| 2004-07-07 08:17:07 |
My Best Friend's Brother
|
Hey, This is a good story, but you need to edit it for gramer. More lengthy description would be nice. |
| 2004-07-11 22:56:30 |
My Best Friend's Brother
|
Use more and shorter paragraphs. The beginning of the second paragraph is not easy to follow. This story reminds me of why I detest teenage girls so intensely: hollow heads give rise to vapid thoughts. He was so cute, therefore I wanted to fuck him. Don't make it too obvious that you've only recently been weaned off Barbie dolls. |
| 2005-01-25 11:06:30 |
My Best Friend's Brother
|
9inchs and about 3inchs long - hahahahahaahaahahaha |
| 2005-09-28 22:15:11 |
My Best Friend's Brother
|
Pretty good, but practice on your writing skills, you miss spelled all the way through, but it seems like it was all your experience, good to read though. I give it a 6.5/10 |
| 2004-08-06 00:25:48 |
Jefferson High-ch.3: amber & jeanine
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i liked the story, but try to remember to capitalize Jeanine! It was a little annoying, but overall, i give it a 9. Keep writing! |