This is a continueing story. Best is to read the chapters in order. It's a bit of a slow build, but that can be nice sometimes.
Chapter 4
Even before he opened his eyes, Sam knew what state he was in. He felt the tight hem of his underwear pressing at the mid part of his morning wood.
He felt the morning sun warm the side of his face.
He felt his mothers hand on his chest.
She was still asleep. Sam felt relieved. He could now just sneak out of bed and jerk off in the bathroom. His new morning routine.
As he sat up the blanket slid off of him and partly off of his sleeping mother beside him. She was laying on her back. The thin straps over her shoulders hadn’t managed to stay in place during the night and the top of her teddy was down under her heavy breasts.
In this pale morning light they were so glorious. Her dark brown nipples were erect as always and pointing straight out. They looked so tempting.
He could only imagine that he once upon a time had those luscious things put in his mouth 5 times a day.
A feeling of joy washed over him at having such a sexy mother. It was an agony that she was not his wife for real. There were so many things he’d like to do to that petite little vixen with the enormous boobs.
But at least she gave him good jerk off-material.
He was reminded of why he sat up. His cock was aching again. These briefs were no good.
Sam slid down on the bed a little to get in position to silently get out without making the bed move too much and risk waking his mother up.
But as he did, the covers slipped off her even more.
Sam couldn’t believe it. Her teddy was the kind that buttoned in the crotch, and during the night, the buttons had opened. Yvette’s most holy mound was naked and uncovered!
Sam’s brain forgot to breathe. All he could do was stare with his mouth hanging half open.
It was so amazing to see! Her pussy had been on his mind 24/7 lately. His eyes had been trying to look at it all the time. Now it was presented to him, right here on the bed.
He nervously looked up to check that Yvette was still sleeping. Then his eyes darted back to the price at hand.
He leaned in a little closer. He wanted to soak everything in.
Her pussy was really impressive. Just as her tights and panties had hinted, it was very meaty, for the lack of a better word.
Her mound was like half of a tennis ball, but without the fuzz. She was totally clean shaven, as if she’d never had any hair there at all. Half way down the mound her slit began. Her thick outer labia curved inward and divulged dark pink inner lips.
There was a hint of moisture in there even. Sam felt his finger instinctively move closer to her slit, but he steadied himself.
Imagine the horror of having her wake up with Sam’s finger poking at her pussy lips.
Sam rebooted his mind and pulled the covers over her again. But only enough to cover her nethers. Yvette’s massive boobs were still out on display.
As he got out of bed he felt some precum trickle out from his pulsating dick. He had to be quick now.
He dashed out to the bathroom and hardly had time to close the door before he felt the gush coming.
Just in time he managed to aim for the sink and let his head fall back as he painted the pale green ceramics with ropes of cum.
As he was wiping the sink off he began to wonder if this was even healthy. Being so constantly hard and horny. Was this really good for his body?
Whatever the case, he now felt relaxed and could breathe easier.
He decided to prepare some nice breakfast for her.
Sam felt at ease. He felt lightheaded, he felt like if.. like if he was.. in love?
This thought made him pause for a moment.
Was he in love with his mom? He was hot for her, sure. He was turned on by her. He fantasized about her while he masturbated. He was truly infatuated, but… in love?
He concluded that this was a door for another day. Best not to think too much. He had urges. His mom was very attractive. They were in a situation where they had to fake a relationship. Of course he’d get horny for her. She was a hot woman and he was just a man.
Well, her son, but also just a man. Who could blame him?
And it was for the best. This new job would give them security and wealth. His mother would never need anything again. All they had to do was to pretend…
Well, and sometimes maybe kiss or hug. But, he liked that. And from what he could tell from his mother’s reactions, she did too.
Of course she also had urges. A hot woman like her. How could she not? She was clearly built for sex.
There was a thought that Sam quickly dropped. Just the thought of… sex… her full and delicious pussy… Nope!
Sam got back to making breakfast.
Yvette still hadn’t come out of bed so Sam thought it might be nice if he would treat her to some breakfast in bed.
It was a bit exciting. He felt as if it was her birthday and he was about to wake her up with a birthday song, but instead of cake he just had some coffee and sandwiches on the plate for her. But still.
Sam was so immersed in his happy feeling of birthday-surprise that he didn’t at first register the buzzing sound from the bedroom just before he gently nudged the door open with his elbow.
