| 2005-12-07 23:33:54 |
Transfer Student
|
Great writing, some of the best I've come across on here yet. The only thing I would caution on top of what's already been said is to not get too caught up in some details that don't need to be explained while glossing over ones that leave the reader confused. Ex: "Steve was so busy talking on the phone... he hardly noticed he had an audience. As soon as he hung up, one of the crowd asked..." In not knowing who the audience/crowd is, confusion sets in: name them, then run with it! Good story, btw, a delight to see thought in writing *plot is a beautiful word* |