| 2007-01-06 23:11:32 |
Jan and James
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nice |
| 2006-11-07 02:00:40 |
ruomei _revised
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I have just recently changed my mind about the inability of young girls to write, and tell a story well. Ms. Dollface has put together a story that while isn’t earth shattering, it is very interesting, and keeps a reader hooked. With some work I believe she will be a writer with which to contend. It made me stand up and listen. |
| 2006-11-07 02:34:48 |
ruomei _revised
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When I was a young girl I wished I could have been as dominant as “dollface”. The little girl has guts and is willing to do whatever it takes to be in control and obtain what she wants. Nice story, but it could have been a little longer. Just about the time she really gets going it ended. I gave her a 9/10. Keep writing. PS I like the way you didn’t flaunt the sex. There was just enough to keep it interesting. Tia |
| 2006-11-07 15:32:26 |
ruomei _revised
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Dollface, I enjoyed your story, however I believe you should add more to it. I’m not sure what, maybe about her family or other affairs. As her husband is bi, maybe she could find another; a younger man who takes care of her needs. Trevor. |
| 2006-11-07 15:40:46 |
ruomei _revised
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I agree with Trevor. You should extend the story and add in any affairs to which she was involved. Almost getting caught by her husband, brothers and dad. Maybe a chapter where she catches her husband and one of her brothers. What kind of excuses they have for being in bed together. Her other life at the clubs in Vancouver. Old guy. Need direction; write me. |