| 2005-08-22 11:08:04 |
My visit To the united kingdom 2
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Paragraphs??? |
| 2005-09-07 18:10:48 |
My visit To the united kingdom 2
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You should write again. Here's what works--you have a knack for sensual detail, your story flows in "real time," and it's erotic. Here's what needs improvement--you need to add paragraphs, you need more descriptions of setting, movement, and other details, and you need dialogue. Best of luck with it! |
| 2005-09-17 14:41:18 |
My visit To the united kingdom 2
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Yes, paragraphs would be good. It's all in one big paragraph and it's hard going to read. Other than that, I quite like it. |
| 2005-11-05 20:27:29 |
My visit To the united kingdom 2
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very good but add some paragrapgs it is easier to follow... |
| 2005-12-03 22:35:55 |
My visit To the united kingdom 2
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ya i agree with every on else u just need to add paragrphs it will make the story flow alot easier |