| 2004-07-16 07:50:01 |
Loved by Brother
|
its okay, it was way to short and the sex part lacked details.. keep writing, but explain more, please.... i was about to play with my cock. |
| 2004-07-16 12:18:00 |
Loved by Brother
|
Jizz Master, don't be a prick. It clearly says Fiction at the top of the damn story. and Titman AI. I was thinking of a little cousin spying. It can't be neice because theres no other siblings except Rachel and Eric. and YES THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. |
| 2004-07-17 00:39:45 |
Loved by Brother
|
The form of the story was reasonably good. It is easy to spot when a "girl's story" is written by a guy. The crass terminology, hurried sex and porno style technique are all dead giveaways. Few male writers are capable of writing from a girl's perspective. Girls don't think, feel or fuck like men do. The girl had no qualms about letting her brother pop her cherry. That is so unsual that it smacks of teenage boy fantasy land. Increase the length of the sex scene by including more detail. You should write more stories. Good job. |
| 2004-07-18 03:37:34 |
Loved by Brother
|
it could be WAYYY better |
| 2004-07-19 03:52:36 |
Loved by Brother
|
Yea you're right, my stories suck ass. |