It's one of the few overlapping acronyms out there.
Ash and I originally had zero interest in BDSM activities, as we only saw it as one person violently beating the crap out of another. It was the one area of the sexual world we knew nothing about yet had our highest prejudice. This story is about our brief foray into a most mysterious lifestyle as we believe BDSM is easily the deepest and most complex area in the sexual world.
We believe we discovered the core attractor to this often misunderstood lifestyle. To get there I'm going to reveal several of our preparatory experiences. I suspect you'll find this quite interesting but if you are just looking for tantalizing sex, move on to another story. If you try to simply skim this, it might seem like I'm jumping around a bit. However, I will get to Ash getting herself all woven up in a large rope web, flogged over and over... And loving it! For that you'll need to hang until the end of this story. We would love to hear your comments.
It started one day when a very attractive couple walked through the club door.
I remember that day Tom and Becky appeared. It all seemed innocent enough on a Friday afternoon. The club wasn't open yet but Tom wanted to come visit, bring his wife and check us out. I had no idea their two young kids were tagging along! My operational partner at the club, John, a Master Chief in the Navy had taken Tom's inquiry call. Tom was a good looking guy, also worked at the local Naval base and fit my "Navy stereotype" perfectly. I'm sure that connection is what gave Tom the confidence to come meet us, besides John telling him there was a huge pond on the property where the kids could fish. I escorted them out there with poles in hand.
Becky was a very attractive petite blonde that turned my head. In fact, of the several hundred couples we would meet at the club, Becky would be the only woman who really got to me at first sight. I remember watching her grace and style as we escorted them through the facility and thinking, "Who is this woman? And why am I feeling this way about her?" It was as if I had met her before or known her in another lifetime. Rather freaky.
They were both about 29, 30 yrs old which made them about ten years younger than Ash and me. I remember when I turned 30 and I felt really really old. People who were 40 at that time? Damn they were ancient! I suspected at their age, we must have seemed old enough to be their parents. As it turned out, our age difference was an advantage. It opened the door to becoming their mentors. I think John helped set that up when he started bragging to them about our massage sessions.
They came to the club the next night. Becky was radiant, sexy and shy. Tom was... Well like a kid in a candy store, all Navy, high testosterone and naturally gravitated to the dance floor where the action always was hot. Becky didn't want to dance. She sat on a high top stool just outside the railing around the floor and I stood with her watching her reactions and answering questions when she had some. Words weren't really necessary. I could tell she wasn't jealous or being triggered by her husband's attraction to Ash. Maybe it was because she could sense Ash wasn't all that into Tom. Maybe it was because she really liked Ash. But Becky and I? There was this vibe just standing next to her. We both felt it. I had this sense to not do anything. Not touch her, not try to get to know her, definitely not come on to her. Just standing in that "feeling" was powerful. It was much more than that... and I'm searching for words to describe it. It did start a quest to understand that level of attraction.
Sitting there with me would become a thing for us. I can't remember ever dancing with her. I can't remember her ever even being on the dance floor although she was, being one of the most attractive women there. Becky was just a quiet mysterious woman with a whole bunch of "feel" to her. Thinking back today, over 20 years ago now, that feeling is still with me. I didn't realize it at the time but Becky was a woman who was going to change my life in ways just few other people would that I encountered in the lifestyle.
It didn't take too long before Tom and Ash finished dancing and came over to see both of us. There was a radiance about those two. Ash loves to dance and since we were so close, I could read her like a book. She was telling me without words.. "I'm having fun, but not really that 'into Tom' but I like him." The "it's OK to play sign" was clearly there for me to see. Before long, the four of us were seeking an empty bedroom and a little massage party was on!
Just in case you are wondering, bed sheets were regularly changed during these party nights. But here's what really worked. BFTs!! Big Fucking Towels! We encouraged, almost required everyone to bring their own. That really helped solve the laundry burden our hot tub, bathroom showers, and bedrooms created. I had bought well over a 100 towels for the club and they were generally all used every night. But they were the basic small white types that could be washed and bleached easily. BFTs on the other hand were fun and so freaking huge, two would normally cover a bed. Btw... All the beds had a protective cover under the fitted sheet. The club was always ultra clean and "wife friendly."
