When I asked if my mom was the founder, I didn’t expect raucous laughter. “I can see how you’d get that impression, Sir,” my mom answered far more cordially than I might have expected her to when the laughs died down. “I am the President, and I host our annual Christmas shindig, but I didn’t start this little club.”
I had so many questions – like how did she find out about it? Why did she join? There had to be some fantastic stories, but the crowd came to play the game.
“We’d love to have you, Blitzen!” Mom said, inviting our neighbor to join the DSL club, which she happened to be the president of. Just take a moment to let that sink in—you’ve just found out there’s a DSL club, and your MOM is the president. There has to be a joke or irony in there somewhere.
“What would I have to do?” Blitzen placed her finger in her mouth as if subconsciously thinking about the name of my mother’s so-called charity. I have to admit – I was now VERY curious about the club as well.
“The name of the club is Dick Sucking Ladies,” Gary, who was up next, smacked Blitzen’s ass really hard. “You’d be sucking a lot of cock, for sure!”
“We do more than suck cock,” Mom bragged before adding, “You’d have to continue your training. I could train you with Donder; it’d be fun!”
“My husband almost figured out what I was doing a few times,” Blitzen continued sucking her finger – no doubt she was subconsciously thinking about sucking dicks. It was sexy to see her so fixated on it – I could imagine the big woman in a diaper like a baby (and strangely that aroused me for reasons unknown).
“Dave is clueless; dump that loser and get a man who wants to swap you,” Harley shouted! Her voice stood out loudest amongst the other people, encouraging her to either ditch Dave or invite him along to the next party. I noticed my sister’s boyfriend looked a little nervous – as if he might be ‘ditched’ if he didn’t support my sister.
I suppose it would be for the best -if he wasn’t comfortable with Harley’s kinky interests, and she really wanted to go down this path. I still didn’t see the allure of being a swinger. I felt like there would be inherent jealousy, and the man may feel inadequate compared to some of his wife’s lovers.
“There is no way on God’s green earth I would have ever joined DSL and tried to keep it from Eddie!” my Aunt Daisy’s throaty voice shouted over the din of supportive people offering encouragement to Blitzen. “Honesty is always the way to go! That’s part of the reason it’s enshrined in the DSL code of ethics! If you decide you want to do this, you may have some tough decisions to make.”
“I thought it was enshrined because you twats are lying, conniving manipulators who have to be forced to tell the truth, even to one another?” my Dad said in a tone that was equally scathing as it was joking.
“I thought they had to be honest because it was fun to listen to them tell us they love the taste of cum, and being treated like sluts?” Harold added more like a question than a statement of fact.
“Those are all fine reasons,” Comet agreed, with a look of chagrin. “The real reason it’s in the code is because, without honesty, you can’t be a hot wife or swing. We will talk about it later. That doesn’t mean you have to go running down the street yelling to everyone that you are in DSL. I told my son that it was a woman’s charity that did a lot of work in the black community,” she said.
You should have heard the laughter- everyone was hysterical. I felt like the butt of the joke for being gullible, but there was no way I would have ever guessed it was some sort of sex club. I thought they drank wine, read books, gossiped, and worked at homeless shelters or something.
The others weren’t really laughing at me, though. They were laughing at the “black community outreach” part of the lie. It seems my mom and her friends had a thing for black guys (as sex partners), and that’s what made it hilarious. I even laughed once I figured that out.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t tell my sons jack shit about DSL. They are horny little fuckers, but they aren’t ready to hear about it. We wouldn’t ask you to rip off the band-aid and wear a Dick Sucking Ladies t-shirt to your family reunion,” Daisy said.
“Well...” Mom joked that it might be a fun dare before suggesting they table this for after the party. I still wanted to hear more about the game, but I was also anxious to see if I’d get a turn with Blitzen. I had to wait for six guys to take a turn with her – and then decide if I was going to be able to follow through.
