| 2007-01-17 15:23:39 |
Seduction_(3)
|
I hate when people write stories in the passive voice. It makes the story lame and hard to understand. If you ever want a story to rate higher than a 7, you must have each character speak for themselves. Read other stories for examples. But this story sucks because of the verb tense you use. 5/10 for a decent idea bogged down with poor writing quality. |
| 2007-01-19 01:11:18 |
Seduction_(3)
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I agree with the other comment. Dialouge would be much better, but the story is good. |
| 2007-01-19 17:08:48 |
Seduction_(3)
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this sucks |
| 2007-01-25 20:07:00 |
Seduction_(3)
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give more descripton of girl, but don lissen 2 thos fags 8/10 |
| 2007-02-27 18:50:35 |
Seduction_(3)
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You don't deserve to represent yourself as a Michigander, I thought we threw all you assholes out in 43. Story appears to have been swiped and redone from a decade ols paper back from the gaylord Adult Store in the 50's |