Massaging Becky and Tom would become two distinctly different experiences. Tom was one very excited guy and definitely the "I like to get but don't like to give" type of guy when it came to massage. Ash sensed that and I watched her start his education... still marvel at how well she could "school" guys like Tom. She had this sexy way of teaching massage that let any guy know he better pay attention to her instructions because there was going to be a test... He would have to massage her well if he ever wanted to do this again. Most guys like Tom had more than enough motivation to ace the damn exam!
When it came to sex, Tom was also the "textbook slam bam thank you ma'am" kinda guy. As the weeks went by Becky would often comment how our massages had affected their married life. He would practice massage and his new approach to foreplay with her often during the week, constantly asking what felt the best while improving his technique. And... He was much nicer to her throughout the week in a way that Becky interpreted as "I will be really nice to you all week if you pleeeze agree to go back to the club this weekend!" Becky loved it! Thanked us many times and at least never seemed jealous about Tom's attraction to Ash or any other woman there. She appeared to skip the adjustment period most women go through.
Becky was different. Massaging her was very very different. As I worked on her, I swear, I could literally feel what she was feeling... much more than any person I had ever massaged. It was effortless, magical, hypnotic and always something I didn't want to stop. Sex with her was initially not on my mind. Melting into the vibe we shared was, and continued to be my goal every time we repeated.
So here we are, about 30 minutes into our first massage. Tom is fully erect. Ash is mercilessly teasing the poor guy making him shake the bed we are all in together and Becky... She starts this soft adorable snore. Tom thought that was hilarious and later teased her. I knew better. She and I were sync'ed up in a powerful way. She wasn't simply sleeping. She was drifted in and out of a conscious state for the next couple hours. It felt like we were riding waves together and more intensely so than any massage I had ever experienced.
So while Becky and I were in this sacred sexy zone... Tom and Ash were into full throttle sex, massage, then sex again, switch massage roles, more sex. Then switch again. More sex. Simply acting like kids!
This action between the four of us would be repeated many weekends. Yes, Becky and I would have sex and it would be great. She was tight. She was sexy. Loved every inch of her body. Loved giving her oral and feeling her cum. In fact, I think it was Becky that really solidified my affinity for giving oral more than receiving. While being so connected to her, the sensation of her coming on my mouth was exquisite. No it was more than that. It was like an electric current surging back and forth between us. Oh hell, it was more than that too. It was just in a class all it's own. But the best part was always always the vibe we shared. It led to one very special night which opened the door to beginning to understand what the hell was the attraction in BDSM.
A few weeks into our shared experience with these two, Becky and I were again outside the railing of the dance floor watching Tom and Ash. I stood behind her and started massaging her shoulders while she sat there. That led to something I had never really done before in any massage session... playing with her beautiful hair, gently pulling it, holding it in the pull for awhile, and slowly, gently releasing it. That caused Becky to literally gasp in pleasure and that propelled me onward. For the next couple hours, maybe more, I would work all over her head pulling and releasing many times. Pause to delicately massage her entire face, her neck, and even her breasts... Then return and work the entire head again... And repeat all that over and over and over again, each time pulling harder, eventually pulling about as hard as I could as she leaned back into my chest. I just followed the vibe, followed how I felt it felt to her.
Here's the thing... It was timeless. And by that I mean, we both got in a zone and lost track of the time and became oblivious to anything that was happening around us. It was an experience so far beyond simply sex, I struggle trying to describe it. Meanwhile, the club was shutting down. Ash and Tom had gone off and played until they were exhausted, had reappeared to see that we were still where they left us and still into something that was awe inspiring. They told us later they just stood there watching us while holding each other for some time. Ash said it felt like there really was something sacred about us still into it all after people had left, the music was off, people were cleaning up and we were so totally unaware. Ash finally came up behind me and gently hugged me somewhat breaking the spell. We all needed to call it a night I guess, but I still wonder how long Becky and I would've stayed in that altered state if our two partners hadn't ended it. My my. I feel all that after all these years.