“This is Radio Freedom,” a foreign-sounding voice announced over the speaker system.
“K-L-F!!!” the sound of a black woman singing “uh-huh-huh” signaled the game was afoot.
“Oh, I know this one!” Blitzen moved her butt back and forth happily, returning to touch the wall with her nose, pressing her big tits up against it while holding her ass cheeks apart. “This is my jam! It brings me back to my younger days!”
I’d never heard the song before – it sounded like techno-industrial music; it had a thumping beat but long periods where the drums dropped out, and there was no sound at all.
Eddie slipped a blindfold over Blitzen’s eyes and tickled her pussy, while pressing his thumb into her butt. “Just making sure you are properly lubed!” he quipped. Blitzen smiled sweetly – not seeming to mind that Eddie was casually fingering her in front of everyone.
The chorus of the techno song Blitzen liked began – the beats were infectious.
Are you ready?
Aha, aha, aha aha
The chorus chanted, “Ancients of Mu Mu!”
A few of the guys wisecracked “MOO-MOO!” like Blitzen was a cow.
Eddie had Gary blindfolded and was already spinning him. “Ever have reindeer milk?” he asked Gary.
“Nope, what does it taste like?”
“Come suck on my dick and you can find out,” Eddie laughed.
“Hey now! You’ve got three pretty reindeer over here waiting to lick a yule log!” Daisy begged for attention – I wasn’t sure if she was serious or not. No one took her up on her offer, so I assumed not.
Gary stumbled, laughing, and jabbed the head of the dildo into the middle of Blitzen’s back.
“Ouchie!” she scrunched her nose.
At least Gary apologized to Blitzen. He removed his blindfold to see where he hit – square in the middle of the spine.
“No problem, I am made of tough stuff, no harm, no foul,” Blitzen accepted his apology graciously.
“Gary, her asshole is way down here, what were you aiming for?” Eddie chuckled and stuck his finger in between her butt cheeks. Blitzen didn’t slap his hands away.
I felt a jealous, possessive energy course through my veins. I was her “rider” – shouldn’t he consult with me?
A rapper with what I assumed was a British accent spat out the lyrics to the techno song;
Have to
Move to the flow of the P.D. blaster
Bass ballistics
I’m gonna kick this hard
And you can catch it
Down with the crew crew
Talking about the Mu Mu
Justified Ancient Liberation Zulu
Blitzen was already back to shaking her hips slowly back and forth and turned around, ready for another try.
“Give it to me, Marty!” Blitzen puckered her lips and blew him a kiss before securing her blindfold and pressing her nose to the wall – sticking out her ass and offering him a chance.
Once again, I felt another shock of possessive energy. Who the fuck even was Marty? He would be banging my sister tonight! Wasn’t that enough for him?
“I might sell it to you; how much is it worth to you?” Marty spun the Peppermint colored candy dildo in his hands while Eddie secured his blindfolded and started to spin him around.
“Ooh, we may have to work out a trade, Sir!” Blitzen offered herself sexually in a very sweet-sexy Betty Boop voice.
“You’ve got more miles on you than my old Chevy, and I’ve got a college co-ed who hot to trot waiting to sit on my dick tonight. Do you think I’d trade for a fat pair of ham flaps, a stretched-out balloon knot, and two saggy milk jugs? You have to bring a little something more to the table, twat!”
Marty stalked forward. I really loathed his swagger – who was he to put this woman down? He was some middle-aged weirdo with glasses.
The others cheered, teased, taunted, and offered advice about being warm, hot, cold, but most of it was confusing.
“That’s all I’ve got! What would you like?” Blitzen offered with kindness. A far cry from the trash talk the other women had tried.
Some of the men offered up what I assumed were bizarre sex acts. “Wolfbag her!”
“Let him have an Alligator fuckhouse!” Eddie shouted.
“Do a Charizard,” Evan spoke up.
“What’s a Charizard?” some of the other guys wanted to know.
