| 2007-06-08 03:07:23 |
Babysitting Amanda
|
nice story, as far as description. Like a few readers have said, be more consistent, girls of age 12-14 don't get someone to bath them and have naps in the afternoon :P |
| 2007-06-10 00:29:10 |
Babysitting Amanda
|
Very nice. A bit hard to follow without paragraph structure. Also, keeping it consistent (You said "Amanda" when you should have said "Becky" and "13" when you should have said "14"). |
| 2007-06-10 19:20:57 |
Babysitting Amanda
|
I'm going to edit this story and repost it, hopefully that will make it easier to read. |
| 2007-06-14 21:17:41 |
Babysitting Amanda
|
As far as criticism I have nothing to add to what has already been said. Good story 8/10 |
| 2007-07-01 21:57:36 |
Babysitting Amanda
|
a good story but where was the main theme of dicipline. |