| 2006-08-28 10:27:43 |
Summer on the Family Farm Pt. 1 Aunt Sandy
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learn to put the correct grammer in the story, your lines run together and takes away from the flow of the story. better luck on the next chapter. |
| 2006-08-29 02:47:30 |
Summer on the Family Farm Pt. 1 Aunt Sandy
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Well reader I'll say this I try very hard to make a coherent story that's readable. If my lines run together and the grammer isn't quite right it could be that it's intentional or it could be my style, Ever read any Hemingway? Or any other Authors that ignore the rules of grammer. thx though for your comment I will try harder. |
| 2006-08-30 00:30:58 |
Summer on the Family Farm Pt. 1 Aunt Sandy
|
i really didnt like this story. it was super unrealistic. First of all her aunt just gets naked and fucks her nephew right away. Another thing if i had a 9 1/2" dick and my aunt got naked in front of me i wouldn't be embarassed i would make a joke and show it off. Sumthing that would also make it a lot hotter is if u added some foreplay and storyline instead of jumping right into the fucking. Also try using more paragraphs and edit ur work as well |
| 2006-08-30 03:57:31 |
Summer on the Family Farm Pt. 1 Aunt Sandy
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Titty Luver point taken more foreplay will work on that. as for the first part well there is a reason for that and I'll get to that in anouther part of the story. All will be revealed, I promis. Next chapter looks like a train wreck it's so paragraphed out I was almost scared to post it. Thanks much for the Comment though do appreciate it. |
| 2006-09-02 10:02:09 |
Summer on the Family Farm Pt. 1 Aunt Sandy
|
14 years old with a 24 cm dick.... right. |