That night was a singular experience in "depth and feel." It did open the door to my love of giving women pleasure in head massage/pulls. My version of giving head! I've done it dozens if not hundreds of times since that night but never quite as deeply as with Becky. For the next couple of days it seemed all I could say was...wow, and did so maybe a hundred times. "The feel of being with Becky" remained quite powerful all Sunday and into Monday afternoon. That's when we had an appointment to meet Frank and Sharon and meeting them would prove to be a seismic shift in the course of our lives.
Be patient. I'm getting closer to the BDSM part. First a bit of background that will help this all make sense.
Our club was between St Augustine and Jacksonville. John and I opened it after a couple years attending our first club outside Orlando. This new club is where I met Becky and later Sally. Within a year we had about 300 couples on our registry many of which had been part of a prior defunct club. Each couple still needed to go through at least our phone interview before being invited and told our location. Some didn't make the cut based on their attitude. Consequently, we had very few problem couples.
During the time of actually running our second club, Ash and I had heard of a "really rockin" new club back in a very upscale neighborhood in the Orlando area. From their first party on Memorial weekend their attendance had grown to 160-200 by Halloween. The venue was a huge 6-7000 sqft, high end home. There were so many people attending they had to arrange a shuttle service from a nearby shopping mall parking lot where everyone parked their cars.
Ok. Back to that Monday...
We arrived at Frank and Sharon's place of business for a quick meet and greet. Why? They were the couple running this new club we had heard of in Orlando. We wanted to meet them. They had heard of us too and wanted meet us. You know... "Birds of a feather" kinda thing.
Frank was this impressive "man's man" who looked like a former football player. In fact, he was a football referee and worked games for FSU. He was smart as hell and came with a persona that discouraged people from messing with him.
Sharon was equally impressive. About 5'9. Substantive breasts and soft curly blond hair that ran all the way down below her waist. What I later would experience with that hair still brings a smile to my face. Sharon was the instigator of the pair. We found out she had created several different club types.
First, there was this big new one. There were so many rooms in that big house, (all filled with mattresses with little furniture), that they could be very creative with themes and scenes in each one.
Then there was a fantasy fulfillment club where anyone could submit a desired fantasy and if selected, Sharon with about six of her close women friends would go to work and construct exactly that scenario for you, of course all for a fee. The girls loved doing it. For instance, sometimes arranging sex... with a cop, or in a tree house, or at a movie, or some dangerous public place. Lots of fun and sometimes it took quite elaborate preparations to pull it off.
The next club was an erotic writer's club where those so interested would submit their stories to the club members and get advice and ideas how to improve. Sharon was a talented writer and speaker.
The fourth club was really a convention. Once a year they held it at various venues around central Florida filling the entire hotel. The two conventions Ash and I attended were in Daytona. We ended up teaching massage seminars at both of those to well over a 100 couples at the same time! We conducted it in the hotel ballroom with sheets covering the entire floor, everyone naked, Ash and I walking around naked with microphones, and all doors guarded. Simply outrageous. Took over 3 hours to do the training and it required us supplying over two gallons of massage oil!
The fifth club was the one they ultimately focused on after dropping the others years later. It was first described to us as a masturbation club and our initial reaction was not great. In fact our mental image of it all was a bit creepy. Turned out to be totally wrong assumptions. That club is still thriving today and was featured in Penthouse as well as two documentaries on HBO! This club basically utilized "sexual scenes" during the party involving beautiful women. That allowed large numbers of single guys to attend as voyeurs on the sidelines. The scenes were pretty hot. Ash of course would later become part of "the cast." I might go into that more sometime as it became a favorite club for her.
