July 15th - Judy’s diary
White room, white light. No exit. Or at least, I can’t see it. Neither can I understand how he does it. How he makes me feel like this. I’m not even sure he’s a man. I can’t remember a thing; I don’t even know what time it is. All I can do is to assume it’s July 15th, I mean, it has to be something like that. Yeah, right, it was on July 4th, and then, blackout… Well, blackout is not a well-chosen word. I’m in this white room, with a white light, and I can never see anything but white. Except for my naked body. I used to find myself beautiful, but now it seems to me that my long-shaped legs are becoming white too, melting in the background. I couldn’t sleep for the first three days. And then, all of a sudden, down on the floor, as if I had taken some pill. When I woke up, there were these blank sheets – white paper, of course – with a pencil. He surely wants me to write something. Not to get mad? With all this light, I can’t even see where the food is coming from. How did I get here?
July 15th – X’s diary
My sweet little girl is in her room. She finally went through her hysteria. I’m very impressed. People usually get crazy in a room like this one, or at least, they’re on the verge of madness. But she seems very calm. Didn’t even notice the video camera. I painted it white, of course. And it’s part of the pleasure… Watching her sit on the floor, adrift. I should stop the air conditioning, or she will catch a cold, but it feels so good watching her nipples becoming hard as I lower the temperature. And it keeps her in touch with the outside world; it makes her feel that there can be movement in this world. Oh, yes, there will be movement soon. When she is ready.
July 16th – Judy’s diary
Well, I don’t know if it’s really July 16th. Who gives a damn now? I’ve tried to remember things, from July 4th, I mean, but all I can see is me, coming back home, light-hearted, yes, coming back home from Julian’s apartment… This I can remember clearly: feeling so good and so ashamed, because I felt I was the exact opposite of what my parents wanted me to be. They think I’m a good girl, poor them… It was so shaming to imagine their dull flat faces, smiling indulgently at me, and then imagine me again, in Julian’s apartment, asprawl on the floor with my legs wide open, wishing I would come soon… And in fact he came first, couldn’t resist it, but that’s very Julianish, if I may say so, promising things and then doing the opposite. His breath was becoming faster, and then I felt it inside me, this sweet, juicy spatter of sperm, dropping from me as he cooled down. I believe that’s what I was thinking about on the street. Seeing his face again, trying to imagine his sex in mine, and mentally apologizing to my parents for not being this candysweet little girl they thought I was. I was Alice in Wonderland, no doubt for that. But the potions I used to drink didn’t make me smaller. It was the bottle I drank them from that usually got limper… Okay, I admit it’s rather a coarse joke. But I’ve got to grasp reality – my former reality – , otherwise I will get mad in this room. What did he (she? they?) kidnap me for? I must have been here for more than ten days. Why doesn’t he threaten me? What does he want me to do?
… Can he read this?
July 16th – X’s diary
Oh yeah, Judy, I can read all of that. But you don’t know it, because even with the light, you can’t help falling asleep from time to time… You can’t help shaking your body when I get near you, breathing two inches away from you skin. You can feel it, don’t you? In your nightmares… Last night – or was it during the day? You’ll never know it, little girl – I got closer. I caressed you, starting from you neck – your skin is so sensitive, you know – and then going down, down, down, hardening your nipples, finally reaching this beautiful place of yours, your sweet and young rosebud… I heard you moan, sweetie. I came closer; it’s your sex I could smell, my darling. And you know what? The smell of sex was pervading the air, so to say. I guess you were having a beautiful dream. You were just flooded, all your body wet with sweat and other fluids I shall not name, but you’re old enough to understand, aren’t you? I cannot help writing it, but I was eager to eat you, to lick you off, and then to bury my cock in all of your holes, treating you like an animal, forcing you to become my slave. You would have cried for me to stop, to stop penetrating you, but I would have gone on, getting deeper and deeper… Oh, I’m sure that you would have shouted with pleasure in the end. You just can’t help it, that’s the way things are, you think you’re suffering because you tight ass is being attacked by a giant pole, like oh-my-god-I-will-faint-before-it-ends, but then it’s all over you, this mere feeling of ectasy, and your legs are shaking, your tits are trembling, and at that very moment, you could do everything for me. Every little horrible thing I could ask. But I’m still behind you, honey. Behind and inside. You’ve just forgotten, all you are able to think of is this endless climax – the most solitary moment of sex, maybe – , but I’m still there, and I’m not done. And you have to take the pain till I come. Till I give the final shot… Till your face gets white, just as the room, isn’t funny honey?
It’s late. I was just dreaming. All I’ve done by now is to smell the perfume of your cunt. Stimulates imagination! Just wait for you turn, baby.
July 17th – Judy’s diary
I thought of Julian again. That should have been a sweet thought, but all I could think of was sex, that is us having sex on the sofa, in the bathroom, on his office desk, fucking like beasts. Copulating, should I say. My dear diary – I mean, my dear collection of blank sheets – , you imagine what follows. I couldn’t resist. Fantasy will always be the ultimate master one can dream of. These pictures penetrated my head, they just settled down there, and finally made my hand gently slide from my breast to my pussy, trying to imagine the pressure of Julian’s body, his tongue maybe, his tongue moving nimbly on my most sensitive parts and slightly entering my vagina… No, enough of that! How can I masturbate in such an awful moment? Maybe because it’s beyond fantasy. It’s as if I really bent down, reaching for his cock, my lips closing around it, moving upside down, slowly first, and then faster, faster, FASTER (is it me talking? Or him?).
Why? Why do I have to write that?
Is it you (whoever you are, you motherf…) who makes me feel this way?
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DON’T YOU SHOW UP?
Anyway, if you can read me, I’m thirsty. Had to waste half of the bottle I found in the room so as to wash me. I don’t like staying all wet after an orgasm.
July 18th – Judy’s diary
Oh my God there’s noise. I think he’s going to enter the room. I’ve heard something humming, and then something else creaking, and then something else squeaking, and then something else… Am I going to die? I’m afraid, I’m afraid. Why do I have to be naked? I feel humiliated. Am I being watched? Did somebody watch me masturbating? Rubbing my clit like mad? I’m getting paranoiac, but every time I feel a door is opening, the light becomes even more blinding.
Oh please there it is. The blinding light. But there’s a shadow. Is he coming? Is he going to…?
July 18th – X’s diary
I’m coming all right, sweetie. And you’re going to feel it. Here things begin.