is. Besides, I have a dream of some day being a grandmother," Alice said with an almost shy smile.
"What about you? Why is it so important that you check me out first?" I was looking for the truth behind her interest in me.
"Because if you turn out to be an asshole like her father I won't let you near her, that's why. He was a lousy selfish lover who cared nothing for the sexual needs of his partner," Alice concluded.
We spent the next several minutes in thoughtful silence as we finished lunch and got ready to resume our quest for fresh venison.
Our vantage point on the ridge afforded us a clear view of the deer herd in the valley a thousand feet below. Under the watchful eye of a magnificent stag, a dozen does grazed along the banks of the stream flowing across the glen's floor. It would take all Alice's driving skills to traverse the pathway to the bottom.
We had just started down the slope when our radio crackled to life.
"This is Liberty base. The National Weather Service has issued a revised winter storm warning for our area. Forecasters are calling for up to 36 inches of snow starting tonight at 5 PM with blizzard conditions beginning at 6:30 PM. Snow will continue throughout the evening and into late tomorrow afternoon. Winds south by southwest 20 to 30 mph with gusts up to 120 mph along exposed ridges. Return home immediately. Please acknowledge."
"It's too bad we can't acknowledge a message we never received," Alice said as turned off the radio's power.
I scanned the sky overhead. The wispy streaks of morning clouds of had given way to a high hazy overcast. Tops of advancing clouds were beginning to appear on the western horizon. The minuscule amount of weather lore I still remembered from my days as a Tenderfoot Scout told me high thin clouds and Mare's tails were telltale signs of approaching storm systems and usually signaled there would be stormy weather in 12 to 18 hours.
We left base around 9:00 AM and had been on the trail for almost four hours. If we returned now we would make it home with barely 30 minutes to spare before the storm hit. "We need to turn back if we are going to beat the snow," I urged Alice.
"No fucking way! I'm not getting this close without bringing back Bambi Burgers," she replied with a look of determination that could blister paint.
“Besides, we can get down to the valley floor and back in less than 30 minutes. We should have time to spare. Not much, but enough. I didn’t come this far to go back empty handed,” I wasn't going to win this argument.
The 30-degree angle of the slope and the sheer granite face of the nearly treeless ridge made for a treacherous descent. We had almost made it to the base of the ridge when our rocky trail abruptly narrowed before stopping dead at the edge of a vertical cliff. It was fucking frustrating. We were within a 100 feet of the valley floor. As far as we were concerned, our goal could just as well been on the dark side of the moon.
"Shit! I missed the turn, we’re on the wrong trail," Alice swore as she reached for radio and turned on the power.
Haste makes waste but I kept my thoughts to myself as I scanned the sky.
"Liberty Base this is Hunter One, come in please. Over," Alice paused and repeated her call, "Liberty Base this is Hunter One, come in please. Over." It was useless. A granite slab a mile thick stood between our location and the base's radio receiver. The steady hiss of static ruled the airwaves. Alice handed me the radio's microphone and instructed me to repeat the call to base every five minutes.
Backing up the steep slope was a royal pain in the ass. Reverse gears are slow and the best speed our mule could manage up the incline was not much faster than a slow walk. Our retreat finally paid off when we came to a wide spot on the trail after 20 minutes of travel. Alice executed a tight 3-point-turn and at last, the front of the ATV pointed in the same direction we were traveling.
The trail up the side of the ridge was difficult to follow. The twilight was playing with the light. None of the landmarks we passed on the way down looked like the ones we were passing on the way up.
After several wrong turns we decided to blaze our own path to the top. We followed the contours of the ridge in an ever-upward journey. Slow and steady wins the race in fairy tales. In our case, we won the ridge in an hour and thirty-six minutes and lost our race against the clock. If we left now we would be half way home when the storm hit
We used too much time backtracking and there was no way in hell we would be able to make it home before the weather turned to shit. Unless we could find a sheltered place to hunker down and ride out the blizzard, we would both be dead before dawn.
"Do we have the time and tools we need to build a lean-to?" I asked.
"Good idea. We have the tools, but we don't have the time. We've gotta find something almost ready made - like a cave, rock overhang, or a cluster of fallen trees," Alice said as she handed me a pair of binoculars.