The sixth club was a BDSM club. We came to realize that Sharon was really a great dominatrix. She loved playing with guys in the dom/sub roles. In addition to a regular hotel BDSM party, late in the night at any of her clubs you might get selected or invited to play with her and other subs. Few people knew of those activities. I never accepted the invite but she told me she usually got guys to have their first bisexual experience under her orders.
Ok. Finally the BDSM connection! Thanks for hanging.
After Frank and Sharon were done telling us their story, they of course wanted to hear ours. So Ash and I started into our "massage kink" and all the transformative stuff we had seen with couples over the past couple years, and I ended it with the experience I had just had with Becky that weekend. It is important that you remember the mental state I was in at the time. I'm still feelin the "Becky thing," raving about it like some bubbering idiot using the word "wow" way too much considering who I was talking to. While I was "waxing so eloquent" out of the back room comes a very distinguished looking 6'5 large man dressed in black. "Sir M" I recognized his name immediately as the one person always selected for radio and print interviews on the subject of BDSM. Turns out he is literally the "grand poobah" of the entire South Eastern US region... And I say that respectfully.
He had been eavesdropping on our conversation and when I got to my "wows" over and over he couldn't take it any longer and left his desk to come see me. Here is what he essentially said...
"Do you know anything about BDSM? What you just described with Becky is in essence one of our scenes. What you were doing, that repeated hair pull, is called "cycling in a scene." Did you notice that with each repetition you pulled harder and in the end you couldn't really pull her hair hard enough? And if you would've started out with that intensity of pull she might've screamed rather than moan in ecstasy? As for that wow feeling you still have... What you didn't know is that you both hypnotized each other that night and you are still coming out of it today. Undoubtably she is still feeling it too. From the sound of things, you two are going to continue creating scenes like that so we really should talk sometime as there are a few things you need to know."
Well we did meet two days later. I bought him lunch and got to ask tons of questions. Four and a half hours later we left the restaurant.
That turned out to be one of the most enlightening conversations on human sexual psychic I have ever had. It would take me way to long to recount it all but here are the Cliff Notes...
1. The public's perspective is that BDSM is all about pain. It is not. It is all about pleasure. His preferred name would rather be "Restraint & Pleasure."
2. What they do is conduct "scenes" and within such, a repeated pattern or cycle would occur, crescendo upward in intensity until a peak is reached, and then the scene descends back to the beginning. He always incorporates a spouse, if they are there watching, into that downward crescendo with the woman in her husbands arms at the end, not his. Otherwise the intensity of the scene can psychologically impare the marriage and bond him with the woman rather than the husband. Our discussion in this area was quite instructive and proved helpful over the coming years.
3. The subject's anticipation and how they experience the atmosphere of the room such as lighting, sound, temperature, audience as well as the skill of the master are all critical in achieving the desired hypnotic effect. The ultimate goal is an altered state of ecstasy well beyond simple eroticism.
4. The tools used in a scene are normally designed to not "leave marks" such as the flogger which contains a large bundle of deer skin strips, all very soft and velvety, and when it struck the skin felt heavy, much like a massage effect. As the scene progressed different toys might be used creating an increased intensity beyond the ability to endure let alone enjoy at the outset... much like my hair pulls.
5. Much of the afternoon was spent discussing the aspects of dominance and submission as being the cornerstone of society and the core attractor in their lifestyle. He believed the participants in BDSM tended to have exceptional IQs and once a person's sexuality advanced to that level of understanding, there was no going back to vanilla aspects of sexuality. He believed virtually all levels of human conflicts and misunderstanding stem out of a Dom/Sub lack of clarity and acceptance.
6. We discussed in considerable depth our religious backgrounds and the influence that indoctrination and dogmas have had on people. His conclusions were that the Church has a very uncomfortable position with the concept of pleasure, sexual or not, and often is uncertain if pleasure is of a Devine or demonic origin.
6. He implored me to attend one of their parties, bring Ash, and maybe see if she wanted to participate after she observed.