“It only works if the girl has pubic hair,” Evan grinned. “Then you give her a Charizard. This is when you light her pubes on fire as you are about to come. And then you put out some of the fire with your cum, then run out of the room screaming, “You don’t have enough badges to train me!”
I laughed because I got the reference, but I think the others laughed because it was so absurd.
“How come you never try anything wild like that with me?” my sister yelled over her shoulder.
“It’s just a frat-guy joke,” Evan laughed, saying that he wasn’t really serious.
“I’d try it,” Blitzen said softly – I am not sure the others heard.
“Tell Marty you’ll let him give you an Alabama Hot Pocket,” Daisy suggested next.
“What’s that?” Blitzen asked as Marty felt along her thigh. Eddie smacked his hand and spun him again. You weren’t supposed to use the woman’s body to guide you like that. You had one chance and one chance only. He could have touched her briefly and then stabbed for one of her holes.
“No Magellaning,” Eddie said. I had never heard that term until the party- it meant using the woman’s body as a guide to navigate. “Alabama Hot Pocket is something even most DSL wouldn’t do. “Woman gets on her back, kicks her legs up, peel back her pussy lips nice and wide, spit chewing tobacco inside and close it up while she kicks her legs!”
People laughed and made disgusted faces over the de***********ion of what I assumed was a completely made-up sex-act that nobody would ever do.
“Nah,” Daisy disagreed. “You pour crystal hot sauce in her hole!”
“You have your way, I have my way,” Eddie shrugged- I hoped they were both kidding.
“Tell you what, give me a Rusty Trombone if I stick this where you want me to lick this, and we’ll call it even,” Marty offered – everyone at the party laughed loudly. “That’s when you give a guy a rim job and a hand job at the same time and jerk him off; looks like you are playing a trombone ... with a ‘rusty,’ brown mouthpiece.”
Marty even made hand motions to pantomime the act while soaking up applause and laughs. Blitzen scrunched her nose in disgust. It turns out this was all for nothing because Marty tripped over his own feet, landed on Blitzen’s ass, and hit the floor.
“Oh my gosh, I am sorry,” Blitzen pulled off her blindfold and helped him back up.
“So, I suppose a blowjob is out of the question, then?” Marty asked like a smart-ass as she helped him up.
“I’ll give every one of you more than that if you put me in the winner’s circle and feed me mistletoe,” Blitzen offered boldly – suggesting she didn’t want to go Christmas caroling.
Instead of wisecracking or making comments, several of the guys looked down and didn’t seem all that interested. I could Blitzen internalize the rejection.
“I am going to make you suck my dick AND go Christmas caroling, how about that?” I shouted above the others. I waited, almost closing my eyes because I didn’t want to see her face if I had just piled on to what the others were doing.
Blitzen smiled - broadly, and there was some cheering and laughter.
“I’m not much of a singer, but I suck cock pretty well,” she stuck the tip of the dildo in her mouth as she reapplied lube. She made a disgusting face when she did and said it definitely did not taste like peppermint.
My sister only laughed and said to use your imagination. “DSL girls get used to all sorts of foul tastes- dirty, old cocks, nasty, wet pussies, sweaty asses – you want to be one of us, you better learn to lick that dildo and call it peppermint, Twat!”
The other DSL ladies cheered, and Blitzen doubled down on tasting the tip of the dildo -pretending it may be delicious chocolate chip cookie dough instead of sex lube off of a latex dildo that had just fallen on the floor.
I was hoping that Blitzen would elaborate on the blowjob she was going to give me, but the moment had passed. I was bringing up the rear. The only one after me who had a shot at pinning Blitzen was Jerry.
Up next was my sister’s handsome boyfriend, Evan.
He seemed like a nice, unassuming guy – above some of the behavior at the party, but he was starting to get into the vibe. Ozzy Osborne’s voice sang out, “All aboard, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha” as the song changed.
