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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-03-26 12:25:27 | Unexpect Bait.(Fixed) | its fiction u fucking retard |
| 2007-03-27 00:43:34 | Unexpect Bait.(Fixed) | man insest is best when you can blackmail adds mroe thrill and excitment. nice storry 6/10 |
| 2007-03-28 22:05:29 | Unexpect Bait.(Fixed) | This story was written like an elementary school student wrote it... too many errors. |
| 2007-03-26 11:00:07 | Chapter one | You asked for it..... First off-PARAGRAPHS! Learn to use paragraphs! It's very hard to read stories online. The screen can really bother your eyes. But when there are no breaks between thoughts it makes it especially hard. Paragraphs provide a mental and (more importantly) visual break....not to mention it's bad form to write a story that's all one paragraph. And watch your "narrative tense". You switch from third person "Kris was driving his car" to second person "after searching you(r) car you come back", This makes it very confusing for the reader. Finally SPELL CHECK. I don't mean just RUN spell check, I mean re-read your story **Several Times** before posting. You have a LOT of mistakes. I stopped reading after the 22nd line or so. So i can't say if it was any good. |
| 2007-03-26 13:01:34 | Chapter one | Don't take this the wrong way but you asked for contructive comments so here goes. The first reader prety much says it all. The lack of paragraphs, the switch from one tense to another,often withing two lines of text, all go to make it hard for the reader to appreciate the effort you have no doubt put in. Because of that, I too didn't get to the end of your story. Howvever, on a plus note, you do have an easy to read writing manner, that IF you formed into paras and spell checked and used the correct tense would probably manke a very readable story. As a suggestion. Why don't you ask someone to edit your story for you.. This isn't unusual and believe me, a good editor would very definitely, turn your story into more than you would think possible. Good luck whatever you decide |