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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2006-03-22 09:53:21 | Julie and the Team part 2 | Please, please, write more chapters about Julie. |
| 2007-02-14 04:04:48 | Julie and the Team part 2 | Big props! Let some of the rest of the team get some after a game. |
| 2005-04-12 14:50:56 | Wife's Night Out - Part 2 | The salacious thought caused a slow resurgence of her lust, and she began to wriggle against him. : very bad sentence is equivalent to "the thought about being hungry made him want to eat" you used lust and a synonym of lust to describe the word itself, it is not your job to define words for people and that word just makes you sound like you use a thesaurus a wee bit too much. four example of very bad dialogue: “OHHHH!!! UHHHHH!!! I’M CUMMING!!!” “AAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!”“Ohhhhhh... you can't think of a way to describe it better than letting the character moan then it probably doesnt need to be said. Biggest problem with the story is the viewpoint, you need one characters thoughts to tell the story, don't flop around unless you have a good reason. |
| 2005-04-12 19:48:02 | Wife's Night Out - Part 2 | this is a below average story, maybe a 5 or 6 at most |
| 2005-09-16 23:44:32 | Wife's Night Out - Part 2 | I liked it. Swapping viewpoints was fine. I especially liked the imagry you used contrasting the black and asian races while fucking. Excellent. Are you really asian? |