We drove to an outcropping with a good over view of the eastern face of our ridgeline. "Scan to the north and I'll scope out the south," Alice said as she lifted her binoculars and searched our southern flank.
The heavy overcast of clouds reduced the daylight in the valley to near twilight conditions even though sunset was still 45 minutes in the future. In a classic case of the lull before the storm, the wind died down to almost nothing. I felt a drop of wetness on my cheek and a few moments later another on my nose. Like the advance scouts of an approaching army, the first flakes of snow explored the ground around us.
"Damn it! There's nothing to the south of us!" Alice growled in frustration.
To the north, the slope of the ridge gave way to a nearly vertical drop. Conditions were favorable to the formation of rock shelter. Over the eons, slabs of granite had broken away and tumbled to the ground. I was looking for anything resembling a natural rock lean-to or cave opening.
"Alice! I think I got something," I shouted with more hope than conviction as I pointed to a dark shadow in a land of shadows at the base of granite cliff.
My partner studied the rock feature with her binoculars for a moment before slamming the ATV into drive and racing forward to possible sanctuary.
Hope turned to disappointment as we got close enough to see the details of our target. We were well and truly fucked, the rock outcropping was too large and exposed to serve as a shelter. Daylight was nearly gone and snow was falling as fast as the thermometer.
“Now what the hell do we do?” Alice pounded the steering wheel in anger flavored with fear.
“Let’s check that out,” I said pointing to a stand of saplings about 100 yards to the left of the useless overhang. Maybe we could construct an emergency lean-to from the young Aspens.
We drove across the dusting of snow-covered ground and dismounted our vehicle. Flashlights in hand we inspected the thin grove of trees.
“Holy shit, there’s a cave opening back here,” Alice shouted and pointed to a five or six foot wide opening at the base of the cliff behind the trees.
The remains of the aborted attempt at gold mining was almost hidden behind the stand of saplings. We explored the inside of the cave with our flashlights. Thankfully, it was uninhabited. The dry and dusty floor of the tunnel sloped upward to a level area, which formed a low cramped chamber about fifteen feet across and twenty feet deep. At the most, we had about four feet of headroom. Whoever had been looking for gold hit a dead end, gave up, and went home. Bad for them, lucky for us.
“Unload the Mule and get our stuff inside, while I’ll cut down as many saplings as I can with our survival saw,” I said as I grabbed the folding cutting tool from the ATV’s cargo bay.
Our plan was as desperate as it was simple. Cut as many of the young aspens as possible, slide the trees into the cave opening, and use the thin branches and remaining leaves to block the wind. As storm raged, the crowns of the trees would collect snow and form an impenetrable shield against the wind. The narrow trunks of the young trees were only four or five inches in diameter and the saw made fast work. Within fifteen minutes, I had almost a dozen saplings down on the ground.
I had finished cutting the trees and by the time I was done, snow and night was all around us. Winter had descended upon us with a vengeance.
Alice finished bringing the last of our gear into the cave and together we hauled away at the fallen aspens to plug the entrance as best as we could. Alice and I had no choice; the rock cavern would be either our salvation or our grave.
As I adjusted the position of the last tree, Alice’s screamed, “Snakes! Oh my God, look at ‘em all, the fucking cave is filled with rattlesnakes.”
In the confined space of the cave, Alice's distressed cry reverberated off the walls, so loud my ears hurt. I scrambled to be at her side. She sat in a fetal position with her arms wrapped around her knees and her whole body trembling like a leaf in the wind. Fear distorted her face and her eyes closed so tightly her facial muscles twitched with the effort.
A tiny voice uttered from her lips, repeating, "snakes, snakes." Kneeling next to Alice I put my arm around her shoulder and held her tight until her trembling lessened to not much more than a shiver.
"Where are the snakes?" I kept my voice calm and measured.
"Uhh, Everywhere," she said.
"Where is everywhere? Can you point them out," I said as I gently pressed her for details.
"Over there," she answered as she pointed to the right-hand side of the rocky cavern, "And over there," she said gesturing to her left.