“Oh yes!!” Evan played the air guitar, thrilled at the song choice. At the same time, half the crowd, including Blitzen, did the same thing. She dutifully returned to stand with her nose pressed up against the corner after strumming a few power chords on her invisible guitar. I could picture her in high school as Teacher’s pet – the rule follower who obediently did all the extra credit and brought the teacher an Apple every day.
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
Crazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
“Good choice, Uncle Eddie,” Evan said as Eddie put the blindfold on him.
“If I am your uncle, you are fucking your cousin,” Eddie delivered the line deadpan, making it even more hilarious.
“Well, in your family, I guess that’s normal? Sister’s kissing, Dad, son, daughter, it’s a family affair, isn’t it?” Evan joked – awkwardly.
“I am from the deep south,” Daisy yelled out, “What’s your excuse?”
“Touche’” Evan was a good sport about it. “It’s just got to be a little weird – gang bangs and stuff?”
“We aren’t making babies with each other, so it’s just sex – a little friendly game. Everybody is here because they want to be here, Evan. Do you want to be here?” Eddie asked.
“I am just as new to this as Nick, I am just asking questions,” Evan looked right at me – for validation. I shrugged and nodded.
“Donder, did you invite your boyfriend to a wife swap party and NOT tell him how this all worked?” Dad asked with a frown.
“I told you all about it, Evan. You said you thought my Mom and Aunt were hot, and you couldn’t wait to get in here and bone them both!” Donder frowned right back and pouted – stopped swishing her ass back and forth momentarily.
Comet and Cupid both gave an obligatory holler – sort of a rebel yell.
“That was kind of pillow talk fantasy; now that I am here – I am actually doing this! It’s like – wow. Can I have another drink first?”
“Sure thing, nephew,” Eddie poured Evan a shot and handed it to him.
Blitzen was patiently waiting – ass out, legs wide apart, tits and nose to the wall, hands on her ass cheeks now – pulling them apart as far as she could.
“Hang on,” Evan said, pulling off his blindfold and casually placing it on the top of Blitzen’s ass as if it were a table. Without missing a beat, he set his shot glass down on her ass. Blitzen’s bubble butt was so big that it jutted out like a shelf that he could set his drink down on. I could only imagine having your ass used as human furniture was the biggest humiliation yet for her.
The room erupted into laughter, the absurdity of him using my reindeer as a makeshift table cracking everyone up. Evan straightened his posture, adjusted his hair, and coolly downed the shot before placing the glass back on Blitzen’s ass with a grin.
She was okay with the joke – even amused by it. He put the blindfold back on and said he was ready.
Eddie was amused, too – his face indicating he approved of the clever little dig. He spun Evan a few times, and Evan wandered around -heading toward the winner’s circle – ignoring everyone’s advice to turn around. At first, I thought it was an accident, but he was cheating. He had pulled his blindfold up a bit when he put it back on and could see.
He pretend-stumbled over to my sister, grabbed her in his arms, and gave her a kiss. “Evan! Play the game right!” she protested- but not too much.
“Hey, I was missing you!!”
“Thank you, Sir, that’s very kind of you. I missed you too, and we’ll be together soon,” my sister offered submissively and sweetly, grabbing him one last time before he could walk away and planting a proper kiss on his lips.
Eddie was going to give him another go – but Evan surrendered his turn for his romantic gesture.
It was Harold, Dad, Eddie, and then me. I had made up my mind, I would try to pin Blitzen, and I would do it in her asshole. I needed to think of something clever to say. The other guys made it seem so effortless and spontaneous.
Harold was up next, “Blitzen, other than sucking cock, what’s your favorite holiday tradition?”
“Baking cookies, why?” she answered innocently.
“Makes sense—you look like you ate every batch.”
“Oh, I felt that burn from way back here,” Prancer shivered, and several people cringe-laughed.