Shortly after that afternoon, Ash and I mustered enough courage to attend a "little party" of Frank and Sharon's. I was impressed with the level of secrecy around such parties. Evidently BDSM is a "lightening rod" for media attention and exploitation. You've got to be connected, well vetted and invited to attend. This is what happened...
The party was held in a large luxury penthouse suite, top floor of a nice hotel. It was an impressive venue and by all appearances the people attending were equally so. When we got there, the man at "the door" was expecting us and ushered us to the room we were assigned. There were multiple scenes being conducted simultaneously.
In our room we found a square wooden frame, about 7'x7,' in the middle with a series of hooks lining the inside of the frame. The people there were apparently waiting for us to show up and we were glad we weren't too late arriving. There was virtually no conversations between any of them or us. Soon after, an attractive 30ish blond woman was directed to stand inside that frame, totally nude. Ash and I were given seats on either side of the frame, literally inches away. The lighting was very low with a soft spot light on her. The temperature was warm and the music was low. The Master then began his work using multiple white ropes to weave a very intricate "rope web" around each arm extended up and away from her body at 45 degree angles and to the series of hooks in the frame. He did the same to her legs which were spread out about as far as they would go on the floor. This weaving of the ropes was very very skillfully done. I remember most the rhythm he had to his work. Nothing was out of sync. One hand always seemed connected to her. It was totally hypnotic and took maybe 45 minutes to complete although it seemed much shorter than that. In the end she was caught in a freakin web, completely incapacitated and clearly under his spell. Hell, Ash and I were under his spell too being that close to it all. The feeling I had was remarkably similar to that I had with Becky, pulling her hair. It was not intensely erotic but was completely mesmerizing. When his weaving was done I would've been really impressed if it just ended there but the fun was just beginning.
I'm not sure I can adequately describe what happened after that. The guy was simply an artist. He started using his flogger, slinging it back and forth, right to left in kind of a figure eight pattern. He did this many times, soft at first, always in a distinct rhythm, moving from her back to her front, completely working her over, and then moving to the back again repeating it all in another more forceful cycle. Nothing escaped his flogger except her face... Back, butt, legs, breasts and pussie did not escape his flogger. She received hundreds of strikes. Her skin glowed red and if I had not been told by Sir M what those floggers were really like, I might have wondered how she endured it all. She was in my opinion totally hypnotized in a state of ecstasy. Ash and I were pretty much there too except we hadn't just had the living crap beat out of us!
When he was done he invited her husband or partner to help him release her from the web. That took awhile and she clung to her guy as the ropes came off.
Soon after the Master turned to Ash and asked if she was ready. There was absolutely no hesitation from my wife. She just stood, stared in his eyes, and slowly started unbuttoning her clothes disregarding them as they dropped to the floor. He then reached for her hand and led her to his frame, starting the whole process over again with her. The sheer power of his connection to Ash was impressive and the scene was conducted with a skill I envied.
After she was finally "his spider" in a web, the "beating" began. I mean, he held nothing back from this rookie. All I heard from her were moans that sounded much like her when she was getting her brains fucked out...except this was different. The flogger landed with a thud each time, and as time progressed, sometimes it seemed like it almost knocked the wind out of her. Ash never used the safety code words to "slow down or stop." She took it all and in the end her beautiful body glowed red. This would've been impossible for me to watch if I had not been prepped so well by Sir M. It looked painful. It looked excessive and even cruel. Ash said it felt like the best massage she had ever had and would definitely do it again if given the opportunity.
So my friend... Maybe you can now understand why I shared all my experiences leading up to this night. I'm searching for words to really describe what all this meant to us. It was just deep. Very deep. Way beyond sex yet with waves of eroticism flowing within it. We believe BDSM at its core is all about connection... Something we all crave.
From that point on I've had a deep respect for those people who enjoy this lifestyle. Ash and I now at least partially understood that which is almost indescribable. And as an old Pentecostal expression goes...