The blue-white beam of my tactical LED flashlight lit up the last place Alice indicated. I nearly let out a scream of my own. Against the rock wall, at least 75 fat sleeping rattlesnakes knotted and piled together like a braided rug. Several dozen more snakes clumped and piled together against the opposite wall. She was right; hibernating snakes were all around us.
When an old-timer first told me every dry cave in the mountains contained a snake den, I laughed at him. All around us, I surveyed the living proof of his words. The old man made his living as an environmental scientist and he was obsessed with snakes, specifically the Rocky Mountain rattlesnake. Racking my brain, I tried to recall what else he had told me about our legless friends.
Venomous snakes, such as rattlers, hibernate when the average daytime temperatures fall below 60 degrees Fahrenheit. In the high mountains, their favorite winter quarters are caves and deep crevices. While in hibernation, snakes are lethargic, torpid, and essentially unresponsive zombies as their metabolism slows down to the minimum necessary to sustain life.
He said not all snakes survive hibernation. A skinny snake will not live through the winter, nor will a snake with food in its stomach or intestines when they cool. The undigested meal will rot and kill them.
Other than a heavy-duty icky factor, the slumbering reptiles posed little danger to us as long as we left them alone. I shuddered to think about it, but our slumbering cavern mates might prove to be a useful source of food.
The first priority was to help Alice regain her composure. I shared and understood her fear of snakes. Fear is useful and can provide the necessary adrenaline to power us through dangerous situations. On the other hand, too much fear has the opposite effect: often paralyzing a person into inactivity. The secret was to find a healthy middle ground between terror and bravado.
While I comforted Alice, I used the beam of my flashlight to explore our shelter. The dry soil of the cavern's floor could just as well been talcum powder. The ATV's survival gear lay scattered about where it Alice tossed them when we scrambled to get everything inside the cave.
To survive the blizzard, we needed to organize ourselves. Our situation reminded me of the scene from the movie, The Martin when the stranded astronaut faces the camera and said, "to survive I'm left with only one option, I'm goanna have to science the shit out of this."
In our case, we needed to use our heads and think the shit out of our predicament. Our biggest threat wasn't sleeping snakes, it was creeping hypothermia. The chill air drained our bodies of heat and unless we figured out a way to keep warm in our shelter, the cave would become our tomb.
Turning to Alice I said, "Let's collect our stuff and do an inventory. We're goanna need to come up with a plan of action."
We gathered our meager stash of supplies and arranged the gear in front of us as we huddled together for warmth. We had salvaged an odd assortment of survival items including:
• two Kimber 84M Mountain Ascent rifles and a 20 round box of ammo
• two winter sleeping bags (rated to 15 degrees)
• two all-weather mylar space blankets (useful as ground cloths)
• one Marmot Tungsten 3-Person 3-Season Tent
• Folding survival saw
• four packages of Meals Ready to Eat
• First Aid Trauma Kit
• Rayovac LED Lantern (150-hour battery life)
• one plastic vial containing 25 storm-proof wooden matches
• one-gallon stainless steel cooking pot with cover
• two metal water flasks filled with nearly frozen drinking water; tin cups attached
• 3 ounce bottle of Japanese sesame seed oil
• a ready box containing: a mess kit, one bag of zip lock and plastic shopping bags of various sizes, Pocket Thermometer (0-220 degrees), deck of cards, 25 tea bags with 25 sugar packets, six energy bars, a tin of 25 beef bouillon cubes, a bar of Lava soap, and a SAS Survival Handbook in Spanish.
Huh? Spanish? What the fuck? I shook my head in bewilderment.
I emptied the contents of my pockets and added a Kit Kat candy bar, a pack and a half of cigarettes, one Bic lighter, a small glass pot pipe, and several buds of potent homegrown weed to our collection.
The branches stuffed in the entrance of the cave rattled as the blizzard's howling wind intensified and the air temperature dropped. The interior of the cave was too large to heat and if we wanted to stay warm, we were going to need a smaller confined space. We decided to erect the tent to use as a shelter within our shelter.
