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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-01-27 13:36:43 | Babysitting The Twins 1 (Revised) | I'll echo the comment of "Reader 1/27/07 11:58" Your story lacks verisimilitude--but it is very energetic fucking that you describe very energetically. The all-caps lines are a little silly, but they're 'standard form,' so forgivable. Soft-pedal the 'dialogue' next time, and see if that doesn't work at least as well. Mainstream writing shows you how it's done, e.g., "First squad! To the wall!" he shouted. "Oh, please," she murmured, "Please!" Then she screamed, "Ah! My ass! You're tearing me open!" Let me suggest also that the 16 y.o. sister should have been better used. She should have been a 'risky presence,' at least. I'm willing to overlook the problem of fit. If you insist on stuffing a narrow gauge cunt with an oversized crank, so be it. It's permissible exaggeration in this sub-genre. But you story will suffer a little for each departure from the possible that you include in the tale. skumpfsklub |
| 2007-01-27 13:53:24 | Babysitting The Twins 1 (Revised) | Absolute garbage. There is no feeling or emotions in anything you write. This story should be taken off immediately. The way you write isn't even writing. It is just non stop sex with no enjoyment. Read "Farm Girl" or ANYTHING by FanFiction. Those are great stories. Please stop writing until you can actually figure out how to. |
| 2007-01-27 14:54:27 | Babysitting The Twins 1 (Revised) | I would have to say this would have been better with a little more of an plot. Building the storie to the sex will make it better. I give you a 4 butmuch better then I could do! |
| 2007-01-27 20:02:32 | Babysitting The Twins 1 (Revised) | Again a good story but needs more of a entrance, I enjoyed the descriptive sex but with no plot it did kind of lose all meaning. All you really need to work on is the plot to the stories like why they wanted you so bad ect, But other than that a good story, 7/10 |
| 2007-01-27 21:09:42 | Babysitting The Twins 1 (Revised) | Extremely good story! I would perhaps expand on it to include extremely perverted parents and of course very sexy slutty clothes for the twins! It got me hard! |