This in an offshoot project from the Margey Household chronicles. Some of the characters are the same, some new. Read the other stories in the series (Books 1-11) to find out the full background or some of it won't make any sense.
Warning: The events and characters in this story are imaginary. If you attempt to duplicate them in real life, you will end up sharing a jail cell with a big fat man called Bubba.
Chapter 12-3 Croc ahead at 50 degrees starboard, Cap'n
Sven bided his time and eventually got his revenge for his dunking (Book 11 Chapter 9) in the tub. Big styleee!!
First, he borrowed one of my hidden Wi-Fi cameras and set it up to cover the whole pool. The next day he invited the two sisters Alison & Lynette for a swim. They were all just about to jump in, when I came by (pre-arranged on cue) and said to him: Sven, can you come into town with me and help me pick up something. Girls, we won't be long, 30 mins max. Enjoy yourselves.
He pretended to look confused and pissed off, but put on his street shoes and we drove away. We parked down the road and hid the car slightly. He sneaked back, but said I should stay there just in case they saw me and smelt a rat. I only saw it all on video later.
Somehow he'd managed to get hold of a 6-foot long radio controlled crocodile made of plastic, with moving jaws. But fuck, it looked so realistic. If it had been me that day, my reaction would have been just the same, if not worse.
The girls were messing around in the water, pulling off each other's bikini, and he was able to get the animal in without them seeing him and hid again. At first, for quite a few seconds they didn't notice, but when they did, they went totally apeshit. The screams were horrific and I heard them from the car. I sincerely hoped my neighbours would not call the cops, as I didn't want to be busted for wasting police time.
The two of them both tried to get out of the pool at the sides but in their panic neither had the physical strength to do so. It was total chaos!! Almost like a Laurel & Hardy or Keystone Cops routine. They normally got out at the steps with the chrome railings, but the croc was between them and it. In the commotion, they both lost their glasses which sank to the bottom of the deep end, and their lack of focused vision made them extremely disorientated and even more scared.
But like Margey's family at Chris' proposal who failed to realise I had no legal or moral right to ban the wedding, Ally & Lyn just didn't think about how the fuck a croc would find its way into a suburban garden's pool. (OK, I know people keep them illegally as pets, and one could have escaped...but still?? The statistical chances of that???)
(On the other hand, you hypocrite, would you want take a chance with an animal that's successfully been on earth hundreds of millions longer than us and has a bite force of several hundred Newtons. If he doesn't rip your leg off immediately, it clamps on, death rolls and takes you to the bottom, where you drown...slowly. Just sayin', is all.)
After about 5 mins of torture, Sven relented and climbed in. Just at that moment, its tail touched one of them, she screamed even louder, but still failed to realise it was fake.
Come here, Bruno, he said, as he held up the remote control and the predator returned to him.
Oh, sorry, Ally, Lyn. Are you both OK? Two of my friends PUSHED HIM IN WHEN HE WASN'T FUCKING EXPECTING IT!!!!!
The penny dropped with them. Hard!
By this time, I'd driven back, in time to see the aftermath. The girls were apoplectic with rage, but saw the funny side and also wanted to laugh to appreciate such a good practical joke.
Sven very kindly dived down to retrieve their glasses, and once they could see again, they were a lot calmer. They wanted to simultaneously smack him around the head and kiss him.
I saw a piece of turd floating in the water so I got the net to fish it out. Both girls denied it was them who had shit themselves in fright, and even though we demanded inspection of their arseholes, nothing could be proved as the water had washed away the evidence by now.
Ally let out one of her pearler wisecracks, better than Franny IMHO, by saying in a great Steve Irwin accent: Aww fuck, that croc was more scared of us, ya know? This here's fucking crocodile shit, can't you stupid bastards even recognise that?? G'day Bruce! Returning you back to the God-damn studio.
We were (literally) all four rolling on the floor (actually grass) laughing and snickering for a long while, when Margey came back from shopping, to find us like that.
Have you lot been at the funny fags again? she enquired.
That set us all off one more time. We had to take her indoors to watch the video on the big screen, and she pissed herself voluminously and uncontrollably. Someone had to fetch some towels to put under her.