All components of our tent were color-coded and within a few minutes, we had all the pieces assembled. Staking our tent in place was a bit more problematic. The thin layer of dusty soil on the 15 x 20 foot plateau was not deep enough to drive a tent peg into the ground. We improvised by filling several plastic shopping bags with dirt and used them as anchors to keep the shelter in place. The finished product would have been the laugh of the neighborhood if anyone could see it. Our poor tent leaned to one side like a drunken sailor as its top was squashed and misshapen by the uneven ceiling. Oh, well! We weren't trying to win Tent of the Year in the Better Caves and Snake Dens magazine.
In addition to practical benefits of an easier to heat space, the finished tent provided a much needed psychological boost. At least the snake dens all around us were outta sight and hopefully out of mind.
Once we finished zipping our sleeping bags together, I brought the rest of our gear inside our cozy little icebox.
"I don't know how long we're going to be stuck here, but if we don't want to sit around in darkness, we're going to have to conserve our batteries," I said as I turned out our tactical flashlights and switched on the Rayovac Lantern to the lowest setting. The white smoky mist of our breath glowed in the lantern's light, every time we exhaled as a visual reminder of how God awful cold our shelter was.
"Pip pip and cheerio, my dear, would you care for a spot of hot tea before we retire for the evening," I asked Alice as I mangled my attempt to invoke an excessively proper English accent.
"Ha ha funny. It ain't nice to joke about hot tea while I'm freezing my ass off," her body trembled and shivered as she replied between chattering teeth.
"Who's joking? We've got a Hobo Stove, plenty of fuel, a tea bag, water, a customer, and more time than we know what to do with, why not?" I answered as I dug through the gear we had salvaged from the ATV.
The Hobo Stove is the clever invention of some unnamed and forgotten hobo genius of days long gone. The stove's design is elegant in its simplicity. A resourceful camper could build a fully functional metal stove from scratch in five minutes or less with only tin can and a church key can opener.
Coffee cans are the ideal raw material, but any thin metal container will do the trick. All that is necessary is to remove the top of the can while keeping the bottom in place; then a ring of evenly spaced rectangular holes are punched around the top and base of the can for ventilation. Finally, a series of randomly placed carburetor holes are punched through the sidewall of the can with the church key. Happy days! You have just built a survival stove.
The beauty of the tiny stoves is they are highly efficient, produce a minimum amount of smoke, and use far less wood than a traditional campfire.
In our case, our hobo stove was a bit more refined. Weighing less than 16 ounces it was a stainless steel design consisting of five snap together sheet metal plates and a few cross members. I assembled it and sat back to admire my handiwork.
Flashlight in hand, I told Alice, "I'll be right back" as I crawled toward the cave's opening in search of fuel. The heavily falling snow was busy turning the crowns of the young Aspens into an effective windscreen. Between the trunks of the saplings, I found piles of dry windblown leaves I would use as kindling to start my fire. I cut several small branches for fuel and shaved off strips of wood and bark from one of the tree trunks with my hunting knife. I lucked out; I also found a book sized flat stone I could use as a base for our stove. The rock would keep the little stove from turning our tent floor into a puddle of melted plastic.
In the center of the tent, next to our combined sleeping bags I set the assembled stove on the flat rock, and I lined the bottom of the can with dry leaves, followed by small twigs and then a layer of larger sticks. The idea was to use the smaller fuel to ignite the larger pieces of wood. The tin can is a natural chimney and the interior metal surfaces reflected the heat back on the unburned fuel. When I was finished, I set the leaves ablaze with my Bic lighter.
I opened the screened ventilation flat at the top of the tent and kept the bottom of the tent entrance open a crack for fresh air to keep carbon monoxide fumes from asphyxiating us.
Since carbon monoxide is heavier than air, I figured any excess would accumulate at the bottom of the sloping entrance to our cave. At least that was the theory. Nonetheless, I decided we should limit the use of our cook stove to no more than two or three times in any 24-hour period, just to be safe.
Once I had the fire well established, I set a tin cup filled with water and a single tea bag on the stove's open top. About ten minutes later the liquid was at a rolling boil.
"You might want to let it cool down a bit before drinking," I warned Alice as I handed her the cup after retrieving the tea bag and splashing a bit of ice water on the cup's handle so she wouldn't burn her fingers or hand. "Care for any sugar?"
