The Secret Admirer
Have you ever had a secret admirer? Heard their voice but never saw them in person? Received special messages never knowing where they were coming from? Or, who they really were? I never have. Until recently. It's hard to explain having never had someone like that before. But that changed a short while ago. I want to tell you about it.
My wife passed away a little over a year ago now. I was a wreck after her death. Days past as I wandered around in a daze. Then I came around and made a decision. The house, her things required cleaning and clearing out. It was an adventure in some ways. We had always been close and talked about nearly everything. We also kept some things private to keep some spark, a little magic in the relationship. It would give me a chance to see her life in a new light.
Going through some of those personal things was the hardest. Some were a relief, and some a delight. Some were even naughty. In her private collection I found a folder loaded with CD/DVDs. It was a professional looking subliminal learning package, “Being the Best Wife for Your Husband and Yourself.”
When I first saw it I had to laugh. I flipped through the pages looking at titles such as; Kitchen Madness, Sudden Encounters, Backroom Filly. I surmised they were erotica by the titles. As I flipped through to the end I found two or three pages stuck together that hadn't been touched. They seemed to have different labels and some different wording.
I curiously pried them carefully apart imagining some forgotten lessons. As the pages slowly peeled apart, a piece of paper fell to the floor. In big bold print it said, 'Release of Liability.' I was excited, ignored it and looked at the hidden treasure. There was a dozen disks all labeled, “The Final Adventure 1-12.” No DVDs, just audio disks. I was curious as to why she never listened to them or whether she had even known they were there, and they had been waiting to be discovered all this time.
I put disk 1 into the player and turned it on. The sound was very low and I had to turn up the volume just to hear it. It was very electronic sounding with mixed tempos but easy enough to listen to. Every so often I could hear a faint voice, but couldn't make out what it was saying. So I left it playing in the background while I continued to clean and prepare to clear out my wife's life. I picked up the piece of paper that had fallen to the floor, assumed it was a copyright thing and stuffed it into the back sleeve of the folder and forgot about it.
The disk played for a long time before it started again. It droned in the background as I worked away. That's when I realized the afternoon had slipped away. That was to be expected. I was getting easily distracted and would lose track of time often since she passed away. Especially when I was thinking about her. Clearing out her things was somber.
I stopped the disk and headed for the shower to clean off the dust and the cobwebs in my head. Once in the shower I noticed my body wasn't so numb. It felt good to soap up and scrub down the body. I felt lite, less depressed. I smiled and thought to myself, 'That's better. Don't you feel better now?'
Another voice, very quiet at first came from nowhere, 'Don't you look better too?' I smiled, yes I still looked good. Looking through the foggy shower door to the mirror, I could see my tall, lean body. I felt a charge through my body and stuck out my chest. The voice, still quietly encouraged me, 'Yeah. You do. You look good.' 'Thanks.' I said to myself and laughed. As the voice faded it said, 'I'll be your secret admirer.' I smiled and laughed at myself. A secret admirer?
I did feel better. It was nice to have a sense of calm again. A sense of feeling myself again. That night I slept soundly like my usual self. Woke with a hard-on, which hadn't happened in awhile. After breakfast I put on the next disk in the unused pages, 'The Final Adventure 2' and returned to cleaning and straightening.
The disk played non-stop as I worked through lunch. When I realized what time it was I had to stop for dinner. I had lost the entire day. But I felt good. After dinner I hit the shower and reveled in the warm water. Like yesterday, it felt better than it had for weeks. I enjoyed cleaning my body again.
Plus I got a hard-on. That voice in my head reappeared, 'That looks hot.' My cock surged and I felt that surge rise through my body. I arched my back and scrubbed my groin and ass. 'You like that don't you?' 'Yeah.' I couldn't resist responding for some reason. It felt so good. The voice urged me on, 'You are hot.' I responded, 'Yeah?' I felt so aroused and had to slow myself down and focus on finishing my shower.
The next day was the same; disk 3, cleaning, dinner, shower. I couldn't believe how quickly the last couple days had passed. One minute I was staring at my breakfast, the next I'm staring at dinner. Was it the disks? Could it be working so easy, so fast. 'That couldn't be,' I thought to myself, 'it's just funny sounding music.' My head felt fuzzy as I headed for the shower, thinking that'll clear out the cobwebs.
