Slowly I become aware. My eyes slightly part allowing a fake darkness into what little of the eye is open. At first all I can tell for sure is it’s dark and I’m lying down on something soft. From my right “Oh good Edward you’re returning to consciousness after 38 hours!” In my head ‘why was I out? And why can’t I recall what happened before checking out!’
Opening my eye more a female figure comes into focus “I feared that I struck you harder than I allowed myself to do!” A brunette, blue eyed beauty with skin as smooth as porcelain is hovering by my side an expressionless face looking to mine “Why did you deactivate me after having coitus?” All I can do is stare into that perfect face as I try remember what I may have done to her.
Making a move to get up I find myself restrained in a bed, both legs and arms tied to the corresponding side railings, something cold and metallic touching my pelvic region. Swallowing to moisten my throat “Wha…”
“You had coitus with me while I was making a meal then left to see a professor, when I activated once more I waited for your return.” Moving the metallic thing from between my legs before continuing “Upon returning home I waited for explanation before extracting proper response!” A small glass of liquid it brought to my lips “Small sip only Edward!” Obeying as my memories begin to return, an octopus like creature, my wanting to talk to Dr. John Rapiste and a solid right hook to my jaw!
“Susan, you cold cocked me!” incredulously saying as i became totally back to reality
“I’ve read that it is considered a proper response to your actions!” continuing with “That or dismemberment of genitalia!” trying to move my hands to my crotch as I register her words. “You have yet to respond to my query!”
“It was the only way I could think of to get out to continue my investigation!” then it all came back in a flash flood of memories. “Oh Christ I’ve been out a day and a half, what’s happened to my investigation?
“Detective Marsh is conducting it until you are deemed able to return to said Investigation!” Undoing the restraints on my right side, taking over releasing my left appendages. I relayed your theory to her of the indigenous people’s mythology and suggest she investigate herself!” Trying to stand, almost losing my balance when i try to walk to the ensuite bathroom
“Is assistance required Edward?” as the doorbell sounds. Susan get’s an empty look in her eyes as she connects her consciousness to the video surveillance system “Ah Detective Marsh is back!” leaving to answer the door while i piss standing up for the first time in a while. Shaking myself, then zipping up, I make my way out to see Susan and Julie sitting across from each other.
“Ed is onto something with the folklore!” Acting like nothing has happened to her “So is he up and about yet?”
Susan is about to answer when I make my way out “Well look what finally decided to get up!” Going over and hugging Julie before taking a seat a bit apart from Susan “So what have you learned?”
“Dr. Rapiste has damn good weed and a keen analytical mind when it comes to legends!” smirking with a sparkle in her eye. “Also a good sense of ‘when a woman is not a woman!’, thinks that may mean a natural hermaphrodite like Jordan Fenton in accounting!”
“Jordan Fenton has a dick!’ my outburst makes Susan head swing towards me. Before she says anything “I’ve dated her before you came into my life!” that sees to appease her and makes Julie’s eye widen at my confession.
“So do you want to set Jordan up for a few fucks to test that theory Julie?” asking her outright
“No I thought we appeal to her sense of justice!” winking at me before telling me she also told Dr. Rapiste that he could be on hand when we try to stop this Karkaren and crew. Great we have an eyewitness beside cops when the chief call us onto the carpet about what the possible solution to our supernatural sex attackers! I’ve been down for so long I’m chomping at the bit to get back out there and solve it once and for all!
Calling ahead I schedule a meeting with Chief D’lorde and the person of our discussion! By the time we make our way downtown to headquarters both are in the chief’s office. Knocking in and getting told to enter, i lay out what we know to date about our case. Getting to the idea of ‘a woman who isn’t a women!” before the chief’s eye brow rises and Jordan jumps up in protests.
“No way Eddie, I’ve visited Maria in the wacky wards there’s no way i’m going to allow myself to become a screwed drooling idiot like her!”
“Here now there is no need to defame a colleague Ms. Fenton!” D’lorde exclaims. “Isn’t there someone else you can figure out to use?”
“Well chief it’s only recently been brought to my attention that Ms. Fenton may qualify as a possible answer to that line!”