Blitzen teased with a sweet, coy smile and a playful bop of her knees, saying, “I’m Santa’s fattest reindeer, Sir. Do you want to help me burn a few calories?” Her tone was pure Betty Boop, dripping with sugary charm and an unmistakable offer of sex.
“I would be afraid to let you give me a rusty trombone; if I let you eat my asshole, you’d probably swallow the damn thing,” he teased cruelly.
I was getting angry, but everyone laughed, including Blitzen. She enjoyed the attention – it seemed.
“I am a dumb bunny, too – but I probably wouldn’t swallow your asshole, Sir. I’d just nibble a little,” she teased like she was biting lettuce.
“Oh, I like this one! Lose some weight and next year, I’ll trade six cards, and Vixen for you,” Harold said.
“Hey!” Vixen called out – clearly feigning outrage.
“You are right, Vixen AND her sister Dancer! And I’ll keep the cards!” he quipped, turning to Evan to say that the Davidson’s aren’t the only family that plays together.
I did notice that several of the blondes in the DSL looked amazingly alike, but I assumed they recruited girls who were similar to themselves.
Marty chimed in, jokingly asking who Harold would bring next year if he traded his wife. It was clear neither of them was serious, as both Harold and Marty treated the whole idea as a lighthearted joke.
“You could bring our mother-in-law, she’s hot to trot, or your daughter. She’s turning eighteen, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, but keep my daughter out of this!” Marty took the suggestion very seriously and in no uncertain terms rejected it.
“Oh hush, Marty,” Dancer said firmly from the winner’s circle. “If Darlene wants to be in DSL, I am there for it! If Comet’s daughter can play, so can ours! That’s up to her, not you!”
Marty was caught flat-footed by the comment. Usually, the men would overrule the women and in the case of my Mom’s reluctance to have me here; I think she got a serious attitude adjustment in the form of a spanking that left her ass rosy-red. This time, Marty and everyone else remained silent.
I noticed that despite the supposed subservience and hierarchy of men over women – when push came to shove, the women still spoke up about important things – or at least some of them did. I had concerns at first that the guys were cruel to the women, but all of them had mouths, and they were all adults. If any of them wanted to leave, or stop, they were free to do so at any time.
It still seemed subjective and situational, and maybe if Marty had dismissed her as a stupid reindeer, or spanked her immediately when she spoke up, then the other men would have piled on. I may have been reading too much in the situation, but I felt like some of the other men simply felt this wasn’t their hill to die on, and they remained out of the dispute.
It could have also just been that it happened so fast, that nobody else picked up on the subtle shift in power dynamic back to Marty’s wife.
I was here now, and 18 -so my mom’s reluctance to have me here was dealt with. This topic about their daughter was something they’d have to work out for next year (or whenever).
I still felt they could have this party with the women being treated as equals and respect – but my Mom had made it clear that this was the one day out of the year she wasn’t, and she was entitled to that. I was getting my mind around that concept. The hardest part was that despite my feelings about respect and equality being important – this game made my dick hard. I felt guilty that I was enjoying most of it.
The only times I hadn’t were when I was the butt of the joke, didn’t know what was going on, or I felt bad for Blitzen.
“Now, go over to the loser’s circle and stick your prick into one of those loser’s mouths, and shut them up!,” Dancer instructed her husband firmly – her voice was unusually cold and distant.
The tone of her voice was so sharp and radically different from the playful silly Bimbo-Barbie type she presented herself as that it was jarring. Dancer’s stern command went up at the end like in the most annoying and grating manner, and she sounded like she was used to getting her way with Marty. I assumed that was the REAL Dancer – whatever her real name was and that she had broken character for a split second.
I could imagine Dancer was once a hot cheerleader back in high school, smiling and waving her pom-poms, showing off and wrapping men around her little finger with just a wink and the promise of seeing her tits if they did everything she told them to do. Marty was quite a bit older than her, and he seemed affluent – I’d imagine that Marty was the sugar daddy she met in her twenties. I assumed she was probably his second or third wife – a trophy wife with a strong sex drive.