As I showered, I could feel my body tingle a little. Everything seemed so basic, so simple. It felt good to scrub myself. Some areas were more sensitive than others. Indeed some areas made me linger and scrub. The voice in my head said, 'That's better. It feels good. Don't you think?' I could hear myself respond in a meek voice, 'Yes.'
After the shower I had the urge to shave and got out the clippers. After a smart trim of my head and facial hairs, I noticed my groin was a mess. Without thinking I started trimming the long hairs, shaping the mass of gray curlies. A little here, a little there until I had trimmed myself nearly bald. Including between the butt cheeks.
I had never done that before. It was so sensitive I had a hard time getting to sleep. I wondered what it would feel like the next day. I not only woke up hard, I had difficulty staying focused as my dick got stiff regularly as I got dressed and fixed breakfast. But, I put the next disk on and went to work. The distractions started right away. My groin and ass were sensitive, my cock was thick and I found myself scratching and rubbing often. I smiled and laughed at myself.
The day flashed by and I found myself in the shower rubbing my ass. The voice in my head whispered in my ear, 'You shaved I see.' 'Yes.' I responded without thinking. 'Even your ass?!' 'Yes.' One hand slid down my crack as the other scrubbed my balls. 'Do you like how it feels when I touch you there?' My hands rubbed and squeezed. 'Yes.' my voice was meek again, almost shy.
My dick went hard as I tried to focus on scrubbing. What was happening? Aroused and eager, I made my way over my body until I was sure everything was clean. Then I stroke my cock a little and my body shook. 'OK. That's enough for now. We'll do more later. You have to be patient.' came the voice again. 'But, it feels so good.' The voice tapered off, 'We'll take care of that soon enough.'
I rinsed off and headed for bed. I was so aroused it was hard to sleep wondering what the voice meant. When I awoke, what I thought was the next morning was not. I hadn't realize it until I put the next disk in and found it was three days later, disk 7. It had been seven days since I started listening to the disks while cleaning my wife's personal things. Three days had just disappeared. How could that have happened?
But, boxes had been moved and organized. My mind started to recall fuzzy moments of the last couple days, trinkets and treasures, books and boxes. But I remembered moments in the shower very clearly. My secret admirer, the voice in my head encouraging me, teasing me, hinted of things to come as I increasingly rubbed my groin and ass. It was hard to avoid touching myself. Now seven days later, I felt so different. Could it be the disks?
The music started playing. It was hard to believe, it hadn't seemed like seven days. A smile came over my face as I dug through another box and found a small box that contained a butt plug. It had a curious trademark that I thought looked familiar. Putting it aside I went back to organizing and finished the box which had a couple other kinky items and a book about sensuality that didn't interest me.
The trademark on the butt plug seemed important so I kept thinking about it. The symbol popped into my head every so often. Soon the day was done and I looked at the rest of the pile. Then I organized the the rest of the room to make it easier for the next day and straightened up my bedroom and the bathroom. After that is was time for dinner.
That night in the shower I was trying really hard not to touch myself except to clean and scrub. It was very difficult not to rub my ass. My eyes caught a glimpse of the butt plug on the sink counter. How did it get there? I don't remember putting it in here. But I stared at it and I imagined my wife using it and what it must feel like to have it in and I slid my soapy hand between my legs. 'Do you like it when I touch you there?'
My eyes shut tight. It felt like I had no control over my own hand. Two soapy fingers slid across my ass whole and rubbing around the rim. My body shook. It felt familiar, satisfying. They rubbed a little harder, 'Admit it. You like it don't you?' I moaned, 'Yes.' My body arched and I shook again. This time I could feel a spasm travel in waves up the inside of my body.
It felt like an orgasm coming in waves and taking control of my body. 'Does that feel good?' 'Oh God...' was all I could say. 'The best is yet to come.' I opened my eyes and looked at the butt plug, 'Are you going to use that on me?' I asked closing my eyes again. The voice in my head laughed, 'Maybe. You have to be patient. That's enough for now. Finish up and get ready for bed.' That was enough for now, I repeated to myself even tho I wanted more, 'OK' I said as my body shook again.
