| 2006-02-17 17:28:24 |
one saturday night
|
Man....that was awful....really, so much potential. Spelling and grammar are always good...and perhaps more in the war of details, even just to stretch out the story if nothing else. "she blew me, i fucked her, she came, i flipped her over and banged her in the ass". You built it up better than the actual story. |
| 2006-02-18 01:00:15 |
one saturday night
|
You Knoe wat i think the plot to the story was good but u should have made it longer and the sex part was toooo short so for me that was like a 5 min story to read so it kinda sucked but u should write it over jus a longer version to it......and that wat you call *Constructive Criticism* |
| 2006-02-18 20:32:09 |
one saturday night
|
THAT was fucking shit u dickhead a mentaly retarded fuck could have done better |
| 2006-02-19 08:38:40 |
one saturday night
|
could have been a good story, grammer and style, learn to use it. give you a 5. |
| 2006-02-19 10:01:23 |
one saturday night
|
Pretty lame. Are we actually supposed to buy the whole whole anal -titjob ending. Juvenile. Keep trying. |