| 2007-04-16 02:22:20 |
Don't tease your dad
|
i fuck both my real father and my step dad and my half brother and my cousin and i love it! |
| 2007-04-18 13:50:44 |
Don't tease your dad
|
I agree with 19:49 below. That first paragraph ... how old, how tall, how big the tits and dicks are ... is called a *data dump* and has no place in fiction. Show, don't tell. If you can overcome that, you have the potential to be a first-class writer. |
| 2007-04-18 15:59:24 |
Don't tease your dad
|
OMG that was fucking awesome!!!! i wanna be ur brother baby write more!! |
| 2007-04-29 19:39:50 |
Don't tease your dad
|
I'd like more detail as to the two guys, father & son. Their emotions as to fucking daughter/sister. Have them watching each other, describe thier view points of each other having sex with daughter/sister, then have them have sex with each other (father/son) as she watches. |
| 2007-05-18 01:59:29 |
Don't tease your dad
|
Pretty good, but rushed. It needs more eroticism to make it really hot. write a pt 2. 8/10. |