Things were changing quickly. What was happening? Are the disks really having such an impact? I was happy, I was smiling at folks at the grocery store, the gas station, on the street. I hadn't felt like that in years. Back when I was young I was more outgoing. Even then I don't remember feeling quite so vibrant. Now I'm doing things I've never done before to arouse myself. And I feel like I have a real secret admirer who I'm trying to impress even tho there's obviously no one around.
Next thing I know, I'm wearing the butt plug, putting the 10th disk in the player and getting ready to tackle the next pile of boxes of my wife's personal things. I could feel the butt plug wiggle every time I moved. Every few minutes I would rub the end of the butt plug and my cock got hard. It makes me feel funny, like a youngster with a new toy. Wiggling my body as if showing off my sensuality, I hear the voice, 'Be patient. Get your work done and then we can shower together.' My face flushed and I squeeze my ass cheeks.
The last box of the day was in sight but I was exhausted and needed to take a break before I could get to that one. It'll wait till tomorrow. So, I had an early dinner and hit the shower. While I did keep my mind clear at the beginning, I was unable to resist when the voice said, 'You feel so smooth down there.' Oh god, I thought to myself. 'It looks nice too.' My hand began playing with the butt plug, 'Did you wear this for me?'
I moaned a little meekly. The hand pushed against the plug end, 'Or, are you being selfish.' 'Oh' I whine as my body pushes against the cold shower wall. The butt plug was pulled out and pushed in, 'Tell me.' 'I did it for you.' I say feeling like I'm lying. The butt plug pushes in hard and is forcefully wiggled around, 'Don't lie to me.' I groaned, 'I did it for myself.'
'That's better.' The hand began sliding the plug in and out gently again, 'Does that feel good?' 'Uh huh...' I admit. 'Do you want my help?' I grunt as the plug worked my eager hole. 'OK...' I say meekly almost shy of my desires. 'That's not a 'yes please.'' The plug pushed in hard again. 'YES! ...Please.' The voice was stern, 'You'll need to be more honest with me, and patient.'
Two days later was disk 12. The last of the Final Adventure set. The last box was finally accessible and waiting in the middle of the floor. The room was clean and organized. Boxes were set into piles; Keep, Donate, Recycle, Dispose. I looked over the room as the disk played on. It was good to get the project done. I think I learned some new things about my wife.
In the final box were a number of odd items and a couple small boxes that I hadn't decided what pile to put them into. I needed to open them up and find out what's inside. One of them made me think. The box had the same symbol as the butt plug. Now I remembered seeing the symbol. It was the same symbol as the trademark on the subliminal learning disks 'Final Adventure.'
When I opened the box I had to laugh. It was a life size dildo! My wife had been a great lover and we had experimented some. But, we must have never gotten to this one. I pulled it out of the box and held it in my hand. It had a suction cup under the balls. I squeezed it feeling how real it felt. It was firm but soft, when I squeezed the balls, the head swelled. Suddenly my ass twitched. The voice said, 'You like that?' After that I had to scratch my ass. What was I thinking?
Something made me go back and look at the last set of disks. I looked closely at each one. The original labels had been covered with a new label. I carefully peeled back the new label to expose the original label. It read, 'Your Own Secret Admirer.' and below that it described learning to pleasure yourself. Is that what's happening to me? The disks are accessing my self-pleasure wiring. I laughed and shook it off. It couldn't be that easy.
I finished the day and dinner, then off to the shower. Cleaning became a pleasure. I was making sure everything was clean when something caught my eye. The dildo was standing up on the sink counter. I hadn't remember putting it there, or suction cupping it to the counter. The voice said, 'You look so excited. You like it?' My hands began rubbing my groin and ass, 'Are you going to fuck me with that?' I asked meekly.
'Yes. If you want.' came the voice. My body shook when my hand rubbed my tender ass hole. I closed my eyes and played with my hole, 'I've never done that before. It's too big.' I heard the voice laugh as my fingers pushed into my tight hole. My body stiffened as the voice scolded me, 'Don't lie to me. I think you want it.' My body shook as my fingers slid in and out. My hips pushed back inviting my fingers deeper. 'It's too big. I don't think it will fit.'
