| 2016-01-08 04:22:26 |
A guy and his.....? (2) (beginings)
|
I think it's well written but needs a cleaner 're edit might help split the each person talk lines from story would make a difference and clean the story felt rushed |
| 2016-01-17 03:27:22 |
Ashley's discovery - 1
|
Very nice start of to a great read liking your details you've given very nicely devilish charm |
| 2016-01-19 03:32:11 |
Raven
|
Well you got me looking and wanting to read more thunk you jumped ahead maby kinda fast but that would play great for a start to a deeper next and previous stories if you need any help or ideas your questions you left were great by very open for long we'll done answers |
| 2016-01-24 04:22:15 |
My Fluffy Sister
|
Very nice like the story just seemed rushed but so want to read more if you have a not her chapter |