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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-02-02 12:57:52 | Study Hall fun | The introduction and lead in were acceptable, but a little brief. If the two of you are so open and honest about sex, it would be nice if you took more than a sentence to describe that relationship. Once you got to the sex, you really started rushing. You didn't give reasons why the characters did what they did. For example, if Chelsea was "slightly turned on" the first thing she would have done would probably *not* be to lick her best friend's pussy. Was Ashley bi? Were Chelsea and Ashley lovers? As it is, Chelsea just shows up and silently contributes her orfices to the fun. There is almost no description in the last paragraph. It reads like stage directions. I understand that there is lots of sex happening, but the reading experience is not at all rich. cont'd |
| 2007-02-02 13:11:13 | Study Hall fun | cont'd I do believe that you are really 19. Once you get older, you'll realize that only a sword swallower could deep throat a penis like the one you describe. The same goes for the other sex, particularly the anal. Unless Ashley has been gifted with a vagina that is as cavernous as you penis is monstrous, there would be either significant preparation or significant pain, or maybe both, involved in any sex act. Because this is a sex story forum, we can suspend disbelief, and accept that you are the one in a thousand or maybe ten thousand that has a 10 inch penis. Don't abuse that trust by making Chelsea slide onto your cock like she was sliding down a fireman's pole. At the very least, you need lube. That's the very least. cont'd |
| 2007-02-02 13:18:45 | Study Hall fun | cont'd This is a three part comment. start at the third one down first. You could easily write an entire paragraph describing what you did to chelsea's anus to prepare it for you gigantic penis. Yes, it's more work for you, but in makes a much better story for us. Don't get me wrong; this is a good first effort. Next time, spend more time telling us why the people want to have sex. Spend more time telling us about the sex. Don't cram four sex acts into the last paragraph. Give us line breaks at the dialogue. Don't give up. Good luck. =dreamer= p.s. the pill doesn't stop the clap. |
| 2007-02-02 14:58:35 | Study Hall fun | I AM WHITE GIRL. AND I LOV BLACK COCKS I HAD 2 BLK GUYS AT THE SAME TIME ON MY SCHOOL BUSE...... MMMMMM.......PAM |
| 2007-02-02 15:53:05 | Study Hall fun | should have been longer. but over all it was good |