'Oh, it'll fit. But, you will beg for it first.' I could feel an anal orgasm start to build as my fingers probed my ass hole. My other hand grabbed my hard cock and squeezed. 'You like that don't you?' 'Yes.' I felt my head being turned to face the dildo standing at attention on the counter. 'Imagine what that will feel like.' My legs went weak and my head leaned against the shower door imagining what it might feel like. My fingers pushed in to the final knuckle, 'OH, Fuck!'
'I knew you would want it.' My hands let go of my groin and I shook as I turned to rinse. 'You can't deny it. Not to yourself. Not to me.' I scrubbed and put my head under the shower head. What was happening. I was never an ass man. Never had a gay thought in my life. Never payed much attention to it. But now, 'Oh God.' Just thinking about it pushed me over the edge and the anal orgasm shot up my spine.
It was hard to believe, ten days earlier I was beginning to explore my body. New sensations and awakening hidden sensations. My body spasmed as I looked at the dildo. The voice encouraged me,'Do you want to try it?' My heart jumped in my chest as I realized, I did. The voice laughed again, 'You just need to ask for it.' I closed my eyes and absentmindedly grabbed the soap and lathered my hands again.
I stopped myself from touching my ass and tried to clear my thoughts. Part of me wanted it. Part of me couldn't rationalize the thought. My hands drifted to my groin again and slowly soaped up my balls, my groin and my ass. My fingers probed my hole, 'I guess. Only to see if it will fit. That's all.' The voice didn't respond. 'I don't even know if I can do it. Or, if I'll even like it.' My hands rubbing and poking at my puckered hole.
Still nothing from my secret admirer. Now I was thinking of opening the door and grabbing the dildo and just getting it over with. My groin was on fire. My cock hurt. My ass hole was taking my fingers. 'I'm going to do it.' I said. Daring my secret admirer to respond. But there was no response. Just silence.
Suddenly I stopped myself. There were no voices, no one talking. No teasing, no taunting. I mean empty quiet. Nothing. Then I started to wonder what was I doing, talking to myself? I couldn't understand my desires, my emotional state. It had been a crazy two weeks; listening to those disks, packing my wife's personal items, hearing my secret admirer's voice in my head. What could ever come of this? I'm just doing this to myself... Right!?
I was still gripping my cock, my fingers buried in my ass. It felt so exciting, but it didn't mean anything. I rubbed a little bit more to ease myself down then finished showering and went to bed. I felt alone again. I had to clear my head and sleep. The disk collection was done, the room was clean. Time to turn the page.
The next day my head was still in a fog. I drifted through the morning until I was suddenly shocked to find myself standing in the checkout line at the store. The young man checking me out, winked at me and handed two items directly into my hands. I looked down to see a package of condoms and KY jelly.
My face blushed and I smiled back at him, “You know... Gotta stay clean.” His head turned like a puppy dog not understanding his master's words. “Safe. I meant safe... You know, safety first.” He smiled with wide eyes, nodded with a knowing grin and finished checking out my groceries. I grabbed my bags and practically ran out the door to my car. How embarrassing.
My heart was racing as I packed the car and climbed in to drive home. When I sat down my ass jumped. I was wearing the butt plug as well... in public, in the store. And I bought condoms and lubricant!? I didn't even remember going in to the store to shop. Let alone picking out those items. I felt so embarrassed I just quickly drove home.
The radio started playing music as usual. But it wasn't my normal music mix. It sounded like the audio disks from the Secret Admirer collection. I was so rattled I just let it play as I blended into the traffic. I'll be home soon enough and I'll check the disk then. Suddenly my car hit a bump and felt the butt plug jump in my ass. It made me gasp and my cock started getting hard with the vibrations. My mind began to focus on the condoms, lubricant and the dildo. Driving home became a thrill ride.
After dinner I pondered whether I should shower. Everything had been happening in the shower. What was going to happen this time? I'm doing things I don't even remember thinking about. My body's feeling things I've never felt before. Now I'm buying things I would never have bought at my age. I looked at the disk collection again looking for some clue to answer what was happening to me. That piece of paper was sticking out of the cover.
I remembered putting it there, having thought it was just a copyright notice or such. But it read, 'Release of Liability' in bold print. As I read it I realized it was something very curious. The document kept referring to the title, 'Your Own Secret Admirer' and that there were psychological side effects from listening to this series of disk. I didn't know what to think. I read on.
