| 2005-07-14 02:17:53 |
|
I, too, have written a stroy of similar interest. I would say it really good and that it was well written with little spelling / grammatical errors. I voted an 8 and I expect to see more of it. One other thing, the whole, Me: Her: Wife: " Blah.." got annoying. I would get rid of it and just make it noticible who is talking.... But that's just me =) Later! |
| 2005-07-14 15:17:44 |
|
Conversational Writing can be tough sometimes. Read a book or two and you'll figure out how it's done Just keep in mind that as the people interact, each person starts a new paragraph.
"I didn't know your dick was so big." She said, starting to salivate wildly "I don't think it will fit."
I stared down at my throbbing member. "It's not that big." I started walking towards her with lust in my eyes.
"Don't come any closer." She shreiked playfully. "I'll scream I really will
You get the idea? |
| 2005-07-14 23:18:30 |
|
you wright the story as if its a script of a play try to make it more story like and less script like but other than that it was good :) |
| 2005-07-15 02:37:32 |
|
I loved it mate, keep writing, you seem to have a gift. |
| 2005-07-25 04:59:33 |
|
hey that DOM has some great ideas 'my kind of mind-set |