He had her plate in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other and was too concentrated on not spilling anything. So when he entered the bedroom his brain couldn’t make sense of what it was seeing.
Yvette sat up suddenly, her hair on end, one hand pulling up the covers and the other fidgeting around between her legs.
As naive as can be, Sam swooped in and sat himself down on the bed and handed her the coffee cup. He was mostly just glad that he hadn’t spilt any and now the job of not spilling was his mother’s responsibility.
As he sat, the covers got stretched and Yvette had to hold on hard to keep her naked breasts covered. Her stiff nipples showed through the fabric.
“I was gonna say ‘happy birthday’, but… it’s just some breakfast,” Sam said cheerfully. His mind still not putting the puzzle together.
“Ah.. hah.. ,” his mother seemed flustered, “ Wow! That is so sweet of you. Breakfast in bed, “she swallowed and caught her breath, “what a lovely son I have.. I mean - husband!” she corrected.
She looked so lovely and cute. Sam admired her as he sat there. Her giant hair was all over the place, like a pencil troll. Her cheeks were blushed and even without make up, she had a fresh glow about her.
Yvette was sitting with her knees up and keeping the covers over her bosom while sipping the coffee.
Sam could feel her legs making small twitches every few moments.
Then his brain caught up…
His mother had been pleasing herself under the covers! He registered the open drawer of her bed table. That would be the typical place to keep a big black dildo.
Sam felt himself getting hot and sweaty all of a sudden.
Could it be that he had walked in on his mother as she was pleasuring herself with that vibrating dildo.
Now he remembered the buzzing sound just as he came in. Her fiddling around and covering herself up.
Sam’s eyes wandered the bed. Damn. It was nowhere to be seen. Did she still have it stuffed in her?!
Was she sitting here beside him, with that big, black thing shoved up her swelling pussy?
Sam couldn’t help but to get mental images. It was as if he got x-ray vision and could see the thing shoved deep into her wet folds down there.
Sam tried to play it cool. He asked if she had slept well and tried to pretend to be as naive as he had been a few seconds ago, all the while getting mental images of his mom impaled on a sex toy and still having it inside of her while he sat there.
Yvette mostly nodded and answered in short phrases as she anxiously sipped her coffee.
He noticed his mother’s eyes shift out to the widow and he turned to see what she saw. It was that neighbour with the small dog. Even though she was many yards away, they could see that she saw them through the window.
“Maybe we should kiss?” Sam ventured, not knowing how that thought had made its way from his brain to his mouth. But there it was. He had said it.
“Uh-hu,” his mother nodded with a strained look on her face.
He leaned in and put his lips on hers. She winced and let out a small gasp as their tongues tentatively met.
At first Sam had taken the lead in this kiss, but as he pulled away, his mother’s mouth sucked at his and tried to keep the kiss going. Her eyes had closed and she uttered a faint sigh as their lips parted.
Her mouth closed slowly and she looked a bit dazed.
The woman with the dog had kept walking away.
Sam decided it was probably very uncomfortable for them both and quickly raised himself off the bed
Sam decided that this was probably embarrassing and uncomfortable for his poor mother and the thought of her sitting there on the bed with a big toy inserted was also getting him heated.
He excused himself and rose quickly off of the bed. The bounce of the mattress must’ve made the toy in her shift because Yvette could not hide a shiver and a groan as she bounced along with his departure.
She mumbled something unintelligible as he left and Sam didn’t know what to do.
His wish was to stay outside of the door and peek through the gap, hoping to see his mother take the covers off and get on with what she was doing before being disturbed.
But he had too much respect for her integrity to do that knowingly.
Sam tidied up the kitchen as his mind filled with images of his mother’s smooth genitalia split open by that large, black thing he’d held in his hand a few days earlier.
He already knew that he wasn’t going to make it til lunch without getting some release again.
While his mother finished her breakfast in bed… and whatever else she might need to finish, Sam took a break from unpacking stuff and instead immersed himself in his laptop.
He had hardly thought about work at all since they moved into the house and he was now a bit stressed about being unprepared for it once he got back to the office.
He’d probably been sitting there for a good hour when his mother happily came gliding into the kitchen with her empty cup and plate.
She planted a soft, loving kiss on his neck and moved over to the sink.