I quickly read through the legal jargon, '...by playing these disks... user accepts any side effects... purchaser assumes all responsibility... The “Company” is released from all liability... was not designed for widespread use... harmonic mind conditioning... subliminal training... strict guidelines... highly effective programming... may cause mood swings... monitor spending and credit... psychological abnormalities... mental changes!? Personality shifts!? Sexual cravings!?'
This is just too much. I was in shock, 'What have I done to myself?' My heart jumped in my chest and I automatically laughed. I tried to rationalize with myself; I don't feel any different really. A little younger, a little stronger, more energetic, sure. I've always been horny. But, how much of what they are claiming is true. Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself, missing my wife. I'm single again. Horny. So what. I stuffed the paper back into the folder and slammed it shut.
Deciding to brush my teeth and wash my ass and just go to bed, I stripped and went into the bathroom. I laughed again thinking of the implications of the paper. Nothing's changed. I'm still who I am, that's that. I hiked my leg up over the sink and rinsed my ass. That's when I saw it. The dildo was still suction cupped to the counter standing straight up. I had thrown a kleenex over it but that didn't hide it.
I tried to ignore it as I wiped and dried my ass, doing my best to not think of the dildo. My hand touched my ass to make sure I was dry, my eyes closed and my fingers poked my tender hole. Something came over me, 'Oh god. Screw it, I'm taking a shower.' My brain was foggy as I got ready to jump in. After soaping up and making sure I was clean everywhere, I began to rinse off. My mind wandered and I thought about the voice of my secret admirer missing from my head. 'Where did you go?' Then I looked out at the sink counter but didn't see the dildo. 'Where did you go?' I repeated referring to the dildo this time.
I turned off the water and looked around. There on the top of the shower doors stood the dildo already covered in a condom. Next to it was the tube of KY jelly. My legs shook. I put a little jelly on my fingers and I rubbed it on my sensitive ass. It slid better than soap as my fingers probed my hole. I grabbed my cock, 'Where are you, secret admirer? I want you.'
My cock was getting hard, my slick fingers were playing in my hole. I corrected myself, 'I want it.' I felt a surge in my body and I pushed back on my fingers burying them deep. 'Do you hear me? I said, I want it.' My body shook and I could feel an anal orgasm building. I arched my back and stroked my cock in time with my fingers pumping my ass.
The room faded as I drifted with the sensations. My fingers slid out as I caught my breath. Then I felt something else pushing against my hole. Something a little bigger than my fingers. It rubbed and poked as the faint voice of my secret admirer returned, 'Do you really want it?' I looked up to see the dildo was gone from the top of the shower doors. My secret admirer was back. I felt relieved and excited.
'Yes.' I said weakly. 'Then beg for it.' came the voice a little louder. The dildo rubbed my eager hole and my hips followed. I was feeling so excited to hear his voice, 'Please. I want it.' The dildo rubbed and rubbed, 'Tell me!' My body shook, 'Don't tease me. Do it! Fuck me in the ass. I'm begging for it.' The dildo pulled away. 'First... Kneel down.'
I did as I was told. 'Open you mouth.' I felt a hand against the back of my head pushing me forward. Something pushed against my lips. Opening my eyes I could see the dildo stuck to the shower stall right in front of my mouth. The hand pushed again. 'Wait. I've never... GACK!' The dildo pushed into my mouth and I struggled. 'That's it. Just a little more.' The hand pushed again as the dildo pushed to the back of my throat. 'Gggl, ack' I was going to vomit.
'Don't you dare puke on me.' I tried to hold it back as the hand held me there. Then I felt fingers pushing into my slick hole. My back arched and I shook. The pressure against my head eased and the dildo pulled away from the back of my throat. I swallowed, 'Oh God. What am I doing?' Then the fingers pushed deep as the hand shoved my head against the dildo again. It lid into my throat, 'Gggl, oggk.'
The fingers and hand forcefully fucked my ass and mouth until I relaxed and began accepting the dildo. My body began moving on it's own. 'There. That's better. I knew you'd like that.' My eyes opened as my nose pushed against the shower wall. I was gagging but it was so erotic and my mind began thinking about my wife sucking my cock. 'Yeah. I think you're ready.'
