| 2004-05-16 08:22:34 |
Anal threesome - part 2
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First of all, props on sitting down and keeping the plot moving for 19,823 words, that's fucking incredible. As for the incest, that took a while to warm up to, but this story did a much better job than the last in building emotional commitment to the characters. All the scenes with Mikey’s friends are fun and add realism, but they leave so many open ends… his friend Derek, the barn, the porno mag, the soccer game, all leading up to… a whole lot more fucking? Their positions are great and well described, amazingly easy to get involved in, but don’t vary all that much. Pissing in the ass… wow, that’s a twisted departure from reality, but this is fiction after all. What freaks me out is the fact that they fell asleep in a bed drenched in piss, I mean really, that’s just unsanitary… If you are going to write a third part with any additional characters, maybe spend just a little longer on how freaky a situation this is, and the “cognitive dissonance” faced by someone introduced to it for the first time. I think lust overcoming strong moral inhibition makes for great suspense. For a twist, you could have either Kath or Melanie turn that strap-on back on Mikey, and give him a taste of his own medicine… food for thought. |