That’s when Sam forgot all about his laptop and almost said ‘Damn!’ out loud!
His mom was wearing the most high cut and tight jeans shorts he’d ever seen. Half of her voluptuous ass was hanging out underneath. And up top she had tied a red and black, plaid shirt up. Pushing her big boobs up and showing all the cleavage a young man could wish for.
In astonishment and lack of imagination, Sam just said, “Mom?!”
“What? You said you wanted your wife to dress more sexy,” she said with a seductive smile.
Yvette twirled around, showing off her hot outfit. She knew very well that she looked immensely hot in this getup.
Sam didn’t have the self control to not stare at her.
And his mother seemed to enjoy his infatuation and lack of decor in his glares.
The day moved along and Sam had a hard time, pun intended, keeping his mind focused while his mom was bouncing around the house in her skimpy little outfit.
Yvette seemed to have forgotten about how she was dressed after a while, which only made things so much more difficult for Sam.
When she’d lean in on him opening a box, her breasts would brush up against his shoulder or arms. When she'd bend over to pick something up it was almost so that Sam could see her labia parting as her shorts cut up deep between her buttocks.
His biggest task of the day seemed to be to try to clear his head from his mother’s flashing of semi covered body parts.
One time he was sitting on the couch, sorting out old school books when Yvette pressed herself in front of him in passing.
Without thinking, he reached out and gave her half naked bum a squeeze. At the same instant as he had done this, his heart froze!
What had he done! Really?
He gave his mother a scared look, but she just smiled.
“Just like I told you yesterday. Good boy,” she said and looked out of the living room window, “I even think our backyard neighbour saw it.”
Sam turned his head. Yup, there was a neighbour, trimming the hedge dividing their backyards from each other. He saw Sam look and smiled and nodded before he continued with his shears.
“You should do that more often,” his mother smiled and continued her collecting of things to move into different drawers in their bedroom.
Sam smiled awkwardly to himself and got back to his sorting.
Later in the day he felt even more brave. It was either bravery or walking around semi hard all day, but his mind wasn’t really his own anymore.
His mother was standing at the kitchen table, flicking through some magazine when he walked up to her. His mind was racing. He’d been thinking about her all day.
She had said that he should do what he liked to her more. And so far, she had never gotten angry at any of his advances.
He took a deep breath and put his arm around her waist. He sat down on a kitchen chair and pulled her to his lap.
Yvette let out a surprised gasp. Her free flowing hair moved in a sensual slow motion as she was pulled in, straddling his lap.
Sam didn’t have to do more, she knew what was coming and leaned in over his face. He could feel the top of her breasts against his chin as her lips closed in on his.
They shared a long wet kiss. Their tongues slowly playing with each other.
When it broke off, Sam felt dizzy. Dizzy and insanely horny.
He could feel his tented pants pressing against his mothers jeans clad crotch.
There was no hiding it. The way her hips swayed, it was totally abundant that she knew what was pressing at her intimates. But she just smiled again and gave him a smokey look.
The doorbell had them both startled. They knew it was Dr. Emilie. Yvette got off his rock hard lap and got the door. The doctor stepped in with her usual wide smile.
Sam stayed seated at the kitchen table. He couldn’t really stand up without having to show off the giant bulge between his legs.
Dr. Emelie explained that today’s session would have them sit down on pillows in front of each other.
As Yvette showed the doctor to their pool deck, Sam helped to take the cushions from their lawn chairs and place them by the pool side.
This way he could arrange it so that he was covering his crotch with a pillow most of the time.
Dr. Emilie sat herself down on one of the sunbeds and told Sam and Yvette to sit down, kneeling on the pillows facing each other.
Sam made sure to pull at his pants to try to hide his swollen rod. He could tell on his mother’s glances that she very much saw what he was trying to conceal.
But the doctor either didn’t notice or was just staying professional.
She turned on some ambient music on her phone and asked them to close their eyes.
For several long minutes she spoke in a soft and soothing voice. Talking about energies flowing, love and how they were both one together.
Sam actually found it kind of relaxing. The fresh air on his face, the soft music and Emilie’s soothing voice got him feeling very safe and calm.
“Now, Sam… open your eyes and touch your partner”, she ordered in a way that felt so sweet and innocent.