Alice shook her head, no, and smiled for the first time since we received our radio warning. "Thank you," she said as she took the steaming mug of tea from my hands. "Thank you very much," she whispered as she leaned forward and kissed my cheek.
I used the recycled tea bag to make my own cup of tea. Waste not, want not.
The air temperature inside the tent was a friendly 65 or 70 degrees and worked in partnership with the steaming tea to take the chill of winter away. At least for the moment.
We decided to skip dinner to conserve our food supply. We would eat in the morning.
Turning off the lantern to conserve its battery, I was startled to see how cozy and romantic our setting was, as long as you left out the snakes out of the picture. The light from the dying embers of our fire painted the interior of the tent with a sexy, warm rose-colored glow. Our joined sleeping bags and Alice's sweet kiss hinted at all sorts of possibilities.
That's it! I scolded myself, I am officially stupid. What kind of fucking idiot thinks about sex at a time like this?"
"Come on Dennis, we need to get undressed and under the covers before it gets cold again," Alice leaned her head on my shoulder.
"Undressed?" I raised an eyebrow and gave my hunting partner a hard look.
"Of course, silly man, how else do we share body heat? Do you know another way we can avoid hypothermia," Alice nuzzled and hugged me tight.
"Besides, it'll be fun," Alice gave me another hug, longer than the last.
In an effort to protect my honor, I started to protest and instead burst out laughing as I thought of an old joke.
"What's so funny?" she asked as she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes for signs of rejection.
"Nothing. Our current circumstances remind me of a funny story I heard years ago. It goes something like this: Once upon a time in a terrible storm forced a beautiful maiden and a traveling judge to take shelter for the night in an abandoned cabin. To pass the time, and to stay warm, the young girl offered her honor. The judge honored her offer. All night long, His Honor was on her and off her," I laughed.
"OK, I'll strip down to my underwear and you do the same, deal?" I rose to my knees and accepted her hand as she helped me to my feet. My knees were high mileage and they sucked. Such is life.
"OK, you've got yourself a deal. You go first," Alice's smile widened into a silly grin as she fired up the lantern and held it aloft. "Showtime."
I took off my jacket and spread it open on the sleeping bag. Alice watched quietly, her eyes wrinkled in puzzlement and curiosity. I removed my flannel shirt, folded it neatly, and placed it in the center of my jacket. I dug my Bic lighter and a half-full cigarette case out of my pocket and deposited them next to my jacket. Moments later, my folded trousers joined the shirt in the center of my coat.
Dancing from one foot to the other with Alice's hands steadying me, my boots took their place at the foot of our bed. I draped my socks over the tops of my boots to air out, might as well start the next day with dry footwear.
Dressed only in my whitey tighties and a tee shirt I knelt down, folded my coat into a pillow with my clothing as stuffing, and placed it at the head of the bed. As far as headrests went, my improvised bundle was more comfortable than a few of the crappy motel pillows I had slept upon over the years.
"Very inventive," Alice smiled as she removed her coat and mimicked my creation as she constructed her own pillow.
When she was finished, she stood in the circle of light from the lantern, barefoot from her toes to her chin.
"No underwear?" I nodded my head toward her midsection.
"This is my underwear; it's called Poils pubiens el natural part of my French heritage," she explained.
"I don't speak French. Want to try that again in English?" I asked.
Pubiens el nature l is just a fancy way of saying, natural pubic hair," Alice answered with a chuckle.
"I thought you were Polish," I observed.
"I'm both. This is French fur over a Polish pussy," she giggled as she twirled like a clumsy ballet dancer.
I couldn't keep myself from smiling at her amazing recovery. Not too many women got a chance to go from nearly comatose with fear to saucy, seductive, and sexy all in the same day.
"Ladies first," I held up a corner of the sleeping bag.
"Yikes! It's an ice box," Alice gasped as she slid between the covers.
"Get your ass in here, I'm freezing," she said while pulling me down to my knees.
Grabbing my smokes and lighter I slid them under my pillow and parked the lantern within easy reach on my side of our sleeping bag. I gathered our flashlights together and handed her one while I tucked the other under my coat. The last thing we wanted to do was to wake up in total darkness and play blind man's bluff searching for a flashlight in pitch-blackness.
