| 2008-10-15 19:37:44 |
I fucked my best mate’s cousin
|
Good buddy, the writing is terrible and you nered a spell checker. |
| 2008-10-15 19:39:59 |
De toutes sortes
|
boring as hell. Also quite pretentious. |
| 2008-10-16 11:51:54 |
|
punctuation, including spaces between paragraphs would help greatly. |
| 2008-10-25 21:43:05 |
A day in a life
|
One of the better stories on this site. |
| 2008-10-25 21:30:08 |
Friendly Neighbors
|
I realize you are a newcomer to writing so here is a suggestion. Go slower, use more dialog and describe feelings. Also the word "jizzum" is a bit dated. |