Sam opened his eyes. In front of him he saw his mother. She had her eyes closed, her hazel brown hair flowing over her shoulders. Her eyes were closed and she looked so very beautiful and calm. He could see the subtle hint of a smile on the corner of her mouth.
Without any qualm he stretched his hand out and stroked his mothers cheek.
She pressed her cheek against his palm and smiled, her eyes still closed.
Dr. Emelie told him,”That’s a good start, but this is your wife you’re touching, not your mother.”
Yvette couldn’t hide a giggle, but still kept her eyes closed.
“Isn’t there somewhere else you’d rather touch your beautiful wife?” the doctor asked with emphasis on the word ‘rather’.
Seeing what was in front of him, it was very obvious what should be touched.
His mothers large breasts were tightly packed into that shirt, threatening to burst out at any moment. He could clearly spot where her stiff nipples were doing their best to press through the fabric.
He leaned forward again and carefully stroked the side of her breast.
It was an amazing feeling. It was even better than last time, in the kitchen when Yvette had put his hand over her breast. Because now he was doing it slowly and deliberately. He could take his time and feel it for real. The soft firmness, the weight of it, the warmth of it.
“You have two hands and your wife has two breasts,” Dr. Emelie pointed out in almost a whisper.
Sam got the hint and let his other hand join in. He was now gently stroking the outside of his mother’s luscious breasts. Weighing them, pressing them together slightly. Instinctively his thumbs moved towards the center of them and grazed her hard nipples.
Yvette gasped sharply and Sam got pulled back to reality. He took his hands away and felt himself blush.
“Very good Mr. Robert. Now, Mrs. Robert, your turn. Sam, close your eyes,” Emelie ordered.
Sam obeyed, his insides were fluttering. He didn’t know what was coming, but he knew that he would love it abundantly.
There were a few moments where nothing happened. The soft breeze was stroking his face. The ambient music was full of calmness.
Sam tensed up as he felt a small hand on his chest. His mother’s hand slowly slid up to his shoulder. She gave his muscular shoulder a few soft squeezes and then moved down to his chest again. She was really exploring.
Sam was pretty well built and it felt as if Yvette’s hand wanted to feel every bulging muscle in his body.
Sam started to fear he was right when he felt her hand hesitantly moved down over his stomach. It stayed a while over the six pack under his shirt, but then kept on moving.
Sam felt that now his mother was just teasing him. She knew very well he was hard under there… she wouldn’t dare. Not in front of the therapist?
But she did.
The palm of her hand slowly moved to where the tip of his erection was pushing against his pants and laid there. He could feel himself pulsating and his mother must’ve felt his twitches.
She even put some weight on her hand letting her fingers slide to the sides of his rock hard rod.
Sam was now almost bursting! Partly from the incredible sensations he felt from his mother’s hand on his boner and partly because he couldn’t help to think about there being a third person there beside them,
What would she be thinking of this behaviour?
Dr. Emelie’s voice came in like an unwelcome intruder, “Very good Mrs. Robert. I think this session has done its job,” she said.
Yvette removed her hand from Sam’s overexited loins and Sam opened his eyes.
He gave the doctor an embarrassed look, “I’m.. I’m sorry doc. I don’t know what came over me,” he tried.
But doctor Emelie just smiled and tried not to look at his tented pants, “Don’t be. This was the purpose of the session. You really don’t have anything to be ashamed of Mr. Robert,” she put more weight on the word ‘really’, “I think my part of the session now is done. I’ll leave you to what I think is going to happen next.”
The doctor turned off the music and let herself be led out by Yvette.
Sam could only sit there feeling foolish and covering his crotch with his hands.
He gave the hedge a worried look, but he couldn’t see any neighbour there at the moment.
The short while that Yvette was showing Dr. Emelie out felt like an eternity.
Sam didn’t know what to feel. His instinct was telling him he had to be ashamed of himself, for having a hard on in front of his mother, but another part of him was stating the fact that it was she who had laid her hand on it. And it wasn’t by mistake even. Yvette knew very well what she was doing.
If anyone should be self conscious about this situation it should be her, he thought to himself.
But as he heard his mother’s footsteps coming back, his confidence sank again.
Sam tried to give her an excusing smile as she came back out to him. He was still sitting on the pillow covering his crotch.
But, again, she just gave him a loving smile and knelt down in front of him.