"Good God! You weren't kidding," I grumbled. The interior of the sleeping bag was not much warmer than the surface of an ice cube.
Within seconds, Alice was all over me like an octopus. She pulled me into a spooning position with the cheeks of my ass pressed into her crotch and her arms wrapped around my chest and her breasts pressed tightly against my back. She tangled our legs together and rested her chin on my shoulder as she welded her naked body to mine in the most intense sensual hug I've ever experienced. The only thing missing was super glue.
In a few minutes, we were toasty warm. The human body is a remarkable heat engine capable of generating as much as 2,400 BTUs of body heat per hour when engaged in strenuous work or passionate sex. When we're at rest or sleeping, our heat production drops to a cool 315 BTUs an hour. On average, we generate the same amount of heat as a 100-watt light bulb.
“I’m going to kill the light to save the battery. Be sure you know the location of your flashlight.” With a click, I plunged us into the heart of total darkness. Suddenly we were in a blackout so intense we are unable to tell in our eyes are open or shut. It is true, when we lose our sight our other senses kick into high gear to compensate for the loss of vision. The sound of our breathing and the crinkling rustle of our fabric sleeping bag seemed to grow louder as the night smothered the light.
We could just as well have been two blind mice exploring each other in a lightless world. We could only “see” what we touched. As we nestled together, my sense of touch also kicked into high gear. I could feel Alice’s stiff nipples poking me in the back as she pulled me tightly to her body. She shifted her position and tightened her hold on me. It was as if she was trying to crawl inside of me, her octopus grip became the embrace of a boa constrictor, almost painful in its intensity.
I relaxed my body and allowed myself to melt into her embrace. She radiated body heat like a furnace and her warm moisture laden breath tickled the side of my neck each time she exhaled. As her breathing slowed, we slipped into the twilight of comfortable togetherness.
I must have dozed off for a few moments when I became aware that something had changed. The effortless exchange of carbon dioxide for oxygen became long labored sobbing which shook her whole body. I could feel her tears trickling down my neck.
“I’m so sorry Dennis. This is my entire fault. We’re going to die and I’ll never see my daughter again. I should have heeded the storm warning on the radio, I’m so terribly sorry,” she cried as her words gave voice to the fear I felt.
Turning over to face her, I touched her face with my fingertips and brushed her tears away as I whispered, “You are right. We, and the emphases is on we, should have listened to the warning. This is not all your fault. It is our fault. You made a bad call and I let it stand. I also own this blunder. I was your partner and junior member of this hunting party and I failed to speak up,” I kissed her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears.
“We’re not dead yet. We got into this mess together and we’ll get out of this mess together,” I held her to my body and caressed her hair as sleep slowed her breathing. Far away at the edge of hearing, the muffled lullaby of the wind became a song of despair.
The gentle nudge of Alice’s hands dragged me out of my sleep, “Dennis, I’m sorry to wake you but I’ve got to piss so badly I can taste it. I need your help,” she said as she pulled me into a sitting position. Our warm and cozy tent had turned into an icebox.
“You gotta be kidding, since when do you need help taking a piss?” Reaching under my makeshift pillow, I fished out my light and turned it on. In front of me, a naked Alice sat huddled, her breath streaming like smoke from her mouth, and nipples hardening like pebbles in the chill air.
“I need your help. I don’t want to go outside, by myself, in the dark. Not with all those fucking snakes,” Alice said with a shudder.
“Then don’t go outside, use the chamber pot,” I glanced at my wristwatch, we had been asleep about six hours and sunrise was still an hour away.
“We don’t have a chamber pot,” Alice scanned the contents of our tent for confirmation.
“Oh, no! Not that, that’ll be gross,” her eyes widened in alarm as I pointed to the stainless steel cooking pot.
“You have three choices: Pee in the pot, pee in your pants, if you wore any, or go pee with the pythons,” I knew her dilemma wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t keep from chuckling.
Holding the flashlight aloft for illumination, I watched as she straddled our improvised toilet and squatted down. Alice let out a plaintive “yelp!” when her bare bottom made contact with the ice-cold stainless steel rim.
“Squat, don’t sit, unless you want a frozen fanny,” I let out a sympathetic laugh.