A few hours later, Sandy came home and started her swim training as usual, doing multiple lengths, thinking that as everywhere was quiet, no one was about and she was totally alone. (At that time of day that was normally true.) She later denied that, but our proof was she took a surreptitious pee on the gravel path by pulling the crotch area of her one piece suit to one side, having a quick taste of the stream as it came out with her fingers, as his her want, and readjusted her massive tits which were straining to escape their Lycra prison. Then dived in. Sven had brought the croc inside the house, but switched it on and crept down there and put it in while she was heading the other way. But she sussed it immediately. How? Does being sassy* help you to tell a real croc from a fake one? She just sidled up to it, and started humping it against her pussy.
Is that you, Stevie-boy, Mr Irresponsible Adult, trying to fuck with my head? You're twisting my melon, man, and I don't mean my breasts. I know I asked you to get me a new dildo, but this is ridiculous. Next time, get me a penis-shaped one!!! You douchebag!!
No, it's me, Sven. We just played the same trick on the sisters and it went really well. But not with you obviously. Come and see the video we made.
You crazy fucking turnip! Or should that be crazy fucking Swede!!
(In case you don't know, the joke is that they're both similar looking and tasting root vegetables in my country.)
What possessed you to get this piece of fake garbage? It couldn't even give me an orgasm just now. I'm really fucking horny today so your circumcised beacon of light better be ready to fuck my pussy very soon. I haven't tasted your salty spunk for a while, so you cum in mouth today.
And as soon as they got into house, we all watched as they fornicated on the sofa like they were the last two people on earth. She took his spunk as requested and snowballed it to every female. I passed this time.
Pah, she said to me, you're still not responsible. A stinging barb.
We watched the video 4-5 more times, and if Sandy hadn't voided her bladder beforehand (she took great pleasure in seeing herself do that on vid), we might have needed more towels for her too, she laughed so hard.
*A few weeks later we had the opportunity to try the same trick on Her Majesty of Sassiness, Queen Franny-panny herself. I think I got her in the pool on her own by saying I was testing some new cameras and could she just do a few lengths for at least 10 mins while I went inside and checked the focus and other technical details on the PC.
Sven managed to put Bruno in without being seen, but she just casually climbed up the steps backwards, ripped off her bottoms, and pissed on the croc saying in a bored, mock-Fay Wray- heroine voice with the back of her hand on her forehead: Go back, you brute you, go back.
Sven was concerned she might damage the electronics (for fuck's sake, dude, the thing is WATERPROOF!) and jumped in to rescue his companion.
He'd only met her once or twice before and didn't know her full powers (which were clearly waning by now anyway).
How did you KNOW?
For fuck's sake, you piece of Stockholm shit, it'll take more than a lump of green plastic and some crappy electronics to fool the Sassmeister (evil Hooded Claw laugh). And gave him a long kiss with lots of tongue and hands gripping his ears to let him know she was only kidding.
Hey, I've still got some piss left. Who wants to have it - you or your non-frightening green friend?
He put his mouth right up to her bare slit and she delivered everything.
Save the last mouthful for me. I usually drink a bit of myself every day, but forgot this morning.
He snowballed a dose to her.
I've heard about your prowess with keeping 3 girls satisfied, Mr Scandinavian Stud. So let's go in the house to mum's room and you push that thing into my pussy and arse. First time with a guy I like to taste his cum. The rumour is you're salty. And grabbed his hand.
Afterwards, Franny swore blind she'd had no warning or heads up from Sandy or anyone else. (She was just as honest as Suze, but sometimes bent the truth a bit to suit her own purposes. But not this time. I knew by looking into those eyes I once loved.)
Sandy also vigorously denied snitching, but with her I couldn't quite tell.
Franny found Ally & Lyn's video as hilarious as her mum, but she managed to get to the toilet before wetting herself.
In the end, the consensus of opinion who currently lived at Non Pee Stain Farm was that Sassmeisters and their devotees were green plastic croc friendly.
Please give only helpful and constructive comments. Thank you