The fingers stopped and the hand pushed against my throat drawing me away for the dildo. 'Stand up.' I obeyed. My body was shaking and I was breathing heavy. My throat was raw, 'Are you going to fuck me?' The fingers pulled out and I moaned. Something pushed against my hole. 'What do you think?' My hips wiggled feeling the sensations. The dildo pushed hard against my tight hole. The finger work hadn't prepared me enough for the size but I was eager. I wanted it. 'Show me how much you want it.' My butt pushed back until the head split my cheeks.
As I arched my back, I could feel the slick head of the dildo push in through my tight hole. 'Ohhh...' A wave of pain surged through my body. My hole quickly tightened against the intrusion and I backed off and it was pushed out. 'You said you wanted it.' came the voice and the dildo pushed in again. The pain surged, 'Oh God. You're so big.' The bulbous head pulled out and slid back in again. 'You want this?'
'I want it. I do.' I pushed back and the head slid deeper. My body shook and my legs went weak as the big thing filled my hole. Then it slid out. But before it could pull all the way out, I eagerly pushed back again. This time the dildo landed against something solid and it pushed deeper. 'Ohh.. Fuck!' The suction cup had stuck itself to the shower wall and when I pulled away it stayed stuck to the wall and slid out. 'Are you ready?' came the voice of my secret admirer. My body shook with the thought of his big cock in my ass.
As my body shook, I could feel the dildo was taking on a life of it's own. I put both hands on my knees, relaxed and pushed back again. Swallowing hard I had to admit it, 'Yes! I need you to fuck me!' My body was tingling all over and my face flushed as I felt the cock sliding in and out of my hot hole. It felt so good as it fucked my hole. 'That's it. I knew you'd like it. Tell me how much you like it.'
My mind went blank, 'It's so good. I love the feeling of your cock in my ass.' My body started humping the dildo. It was firmly stuck to the shower wall and that made it easy for it to fuck me with abandon. My secret admirer applauded my efforts, 'That's hot. Let me help you.' One hand grabbed my cock and squeezed then pushed me back and I slid further down the shaft. 'Oh, Fuck! It's so deep!' The bulbous head crept deeper into my eager hole. Again I shook and felt an anal orgasm building.
My body leaned forward and let the big thing slide out a little. The hand stroked my cock then pushed me back again. My ass touched the shower wall with a shock. 'You like it like that don't you?' I shook my head and bit my lip. 'It's all in now. I knew you'd like it.' He was right. It was pushing all the way in, deep in my slick hole and I liked it. My ass kept humping my secret admirer's cock. My butt bounced off the shower wall and my leg muscles began burning as his cock fucked my ass. The next anal orgasm stopped me in my tracks. 'And you were worried about it fitting.'
'Oh, God. Fuck. Ugh... UGH... ohhh, FUCK!' my head was throbbing and my body flushed. I wanted to catch my breath. But before I could settle down at all, that cock began to slid in and out again. 'Maybe we should move this to the bedroom... or have you had enough?' came the voice of my secret admirer. My cock was hard and throbbing. 'Don't... Stop...' My ass was stroking my secret admirer's big cock and it felt so good. I wasn't finished. Not by any means.
Next thing I know, I'm in my wife's room, bouncing on my wife's yoga ball with the dildo stuck to it pounding my ass. The dildo's balls were crashing against my own as I forcefully bounced up and down. The bulbous head swelling deep inside me each time I crashed down. The voice was encouraging, 'You are so hot. We're going to have so much fun together.' My mouth was slack, drool dripping from my lips, another anal orgasm was flooding through my body. 'Oooohh, Ugh, ohhh, YES!'
Suddenly I had to accept it, I was reprogrammed by those disks. I would never have done this before. But, now... it felt so good I wasn't going to stop. The voice appeared clear and loud enough to be in the room with me, 'Do you want more? Are you going to cum soon?' My eyes rolled back in my head as I bounced, 'Yes, fuck me! I'm cumming!' A hand wrapped around my cock and squeezed just as I started cumming with that big dildo deep in my ass. 'That's good, right? Your secret admirer can fuck you in the ass whenever you want it.'
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