Alice made a face, stuck her tongue out, hunched down, and with a little grunt kicked her sprinkler system into high gear.
I scrambled to get dressed in the near freezing air as my scrotum tried to pull everything inside of me in an effort to keep the family jewels snug and warm.
My nuts were responding to the same instinctive response to the chill air which caused Alice’s nipples to become stiff and hard when cold. Her body tried to protect the twin sisters from getting frostbite by increasing the blood supply to her milk supply outlets.
All of which made summer trips to the frozen food section of supermarkets such an interesting experience for voyeurs. Humans are hardwired to stay sexy and productive for as long as possible. How else could we have managed to survive the ice age? At least, that was my theory.
When I came across something that sparked my curiosity, I often concocted a theory to answer the question, “Why is this or that like it is?”
I never bothered using Google or Bing to find out if my guesses were correct. If they were? Great. But, if they were wrong it would be proof I needed to get a life and stop wasting my time pretending to be smart.
Frankly, I wasn’t eager to find out if I was expending brain cells binging on bullshit.
I was more awake than I wanted to be, so I left Alice to her business, retrieved my clothes, got dressed and headed down to the tunnel entrance. I wanted to check things out and snag some fuel for a hot cup of tea. Memo to self: I want caffeine with attitude. Make sure future survival kits include instant coffee.
The tunnel’s entrance was wider and deeper than the rest of the cave and it was a relief to be able to stand upright without banging my head on a rock ceiling. While the air in our cavern was almost freezing, the temperature at the entrance was absolutely arctic. The snow trapped in the crowns of the saplings sparkled and glowed in the light of my torch. The storm had done an excellent job sealing our stone shelter from the weather, maybe too good of a job. The air in the foyer was as still as death. I grabbed the base of one of the smaller saplings, pulled it toward me, and pushed it out in an effort to break open an air passage. I could drag the tree inward without too much effort. But, when I tried to force it outward I could make no headway, even when I pushed with all my might.
It was like trying to push a pillow into a sand dune. I tried another sapling. Second verse same as the first.
I gave the base of each sapling a push. None of them moved. Our shield had become an airless prison. It was unlikely we were in any short-term danger of running out of oxygen. The real threat was being poisoned by carbon dioxide. CO2 becomes mildly toxic at a concentration around a percent or so. Eventually the atmosphere in the cave would go bad and we would die of carbon dioxide poisoning long before we ran out of oxygen. We needed to open an air passage to the outside. Pronto!
“Alice, can you give me a hand down here, I think we have a problem with our air supply,” I leaned against the cave walls and used my feet to try to move another small tree. Zilch, Zero. Nada. The damn thing might as well have been a parking meter planted in concrete.
Leaning against the rock wall of the entrance, I caught my breath. My guess? Our sapling shield lay buried under the mother of all snowdrifts.
The dark wall of snow sealing the entrance of the tunnel sparkled and glistened in the moving beams of our flashlights.
Alice paused for a moment to wipe the sweat from her forehead. After digging into the embankment for nearly an hour, virtually nothing showed for our efforts.
"Time for a break," Alice leaned her back against the rock wall of the tunnel and rested her head against the stony surface as she pushed several stray strands of blond hair out of her eyes.
"It should be about sunrise," I glanced at my wristwatch and back at the snow, searching for any sign of light from the outside. A faint glow would tell us where the snow cover might be thinner than the rest. No glimmer of light entered.
With a sigh, I leaned against the wall next to Alice and took a deep breath followed quickly by another. My fingertips tingled with the same feeling I got when my arm falls asleep.
The blizzard and the drifting snow did an excellent job blocking the entrance. Digging in the snow drift would have been easier if not for the tangled branches of the young Aspens. The barren foliage and sticks acted like rebar in a reinforced concrete retaining wall. Running a marathon would have been easier compared tto digging an air passage between all the woodwork.
"Dennis, it's getting hard to catch my breath," Alice's chest heaved as she inhaled a long breath. The annoying headache dancing in the shadows of awareness stopped hiding and announced its presence in a wave of pulsating pain keeping time with my beating heart.
We were on the leading edge of CO2 poisoning and like the canaries in a coalmine; we didn't have any place to go.