I got all that from just the way that Dancer told Marty to go get his cock sucked, and how Marty didn’t argue. The older gentleman simply turned on his heel instinctively and did what he was told. I don’t think anyone else noticed, or if they did – no one said anything about it.
In a few seconds, Dancer was back to shaking her ass like a pom-pom, and smiling like a dumb slut who loved attention, and Marty was standing over my Aunt in the loser’s section with his finger on his zipper.
Marty seemed angry – perhaps sullen. He unzipped his pants, pulled his dick out in our living room, and fed it to my Aunt. She rose up high enough from the floor to suck it.
“Don’t make me cum, just keep me hard, twat!” he slapped my Aunt’s face! Daisy obliged him. She looked right at me – her blue eyes and mind connected. It was as if she was daring me to watch her suck on the cock in her mouth.
I turned around and watched Blitzen. It was my father’s turn. Harold must have fucked up because he was walking away toward the loser’s circle to join Marty.
“If you are going to keep coming over to train, Blitzen, let’s get one thing straight; I like being called Sir, and you will do as I tell you!” Dad sounded sincere as he waited for Eddie to put the blindfold on him.
“He likes being called Sir, but you can call him Steven; he hates Steve, so you can call him that if you are having a laugh,” Mom said.
“Sir is fine with me,” Blitzen tee-heed as she shook her butt like she was waving a delicious cookie for him to sniff. “I am not sure yet if I want to be DSL full-time, though.”
“You need to lose some of this ba-donk-a-donk, the runs will do you good, and all the fucking will take your mind off your boring little life,” Dad’s insulting remark was far from good-natured. Blitzen pouted. He didn’t apologize. Instead, he swore, “I will MAKE you want to call me, Sir ... pound my clothes on a rock like a settler woman,” Dad called back to a remark my Mom made about the amazing kiss that her daughter’s boyfriend had given her during the Spin the Mistletoe game.
He sounded jealous. I was positive that stuck in his craw, and that was the kind of pitfall that I wondered about with swinging. I couldn’t tell if he was seriously jealous, felt inadequate because Comet didn’t say things like that about his kiss, or if he was just making a dry joke.
He stalked forward – trying to find her in the darkness of the blindfold.
“Yes, please!!” Blitzen lit up like a Christmas tree – excited by the prospect of my father taking control.
He almost got her in the pussy – missing by just a little bit. “Damn, tight cunt!” he slapped Blitzen’s ass and dropped the dildo on the floor before pulling off his blindfold. “We’ll stretch that twat out by next year – I’ll be able to throw this dildo into it like a wastepaper basket! Pick it up!”
He walked away toward the loser’s circle. I looked behind me – Daisy and another girl – I wasn’t sure who was sucking on Harold and Marty’s cocks, while they patted their heads and patronized them.
It was Eddie and then me to take turns pinning Blitzen. I was so nervous, excited, a little confused – what should I say? I still hadn’t thought of a clever remark to make. Eddie had missed every single time during this game – I hoped that he’d miss again so I’d have a chance to pin Blitzen! It was terrible to wish someone else failed – but I really wanted a chance to be the one to pin her tail on her.
Eddie stepped up to Blitzen, fingered her asshole a little, and said, “It’s feeling kind of dry, lube you up?”
“Aren’t you supposed to make me suffer, Sir?” she bit her lip.
“Only if you want a nice rough one,” Eddie was already bending over, squirting some lube into his hand, rubbing it on her pussy and asshole. At the same time, Blitzen cooed and wiggled her ass on his hand.
“You know the first thirty days of DSL training is in the kennel; they take you for walks, feed you dog food, make you piss on the lawn, teach you to chase a frisbee,” he teased while she gyrated on his hand like a bobble-head doll.
“Oh my, I could never go away for thirty days at a time,” Blitzen covered her mouth and remained nose to the wall.
