| 2007-06-15 14:45:19 |
Mikes homcoming party pt.1
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that shit was nasty as fuck,and i loved it make more! |
| 2006-09-15 15:19:32 |
The Ranch II
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def put the full story in swiing i like it |
| 2006-09-15 18:47:39 |
The Ranch II
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Not bad, although you need to improve the wording and the typos in your story, that'd make it much smoother to read. It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. Sorry if that's a bit harsh. Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail. |
| 2008-02-25 19:18:18 |
The Ranch II
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Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs.... And i can't even tell whos talking half the time i can barly read this 1/10 |
| 2006-09-15 13:58:30 |
My sweet secret made servant
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note: learn to spell!!!! and get ur sentences right |