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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2006-04-09 01:30:05 | So Innocent Chapter 1 | Hey everyone. Thanks for voting high and leaving positive feedback. But I just want to say that I Couldn't have made this story without my buddy NiteSnyper, wherever he may be today. Please continue leaving feedback, but please don't rate the story badly if you don't like one of the categories this story contains. That really makes no sense to give me a 1 if you hate piss or young lesbian lovers. I mean that's what the story contains > |
| 2006-04-10 11:57:07 | So Innocent Chapter 1 | I got very pissed off! I was getting so into the story and then "poof" it ended. I loved it so much i couldnt believe my eyes when i saw "To Be Continued..." One thing though..a bigger introduction would be nicer and the idea hat both felt odd and were checking each other out is a bit lame.. |
| 2006-04-10 18:25:55 | So Innocent Chapter 1 | omg that was sooo hott i came haaarrrdd i liked it i want more |
| 2006-04-10 21:17:46 | So Innocent Chapter 1 | the dad should walk in on them and fuck them both |
| 2006-04-10 23:07:09 | So Innocent Chapter 1 | Pace. Work on slowing the tempo. You have something going here, you just need to take your time. You took us from domestic bliss to teen on teen water sports in way less then a thousand words. Tease us a little (trust me, we like it). Develope the story, flesh out the charactors, hint (just hint) at whats coming, and dont be afraid to write a long story. You will trim it down in the edit. Little gripes. First, your dialogue is tough to follow. you need a pargraph break after each speaker. Try writing in *word*, spell / gram check then paste here. Second, and you are close on this one. Make us see the charactors, get us in their heads, make 'em nervous, give 'em flaws; You can do it. J, I liked this the first time. Take critisism for what it is, cement you can build with. |