“No worries, you can do it right here in Steven’s backyard,” Eddie said.
“Eddie Marshall!” my mom corrected him. “Don’t fill our new recruit’s head with crazy ideas! We’ll talk about DSL training later, Blitzen! It’ll be a lot of what you’ve done already and a lot more sucking and fucking if you are down for that?”
“I AM!” Blitzen hopped on her toes, big tits bounced.
“Good twat,” Eddie smacked her butt and stepped back.
“Uncle Eddie, how are you able to put your own blindfold on, and spin yourself? Doesn’t that give you an unfair advantage?” I asked.
“If it did, you think I’d have pegged one bitch tonight, wouldn’t you?” Eddie put on his blindfold, gave me his arm, and told me to spin him. He was stocky and outweighed me; I had a tough time turning the older man.
“If you can’t lift me, you might be stuck under this fat twat tonight for a while!” Eddie chuckled and gave himself several spins. He spun so hard that he missed and nearly knocked over the alcohol. Everyone told him to watch himself and laughed at him.
“Do you think I intentionally tried to tip over the tequila?” Eddie straightened himself. “I might tip a bitch over, but I certainly wouldn’t tip the booze over!”
Eddie passed the dildo over to me. “Looks like you are up, son! Let’s see what you can do, all-star!”
I took the candy cane dildo from him. It felt squishy in my hands – slimy.
“Look what I can do, Sir!” Blitzen had removed her blindfold and was facing me – bodacious breasts close to my face. She moved one tit with just muscle power while staring at me. Her expression is like a magician performing their favorite card trick. Blitzen moved the other massive tit without the use of her hands. It took some effort and jiggled it in a reverse semi-circle. I’d never seen such a thing before - everyone else was impressed!
The people watching went nuts! Several people said she should automatically be in the DSL just for being able to do that. I heard Dasher ask for her to teach her how to do that. “I’ve always been able to do it; I haven’t done this in years!” she giggled and blushed -revealing her hidden and unexpected talent.
I didn’t know women COULD even move a single boob just by thinking about it. My dick jerked involuntarily in my pants. I wondered if that was the same thing!
My jaw dropped open. I had some snarky ideas of what I could say to put her down, but nothing concrete. I thought since she seemed to like the teasing, and when men acted cocky, I’d try that. I was stunned.
“Wrapped up like a douche, Blinded by the light of the titty,” Eddie sang -about how I was stunned. He was fumbling for some more music when I heard a commotion behind me.
“Damnit, Cupid! I said don’t make me cum!” Marty pulled my Aunt’s hair and squeezed her nose while she held her mouth shut defiantly – still squatting in front of Marty’s quickly shrinking dick.
Cupid opened her mouth and showed him her tongue – revealing she had swallowed his jizz completely. “Sorry, no refunds! I couldn’t help it! I wanted a little squirt, and I got turned on!!”
“Permission to spank the shit out of your wife, please?” Marty still held my Aunt by a tuft of her hair. Daisy didn’t try to stop him – she also didn’t seem the least bit scared of Marty even though he was yanking her hair.
“Permission denied,” my Dad said. “She’s my reindeer tonight. You had to know when you stuck your dick in her mouth that Cupid could make you cum.”
“Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo,” Daisy held up five fingers on either side of her head, like reindeer ears, and teased Marty.
“You can give her 20 with the paddle for that,” Dad said quite seriously. Daisy’s leering face quickly became crestfallen. “I’ve tolerated your wisecracks. You are a losing twat! A dumb little reindeer cum guzzler. Repeat that!”
“I am a losing twat, A dumb little reindeer cum guzzler, Sir!” my Aunt Daisy croaked loudly – almost proud of herself.
“You can repeat that twenty times softly to Marty, and after the game, you can join the winners and be paddled; every time anyone talks to you tonight or asks you what or who you are, I want you to repeat that, before introducing yourself as Cupid, the world’s stupidest reindeer!”
