| 2006-08-08 22:32:03 |
Physics Class_(1)
|
Fuck em CA, its not great but its certainly better then anything that loser has ever submit- oh wait, I see he has not submitted anything. I see two areas you can improve, one is pace. You start off kind of slow and wordy then it speeds up too fast. Get to the point a little sooner and keep the story even, only up the tempo when it is called for, such as a dramatic build up. Second is voice. When you are writing a story, listen to the characters. Are they believable? Is this how people talk? Is there a such thing as a high school teacher that has not looked at his students? Would a high school kid really admit to using moms dildo? Try to make the characters credible to yourself. It may require setting the story aside for a few days, but thats OK. Just don't give up so easily. |