“Is this your way of getting back at me for not telling you I had a cock while we dated two years ago?” Jordan all up in my face before coming up with her own idea “Why not search the prisons for a hermie and offer a parole if they agree to help?”
Chief D’lorde picks up on that and runs with it “Yes Ed why not offer amnesty to Dagostine Hujax?”
“Didn’t even know him there were any hermaphrodites in Coastal Paradise let alone two, chief!” Wasn’t lying to them, it was nothing I ever felt that I needed to know. I mean how many others knew they existed in their community!
Chief D’lorde picks up the phone and places a call to State Attorney Cartier, detailing our plan. Sitting hearing the one sided conversations i heard something which made me wonder just how heartless Chieff D’lorde was. “Well what have we got to lose, it helps and gets amnesty and we get rid of this problem, if it goes wrong what have we lose a harden criminal and gained a drooling idiot!” more silence then, “Okay I’ll do the paperwork!”
Well it’s a go to get Hujax out if he cooperates with our request that is!” he relays then shoos us from his office. Julie can’t wait to rush out for a cigarette break, Jordan goes out fast , making me the last to leave the office. Outside after closing the door Jordan stops me
"Can we talk Eddie?”
Like a smart ass “well we both know English and can make sentences!”
“A simple yes or no idiot!” Not waiting for a reply “I bet you’re wondering how you never found out I was a hermaphrodite while we dated?”
Well the thought has crossed my mind since I found out but I wasn’t going to be the one to ask!
“Well i keep it taped along the joint of my left leg while we were intimate!” Oh like that seemed likely, “Remember I told you I had a sudden swelling along there!” Oh Christ I thought she meant like a varicose vein or something not a dick! Shuddering as I recall our one time together after a particularly long shift!
Then “Hey I hear you got yourself one of those Robo-bitches. Are they any good in the sack?”
“That’s robo wives and they are as good as you care to program them!’ Responding to her then walking away slightly disgusted with her. Finding Julie at her desk on the phone, again only hearing the one side of a two sided conversation.
“Really you might be able to control the Karkaren that’s wonderful John!” No she couldn’t be talking with Rapiste. Sitting on the corner of her desk hoping to hear more but she slaps my leg with her stapler giving me the hint to go away!
Moving to my desk the phone rings just as I’m about to sit down, reaching to pick it up. “Gorwin!” the chief telling me all is in order and that Hujax is willing to cooperate and will be released tomorrow morning at 12:01 am laying out a plan of action for me
“Chief are you suggesting I pick him up and take him on a little tour of the beach before letting him go home?
“Well like I told Cartier what have we to lose so the sooner the better in my eyes!’ then the chief really shows how much he cares “Besides drooling idiots cost less to keep confined!”
And that’s how i find myself at 1:46 am in Susan’s smart car with a hermie winking and telling my how he could rock my world if i wanted.”let me tell you i had a couple of guys do me but they complained about my lack of depth!” Then he changes the subject “Say any chance I can get some female action before I help you pigs?”
“Well I been told vice has been investigating a prostitution ring out on the beach but they could never get an evidence to prove it!” Stopping the car at the top of the entrance to the beach, we both get out, Hujax running down to the shore like a little kid, me taking my time. When out in Bellarond sound the water starts churning and there the Karkaren rising holding the Villainous in it’s tentacles.
Like before the ghost ship disgorges a crew, led by i’s captain. Hujax stares in wonderment at the sight of the Karkaren as the pirates grabs and strips their intended victim “Oy Capn’ this one got a willie!” Suddenly two tentacles snake ashore batting the pirates away like flies before taking a leg in each tentacle. Hujax screams as his legs are split apart, the cock in plain sight. Then an ungodly scream rents the air as each tentacle begins to pull in separate direction.
Hujax complained he lacked depth down there well by the time the Karkaren was done his body was torn in half vertically, each side landing on the beach as the pirates return to the Villainous. As they get aboard the Karkaren sinks into the depths of Bellarond sound. Seconds later a boulder breaks the surface , flies over the beach and lands with deadly accuracy onto the roof of Susan’s smart car
“Well fuck me, she really like that little car!” Starting my long walk towards town. “She’s going to castrate me when she finds out