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Comments from Archivest
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2017-10-03 06:54:52 | The Dark Alley_(1) | Full story can be found here: 1. In your address bar, type the address to redd it. At the end, paste the following: /comments/58e4gv/ |
| 2017-10-03 20:47:07 | The Dark Alley_(1) | The original story actually makes sense. It's basically a rape fantasy, and the build up to it has a logical progression of events, with buildup and everything. Your story, however, is quite different. Though you give Chase credit, you have edited his story to make it not one of rape fantasy, but of actual rape. That's fine, but you should at least indicated that Chase's story has been edited to suit your own purposes. As for the ability to be near orgasm, that's not my contention. My problem is that the story says, "[y]ou had been so close to orgasm at least twice tonight," and so this would be her third time being on edge. We did not see any evidence of this before, off screen or otherwise, unless one read the original story. My main problem with your edits of Chase's work is the dichotomy of her getting raped, and being near orgasm the whole time without any expressed reasoning. It just doesn't make sense, though I do know you wrote the sequel. |
| 2017-10-03 20:47:09 | The Dark Alley_(1) | The original story actually makes sense. It's basically a rape fantasy, and the build up to it has a logical progression of events, with buildup and everything. Your story, however, is quite different. Though you give Chase credit, you have edited his story to make it not one of rape fantasy, but of actual rape. That's fine, but you should at least indicated that Chase's story has been edited to suit your own purposes. As for the ability to be near orgasm, that's not my contention. My problem is that the story says, "[y]ou had been so close to orgasm at least twice tonight," and so this would be her third time being on edge. We did not see any evidence of this before, off screen or otherwise, unless one read the original story. My main problem with your edits of Chase's work is the dichotomy of her getting raped, and being near orgasm the whole time without any expressed reasoning. It just doesn't make sense, though I do know you wrote the sequel. |
| 2018-02-18 04:43:34 | Camp Slut Rides Again | I didn't read most of the previous series, of which this is partially derived, but but I really like this start so far. She wasn't groomed into being a slut -- she chose it on her own with some assistance, and that makes it all the more intriguing. The sex itself, and all the other interaction, has been pretty much summarized so far, but I assume this is because this is essentially the prologue -- enticing the reader for more titillating events and detail in the later chapters. I really enjoyed the dog and piss elements, so hope to see more of those in future chapters, e.g., her taking a knot orally, or even more extreme, swallowing a dog's piss -- intentionally or inadvertently. Heck, her wandering into the bar's alleyway where men are taking a piss could lead to even more adventures, as her doing something obscene there can certainly cause some arousal. Keep up the great work and stay well, Archivest |
| 2018-03-16 08:37:45 | I Own You Now | Interesting premise. It's a good thing she wasn't brazen enough to go for the urinals to begin with, as she probably wouldn't have been caught in that position otherwise. I like that though their shenanigans were somewhat coerced, she was very much a willing participant the whole time -- the dominating dirty language enhancing the arousal for both her and the reader. I'm curious what she did after he left, what he has in mind next, and what she would have said if not cut off. Either way, I look forward to the scenarios you come up with next, and hope there will be a continuation to the story. |