“I’m sorry for touching you like that son. I just couldn’t resist it. I’ve seen you hard around the house and I just had to touch it. The music and the mood got the better of me,” she said softly as she stroked his cheek.
“It must be a torment to be as hard as that,” she continued, “But I think I have a plan.”
Sam couldn’t believe his ears as his mother divulged her plan to him.
She felt guilty for egging him on, with her skimpy clothes and hot kisses. His mother explained that she was just a woman, and like him, she also got urges and feelings.
“These are things we can’t help,” she explained.
Sam could only sit wild-eyed and nod to everything she was saying. That she constantly had her hand on his thigh while talking wasn’t helping his erection much. It led its own throbbing life right now.
She admitted that she had also felt ‘urges’ and that Sam shouldn’t be embarrassed about his hardness. She told him that she instead was happy about it and that it was a complement to her. She also admitted that she was quite impressed by his size.
“I mean, can you blame a woman for getting dirty thoughts when a thing that big gets hard for you?” as she put it.
Sam’s mind was buzzing. Hearing his mom put words to the feelings and sensations was amazing. It was scary and strange, but amazing.
Right now his heart was beating out of his chest of nervousness, but deep down he felt an ease coming over him.
It was so great to hear her say that she also felt aroused and had trouble controlling herself. She admitted that she liked his kisses and that she had improper thoughts about his hard boner. He felt his fear and embarrassment slowly rolling away and giving room for his more primal thoughts and urges.
But what made his heart race even faster was that she proposed to help ‘him’ with his erection!
He didn’t dare to imagine what that meant, but was soon to find out as she took him by the hand and led him into the living room.
It was now late afternoon and their back neighbour had again come outside to trim his hedges.
At first Sam thought that Yvette brought him inside to get away from his prying eyes, but when she led him to the couch, she revealed her idea for him.
“See? There he is. Spying and spreading rumours, “ she said, nodding her head towards the neighbour through their large floor to ceiling windows facing the backyard.
“We can give him something to report back to head office about and at the same time I can help you to get relaxed again. You can rub it between my thighs and it’ll look like you’re doing me over the couch.”
Sam stood mute. Her words still working their way into his bewildered mind.
“Want me to help you take it out?” she said as her hands made a motion to his bulging crotch.
Sam recoiled and covered his bulge with his hands, “Ehm.. no! I’ll…”
“Alright. Don’t worry. I’ll turn around,” his mother said with a slanted smile.
She turned around and leaned over the back of the sofa, placing her knees on the cushion and facing the windows viewing out over the backyard.
Sam couldn’t believe the dream he was in. Right there in front of him, his mother’s curvy ass perched up in front of him. Her tight jeans shorts riding high up between her butt cheeks.
“So… you want me to put it… between your legs?” he asked in as calm of a voice as he could muster.
“Between my thighs, yes,” she answered, sneaking a glance back over her shoulder, “Hurry up, the neighbour might not be there all afternoon.”
Sam didn’t feel like he was in reality and just watched as his hands unbuttoned his pants and let his enormous cock spring free just inches from that plump, round ass.
He carefully pushed the rigid thing downwards and aimed it between his mothers well rounded thighs. As her skin felt it's touch, she clamped her thighs together and embedded his dick between her hot legs.
Sam felt the blood rushing through his head and how his mother gasped. She was rolling her hips slightly, as if gauging its size.
For a moment Sam just stood there, revelling at the feeling. His thick rod was shoved between mom’s meaty thighs. The warmth of her skin was intense and he could feel his own twitches plant themselves into her flesh.
Sam slowly pulled back a little and then pushed forward. It was still unreal and he partly decided that this was just another wet dream he was having.
To comprehend that this was for real only gave him a fearful, tense feeling.
The fact was that, in this ‘dream’, he had his dick implanted between his mother’s shapely legs on her own order.
Sam decided, or rather, his body decided for him, to go with it.
Slowly he pulled back and pushed forward watching in amazement his own, rock hard member, disappearing in between her bulging thighs.
As he got into it more, the pace increased and he saw his mother’s cute little body rock back and forth with his motions.
“Grab my hips!” Yvette told him, under her breath, “He’s watching.”
Sam took hold of his mother’s hips. It felt so very natural and instinctive. He was now pushing harder into her and holding her hips in place. Seeing her head bobbing and her buttcheeks bouncing was truly stirring.
