| 2005-07-29 15:22:35 |
Friday At A Buddies
|
it was getting kinda hot but you need to stretch it out (no pun intended) and give a little more detail. |
| 2005-07-29 16:17:46 |
Friday At A Buddies
|
NICH SHOULD HAVE COME IN WHILE SARAH WAS GETTING HER ASS FUCKED. THEN NICH COULD HAVE LET HER SUCK HIS COCK AND THEN FUCK IT INTO HER CUNT AND CUM IN HER. SOME OF THE CUM SHOULD END UP IN HER MOUTH AND SHE WOULD WANT MORE. THEY WOULD THEN BOTH FUCK HER ASS AND THEN HER CUNT WITH ONE OF THEM LEAVING A CUM DEPOSIT IN HER CUNT AND THE OTHER LEAVING THE CUM IN HER MOUTH FOR HER TO SWALLOW. SARAH IS GOING TO END UP FUCKING HER DAD AND SUCKING HER MOM'S PUSSY WITHIN A MONTH. |
| 2005-07-30 01:37:22 |
Friday At A Buddies
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ura retard. "nich" what the fuck kind of name is that? r u 12? when u reach puberty start writing again. |
| 2005-07-30 09:58:08 |
Friday At A Buddies
|
Rushed it, take ur time |
| 2005-07-31 16:42:08 |
Friday At A Buddies
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i feel you need some pointers, go slower, give more description of tension, their personal feelings, etc. also try and draw out how they explore and how she feels about her first penetration. elaborate on how he feels his first entry into a hot wet pussy feels. work at it rather than choreographing it all 'he does this, she does that' you can make a story much more worth reading by simply considering if you would want the conclusion reched so quickly and simply |