I kept pawing at the snow as I removed one handful of white stuff after another. I would dig a little and stop for a minute or two to catch my breath and dig some more.
Somewhere within the recess of my mind alarm bells sounded. A tiny part of my brain jumped up and down trying to get my attention. All rather annoying and I told myself to settle down and take a nap. A nap would be so wonderful right about now.
I rested my head on the arm I used for digging and took another breath. I will just rest here for a moment. Warm and cozy, a snow cocoon surrounded me in my new tunnel. Do butterflies dream when they sleep?
"Dennis! Dennis! Move. I got it," Alice's hands shook my body as she pulled me backwards toward her.
"Whatcha doing? This is no time to cut firewood," I rested against the warm snow as Alice crawled past me with a saw in her hands and took my her place where I had been digging.
"Son of a bitch! Grunt. God damn it! Ugg!" Clumps of snow mixed with twigs, branches and sticks flew out from behind her.
"Whatcha doing?" I asked again. My voice called from a million miles away.
"I'm cutting my way through the fuckin' snow. I'm not, awh fuck it, I'm not, God damn it! digging," she kicked a huge snow block bristling with sticks and branches out of the hole followed by more cursing and more snow and wood.
My field of vision kept getting smaller and narrower. How strange? I found myself in a tunnel looking at myself in a tunnel. I wanted to tell Alice to stop making so much noise and let me sleep but I my voice was lost in the fog filling my head.
So warm, so restful. I closed my eyes in a cozy blanket of sleep when a blast of freezing air hit me in the face. What the hell? I inhaled a satisfying breath of fresh freezing air and then another. I could feel the fog in my head clearing each time I inhaled.
Son of a bitch, she had done it. She had fucking done it! She opened a passageway to the outside.
Driven by the blizzard's gale force winds, a blast of sub-zero temperatures cascaded through the opening carved by Alice. Whatever body heat and warmth we retained under our clothing melted like sandcastles in the rising tide of Arctic air.
"We've got to warm, up" I put my arm around Alice's shoulders and pulled her close to me. Her body was shivering and trembling as much as mine.
Prolonged exposure to elevated concentrations of carbon dioxide wrecked havoc with our bodies and our minds. Trying to complete a thought was like wading through an ocean of molasses. I felt like I had been driven over by a Greyhound Bus.
From what I understood about CO2 toxicity, which was almost nothing, it would take Alice and I at least 24 hours for our systems to restore a healthy oxygen balance as we purged the e excess carbon dioxide from our bodies.
With each breath we took, our breathing became slightly easier. Trying to stand up was a different story. I made it to my knees twice before wobbling and falling over. Alice didn't fare much better, she swayed sideways and toppled over like a tree in a hurricane when she tried to rise to her feet. We were a mess.
Finally we got ourselves into sync and helped each other climb to our feet. Like two drunken sailors, we staggered off toward our tent with the beams of our flashlights leading the way.
A fuzzy part of my brain was engaged in trying to do a basic risk assessment. The math was so simple even my foggy mind could do the calculations:
Hypothermia + CO2 poisoning = Death
"My God, I'm' freezing," Alice's teeth chattered in time with her shivering body. The sweat that drenched us while we were frantically trying to dig ourselves out of the cavern had become a swarm of leeches sucking the heat out of our bodies.
"We gotta loose these wet clothes before we freeze to death," my teeth clattered like an old fashioned typewriter. I stuttered and stammered so badly I had to repeat every word two or three time.
Inside our tent, I ignored the chill as I raced to disrobe. My tee-shirt was drenched. I stripped it off and used it like a towel to dry myself off. I knelt naked next to Alice and removed her clothing and toweled the sweat from her shivering body the best I could.
Without another word between us we slipped into the frigid sleeping bag and held each other as tightly as we could. For all the warmth we were generating, we might as well have been two ice cubes in a martini glass.
Our hands caressed each other's bodies and bare bottoms as we used friction to warm the surface of our skin. Ever so slowly our shivering abated as we exchanged body heat.
Alice's body relaxed as her tension evaporated. We held each other in our arms as a deep restful sleep surrounded us in a warm and comforting cocoon of slumber. I smiled. Butterflies do dream when they sleep.