| 2005-11-12 22:34:08 |
Sarah Followed Me - Chapter 2
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How old are you "artscape"? 12? You suck as a writer of porn--just naively coy, not at all erotic or sexy. The best that can be said of your work is that your spelling is correct and your punctuation adequate. But, the sex is mechanical and dispassionate. There is no conflict or tension in your staged pacing of the "action" I dare say no one 'cept "kev" could really get a hard on from this crap. Maybe this is what passes for porn lit in Canada? Heh? |
| 2005-11-12 22:46:29 |
Sarah Followed Me - Chapter 2
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It was a little disappointing after the previous chap. This one was more like a staight on sex story, the charaters and setting got lost in this part. You need to do something to keep us on our toes. As usual, the story was easy to follow and well crafted. You just need to get back to story telling. |
| 2005-11-13 04:48:07 |
Sarah Followed Me - Chapter 2
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Excellent work again! You must ignore slams by old fuckers. The other comments, and mine, are ment to encourage the really fine aspects of your story telling. Your first chapter was classic. Try to keep the same level of suspense length. Truly, this is some of the best stuff I've read. |
| 2005-11-13 09:15:45 |
Sarah Followed Me - Chapter 2
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8. Yeah, what about some avtion? |
| 2005-11-13 12:31:34 |
Sarah Followed Me - Chapter 2
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ALRIGHT KEVIN, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET TO THE MEAT OF THE MATTER?? YOU KNOW WHAT WE ALL MEAN......FUCK SARAH & YOURSELF SILLY.............. |