“Yes, Sir!” Daisy frowned but obediently began repeating her mantra. Dad told her if she forgets it, he has a magic marker to write it on her fat stinky ass.
It was kind of tough to follow that. I felt like I had to say something – do something. I couldn’t just be satisfied, quietly taking my turn.
“Blitzen, what are you?” I asked.
“A reindeer, sir?” her voice raised at the end, more like a question than an answer.
I was hoping she’d say something self-deprecating like my Aunt – but she didn’t see where I was going with it – and I was uncomfortable being as harsh as my father was with my Aunt.
“What kind of reindeer?”
“A horny reindeer?” she asked, instead of answering again. I was frustrated. This wasn’t panning out like I had hoped. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind – some of them hurtful, some of them stupid, none of them sounded right – at least not coming from me.
“You are a reindeer without a tail. You need one to join the winners,” I said. I noticed Blitzen’s doe-eyes lit up in recognition. I was going to say something like, “You are a filthy, perverted nymphomaniac” or “You are here cheating on your husband like a whore” but none of those things sounded quite like the stuff the other men said – they were too personal, too cruel.
“What will you do for me if I can get you a tail?” I asked.
“Whatever you want,” she promised, gushing, placing her hands over her mouth to stop herself from blushing. It was probably humiliating telling a teenage boy that she’d do anything to get him to stick a dildo in her ass so she could be used for anal ring toss! It turned me on just thinking about it.
“Offer me something – what’s the naughtiest, dirtiest thing you would do to get in that winner’s circle?”
I had everyone on the edge of their seats – waiting to hear what she had to say.
“Oh my gosh, you are putting me on the spot, Sir! I don’t know! I guess anything!” Blitzen blushed so hard – feeling all eyes upon her.
The others teased her, saying that you have to be careful about saying “anything” to this bunch.
“What about an angry pirate?” Eddie asked, “That’s when you cum in a girl’s eye and kick her in the shin, and she does this,” Eddie held his hand over his eye, hopped on one foot, saying “Arr, Arr, Arr!”
Blitzen giggled but didn’t say yes.
“What about a Dirty Sanchez?” Evan suggested this one, which surprised me. “You fuck her in the butt and then use your penis to draw a mustache on her face!”
Blitzen nodded with a shrug and said, “Anything you want!”
“West Virginia Hand Puppet,” Harold suggested while holding his hand up like a hand puppet. “It’s when you fuck a girl in the ass, and she reaches into her own vagina and strokes your dick with the skin in between her asshole and vagina!”
Blitzen was laughing so hard that she could only respond that she would try anything if it made me happy.
“Good, I’d like to make you happy. Merry Christmas, Blitzen. Turn around and stick it out,” I said, bringing the jokes to a halt. I knew it was sappy, and people kept yelling out weird sex acts like a Baltimore Blowfish and a South Dakota Soggy Taco -which is kind of what you probably think it is.
Blitzen was all too happy to turn around, slip on her blindfold, place her nose and tits against the wall, and show me everything between her big, beautiful legs. Her pussy looked complicated – lots of folds, and her asshole was clean -but the skin was dark around the center. I could have looked at it all day.
“Looks like a goddamned toothless bulldog eating mayonnaise,” Eddie got down close to me and looked up Blitzen’s ass with me when he saw me enjoying the view. Blitzen cracked up while Eddie re-applied my blindfold, “Here, this is for your own good, so you don’t get pussy blind!”
“You know what I think when I look at that pussy?” Jerry asked. “I think of Arby’s roast beef! She’s got a Biiiig Montana on its side, hanging out of there – pink and juicy!”
I could hear Blitzen’s tittering giggles as the men teased her. Unfortunately, I could actually visualize a roast beef sandwich, and her pussy did look a little like one.
“WE HAVE THE MEATS!!” a couple guys quoted one of Arby’s most iconic slogans.