The only problem was that the rubbing of skin against skin dampened the would be great feeling he knew was there. As he was pumping away more and more, it also became clear to him that he wouldn’t be able to climax because of the discomfort of the dry rubbing.
Sam stopped.
His mother’s head spun around over her shoulder. There was no hiding how flushed she was.
“What’s wrong baby?”
“I’m sorry mom, but it kind of hurts,” Sam meekly had to confess.
He felt devastated. He had finally gotten to a point where he could and was allowed to jerk himself off between his sexy mother's thighs, but now he was stopping it himself.
What if this was a once in a lifetime experience and he had now blown it?!
“Oh! I’m sorry honey. Of course… you need some lubricant. It’s my fault baby. I should’ve thought of that,” Yvette said.
She shoved her hand down in the front of her shorts and pushed around in there. Sam could see some of her fingers peeking out between the thin piece of fabric covering her pussy. Seconds later he could feel her dainty little fingers delicately stroking his cock from underneath, smearing it in slippery juices.
With magic suddenness he felt their skin sliding much smoother against each other.
“Just tell me if you need more lubrication darling,” she said, trying to steady her voice.
Sam wanted more, “..maybe just a little more mom,” he ventured.
Again his mother pushed her hand into her shorts and rummaged her fingers around down there. Sam could only fantasize about where the fingers he couldn’t see were. The thought brought his horniness soaring.
His mother let her fingers slide around his cock once more, drenching it in more of her juices. She then steadied herself against the couch again and Sam began his pumping between her legs!
It was pure heaven.
He could now slide his full length back and forth without uncomfortable friction.
This made him pick up the pace and the force.
He had to really hold on to Yvette’s hips for her not to be pushed over on the couch.
Her head was hanging down between her shoulders and she was grunting with his every push.
Without warning he felt the rush and before he had the chance to do anything about it he came hard!
Sam felt every gush of his manly juice pumping out of his long hard rod. His mother felt it too and clenched his cock in place between her thighs.
As Sam’s splurts ebbed out and only came to a drip, harsh reality melted down on him.
He had been in the clouds. The sensation was unbelievable.
But now he had to take in the fact that he was standing behind his mother, who was on the couch, on her knees, panting with his softening meat stuffed between her firm legs.
The usual embarrassment came over him again.
Sam stepped back pulling his semi erect dick with him.
Yvette climbed off the couch visibly laboured. She shined a broad smile as her eyes couldn’t help themselves but to look at his sizable man log hanging a bit limp on his unbuttoned pants.
She looked at the couch, “You really come alot!” she said, not hiding her impressment, “You look parched son, sit down, I’ll get some paper towels.”
She scurried away to the kitchen and Sam sat down on the smaller sofa, too worn out to think to put his dick in his pants again. He leaned back and calmed his spinning mind.
As his mother came back with her hands full of paper tissues she halted as she laid eyes on him there on the couch. An involuntary smile and stare told him that she liked what she saw.
She then proceeded to try to dry off the couch cushions. Sam had managed to squirt high up on the back cushion also and was now watching his mother trying to collect all that she could in the paper towels. Her breasts jiggled enticingly as she did so.
She was on her knees as she was cleaning the cushions and when she was done she walked over to him, still on her knees with a few paper towels in her hand.
“I’ll just dry this one off while I’m at it,” she prompted and gently pressed the paper against his softened member.
Sam was still very sensitive and shivered at every touch. Yvette seemed to enjoy his reaction and continued to fondle his dick with the tissues until she was satisfied. He noticed how she was very intently examining it, not looking at his face even once during the process.
She then stood up, whipped bluntly at her hínner thighs and declared that maybe she needed to clean herself up also.
Yvette went to shower and Sam sat still as if he was wearing a lead suit.
He turned his head to the window. There was no neighbour to be seen out back anymore.
He had been so focused on his mother that he hadn’t noticed when the neighbour had left at all. Had he even seen them?
A long while later his mother had finished her shower and came out in her pink, fluffy bathrobe. Sam had managed to get his head straight and buttoned up.
Yvette declared that she’d make them dinner and Sam mostly clicked around on his lap top. It was impossible to get anything done. His state of mind was a flurry.
He felt happy and relaxed. But he still couldn’t grasp the reality of what had happened.
If he died right now, it felt as if his whole life had been worth it.